LADIES ONLY: Dating before and after weight loss

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katemiddletonisawesome
katemiddletonisawesome Posts: 152 Member
in Chit-Chat
If a guy knows you at your heaviest, but then sees you at your lightest and takes a sudden interest....... do you go for it? Or do you hold off thinking - he should have gotten to know me before I lost the weight, as I'm the same person, just smaller?
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  • DoctorKyrina
    DoctorKyrina Posts: 130 Member
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    It's a complicated thing. It somehow feels wrong if they just suddenly notice you after the weight loss, but I don't see it as a problem unless they seem rude about it.
  • ONE03
    ONE03 Posts: 125 Member
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    Definitely the latter for me.
  • StephTheBookworm
    StephTheBookworm Posts: 177 Member
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    I feel like I would be offended because you always hope someone will love you for your personality and all that, but at the same time, I would understand. I don't look very attractive at my current weight lol. In fact, there is someone I know right now who I hope takes an interest in me when I look better. :ohwell:

    I would say go for it if you're interested too!
  • bikinibeliever
    bikinibeliever Posts: 832 Member
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    I think if he knew you just as well when you were heavier as he knows you now (thinner) then I would pass. But men are visual creatures. :laugh: . I just wouldn't want a guy to go for me just because of my looks. I guess I would be thinking, what would happen if I gained weight again, would he be gone?
  • erh12275
    erh12275 Posts: 40 Member
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    Ask yourself the dreaded question that no one HERE wants to ask...and you will have your answer. If you put the weight back on would he be gone? If something happened and you gained it back would he still want to be with you? Maybe but, judging by his past actions...probably not.
  • missbp
    missbp Posts: 601 Member
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    Well, I think you have to be attracted to someone to want to date them, so I am going to say . . . it is perfectly understandable if he wasn't interested in dating you when you were heavier.

    The same logic could be used in the opposite. If you lost a lot of weight, and he no longer found you attractive because of it, should he be judged for losing interest?

    I personally don't think this is an indicator of poor character. We find people attractive for all sorts of reasons. The heart wants what it wants.

    That is my humble opinion.
    M
  • DoctorKyrina
    DoctorKyrina Posts: 130 Member
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    Ask yourself the dreaded question that no one HERE wants to ask...and you will have your answer. If you put the weight back on would he be gone? If something happened and you gained it back would he still want to be with you? Maybe but, judging by his past actions...probably not.

    That is a rough thing. That's why I generally tend to base it on how rude they are about it. I admit I can be a bit of a shallow person sometimes when it comes to meeting a new partner, but I'm a lot more forgiving when it come to an established one. I guess I just can't be too harsh on someone for noticing me after I've lost weight because I know deep down I'd be more likely to notice them too.
  • raichuM
    raichuM Posts: 1 Member
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    I don't know. I'd probably consider them jerks if they knew me before I was fat and all of a sudden started paying attention to me because I lost weight. But we have to remember that men are visual creatures too. It's kinda hard but hey if you are looking good and feeling great and those vibes are getting put out there..then there's always another man out there. I have a feeling that alot of the reason I dont have an activate dating life is because I'm overweight. Hahaha, I'll tell you when I lose 50lbs :)
    :noway:
  • LexieSweetheart
    LexieSweetheart Posts: 793 Member
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    screw him he didn't want you when you were heavy he doesn't deserve the new and healthier you!
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
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    *Most* people tend to want someone who is not overweight. Let's be real here. This is not offensive to me at all. You know you're not looking and feeling your best when you're bigger. It doesn't even seem rational to expect someone else to look past the same thing that made you feel miserable about yourself and find your inner beauty. It just doesn't work like that.
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,220 Member
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    It depends on how he treated me before. If he was nice and a decent friend I would date him. There's nothing wrong with being more attracted to someone because they've lost weight. I wouldn't date a guy who was a **** before and suddenly wants to date because I already know his true colors.
  • reshapemariah21
    reshapemariah21 Posts: 184 Member
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    *Most* people tend to want someone who is not overweight. Let's be real here. This is not offensive to me at all. You know you're not looking and feeling your best when you're bigger. It doesn't even seem rational to expect someone else to look past the same thing that made you feel miserable about yourself and find your inner beauty. It just doesn't work like that.

    I completely agree with that!
  • mes1119
    mes1119 Posts: 1,082 Member
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    Go for it.
    I met my boyfriend a year and a half ago at the gym when I was my lightest during my adult years. I'm about 10 pounds away from being where I was when I met him. I gained about 25 pounds thanks to him lol. :happy: :laugh:
  • DaughterOfTheMostHighKing
    DaughterOfTheMostHighKing Posts: 1,436 Member
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    you know, if you were in his place, being in shape and good looking, would you have given him the time of day if he was like you were? people think about these things in strange ways. I'd give him a chance. there are a lot of guys on this site that started out much larger than they are now, and honestly, I'd be their friend, but probably not date them... go out and be friends, yes... romantic interest, no.
  • msartishia
    msartishia Posts: 123 Member
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    I am with everyone else. I am a thick girl and I have always been. As the song goes...Take me as I am....take me baby or leave me.....

    You need to have someone that loves you for you...big or small or inbetween...My friend just wants me healthy...he has never said anything about my size...he says that most sickness comes when you have a stomach...and I know that..but I want to lose weight for me. He met me in the 240ish range and my goal is 175. So he can stay along for the ride or he can leave. I can do bad all by myself.
  • kbcarey111
    kbcarey111 Posts: 3 Member
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    It might not all be about looks. It might be about how YOU feel about you. Are you happier now that you're thinner? Is that coming through in how you interact with people? It may be that people are taking notice because you are a more confident and happier person. My guess is you're not giving yourself enough credit.
  • Sherbog
    Sherbog Posts: 1,072 Member
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    He may be attracted to your hard work, dedication and commitment to your health. Shoot ask him...:) It's just a date at this point.
  • HauteP1nk
    HauteP1nk Posts: 2,139 Member
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    Men are visual creatures. And heck, so are women. There has to be somewhat of a physical attraction - at least initially.

    It is so easy to point fingers and say that if he couldn't like me when I was fat then he can't have me now when I am thin. That being said, maybe there were reasons that the person wasn't attracted to me for other then the physical reasons. Maybe now being thin I am more confident - AND confidence is SEXY!
  • LatinaGordita
    LatinaGordita Posts: 377 Member
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    This is an interesting question. I have dieted most of my life and been heavy most of it, however, I know that my personality is different when I am lighter, feel great about myself, and I am more confident. HE may be more attracted to you not because of the physical but because you, yourself have changed.

    When I am thinner, I smile more, I flirt more, I have more fun, and I enjoy life more. Don't judge him just because you think he may not have been interested because you were bigger, it could be that you weren't as outgoing, flirty etc.

    Just my 2 cents :D
  • WhitneyT586
    WhitneyT586 Posts: 279 Member
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    Honestly, women do the same thing. I know the type of men I'm attracted to and if I knew a guy for a while who was overweight then he started taking care of himself, exercising, and got toned (I like muscles), I might notice him more as a potential dating partner. Physical attraction is always first because humans are such visual creatures. Also, even if you think you haven't changed since losing weight, your confidence and personality may show more now with you unaware of it.

    BUT if he was not friendly to you before the weight loss, he is probably not worth your time.

    That said, at the end of last year, I was sort of re-introduced to a guy from high school. He gave me his number and we've been on several dates. Weight-wise I haven't changed since high school, but I'm more comfortable with myself. And he is not the person I thought he was. If the guy shows interest, give him a bit of a chance if you feel the attraction. He just might surprise you!

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