Is trust earned or do you give trust until they break it?

LuLuSUPER

My childhood was similar to that. For me, I tend to deal with people where they are. Everyone starts with an "A" and can earn an "F" trusting my gut instinct has helped me gauge what level of trust is extended.

r1ghtpath

i'm recently divorced as well, and have been dating a couple months. my childhood was messed up too. my parents split while i was in high school.

i never had that 'looked for love from guys' thing..... but i think that's more my innate temperament and personality.

my thing is that i don't lie. i tell the truth. therefore, i tend to assume others are as well....... and what i have come to learn is that often they don't. even if they aren't lying they're omitting truth, which to me, is the same.

so, i do tend to trust in the beginning, but then quickly become skeptical because of half truths, or omissions, or white lies....... and for me, it's hard to just go back to being trusting. you could say i use my gut a lot. if something feels off, it usually IS off!!!

i, too, have been told i'm hard/ cold. one date told me he initially thought i was the ice queen! and recently i've been told that i come off as "stand off-ish." i used to open up to people, but i don't do that anymore.

my inner circle is very very very small!!!!! like VERY small! but, after what i've been through, i believe i deserve to be like that.

La_Amazona

thank you everyone for sharing your experiences.

i'm not alone in this and it brings comfort.

the cool thing is although i might be a little stand off'ish at first or skeptical, once you have me, you have ALL of me and it's not like it takes forever to happen.

the one guy friend i'm talking about... all it took was 1 night in which some events happened where he earned my trust completely (because of the way he handled it) and he knows he did.

stayxtrue

Trust has to be earnt. The fact is we live in a society where trust is broken in a split second.

For me do not give my trust easily, you have to earn it! And if the person cant be bothered then they never were going to stick by you for a long term friendship anyway

Julz2586

My trust is given from the get go!

I see no reason not to trust someone until they give me a reason not too, then they have to earn it back.

scepterian

Look, Listen, Learn... Earn.

mikeschratz

Since you grew up in an alcoholic family, I will use the Bill Wilson analogy! In the book "As Bill Sees It" it says, I need to assess people to see if they deserve my trust! My trust is a true gift today and it is worth me assessing people to see if they deserve it. If I see someone I am assessing talking about other folks behind their back (commonly called Character Assasination) then I don't give them my trust to abuse!
It is quite that simple, and I too do not trust folks until they get assessed and are truly accepting of my trust. And the friends I have today are ones that would die for me, as much as I would die for them!

xo_morgan

as far as trusting someone with my deepest secrets & feelings..thats totally earned. i will never give anyone any information about me unless i know with my whole heart they are worthy.

as far as trusting a "new boyfriend" say..its always in the back of my mind to be on my p's&q's. Trust definitely has to be earned..but i wont go looking through his phone or accusing him of late night rendezvous, i will trust him on that aspect, until he gives me a reason not to.