Much more than just a weight loss journey

beccci91

Is it just me or does anyone else get the feeling that you shouldn't try to look good cause its not like anyone will think you look good anyway cause your fat?

I am trying my hardest to get out of that mind frame and for me this journey isn't just about losing the unwanted and unhealthy weight its about transforming myself. Since I got fat I haven't tried as much with my hair, my make up and especially my clothes.

Your late teens are supposed to be all about discovering your 'style' but mine was about hiding because I was ashamed at what I had become, and the easiest way to do that I found was to make myself 'ugly' so no one looked twice at me. I got lazy with my beauty regime, I fell out of the loop with fashion, I got BIGGER and the longer this went on the more I sank into myself, fell out of touch with my friends and forgot how to function with the outside world.

Since the beginning of my second year at university (Sep 2011) I have been trying so much more to be more social and to make more of an effort but I find myself feeling like I am doing something wrong and at times it feels very awkward. When I was younger I was a very bubbly person and very out going and I never had this 'should I/shouldn't I' feeling but now I only am like that with a select few people.

So for me, this is not 'just' about getting thin, this is about discovering a part of me that I lost in 2008/09, finding my style and finally becoming comfortable in my own skin again.

jdelot

I look forward to watching your progress in your journey. Seems like you have the right mindset to be successful.

beccci91

Thanks

jody664

I totally agree, Beccci91!

I'm 46 years old and have struggled with weight all my life. I had something traumatic happen in my childhood and turned to food then as comfort. Over the years I've padded myself with more and more pounds in hopes of hiding my true self. As I've started to lose weight, I've realized it's really stripping off a lot of the "junk" in my life to reveal the "real me." It's terrifying!! But I'm pressing on.

Feel free to add me as a friend if you like.

beccci91

I totally agree, Beccci91!

I'm 46 years old and have struggled with weight all my life. I had something traumatic happen in my childhood and turned to food then as comfort. Over the years I've padded myself with more and more pounds in hopes of hiding my true self. As I've started to lose weight, I've realized it's really stripping off a lot of the "junk" in my life to reveal the "real me." It's terrifying!! But I'm pressing on.

Feel free to add me as a friend if you like.

I also had traumatic childhood and I feel that was part of the weight gain problem

joyfuljan77

It sounds like you are making some good decisions and moving in the right direction. I used to tell my children that they would have friends only if they were willing to be the 1st to reach out and be a friend. I look forward to seeing the progress you make along your journey

beccci91

Its true, you really do need to be the one to reach out first which in some ways is fair and unfair but that's just life I guess

BeautyFromPain

I agree!

I have always had social anxiety and am only just talking to people more now at school, etc but is so hard!

LittleEdenx

You sound just like me. Everyone thinks that being fat is the only problem that we have to face but it's not. You loose your whole life! I used to love shopping, make up, hair, everything. Now I wear my once beautliful hair scraped back in a ponytail, no make up and wearing tracksuits as it's the only clothes that feel comfy. Basically I have given up. Whats the point (while standing in front of the mirror) when I am still so unhappy anyway. I MUST do this!!! I cannot be trapped by fat any longer.

Sorry that was such a rant, not sure what came over me.

Debbiex

beccci91

You sound just like me. Everyone thinks that being fat is the only problem that we have to face but it's not. You loose your whole life! I used to love shopping, make up, hair, everything. Now I wear my once beautliful hair scraped back in a ponytail, no make up and wearing tracksuits as it's the only clothes that feel comfy. Basically I have given up. Whats the point (while standing in front of the mirror) when I am still so unhappy anyway. I MUST do this!!! I cannot be trapped by fat any longer.

Sorry that was such a rant, not sure what came over me.

Debbiex

Here are a few photos of me, first when I try and then when I don't:

Angelabec

I totally understand you, it almost becomes a vicious circle, you don't feel good, so you don't make any effort to look good, then you feel worse, so you don't worry about gaining more weight, looking worse, finding nice clothes gets harder so you worry even less, and so on and so on. I feel like I lost myself completely for many years, and am only just emerging again.

You are a beautiful girl, and I am sure you will get to the place that you want to be. Good luck :flowerforyou:

beccci91

I totally understand you, it almost becomes a vicious circle, you don't feel good, so you don't make any effort to look good, then you feel worse, so you don't worry about gaining more weight, looking worse, finding nice clothes gets harder so you worry even less, and so on and so on. I feel like I lost myself completely for many years, and am only just emerging again.

You are a beautiful girl, and I am sure you will get to the place that you want to be. Good luck :flowerforyou:

It really is a vicious cycle and even when you are aware of what you are doing you *still* do it, I get frustrated in myself so much because of this especially now that I am more aware of what is going on around me I see the way that people stare at me when I don't try and it is really hurtful.