Calling all over-eaters

Farfelue

I've had ENOUGH with those crisis where I overeat. I am fine most of the time, but some times, bang! And I just stuff my face, up to 3000 cals (on top of my normal eating).
Of course I want to stop, but in order to stop, I want to understand the WHY I do it. The emotional trigger.

So, come on, all of you. Come out from your hiding place. Come clean. Tell your story. I need to crack this.

Who overeats here?
Why?
When?
How often?
What triggers you?
Can we help each other when we feel it's going to happen?

Ama

Whatamilike

Hello!

I do.
I eat to 'deal' with feelings I don't like - I literally stuff them down...
I do this about 1-2x per week. If I didn't do this I would be the 8lbs lighter I want to be - it is ONLY this that stops me from losing these few pounds.
Trying to lose weight makes this worse - I don't know if this is because hunger makes it harder to deal with the unwanted feelings..?The other trigger for me is tiredness - again - harder to cope with feelings then?

I've been far briefer than I wanted to be here because I'm about to meet a friend for a run. I've looked at your profile and you look/sound similar to me. If you like send me a friend request - maybe we can help each other..??

Tina

palace1970

Me too, and my initial thought is that I have no idea why I do it, but that's just me hiding from the truth. In all honesty I allow myself to zone out completely when I feel the need to binge, I turn off all my thoughts and feelings in a very calculated way so that I can do it "in peace". I'm a well educated and intelligent person, I am an expert dieter and know exactly what I need to do to lose weight, but I still self sabotage on a regular basis, usually around once a week.

For me, the triggers are stress, being over-tired, an argument, disappointment... etc etc etc - if I need an excuse to have a binge I'll find one. Even if it's just a f##k it moment after being "good". I can diet brilliantly, stay on track and be as good as gold but I rarely manage more than a week before I "have to" have a blow out - it's almost like a fear of going without the nice (i.e. naughty) things.

I read a book once that said one shouldn't deny oneself anything, never diet and never be without loads of food in the house, the theory being that you may have a free-for-all at first but eventually you'd relax and know that you didn't need to binge, the nice food was always there and you could have some whenever you wanted rather than stuffing it all in one go. It makes sense, but I haven't ever had the guts to try it for fear of ending up massively overweight!

Whatamilike

Me too, and my initial thought is that I have no idea why I do it, but that's just me hiding from the truth. In all honesty I allow myself to zone out completely when I feel the need to binge, I turn off all my thoughts and feelings in a very calculated way so that I can do it "in peace". I'm a well educated and intelligent person, I am an expert dieter and know exactly what I need to do to lose weight, but I still self sabotage on a regular basis, usually around once a week.

The thing about bingeing is that it isn't really about the food. It's a 'coping mechanism' for dealing with something else. I'm the same - I know all about eating healthily and sensibly and exercising. Hell, I even know about binge eating but that doesn't make me able to stop always. The reason for this is that I haven't found a solution to the reason WHY I binge. The 'why' is usually about not being able to cope with certain feelings...

duffydog1

I eat too much when I'm depressed or worried or tired. I worry a lot! I know it's comfort eating and I know when I'm doing it, but it doesn't make it any easier to stop.

When I'm tired I would go for sugary biscuits and mean to have 1 or 2 but end up eating a lot more. If i'm miserable I tend to eat foods I consider treats - things I'm denying myself because I have been watching my weight for a few years now, cheese etc.

The problem is if I think I have blown the diet I might then think oh well I won't loose anything this week and then not really try for a few days until I am feeling more positive.

I have also found if I go to the supermarket hungry I tend to buy something to eat in the car on the way home ( and it's never fruit as I wouldn't eat it without washing it so it' s an easy excuse to eat something else). i really try to avoid going out hungry as I know I will eat the wrong things!

palace1970

I did LighterLIfe a couple of years ago and I have to be honest, for a binge eater, it was the most liberating and exciting diet I've ever been on. The reason? Food was completely out of the picture and for the first time in my entire life I had no choice but to cope with things without using food as my crutch. I felt completely in control, free from the ridiculous urge to overeat because it simply wasn't an option. I let myself feel things and it really didn't hurt me.

In every other way the diet was a huge mistake for me - the weight loss was fabulous, thrilling and super quick, I dropped 6 dress sizes and reached a size 12 for the first time since I was in my late teens. BUT I didn't have the counselling the diet advertises, my counsellor was utterly rubbish and simply collected my money each week and had a good gossip about kids, husbands, shopping or whatever. I really didn't realise how vulnerable I was until it came time to reintroduce food. Despite having been forced to cope (and managing really well) without food for the duration of the diet, returning to food was one big fat free-for-all. I binged more and felt lower than I ever did before going on the diet - I made all sorts of promises to myself and my family but I hadn't taken on board just how screwed my relationship with food was. I'm no further forward and, to top it all, have had to deal with super fast weight GAIN after the diet and all the issues with self-esteem and loathing that brought. It should have been so easy to maintain my new amazing low weight, but instead I only remained slim for a few short weeks before starting to pile it all back on. What a wasted opportunity, not to mention a whole truck load of cash! So, here I am, calorie counting and trying to do it the healthy way. I'd be fine if it weren't for the stupid, pointless and destructive binges - why? Despite everything, I still really have no idea. I coped brilliantly without food when I had no choice so I know I can do it. It's so frustrating!

_kimberly_

I believe binge-eating is really an addiction, for me anyway. It's like there's this pressure valve in me that builds and builds and builds, and the only way to release it is to have a free for all binge. I can postpone overeating, but I'll eventually give in. I don't really know the answer for how to stop the compulsion and need to binge. I don't know how to handle everyday stress and emotional mood swings without misusing food. It's very difficult for me to regulate my emotions without it. I'll soon be 26, and I've been living like this for at least 15 years. Using my fitness pal to count calories has helped me tremendously, though. I'm a very analytical/borderline OCD type person, so logging every morsel is no hassle and I NEED for my number to be below my allotted calories. LOL The compulsion to overeat is still there, and I definitely have given in, but I haven't gone totally off the rails like I used to in almost a month, which is unheard of for me! And it's helped me to see that I don't really need to binge to eventually feel peace and calmness, even though that's what my feelings are telling me.

Whatamilike

Ok then let's see if we can sort this a bit.

What are our 'triggers'? Feelings... So we can't avoid them - we can't avoid our feelings. We need to find a way of dealing with our feelings in a more healthy fashion.

I didn't exactly binge last night (in the traditional sense) but I ate dinner (big plate of chips followed by LOTS of chocolate) even though I wasn't hungry. And despite my almost 900 cal burn yesterday I went over my calorie allowance.

Last night I was angry and frustrated.

What are others' feelings before a binge?

Farfelue

Whatamilike, I am on track with you.
We can't avoid feelings.
When a binge is about to start, we know it's wrong, that we will regret it and feel low as a result. Sabotage is a good word that has been used.

HOWEVER, when the binge is simmering, when I get the little thought in your head (and I am aware of all of the above), I feel powerless to stop it. It's like a like gremlin sitting on my shoulder and the little angel sitting on the other shoulder screams to me not to cave it, but somehow, it's always the gremlin who wins.

Most of us I'm sure, can put the finger on a trigger. What you said is fundamental : HOW do you stop it? OR, what do you replace it with?
Which leads to my big theory on this : HABIT.

We all have habits, do you brush teeth before or after the shower? Do you always have a cuppa in the morning or you save it for later when the kids are at school? I don't know, there's tons of examples. But we all have habits.

Sadly for us lot, over-eating has also become not only a coping mechanism -which is soooo true- but also a habit.
And I will go further but suggesting that it is even become something we EXPECT of ourselves. We've let it become part of our personality.
We've allowed it too much ground. We anticipate it will happen again, sooner or later. We've let it "move in".
So when we find ourselves over eating, we're no longer shocked and outraged. We're disappointed and have low self-esteem, but we are ACCEPTING that this is part of us.

Bo*****ks to that. Some people don't accept that they have cancer, and they fight it.
And so here we are, sitting feeling sorry, accepting that this is us?

Now sadly, despite my oh-so-wise-words, I've not managed to get rid of it (okay, I'm officially on day 2 LOL).
I have made my little jars with glass beads as suggested on the other board and I have so far put 1 bead. It's a start. I've given myself 30 days.

We need to help/support each other.

With me it always happens in the evening, watching telly, after dinner, more often than not with a glass of wine (another trigger).
How about you?

Ama

Farfelue

Sorry something else popped in my head : wouldn't you agree that it is a form of self-harm? The over-eating I mean...?
It is degrading.
They force-feed geese in France for their foie gras paté! Is this what we are, geese? LOL sorry I know it's far from funny but we can't just be crying!

I've looked a bit on the board of ED and there are some inspirations.

However, I do not want to remove all the chocolate and biscuits from the house. This is MY problem, not my kids'. They should have some choccie in the house.

Again looking back, and reading the ED board, I recalled I have over the years "treated" myself to a "bad and naughty" lunch (you know, the fat sarnie with mayo, the crisps, the chocolate bar). Not as a treat, not 'cause it tastes that good (more often than not it doesn't) but as either a punishment for not being who I wanted to be or as a coping mechanism for dealing poorly with the stresses of the office and human relations.

It's not a treat. It never is. It's a punishment.
I can treat myself with a little good quality chocolate or a fancy dessert, IN COMPANY, but eating crap on my own, HIDING? That's not a treat. That's inflicting myself with poison.

Is it to do with self esteem? I'm-so-crap-I'm-going-to-be-crapper-still sort of thing?

So here goes. There's a bad situation. Or just bad feelings. I feel bad, down, unhappy. And I make myself even worse by bingeing.
How is this equation ever going to make me feel better? Dugh!

I know it's all about cognitive behaviour. AND will power.

Farfelue

Dear People,

I am a complete hypocrite.
I wrote about habits and we discussed triggers and will power and self-harm and the rest.

And yet, I did it again last night.
I nearly didn't. But I did. I had the chance to not let it take over, but I failed.

Do you think going on anti depressants would help? In the sense that I wouldn't feel the emotions and issues of life so vividly for a little while and then I would turn to food?

Or is this a really bad idea?

I am such a huge disappointment, to myself, my family (they are my responsibility!) and to you who took the time to write.

Siannah

To be honest, there's no reason for my over-eating. I'm just a tad greedy I guess, love biscuits, sweets, chocolate and simply eat too much, one biscuit is never enough.

I'm currently reading a book by Gill Riley, about over-eating, it has great reviews, so might be interesting for you, I'm half-way so can't really say what I think of it yet.

BazAbroad

I just love food,
Mum was a rubbish, simple cook, now in my adult life I have found all this lovely scrummie stuff, hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm, hmmm.
training is easy, but stopping and or reducing the portion sizes, thats the hard bit,

castadiva

Like others here, my triggers are emotional - stress, worry, loneliness, frustration, anger - and my 'drug' of choice is essentially sugar in any form. At work, so can't write more immediately, but bumping to come back.

jam3114

I had those days last week from Thurs to Mon to be precise.
I was at home, there was no one to judge what I ate (no one saw what I ate).
I guess I was bored Thurs/Fri - hubbie was working so I felt no 'guilt'.
The main times I overeat is when there is no one to look at me doing it and I can honestly say that I nearly look forward to the times that I am alone so that I can eat - now where is the logic in that ???? :frown:
Never have I logged a 'bad' day and I did that on Monday after I had pigged out - 4200 cals I consumed :sick: :blushing:

I'm hoping that by logging I would see the 'harm' I am doing & realise that this is the reason I can't lose weight, this is the reason that I am unhappy with myself and all because I love to eat crappy, unhealthy food when I am alone :explode:

So far so good - I stuck to a very clean day food wise yesterday and made it through the night :happy: not without temptation.
I wanted to eat the meat I had cooked for dinner but it wasn't in my plan - I mean I litteraly picked up a slice 3 times but managed to put it back (each time I licked my fingers & it was good :bigsmile: )

Again I'm prepared to be 'good' all day & hope to god that tonight I can stay on track but hubbie is away at a function so I'll be home alone & like what Ama said I don't want to take those 'bad' foods out of the house because I've an issue with them - none of my kids have a problem so I don't see why I can't be strong enough, have some willpower & keep my freaking head out of the biscuit barrell :mad:

Cobehale

If the problems that you are dealing with that are causing you to overeat, if those problems are affecting all areas of your life than medication may help.

I am currently on meds for depression and anxiety and I have found that my emotional eating is not as bad - not perfect yet because that is still my go to when upset, but I am better able to cope with the feelings now.

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is a way of looking at your life, your emotions, your actions and figuring out why you do them and what to do differently. It is used as a stand alone or in addition to medication. It can be really helpful and insightful. Maybe try to look into that first.

Until you deal with the issues causing you to overeat, you will never really get past it.

bridgie101

Dear People,

I am a complete hypocrite.
I wrote about habits and we discussed triggers and will power and self-harm and the rest.

And yet, I did it again last night.
I nearly didn't. But I did. I had the chance to not let it take over, but I failed.

Do you think going on anti depressants would help? In the sense that I wouldn't feel the emotions and issues of life so vividly for a little while and then I would turn to food?

Or is this a really bad idea?

I am such a huge disappointment, to myself, my family (they are my responsibility!) and to you who took the time to write.

Well, you beautiful swan you, I did.

And I wish I'd done it ten years ago. I think i have been depressed all my life. Yep. All my life. And noody noticed, and because in my family shrinks were idiots and morons, and drugs were a coward's crutch, I never went there.

Till I had such a fantastic breakdown at the end of my marriage of 17 years that it was apparent, even to me, that I couldn't cope and needed some space to get away from all that pain.

I've been on the things for about six months and am now at a point where I'm comfortable that it's time to lower the dose and get back off them.

As to being able to stay in control on my diet - yes. for the first time in my life - no worries! And I mean it! Heh. Just no difficulty. I admit I'm on a diet like someone above says - most meals are replaced at the moment, but my mind is more peaceful now, I don't obsess and obsess and obsess until I decide 'heck I'm going to fail anyway, get it over with eh?' and go make myself fail.

A quiet mind. I'm enjoying the rest.

Puckeysrun

I am a huge over-eater to manage feelings (depression, anxiety). I am almost 20kg overweight because I have self-medicated in the past.
MFP has been a huge help to me, but I think for the first time ever I have the motivation to stop.
I still get binge cravings occasionally. If I can't head them off with distraction, I 'binge' on rice crackers or mini icecreams. It feels 'naughty' and I still get my carbs, but usually only 200-300 calories, which I can wear once a week or so.
Also for the first time ever, I can have treats in the house and not eat them!
I am only 2.5 months in, so hopefully it will last. I love feeling in control of my emotions/actions.

btw I have been on anti-anxiety meds for over 3 years, but it is only since making an active decision NOT to overeat that I have been able to stop.

Di3012

I've had ENOUGH with those crisis where I overeat. I am fine most of the time, but some times, bang! And I just stuff my face, up to 3000 cals (on top of my normal eating).
Of course I want to stop, but in order to stop, I want to understand the WHY I do it. The emotional trigger.

So, come on, all of you. Come out from your hiding place. Come clean. Tell your story. I need to crack this.

Who overeats here?
Why?
When?
How often?
What triggers you?
Can we help each other when we feel it's going to happen?

Ama

Although I do not do it now, I used to do that a lot. I found that the quote "just the one won't hurt" seemed to send some sort of alienlike message to my brain that made me feel like one was NOT enough and that I should keep going. Better than that, once I had had just one tiny little choccie bar or something, I felt like it was the end for that day and I may as well stuff my face and "start again tomorrow".

This went on for years and years, therefore, I just don't bother starting with "just the one" now and if there is a special occasion whereby I know I am going to eat or drink out, I accept that the very next day I am completely and utterly back into the diet again.

Dang, it took me weeks to prepare that when I went away for two weeks holiday a short while back, I would need to get straight back into it the minute I got back home, plus when on holiday although I knew I would drink a lot, I could ensure I did not stuff myself with food and I completely and utterly omitted ANY sweets or desserts, I was not going to go back down that road for anything.

Mine was not necessarily emotional, more like a mental issue lol.

lururu

I over eat to comfort myself, because sometimes life is very hard and very difficult things happen that are hard to deal with. I used to tell myself that I deserved to eat what I wanted as compensation for the things that were happening. I realise now, after my husband making a very good point, that the food can never make my situation better, only bring problems of its own.

I have severe osteoarthritis and have done since I was a teenager, I had some operations as a child that I didn't want and that became the trigger for my condition and subsequent weight gain. My parents divorced around the same time, my mum became an alcoholic, my grandmother died and things were just horrible. My mum used treats to appease my brother and I when she came home drunk from work (she was a barmaid...) and the doctors told me I had a condition that becomes worse with exercise and so the spiral of destruction began.

I eventually met the wonderful human being who became my husband but by that time the bad habits were well established. When I got pregnant with our frist child ten years later I had a scare with gestational diabetes, I was borderline on the test and so the doctors treated me as though I had it, to be on the safe side (I later found out that I messed up the test by drinking diet coke during the testing period - yes, I am stupid - and probably didn't have it at all) which meant that at 7 months pregnant I was on a diet and testing my blood sugar twice a day, not nice. After my child was born I was lighter than before I got pregnant, however I slipped into bad habits again and after my second child was born (no gestational diabetes this time) I was the heaviest I had ever been. I still wasn't that fussed about my weight until my best friend began losing weight, she was doing really well and in a fit of vanity I didn't want to be left behind to be her 'fat friend' and so I started too. With her as a support it was easy to keep going.

I have been dieting for around 6 months now, for 4 of them I also went to my local Curves gym, but a recent operation on my knee has knocked that in the head for now. I haven't done as well as I envisioned but I think 37lb is nothing to be ashamed of.

During my diet I had to accept that a lot of my weight came from when I treated myself or compensated myself for the pain I am always in and so I had to find another way to try and treat myself that didn't involve food. At first i bought little rewards for myself when I reached certain goals but recently I have been able to reward myself with new clothes I buy things related to my hobbies, like new matierials, books, tools etc (I make patchwork quilts, sew and make jewellery) rather than sweets or take away foods. I'm not saying i never treat myself with food but these days it is often a healthy treat, I have just discovered low fat frozen yogurt - nom!!

I have also come to accept that this is something I will have to monitor for a long time to come yet. There are going to be more and more difficult days ahead, tomorrow I am going to the hospital to see my consultant, he is going to tell me I am in dire need of a knee replacement which is my worst nightmare come true but my hubby and I are going to take our little ones somewhere fun after to cheer us all up