Please help! I've been gone a long time. Long post, but I ne

pinuplove

Don't completely rewrite your life in order to lose weight. Make smaller, sustainable changes. The weight might not come off as fast, but it will work. Get obsessed with this place In all seriousness, it might sound silly but my friends here motivate me more than anyone in real life because we ate all in it together. Congratulations on overcoming so much adversity in your life. You can overcome this, too!

By the way, I am 12 years shy of the age my mom was when she died and know exactly how you feel. It isn't easy to think that might be you someday soon.

jomo221

hi all this is the first time ive looked at the community section of mfp only started it 4 days ago and must say the advice and help offered to this chap is motivational.i have a family meal im going to tomorrow where i know its gonna take me well over my allowance and was feeling down about it not wanting to be a drag with rest of family by saying cant have that watching what im eating. after reading the above posts ive decided on limiting the damage and just writing day off then start strong the following day and do extra excercise. will definitely join in on this community page.

katysmelly

Maybe you get bored with the routine? Maybe you should vary things.

Like, change to a different sort of exercise. When you find you're having a hard time getting to the gym for your regular workout, maybe try something else. In good weather, try going hiking or walking. I live somewhere where there are no gyms. The hills are my gym. I pick a peak and enjoy the challenge of figuring out a route up there, then my reward is the glorious view of the lochs and glens. (Come winter, when it's raining nonstop and the sun is setting at 4pm, I'm going to have to find another way to exercise!)

Maybe you need to look into switching things up with your diet, too. When you feel like you're teetering towards stuffing comfort foods into your mouth, perhaps you could go to the library and get a book on some exotic cuisine you've never made, before. The challenge and interest of doing something out of the ordinary may help you from falling back into an old rut.

Also, maybe consider going to maintenance mode once in a while. It's hard to always be operating at a deficit all the time. Keep counting your calories - but set your settings to "maintain" rather than "lose X lbs a week." Do that for one month, then gird your loins for further weight loss and change the settings, again.

By the way, if you have been obese for a while, your body is going to fight you every step of the way. Your body is "set" at a certain weight and will do everything it can via hormones to get you back up to it.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/01/magazine/tara-parker-pope-fat-trap.html?_r=2&ref=general&src=me&pagewanted=all

snc1212

bump

sollyn

When I know that I am feeling week, I go out without any cash or cards in my pocket! Then there is no way I can buy anything that is going to ruin my efforts.
There is so much excelent advice on this thread. Especially reading books. Read as much help books as you can. You will find the right system for you.
Well done for publicly admitting that you have a struggle ahead. Takes a strong man or woman to do that!
Good luck:happy:

Angelabec

I'm not sure that I can offer a lot more than anyone else, but I can tell you what has worked for me if it's any help. I too have tried and lost weight many times before, only to stop and gain it back again, I can't really say what it is that has clicked for me this time, but I have definitely stuck with it better than I have done ever before.

- Don't look at the big picture, focus on tiny goals, so that you are constantly achieving, for example each 5lbs lost, and extra 5 mins exercise, a bit further run, whatever it is that you do, look to be constantly bettering yourself, but not by loads, just a little bit at a time, so that you don't set yourself up to fail, but instead feel like you have constantly achieved something.

- Keep an item of clothing that is too small, try it on once a week, so that you can see the changes in your body, even when the scale doesn't reflect it. Some people like to take measurements, although I never have, it might work for you.

- Plan ahead, at least on a daily basis, although I pretty much plan my week in advance. I fill in my diary first thing in the morning, so that I can see if there's room for that biscuit or whatever when I want a snack.

- When you do blow it, as we all inevitably do, that doesn't mean the whole day is gone, just because you have over eaten at one meal, or snacked on something, doesn't mean that you should just write the day off & carry on eating crap, just get back on it as soon as you can.

- Find foods that you like, that fit in with your plan. There is no point trying to eat things that you don't like just because they are good for you.

- Don't panic about things you can't control. If you are going out for a meal or whatever, try and make a better choice than you might have previously, but don't order something that you don't like, you will just make yourself miserable. Enjoy the good times, every now and then wont do you any harm.

Hope that some of that helps, good luck with it all.

latinqueencee

Your post has really touched me because I think we all have been there. Unfortunately there are no magic words because ultimately you are the only one who can push you. Nobody can want this more than YOU. Changing your life around is not an easy thing, you are going from your comfort zone, leaving your comfort zone to try something that is going to feel uncomfortable. Nobody likes change, I dont care what they say. So here's my 2 cents. Start with small changes, anything is better than nothing and also if you start small it wont feel like such a drag. As the weight starts dropping, you will want to see it continue so you, on your own, will start doing things differently, be it working out a little more, cutting out certain foods etc. Remember, there's nothing wrong with indulging in forbidden foods as long as you know it. It's never too late to jump back on the wagon sweetie. Hell, I know Im not only speaking about myself when I say that there are many of us who fall off, jump off, that darn wagon but we get back on and keep pushing. You can do it love, but YOU have to want it. Best of luck, I'll wait for your before and after, you know, the one with you showing your guns in your bathroom mirror

Slice1

I think everyone gave some really awesome advice/suggestions. So I'm just going to wish you good luck and tell you that I will be cheering you on.

AliceKlaar

I would suggest some kind of therapy. It sounds like you have deeper psychological issues that need to be addressed before that you can move on and feel good enough about yourself to understand that YOU deserve to be happy and loose weight.

I was thinking the same thing as this poster - my gut feeling is there is something buried deep within from your childhood which is not allowing you to succeed in this area and I wonder if it has something to do with your mother's death. You have already proven to yourself that you can achieve so much in so many areas of your life so there should be no reason why you can't succeed in losing the weight and keeping it off. It seems to me that you are 'punishing' yourself on a very deep level and perhaps some form of therapy might finally help you get to the bottom of it. You have amazing strength but sometimes we have to go really deep within ourselves and confront certain issues we may think we have dealt with years ago in order to move on. Whatever the case, I wish you all the very best xx

lornathewizzard

Just a few things to say, I haven't managed to read everyone else's responses.
First thing to do is forget about previous times you have fallen off the wagon. There's no point hanging on to the negativity. I'm a great believe in positive mental attitude!
And the other important thing so to realise this is a lifestyle change, not a short term change. Focus, and you'll soon start to find that the healthier choice is what you are picking as second nature. And you know what, if you have a penchant for cheesecake (like me, haha) then don't deny yourself it. .Moderation is everything. You're not gonna never have chocolate ever again for your whole life, so the odd chunk shouldn't throw your day off.

In terms of exercise, find something you actually enjoy and then its not a chore and it makes you feel awesome. Push yourself, certainly, but don't burn yourself out by hitting it too hard, too fast.

I hope you start to believe in yourself soon, you can and will do it. Feel free to add me, I'm always happy to help!

Hoakiebs

51 yr. old post secondary instructor. Have always been rather healthy and active (runner, biker, biathlon, marathoner, tennis, basketball, etc.). In my early 40's (175) I started a new job that took away from my exercise time, and I started getting sports-related injuries when I did exercise.

Then I started smoking again and couch potato syndrome kicked in. Metabolism slowed down and gained about 5 lbs. per yr. until 47 (210 lbs.) when I got married, had a baby girl a yr. later and was now gaining 10 lbs. per year until 51 (250 lbs.) and diagnosed with diabetes. Time to get serious. I want to lose about 30-40 lbs. before my follow-up doctors visit in mid-March. Have tried exercise programs in the past, but never followed the diet portion of the plan. A student of mine turned me on to MFP. First month - lost 18 lbs. I'm on target to satisfy my Doctor, but I'm really out to please myself and my wife.
SW--Dec. 12 247
IW--Jan. 26 222.2
IG--Jan. 31 220 - DONE
IW--Feb. 9 216.6
IG--Feb. 29 210-DONE
CW-205
GW--Jun. 30 175

I'm not diabetic anymore, my triglycerides are down 70 pts. My BP is normal 116/64, my cholesterol is 156, still working on the LDL of 91. Plan to be off my meds by summer.

aliceh69

When I can not have fat foods in the house that is a big help but my husband always has sweets and fat loaded foods.He has no weight problems. I also find I do better if I sit down and log how much I am going to eat before the meal, it helps me. When I Have snacks such as celery sticks. and carrots ready when I get the munchies, it makes a difference.

I have not had much luck several times before Now I have developed several health problems, I am third stage kidney failure and. I had breast cancer last summer. I am in remission So all I can say is don't wait as long as I did. I have lost 10 lbs in the past two months.

InTenn

A lot of this has been covered, but I'll highlight it. For me, the goal is not to be perfect out of the gate. Start making small sustainable changes. If you can't eliminate sweets, limit them. If you still want a beer, have one (one) and add in some exercise or trim back somewhere else. Read labels and make decisions based on what you learn. Eating is a lot like a household budget - you just have to decide where to best spend the calories you have. But you also have the option of extra exercise if you need to go over.

But don't expect to be perfect. Eight months into this and I am still finding better foods to try and better exercises to do. Just try to get a little better everyday.

CyberEd312

I am the king of failed weightloss success.... I can go back to the 5 grade when I was 5ft 1in. tall and weighed 230 lbs. I have gained and lost hundreds of pounds over my lifetime. In 2009 tipping the scale at 560 lbs. could barely walk, was homebound for over 2 years was my breaking point. Something had to change. You have to move past the whole mentality of this being temporary work.. Oh I will diet and log and exercise til I get to that goal weight then all is well and I can go back to my old lifestyle. Been there done that... This has to be a lifestyle nothing more nothing less, it literally is the rest of your life... And don't think it will ever become easy cause that will never happen... I am 33 months in and 303 lbs. down, only 15-20 lbs. from my goal weight before skin surgery and everyday is a constant struggle to make the right choices, do the right thing and I have resided to the fact that this is my life now and this will be my life from now on.. Do I have days where I wake up and absolutely do not feel like exercising or eating what i know I need to eat. Hell Yes!! have those struggles many times but when it comes right down to it no one can help me through that.. Sure my support system is there and well warranted but in the end this is all about you (or myself) You have to want it for yourself, that is when and only when you will have the strength on those bad days to push yourself up off the couch laces up those shoes and go to the Gym or force yourself to drive past McDonalds and into Subway for a Fresh fit 6 in. sub over a couple Big Macs and a shake... You are your own motivation, you have to realize what is important to you in your life and use that as your motivation and taking steps everyday to do the right things.... You don't have to do it over night, just take it one day at a time and keep moving forward... never looking back and keep putting one foot in front of the other.... but most importantly make sure you come to grasp that this is for life........

DocMarr

I would suggest some kind of therapy. It sounds like you have deeper psychological issues that need to be addressed before that you can move on and feel good enough about yourself to understand that YOU deserve to be happy and lose weight.

I was thinking the same thing as this poster - my gut feeling is there is something buried deep within from your childhood which is not allowing you to succeed in this area and I wonder if it has something to do with your mother's death. You have already proven to yourself that you can achieve so much in so many areas of your life so there should be no reason why you can't succeed in losing the weight and keeping it off. It seems to me that you are 'punishing' yourself on a very deep level and perhaps some form of therapy might finally help you get to the bottom of it. You have amazing strength but sometimes we have to go really deep within ourselves and confront certain issues we may think we have dealt with years ago in order to move on. Whatever the case, I wish you all the very best xx
[/quote]

I can sympathise with your dilemma, because like so many people on here, I have been in the same place. I spent 14 years of my life being a yo-yo dieter. I could have iron will to take the weight off, but as soon as I stopped dieting, the weight would pile back on - and I always put on more than I took off. So eventually I was swinging 70 lbs.

However, I was about your age when I made a really important discovery and I will share it with you - STOP DIETING. Diets make you fat because they are unrealistic ways of eating. You've said it yourself - you stick with the diet but as soon as you come 'off the diet' then things go wrong. When you are on a diet then you are restricting your intake and the foods you eat. You are denying yourself things you like and often your calorie intake can be very low. The human body was designed to cope with feasts and famines because food was sometimes scarce. So when a famine came along, the body goes into famine mode - and when the famine ends then the body pushes you very very strongly to replenish those fat stores so there is a reserve for the next famine. The harder you diet, the more you push yourself into this diet-binge cycle.

What you need to do is CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK. I have put these points in capitals because it really is the most important thing I can say to you. If you 'diet', then you can 'come off the diet'. So think about it this way:

Every day you have choices about what you eat. You can choose a healthy choice or an indulgent choice.

There is NO food out there that is denied to you. You can have absolutely any food that you like. There is a plentiful and bountiful supply. You have to persuade your body that there is never going to be a 'famine' again, which pushes you to binge eat to store fat for the next famine.

What you do is when faced with a choice, you try to choose the healthier choice. But sometimes you won't - sometimes you'll want pizza. That's ok - eat the pizza. But over the week try to make it that 80% of the time you choose the healthy option and 20% of the time you choose the indulgent one.If 80% of your calorie intake comes from fruit, vegetables, lean meat and vegetable protein like beans, pulses and carbohydrate from whole grains, then you can eat 20% of other more indulgent stuff. The 80/20 rule is sustainable. You can keep it up for the rest of your life. I have been following it for 10 years now and my weight has remained pretty stable.

All you have to do is manage your intake over the week. You can do the 80/20 balance over a day or over a week. If you've had a couple of over-indulgent days then balance it with some predominately healthy days. I'd suggest that you focus on doing this as a priority, rather than aiming to lose weight. Eventually, once you are making 80% healthy choices then the weight will start to drop off anyway.

And the same goes for exercise. Going to the gym 6 days a week is a chore for most people. Build the exercise into your day.

When I go to work, I walk very briskly to and from the train station, I find an excuse to run up and down the 4 flights of stairs to my office at least 4 times - even if it's just to go down to the ground floor to fill my water bottle rather than fill it up on the cooler on my floor, and I walk briskly every where I can. In that way I burn over 300 extra calories in a day.

And finally, I would agree that there may be some deeper issue that is preventing you from staying at your target weight. I had an experience aged 14 when I was sexually assaulted. At the time I rationalised it and blamed myself for getting myself into the situation and thought I'd put it behind me. It wasn't until I was in my 40's that I revisited it and saw it again from an adult's perspective. I realised just how young and vulnerable I had been and that it hadn't been my fault. I hadn't told anyone at the time, because I thought I would get into trouble, so I'd just buried it. I realised that I had spent so much of my life hiding behind my fat. I realise that when I lost weight I felt much more attractive and I was scared that left me open to unwanted advances. I'd no sooner get to target weight than I'd want the comfort of my fat again. As an adult, I went back to that 14 year old self and gave her a big hug and told her it wasn't her fault at all and that I was now here to protect her. It finally allowed me to feel comfortable at a small weight.

You maybe need to question what your fat represents to you. If subconscioiusly you feel that your fat is protecting you from something, then it will be difficult to fight that. If you find out what it is and deal with it, then you may be able to move on.I agree with the prevous poster that just from the way you talk about it, there may be some link to your mother's early death.

Anyway, there are bucketloads of good advice on this thread. I hope that it helps you on your journey.

Best wishes xx

DocMarr

I was thinking the same thing as this poster - my gut feeling is there is something buried deep within from your childhood which is not allowing you to succeed in this area and I wonder if it has something to do with your mother's death. You have already proven to yourself that you can achieve so much in so many areas of your life so there should be no reason why you can't succeed in losing the weight and keeping it off. It seems to me that you are 'punishing' yourself on a very deep level and perhaps some form of therapy might finally help you get to the bottom of it. You have amazing strength but sometimes we have to go really deep within ourselves and confront certain issues we may think we have dealt with years ago in order to move on. Whatever the case, I wish you all the very best xx

Sorry - this bit was a prevous poster - I'm not plagiarising - just useless at the technology lol!

ralevin

Thank you all very much for the encouragement, motivation, and advice. There's a lot to think about here, and just reading everyone's support has turned my outlook toward a more positive light.
Thank you. This is what I needed.

ImNotThatBob

And THAT is the BEST part of MFP... the SUPPORT of friends who are working towards the same things you are.

fatcellsuck

Only read the first half paragraph or so, dude watch this, he has a site 10 bucks a month well worth it! http://youtu.be/n2xn54Irp-o

jenj1313

Is there any athletic activity you can see yourself being "in to"?

I love to mountain bike, but the past 2 years have been an emotional struggle for me, coupled with emotional eating and last summer on the bike was awful... couldn't keep up, couldn't go as far as I wanted, always wanted to stop, never wanted to push farther.

If there's anything athletic you identify with and want to get better at, now's the time. You said you go a few months working out 6 days a week, then fall off. If you've got a goal... running a 10k, playing a tennis tournament, riding a 32 mile mountain bike race (yikes!!)... working out suddenly becomes meaningful instead of just a box you're checking every day.

And... I'm with you... I've been on and off the wagon for years with my weight. My mom didn't die in front of me, but she is morbidly obese and it's always been something I've had mixed emotions about. I love her, of course, but wish she'd take better care of herself.

I've never been morbidly obese myself, but these past couple of years, my weight is creeping up and I'm on the edge of the "obese" BMI... not cool with me. So... here I am again. I wouldn't say that I've failed before... just that I'm more committed to being healthy and lean at some times, and not as committed at others (can you say emotional eater?).

The other strategy that really helps me when I'm jumping back on the wagon is to start one thing at a time. For me, it works to up my workouts for a few weeks without worrying about the food piece. As I start to feel good about my fitness efforts, I can make the eating changes without so much effort. Otherwise, it feels like I'm giving up "everything" and I fall back off the wagon.

Feel free to add me as a friend if you need more support.
Otherwise, I hope you're getting some good ideas from your post!
Jen