Newly Seperated Need HELP!!

adezeray
adezeray Posts: 72 Member
in Chit-Chat
Hi my name is Desire' and I am 29 years old. I have been married for almost 6 years this May. However over the weekend my husband told me he no longer wanted to try and be with me. There was really no explanation just I want out. I have two small children ages 4 & 5 and I was totally blinsided by this. How am I suppossed to react? What am I to do now? I know there is no right or wrong answer I just have so many emotions going thru me that I don't understand. People have been telling me that he will change his mind and come back, but after such a horrid thing of just walking out on meand my babies I'm not sure I would allow him back. As much as I love him things would NEVER go back to being the same. Now I'm just so worried about my children and what to do now. How do you make life go on? I would love any input in this you can always privately message me I would appreciate anyone who has been there to give me some advice. Thank you!

Replies

  • Daysednconfused
    Daysednconfused Posts: 975 Member
    Don't really have any advice other than hang tough and be strong for your children. Everything happens for a reason. Good luck to you.
  • regina2063
    regina2063 Posts: 203 Member
    stay encouraged...no one can answer if you are going to work this out or not...only the both of you...im not sure of what he is going thru...maybe thats something you all need to talk about...because he has a reason to leave...but he need to tell you...when i left my husband and left him and the house..because i wanted a peace of mind sooo bad..i didnt know what to do...i was taking one step at a time...stay focused..even if you have to keep encouraging yourself...i talk to myself all day to get thru each and every day and i also learn to be honest with the children..i tried to hide a lot from my kids....and should have been honest...but remember ...your kids are young...but only hide enough for their age...but you dont have to sugar coat everything...you cant blame yourself if you dont even know why he left....Keep your head up for you and your children...they are sooo dependent upon YOU!!!
  • kari574
    kari574 Posts: 99 Member
    Hi there. My situation is a bit different as it wasn't unexpected. But I also have two kids who are 4 and 5. We have been divorced for about a year and a half now. I have the opinion that if it is going to happen, it is better for the kids that they are young. They aren't really old enough to develop the mindset that it is their fault, that they did something wrong. It doesn't seem to be such a huge disruption to their life. As long as you and the spouse try to keep things as amicable as possible, it doesn't have to be very upsetting for them. Is he a good father? Does he plan on being involved with the kids? And you should try to be sure you don't voice your upset over what he is doing to your kids. Don't badmouth him for what he is doing. At least not around them. Initially my kids didn't want to leave me to go to their dad's place, as they were young and were still very attached to me. But they are used to the situation now and I think if they had the chance they would spend most of their time with me, but they don't cry when leaving me anymore. They have a lot of fun with him too.

    As Regina said, do be open with your kids. But be matter-of-fact about it. Don't act like it is this horrible thing, just tell them what happened without being critical. If you do end up divorcing, just discuss with them that it is another type of family. Not an inferior type of family. There's nothing to be ashamed of.
  • adezeray
    adezeray Posts: 72 Member
    Hi there. My situation is a bit different as it wasn't unexpected. But I also have two kids who are 4 and 5. We have been divorced for about a year and a half now. I have the opinion that if it is going to happen, it is better for the kids that they are young. They aren't really old enough to develop the mindset that it is their fault, that they did something wrong. It doesn't seem to be such a huge disruption to their life. As long as you and the spouse try to keep things as amicable as possible, it doesn't have to be very upsetting for them. Is he a good father? Does he plan on being involved with the kids? And you should try to be sure you don't voice your upset over what he is doing to your kids. Don't badmouth him for what he is doing. At least not around them. Initially my kids didn't want to leave me to go to their dad's place, as they were young and were still very attached to me. But they are used to the situation now and I think if they had the chance they would spend most of their time with me, but they don't cry when leaving me anymore. They have a lot of fun with him too.

    As Regina said, do be open with your kids. But be matter-of-fact about it. Don't act like it is this horrible thing, just tell them what happened without being critical. If you do end up divorcing, just discuss with them that it is another type of family. Not an inferior type of family. There's nothing to be ashamed of.


    Thank you so much for your advice! The kids are the most important thing to me right now. I wish I could talk to my husband but he wants nothing to do with having a conversation at all. He is a great father and told me that he would still take them to all their after school things, but I just hope that he always keeps his word about that.
  • kimmyj74
    kimmyj74 Posts: 223 Member
    Desire,
    Life will go on! You will be strong for your babies and yourself! Heck your life may even be better. You can come and go as you please without having to check in with someone first. You wont have to make dinner unless YOU want to. You can have some "me" time when the kids visit their dad. And eventually you will find someone who loves you for who you are and not half assed.
    This is coming from someone recently seperated (last year) and after the initial "deer in headlights" feeling; I am LOVING life now. My stress is way down and am doing things for ME for the first time in my life.
    Good luck honey and feel free to be my friend :)
  • DavetheHYNIC
    DavetheHYNIC Posts: 318 Member
    Well you'll get alot of pray, go to counseling, etc., but if you haven't done it yet u need to get a lawyer. Cause if the *kitten* would walk on his wife and kids, he may try not to be financially responsible either . Good luck

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