Stupid Relationship Question.

hedwighigh

Alright guys and gals, I've got a relationship question for you.

How long is the longest you've gone without contact with your S.O.?

I'm asking this because... truthfully, I'm feeling a little insecure. I know many of you will think this is the stupidest thing on Earth and I understand that, but we're not the smartest when we're not feeling secure and this is the internet and I don't personally know any of you. So here is the back story and questions and such.

I usually see my boyfriend everyday, we go to the same college and work in the same place. So I usually see him at least an hour a day. He absolutely hates texting but he'll generally answer my texts and if he doesn't, they're not important texts or anything. I can usually predict what texts he will or will not answer actually. I'm also his first girlfriend so he's learning about relationships first through me. Furthermore, it's Spring Break. Usually there is little contact during school breaks but last time that was because he was sick. I haven't seen him since Friday and I haven't "talked" to him since I texted him on Monday. BTW, since I'm feeling insecure, I'm totally over-analyzing the last text messages I got from him.

Anyway, we left on good terms. We hugged and kissed bye several times but I've not been contacted by him at all. His personality is reserved and he's a little awkward.

I've searched information on the internet and that's never a good idea because everyone seems to think you should break up if your boyfriend does anything that doesn't make you feel secure, full of butterflies, and happy.

Here is my stupid question: Should I go ahead and text him first if he doesn't text me by tomorrow evening? Or should I just let him miss me and hope that he eventually calls? Guys, what do you do if you've noticed that you haven't talked to your S.O. in a few days?

I figured he would have texted or called me by now. I feel like a high schooler asking questions like this but we haven't figured out our "balance" yet. We're at that point where he's comfortable with me ... but I'm not comfortable with him yet. He, of course, doesn't realize this. I've also noticed that actions seem to work better than words sometimes with him and most of the male population. I know this post makes me look needy but I'd rather look needy on the internet than in front of him. Neediness is never good and I'd rather not make him run from me in horror.

Please be kind to me in your replies :flowerforyou: Although, I'm not new to relationships ... this is the first healthy one I've had so I'm still learning about how to date without automatically assuming that something is wrong (and in the past, there was usually always something wrong ... now, not so much).

ninerbuff

If he hasn't replied by now, then the old saying "He's just not that into you" may hold true. I believe if a person was really into you, there wouldn't be much hesitation in response regardless of how much they hate it.


A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

hedwighigh

If he hasn't replied by now, then the old saying "He's just not that into you" may hold true. I believe if a person was really into you, there wouldn't be much hesitation in response regardless of how much they hate it.


A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

He replied to my texts the other day. This is just that neither one of us have contacted the other SINCE the conversation on Monday. I'm wondering if I should just go ahead and text/call him tomorrow or should I let him contact me first?

ninerbuff

If he hasn't replied by now, then the old saying "He's just not that into you" may hold true. I believe if a person was really into you, there wouldn't be much hesitation in response regardless of how much they hate it.


A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

He replied to my texts the other day. This is just that neither one of us have contacted the other SINCE the conversation on Monday. I'm wondering if I should just go ahead and text/call him tomorrow or should I let him contact me first?

Wait it out. See where he stands on this.


A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

hedwighigh

If he hasn't replied by now, then the old saying "He's just not that into you" may hold true. I believe if a person was really into you, there wouldn't be much hesitation in response regardless of how much they hate it.


A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

He replied to my texts the other day. This is just that neither one of us have contacted the other SINCE the conversation on Monday. I'm wondering if I should just go ahead and text/call him tomorrow or should I let him contact me first?

Wait it out. See where he stands on this.


A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Alright, thanks

Natx83

I'm not shy in the least and I'd be lucky if I could wait longer than 24 hours to contact a person I was really into. I don't know if waiting for this apparently shy guy to contact you as he might really not have the balls to contact you first and is sitting there longing to hear from that's my best case scenario, worst case is that he is lame and still has no balls to tell you that he's just not that into you

Karrix

Seeing each other everyday is more than enough contact. My boyfriend & I only see each other 2-4 times a week (depending) and it's perfect for us. We value our independence. When we don't see each other, we exchange some texts.

If you haven't talked in a few days, it's completely fine to message him and ask how his break is going. It doesn't make you look needy, you're in a relationship communication is key.

Sometimes I don't message my boyfriend, it doesn't mean I lack interest.

hedwighigh

I'm not shy in the least and I'd be lucky if I could wait longer than 24 hours to contact a person I was really into. I don't know if waiting for this apparently shy guy to contact you as he might really not have the balls to contact you first and is sitting there longing to hear from that's my best case scenario, worst case is that he is lame and still has no balls to tell you that he's just not that into you

I'm hoping for the best, of course.
He's pretty clueless though.... I very well doubt he's even thought about any of this.

DaughterOfTheMostHighKing

I'd wait... sometimes men are just... men. and sometimes when you feel this way when you text and then the wait begins again, you get frustrated and more frustrated. find something else to do with your time. go exercise, meet with other friends, do something for you! focus on you! If he's not needing to contact you , you need to get over it. it's hard, but possible. read books... there are so many things you could be doing other than lamenting at home...

hedwighigh

Seeing each other everyday is more than enough contact. My boyfriend & I only see each other 2-4 times a week (depending) and it's perfect for us. We value our independence. When we don't see each other, we exchange some texts.

If you haven't talked in a few days, it's completely fine to message him and ask how his break is going. It doesn't make you look needy, you're in a relationship communication is key.

Sometimes I don't message my boyfriend, it doesn't mean I lack interest.

Thank you
I'm just still used to having a guy that would contact me everyday although I'd much rather have less contact than have the problems that that relationship had. I can tell he's a very independent person especially since he's been single 98% of his life :laugh:
I'm also so used to seeing/talking to him everyday with school so spring break is really throwing me off. It's really weird to not have some form of contact in two days for me (I know two days might sound dumb). And we only texted a little bit on Monday and I haven't seen him in person since Friday. I have never met a young adult who hates texting as much as him either.

hedwighigh

I figure I might send him a small text and see what happens. Mainly a "Hope your having a good time " type message and just leave it from there. That way if he is waiting for me to text him, he gets it and he can make the next move but I won't text him again from there... unless he replies. I'm not going to be rude

Karrix

Thank you
I'm just still used to having a guy that would contact me everyday although I'd much rather have less contact than have the problems that that relationship had. I can tell he's a very independent person especially since he's been single 98% of his life :laugh:
I'm also so used to seeing/talking to him everyday with school so spring break is really throwing me off. It's really weird to not have some form of contact in two days for me (I know two days might sound dumb). And we only texted a little bit on Monday and I haven't seen him in person since Friday. I have never met a young adult who hates texting as much as him either.

It honestly depends on the person. I personally value my independence and enjoy sometime/days alone. If I don't have time for myself I can get annoyed! However, I've dated guys who took it as lack of interest and only came on full force. This is why my current relationship works for me, we are similar.

If it's his first relationship he likely doesn't know the hang of things, just talk to him about it. Communication is the answer, ask him what he prefers. Never be afraid of contacting a guy and looking clingy, the right guy wouldn't give such a label to begin with.

Also, if it's been two days since any form of communication, you're in the clear to send a message!

neverstray

Based on what you've described here, I'd say he's not that into it.

Natx83

Maybe not, some people have no idea and I see it and I'm like, you should prob do or day something to help yourself climb up out of the hole you're digging yourself.

If you're really hanging to hear from, send him a text too see what's up. If he's keen I'm sure he'd like to hear from you and it's been almost 4 days it's totally fine to expect to hear from at some stage. Some people like to know they are needed, I know I am. Independence is great but not to the point where they are flippant about the relationship.

hedwighigh

Thank you
I'm just still used to having a guy that would contact me everyday although I'd much rather have less contact than have the problems that that relationship had. I can tell he's a very independent person especially since he's been single 98% of his life :laugh:
I'm also so used to seeing/talking to him everyday with school so spring break is really throwing me off. It's really weird to not have some form of contact in two days for me (I know two days might sound dumb). And we only texted a little bit on Monday and I haven't seen him in person since Friday. I have never met a young adult who hates texting as much as him either.

It honestly depends on the person. I personally value my independence and enjoy sometime/days alone. If I don't have time for myself I can get annoyed! However, I've dated guys who took it as lack of interest and only came on full force. This is why my current relationship works for me, we are similar.

If it's his first relationship he likely doesn't know the hang of things, just talk to him about it. Communication is the answer, ask him what he prefers. Never be afraid of contacting a guy and looking clingy, the right guy wouldn't give such a label to begin with.

I partially hate bringing up things like this cause he thinks it's a bigger deal than it is and beats himself up about it and starts thinking he's a bad boyfriend. I really try to pick and chose my battles since he does blame himself so much. Our last "issue" I brought up, he said that if there are any problems in our relationship then it's not my fault but his. He doesn't seem to really understand that issues are typically both people's fault. He always takes the blame.
I know he's crazy about me, he just is sooo clueless. He doesn't need as much attention and affection as me. He doesn't understand this though cause he has no previous experience and he's so shy that he usually gets really bashful around girls he likes. I had to make all the first moves or else we probably would have never started to date.

snookumss

I'm not shy in the least and I'd be lucky if I could wait longer than 24 hours to contact a person I was really into. I don't know if waiting for this apparently shy guy to contact you as he might really not have the balls to contact you first and is sitting there longing to hear from that's my best case scenario, worst case is that he is lame and still has no balls to tell you that he's just not that into you

I'm hoping for the best, of course.
He's pretty clueless though.... I very well doubt he's even thought about any of this.

If he really hasn't thought of you.... you might need a new guy Sweetie

ToEKnee213

I see my boyfriend only on weekends because of my work schedule, but we exchange a text in the morning & in the evening. IMHO, maybe shooting him a text just saying "hope you're having fun" (like you suggested) wouldn't hurt. It will probably stroke his ego a bit that hey, you miss him!

Hope this helps! :flowerforyou:

hedwighigh

Maybe not, some people have no idea and I see it and I'm like, you should prob do or day something to help yourself climb up out of the hole you're digging yourself.

If you're really hanging to hear from, send him a text too see what's up. If he's keen I'm sure he'd like to hear from you and it's been almost 4 days it's totally fine to expect to hear from at some stage. Some people like to know they are needed, I know I am. Independence is great but not to the point where they are flippant about the relationship.

He's for real clueless. It's frustrating and hilarious at the same time.
I think he'll be glad to hear from me, I could tell he was glad to hear from me on Monday when I last texted him.
I just wanted him to be the one to initiate contact.

hedwighigh

I'm not shy in the least and I'd be lucky if I could wait longer than 24 hours to contact a person I was really into. I don't know if waiting for this apparently shy guy to contact you as he might really not have the balls to contact you first and is sitting there longing to hear from that's my best case scenario, worst case is that he is lame and still has no balls to tell you that he's just not that into you

I'm hoping for the best, of course.
He's pretty clueless though.... I very well doubt he's even thought about any of this.

If he really hasn't thought of you.... you might need a new guy Sweetie

Lol. I don't mean that hasn't thought of me :laugh:
I mean he probably hasn't thought of the lack of contact as an issue or hasn't over-analyzed it like me.

jb852013

Some guys just don't have much to say. My hubby isn't into talking or texting that much. If he is your boyfriend then you are free to text him. If he has a problem with you texting him after not talking to him for a few days then I would say the relationship most likely won't work out. However, from what you say it doesn't seem like he would have a problem with you contacting him. I really don't understand why you don't just text him.

hedwighigh

Some guys just don't have much to say. My hubby isn't into talking or texting that much. If he is your boyfriend then you are free to text him. If he has a problem with you texting him after not talking to him for a few days then I would say the relationship most likely won't work out. However, from what you say it doesn't seem like he would have a problem with you contacting him. I really don't understand why you don't just text him.

I know... I'm stupid. That's why.
I think I'm just scared of doing something that would make him mad or uncomfortable because my exes were all really touchy about stuff like that. If I did anything wrong then it usually got blown out of proportion. Now, I'm the one blowing everything out of proportion.
He won't have a problem with me texting him. He won't. I went ahead and did so but it's so late that A) he'll see the text but won't answer cause it's late/he's doing something else and he'll forget to reply to me or I won't get an answer until tomorrow. It'll most likely be choice A though. Nothing malicious though, he'll just forget.

Natx83

Some guys just don't have much to say. My hubby isn't into talking or texting that much. If he is your boyfriend then you are free to text him. If he has a problem with you texting him after not talking to him for a few days then I would say the relationship most likely won't work out. However, from what you say it doesn't seem like he would have a problem with you contacting him. I really don't understand why you don't just text him.

Yeah text him and let us know what happens. I'm a male but I don't think I'm typical of the real male behaviour in relation to dating. I'm curious lol!

hedwighigh

Some guys just don't have much to say. My hubby isn't into talking or texting that much. If he is your boyfriend then you are free to text him. If he has a problem with you texting him after not talking to him for a few days then I would say the relationship most likely won't work out. However, from what you say it doesn't seem like he would have a problem with you contacting him. I really don't understand why you don't just text him.

Yeah text him and let us know what happens. I'm a male but I don't think I'm typical of the real male behaviour in relation to dating. I'm curious lol!

Alright, I did send him the one text but it's bad timing so I'll probably contact him again around late afternoon. Would it be better if I just called him since he hates texting?

jb852013

Well I am glad you texted him. No big deal. If you do date someone who makes a big deal about it I wouldn't date them anymore. If you plan to get married how great would it be to try and communicate with someone that touchy? However, if you don't plan to get married I guess communication doesn't matter as much.

ToEKnee213

Yeah text him and let us know what happens. I'm a male but I don't think I'm typical of the real male behaviour in relation to dating. I'm curious lol!

If I had a dollar for every time I heard that. :laugh:

Natx83

Yeah text him and let us know what happens. I'm a male but I don't think I'm typical of the real male behaviour in relation to dating. I'm curious lol!

If I had a dollar for every time I heard that. :laugh:

I'm legit though

Of course I'm still male but I'm open, can say what I feel, not afraid of emotions. Bit of a gentlemen.

hedwighigh

Well I am glad you texted him. No big deal. If you do date someone who makes a big deal about it I wouldn't date them anymore. If you plan to get married how great would it be to try and communicate with someone that touchy? However, if you don't plan to get married I guess communication doesn't matter as much.

LOL. We're definitely not ready for marriage. But we're both being patient with each other though.
I know he definitely appreciates that.
He has the infuriating habit of assuming that I know what his feelings are because he told me his feelings month ago.
It's irritating but amusing at the same time. Luckily because I know this about him, it means that I technically do know how he feels about me.
I also know that if he wanted to break up with me, he'd do it. He told me that if he ever stopped loving me that he'd stop the relationship. I trust him enough to know that he would lead me on or anything.
Gosh, I've got so much to learn. I need to stop projecting my abusive boyfriends onto him. He doesn't deserve that. He's more than proved that he's not like that.

Karrix

I partially hate bringing up things like this cause he thinks it's a bigger deal than it is and beats himself up about it and starts thinking he's a bad boyfriend. I really try to pick and chose my battles since he does blame himself so much. Our last "issue" I brought up, he said that if there are any problems in our relationship then it's not my fault but his. He doesn't seem to really understand that issues are typically both people's fault. He always takes the blame.
I know he's crazy about me, he just is sooo clueless. He doesn't need as much attention and affection as me. He doesn't understand this though cause he has no previous experience and he's so shy that he usually gets really bashful around girls he likes. I had to make all the first moves or else we probably would have never started to date.

He'll learn, just tell him that it takes two to make a relationship. Everything is trial and error. You shouldn't have to worry about communicating. Just be yourself, let things flow naturally.

I'm assuming it's still early in the relationship, it will get easier as time goes on!

hedwighigh

I partially hate bringing up things like this cause he thinks it's a bigger deal than it is and beats himself up about it and starts thinking he's a bad boyfriend. I really try to pick and chose my battles since he does blame himself so much. Our last "issue" I brought up, he said that if there are any problems in our relationship then it's not my fault but his. He doesn't seem to really understand that issues are typically both people's fault. He always takes the blame.
I know he's crazy about me, he just is sooo clueless. He doesn't need as much attention and affection as me. He doesn't understand this though cause he has no previous experience and he's so shy that he usually gets really bashful around girls he likes. I had to make all the first moves or else we probably would have never started to date.

He'll learn, just tell him that it takes two to make a relationship. Everything is trial and error. You shouldn't have to worry about communicating. Just be yourself, let things flow naturally.

I'm assuming it's still early in the relationship, it will get easier as time goes on!

Yea, it's only been almost 6 months and this has been the slowest relationship I've had. Very slow and steady, which I love and hate at the same time. It was really fast at first then got super slow and I feel like it almost took a few steps back even. We've only had our first issue not long ago, we go to a really conservative school though and I feel like that's kinda held our relationship back from progressing more. It's not a very comfortable environment for a relationship. Luckily, we both graduate soon.

FireRox21

How long have you guys been together?

If you want a guy that sticks like glue, you can have mine!!! If he could have me surgically attached to his hip, I think he would. It drives me batcrap bonkers sometimes!!! I love him, but I do value my alone time. We've been together for six years though. Kinda like a perma-engagement.

hedwighigh

How long have you guys been together?

If you want a guy that sticks like glue, you can have mine!!! If he could have me surgically attached to his hip, I think he would. It drives me batcrap bonkers sometimes!!! I love him, but I do value my alone time. We've been together for six years though. Kinda like a perma-engagement.

If I had to chose between the two, I think I would rather have the alone time. My boyfriend would piss me off way more if we were together a ton. I would just like a bit more media-type contact while we're not able to see each other face-to-face. That's just my personal preference though.

And six months, not long at all. We're still learning about each other.