14 months later and I return asking for help

EmmaR84

Hi,

I used this site last year in an attempt to lose weight before my summer holiday, I did manage to lose some but then life got in the way and my focus slipped.

Well, I'm back again, 14 months after I left and (quite) a few pounds heavier still.

A lot has happened in the last year, I've had a hellish time at work. My son had a lot of problems at nursery and I was diagnosed with ME. I'm not making excuses for how I lost track of my goals I just can see where the priority slipped.

A few months ago I spoke with my GP and she advised I restrict my calories to 1000 or less a day. It goes against what is recommended here but I'm willing to try to stick with it.

Annoyingly, or possibly helpfully, when I start to restrict my calories I can quickly slide into obsessive mode, if I ate 900 one day the next day I would want to eat less and then less still the next day. This goes back to being younger, I've never had a particularly good relationship with food and was diagnosed with anorexia when I was 11 and hospialised a few years later.
For the past 7-8 years I've been able to block out most of the "old style" thoughts, obviously as the weight has piled on.
2 weeks ago I was hit with the thoughts back in full force for the first time in years and I'll be honest, it sent me reeling.

I know now I have 2 ways of dealing with this, I can either try to ignore the thoughts, fail and fall back OR I can keep track of what I'm eating but not go off the deep end.

I know 1000 calories isn't much but it's something I can stick to, something which will help me reach my goals but also keep me going.

What I need, if anyone is still reading this, is someone/some people to help hold me accountable. Not by telling me I've gone overboard and had 200 calories too many but if they notice (today I've had 1,111) I'm suddenly cutting my calories further to maybe give me a bit of a kick up the backside and remind me that that is not the path I want to take.
Eating has always been a hidden and somewhat secrative thing for me so that I have set my food diary as public is a big step, who knows one day I might even work up the courage to post my actual weight on here.

Sorry to write so much, hope I haven't bored you
Emma