tips to motivate friend

cyclerjenn

My best friend and I were going to take this journey together. However, in the year that we have been doing this, I'm down 47 pounds and she is up 16.

I ask her on a regular basis if she would like to go from a walk, to the park for a bike ride, even to the gym. but the excuses keep coming. Too hot outside, not enough time, too tired.

I try to get her to go out to eat at healthier place to eat when we do spend time together, but she always insists on just going to the bar to drink and eat bar food.

After the most recent night out with her, I decided that I need to just stay focused on my goals and stop going to the bar with her when she calls and says she really could use a friend. Now she feels that I am not there for her and not a friend, but I really think it was hindering on my progress.

What can I do to help motivate her to continue on this journey or should I just write off our friendship?

lizard053

Don't write off your friendship, but you can't force someone to lose weight that truly doesn't want to. It sounds like your friend just doesn't want to lose the weight. She might say she does, but her habits say otherwise! Encourage her to get healthy, but don't shove it down her throat, as it will only hurt the friendship!

ETA - Try to suggest alternative, healthier choices for meeting up. Let her know you can't be going to the bar all the time anymore.

cyclerjenn

Thanks, I have tried suggesting places to get soup and salad or a make your own stir fry as place we could go and talk, but she always comes back with "I need a beer".

I did tell her about a week ago that until after the state championships, I will not be meeting her in the bar and she has asked me to come over 4 times since then.

I want to be a friend and help her, but it is just pulling me backwards.

neelia

Don't write off your friendship, but you can't force someone to lose weight that truly doesn't want to. It sounds like your friend just doesn't want to lose the weight. She might say she does, but her habits say otherwise! Encourage her to get healthy, but don't shove it down her throat, as it will only hurt the friendship!

ETA - Try to suggest alternative, healthier choices for meeting up. Let her know you can't be going to the bar all the time anymore.

^ this

kelleegrrrl

Me and my sister were going through the same thing, only is was me that was not into as much as her. It didn't really matter what she said or did. It finally just him me one day, that I was sick and tired of complaining and doing nothing to change anything. It was an epiphany I had on my own. And I have been trying ever since. You are a great friend, but she has to make up her mind to do it herself and when she does, she'll have an awesome fitness pal (you) waiting!

Helenatrandom

First of all, you can't motivate her if she doesn't want to be motivated.

I commend you for wanting to be a good friend to her. She needs to learn to be a good friend to you as well, though, and that means not ALWAYS insisting on the meeting place being somewhere that is not good for your goals.

reese66

Thanks, I have tried suggesting places to get soup and salad or a make your own stir fry as place we could go and talk, but she always comes back with "I need a beer".

I did tell her about a week ago that until after the state championships, I will not be meeting her in the bar and she has asked me to come over 4 times since then.

I want to be a friend and help her, but it is just pulling me backwards.

You could go to restaurants that sell salads, soups as well as beer. Apple bees has their weight watchers meal or the under 500 calorie menu.

jennaeva

This sounds harsh but sometimes you have to see a toxic friendship for what it is -
You're trying so hard to get her too continue on your journey together and sounds like she is trying to derail you
Maybe she is jealous of your success and her failure either way I'm sure its difficult for the both of you.
Don't let her stuff become yours give her the option to meet you at a healthy place that works for you or not at all
don't let her be the decider- If she really supports you and really wants to continue your friendship she will see that your
lifestyle no longer allows for frequent trips to the bar. No matter how guilty she makes you feel continue on your path.

AZnewme

Great responses so far! I agree with both sides of the coin. You shouldn't give up your friendship, BUT right now she is toxic and you need to limit the interactions. I have a friend from high school who has always been there for me but I just realized this year that I have totally been a drag on our relationship. Every time we got together I would spill all my sad stories to her and she would listen and not be judgmental. The last year though I knew she was avoiding me. I also knew that I hadn't been a very good friend. After I had my epiphany about why I am overweight and all of the other "problems" in my life (that were for the most part not dealing with things!) I felt like I had poisoned our friendship. But I kept trying to reach out to her - with upbeat messages and positive notes. We finally got together again last week and it was so AWESOME! We laughed and enjoyed each other and caught up on the real stuff in our lives and I didn't spill on her or expect her to be my rock. In fact, she had some support that she needed this time. It was so wonderful to be on the other side of that table!

I think staying away from the bars is reasonable and you should insist that having a beer is not in your best interests. If she needs a "Bar Buddy" let her know she needs to look elsewhere but that you would love to have a quick bite and catch up. She will have to have her own "moment" in order to really get on the road to health and fitness. You can't do that for her. She has to want it and right now she doesn't. You can continue to set a great example though and show her how happy you are with where you are right now. Hopefully she will wake up and realize what she's missing!