You Know What Drives Me Nuts?

tlhorsley

I agree with some posters that you should take this up with the people you are having issues with and not throw your "friends" under the bus here for us all to see.

I know for me personally, I do not struggle with exercising but I do with my eating. My eating is totally my downfall when it comes to this journey. So...when I get comments from friends on here it is good for me -it encourages me. At the same time I want my friends to call me out if I am making bad food choices -junk, too many processed food, sweets, not enough water.

When I look at a friend's diary if they have not done well that day 9in my opinion) then I normally do not comment...sometimes I will make suggestions and state that it is merely my opinion or what I have found works for me.

The main reason I want friends on here is to help keep me accountable. Yes, I know it is ultimately up to me but I do appreciate the encouragement.

**With that said, if you are my friend on here....you have my permission to "criticize" my food choices if you feel they are bad. That is one of the reasons I want you as a friend!**

Dauntlessness

... when you summarily comment "Way to go" or "Great job today" on my little status update thingie without even a cursory glance at the contents of my diary. A comment of "Great Day!" on a diary entry that contains only one thing from the perimeter of the grocery store, and the rest is fast or convenience foods, psh, I'd rather get scolded for the obviously not-so-good choices I'm making. No-one is perfect, I get it. But is it too much to ask for you to be real? And instead of just commenting on a "perceived good" like being under my calorie goal, to really take a look at what got me there? /rant.

Want real? I tend to look at my friends diaries every day because I want to. Saying that, it is NOT an obligation...It is your job to keep on track, not theirs. If they are not dissecting every bit of your diary for you, you think they don't care? How self absorbed are you? It seems to me you are shifting the blame for your own eating habits to them. Especially when you don't get praise. This is a support site, the people here are not going to do it for you. The only person you are letting down when you eat fast food, is simply yourself. If they have taken the time to see "the one good thing" you ate that day and praise you for it, they are supporting the positive and not judging you for the negatives. They are doing exactly what good friends do. Since your so sensitive they probably think that if they "scold you" you might fall off the wagon or quit. They are not enabling you, you are doing a fine job of that by yourself.

When I say "WTG, Nicely done, Well done, etc etc", its not because I am cruising through diaries without consideration, its because I have simply run out of things to say. I am proud of all my friends and will support them through the ups and downs. If they dont have time to comment on my stuff, it doesn't prevent me from commenting on their status. Thats high school BS.

I hope you do well on your weight loss journey.

JoolieW68

I don't usually reply to completed food diary status', just because I have a ton of friends and I can't possibly read all of their diary entries before replying (which is the only time I will reply - after I've read the entry).

leaso75581

I feel the same way. I prefer my diary to be personal, because this weight loss journey for me is personal. On the other hand, I use this site, and the people as additional tools of encouragement, not dietitians.

leaso75581

Great Response!! Took the words right out of my mouth!!

CMcBryer

... when you summarily comment "Way to go" or "Great job today" on my little status update thingie without even a cursory glance at the contents of my diary. A comment of "Great Day!" on a diary entry that contains only one thing from the perimeter of the grocery store, and the rest is fast or convenience foods, psh, I'd rather get scolded for the obviously not-so-good choices I'm making. No-one is perfect, I get it. But is it too much to ask for you to be real? And instead of just commenting on a "perceived good" like being under my calorie goal, to really take a look at what got me there? /rant.

If you've hit your macros relatively well and are at your calorie goal, I don't care what you've eaten because you will still lose and it's one day. Now if you are well over your calorie goal and getting it all in only fat, or only carbs, or only protein for that matter, then I'd yell at you.



Also, a pirate captain walks into a bar with his ship's steering wheel sticking out of the top of his pants. The bartender looks at him strangely and asks, "Isn't that a bit uncomfortable?" The pirate responds, "Yar, tis driving me nuts!"

dls06

Because when someone is negative about someones diary they complain about that too.. People are just affraid to offend.Seems like you can't please anyone.

kristal_1973

I do not usually comment on people's diaries because I just don't have time to look through them all. I think it is unreasonable to expect everyone to look at everyone's diary before commenting. Nothing wrong with being encouraging on ANY post tho, IMO.

967_1111

It's why I exist in the MFP world w/o friends. I don't need the validation of strangers to accomplish my goals, and I would prefer no feedback over blind feedback.

Having said that, I can appreciate the effort to log on, and make the comment, as opposed to all the "friends" that either stalk your profile or just don't connect.

carajo

The people that leave" wtg or good job"are trying to motivate and keep you positive, you REALLY want someone too say something like 'gross how did you eat that" come on this is a site of support. I suggest you close your diary, or accept all comments with no rant!

BradyMommy

Then perhaps you could post a suggestion on your own wall for your friends to see. Something like, "Hey MFP pals, I really appreciate that you want to be supportive of me and my goals but sometimes I really need you guys to kick me in the butt when I have a bad day."

That might be more effective than calling them out in the public forum (where they might not actually see it).

FaugHorn

This only bugs me when someone says "good job" and the person ate a yogurt and an ice cube and called it a day.

I lol'd

:bigsmile:

christina0089

Well when you have 100+ friends it's not so easy to look at everyones diary. When I say congrats I am not saying way to go on what you ate. I am NOT a dietitian so I have no idea what works for others bodies. I am saying congrats on stepping up and taking the time to fill out a food diary. I try not to judge what people eat.

This with some variation.

I try not to be to critical of peoples choices because there are so many factors that play into what a person eats such as wether or not they prepare their own food, based on time or know how they may grab and go. what if they do not have the money for healthier options? (you would be surprised at the number of people who are getting food from a food bank just to make it thru) When I comment I look for things like did they stay under calories? did they excercise? If even just a walk. Did they drink water?

It's the effort that counts and even the small efforts warrant some recognition. If a person is doing really poor I might mesage them and inquire about their choices and off to help them in making better choices based on their situation.

I have a friend that was eating so little that she was making my stomach hurt to look at her diary. I encouraged her a few times to get her calories up as did a few other friends. When things did not change I messaged her and she told me that she is a college student who is very short of money as she was having trouble finding work with her class schedule and so she rationed her food best she could. I made a few low cost suggestions and even offered to send a care package as no one should starve.

The point being is yes we need to be accontable for what we are eating and it is nice to have friends that help keep you on track but this is an online site and I am not in that persons shoes every minute of the day. I don't know their circumstances or their struggles so I try not to be overly critical. Chances are if you are eating BS you KNOW you are eating BS and my telling you is not gonna change that. So do I applaud the effort you do put in? YES but in true concern I will mesage you and talk to you like a friend about what is going on before I 'call you out' and make you feel like **** for something that may or may not be of your control.

DieVixen

That must be tough that your friends are not babysitting you properly

vim_n_vigor

Well when you have 100+ friends it's not so easy to look at everyones diary. When I say congrats I am not saying way to go on what you ate. I am NOT a dietitian so I have no idea what works for others bodies. I am saying congrats on stepping up and taking the time to fill out a food diary. I try not to judge what people eat.

This with some variation.

I try not to be to critical of peoples choices because there are so many factors that play into what a person eats such as wether or not they prepare their own food, based on time or know how they may grab and go. what if they do not have the money for healthier options? (you would be surprised at the number of people who are getting food from a food bank just to make it thru) When I comment I look for things like did they stay under calories? did they excercise? If even just a walk. Did they drink water?

It's the effort that counts and even the small efforts warrant some recognition. If a person is doing really poor I might mesage them and inquire about their choices and off to help them in making better choices based on their situation.

I have a friend that was eating so little that she was making my stomach hurt to look at her diary. I encouraged her a few times to get her calories up as did a few other friends. When things did not change I messaged her and she told me that she is a college student who is very short of money as she was having trouble finding work with her class schedule and so she rationed her food best she could. I made a few low cost suggestions and even offered to send a care package as no one should starve.

The point being is yes we need to be accontable for what we are eating and it is nice to have friends that help keep you on track but this is an online site and I am not in that persons shoes every minute of the day. I don't know their circumstances or their struggles so I try not to be overly critical. Chances are if you are eating BS you KNOW you are eating BS and my telling you is not gonna change that. So do I applaud the effort you do put in? YES but in true concern I will mesage you and talk to you like a friend about what is going on before I 'call you out' and make you feel like **** for something that may or may not be of your control.

How nice of you to help your friend like that, especially when you could have easily just left nasty comments about her food diary or dropped her as a friend. We all have so many things going on in our lives that can affect our progess and what we do on here.

yo_andi

This only bugs me when someone says "good job" and the person ate a yogurt and an ice cube and called it a day.

Ha! This is what set me off this morning! I saw 17 "way to go's" on someone's status, looked at the diary because I thought "heck, that had to be a really good day" and it was 99% crap and supplements. I did address it with her personally, and she got mad. Cannot win.

To everyone else, harsh words so early in the morning. Ouch.

yo_andi

Well when you have 100+ friends it's not so easy to look at everyones diary. When I say congrats I am not saying way to go on what you ate. I am NOT a dietitian so I have no idea what works for others bodies. I am saying congrats on stepping up and taking the time to fill out a food diary. I try not to judge what people eat.

This with some variation.

I try not to be to critical of peoples choices because there are so many factors that play into what a person eats such as wether or not they prepare their own food, based on time or know how they may grab and go. what if they do not have the money for healthier options? (you would be surprised at the number of people who are getting food from a food bank just to make it thru) When I comment I look for things like did they stay under calories? did they excercise? If even just a walk. Did they drink water?

It's the effort that counts and even the small efforts warrant some recognition. If a person is doing really poor I might mesage them and inquire about their choices and off to help them in making better choices based on their situation.

I have a friend that was eating so little that she was making my stomach hurt to look at her diary. I encouraged her a few times to get her calories up as did a few other friends. When things did not change I messaged her and she told me that she is a college student who is very short of money as she was having trouble finding work with her class schedule and so she rationed her food best she could. I made a few low cost suggestions and even offered to send a care package as no one should starve.

The point being is yes we need to be accontable for what we are eating and it is nice to have friends that help keep you on track but this is an online site and I am not in that persons shoes every minute of the day. I don't know their circumstances or their struggles so I try not to be overly critical. Chances are if you are eating BS you KNOW you are eating BS and my telling you is not gonna change that. So do I applaud the effort you do put in? YES but in true concern I will mesage you and talk to you like a friend about what is going on before I 'call you out' and make you feel like **** for something that may or may not be of your control.

How nice of you to help your friend like that, especially when you could have easily just left nasty comments about her food diary or dropped her as a friend. We all have so many things going on in our lives that can affect our progess and what we do on here.

THIS!

yo_andi

Also, a pirate captain walks into a bar with his ship's steering wheel sticking out of the top of his pants. The bartender looks at him strangely and asks, "Isn't that a bit uncomfortable?" The pirate responds, "Yar, tis driving me nuts!"

Excellent, another "Yarrr" joke to add to my arsenal

coconutty420

OP you seem like a realist (and kinda an @$$hole) no worries cuz i am kinda an @$$hole myself. i see it like this....everyone on here is looking for some kind of support that they are lacking in other areas of their lives. but the term "friend" gets people very confused...i have very few freinds because i do not think many people truly understand that term. now with the advent of computer "friends" we can remain nameless, faceless, and throw out an obligatory "WTG" and we feel like we are supporting our "friends". but realize that those comments are more making the commenter feel better about themselves...they feel like they are such a great and supportive "friend" to whomever the comment was intended. its this false way of pretending that they care when like you said they didnt even read your journal filled with doritos and diet soda! but on a more positive note: this is your journey! there is no right or wrong but just a desire to give it your best shot everyday! so instead of getting annoyed by them...give a little chuckle when you get the silly "wtg" comments and realize that person must be feeling lonely today!
p.s. i know most people are definately NOT going to agree with me...most people never agree with me cuz its too realistic. but OP you can send me a friend request...and we can be slightly pessimist @$$hole friends! LOL

PJilly

This only bugs me when someone says "good job" and the person ate a yogurt and an ice cube and called it a day.

Ha! This is what set me off this morning! I saw 17 "way to go's" on someone's status, looked at the diary because I thought "heck, that had to be a really good day" and it was 99% crap and supplements. I did address it with her personally, and she got mad. Cannot win.

To everyone else, harsh words so early in the morning. Ouch.

If you can look past what feels like harshness, I think you got some good responses from people who have a different perspective, so it's not all bad!

Skinny_Beans

I used to comment on my "friends" stuff here, but I can never think of anything to say besides "good job!" or the like. I think most people just want to reaffirm basic caloric goals for each other without bothering to check our diaries. That's a whole lot of caring about people I don't even know well.

Marla64

Well, aren't you a peach.

Actually Andi makes a very good point.... how truly supportive are you when you say "good job" when you see a friend's food log has been entered - but when you look inside the log, its full of very poor food-related choices? Blindly supporting someone is just as bad as the person willingly choosing to keep the wrong foods around and indicating that you have consumed them...

You clearly know that your choices were not great, so why do you need others to point it out?

OK. You suck. Make better choices next time. Happy?

rml for president--

priceless.

Marla64

You know, you could scold yourself for the poor choices you're making, instead of relying on other people to do it.

^ this.

yo_andi

This only bugs me when someone says "good job" and the person ate a yogurt and an ice cube and called it a day.

Ha! This is what set me off this morning! I saw 17 "way to go's" on someone's status, looked at the diary because I thought "heck, that had to be a really good day" and it was 99% crap and supplements. I did address it with her personally, and she got mad. Cannot win.

To everyone else, harsh words so early in the morning. Ouch.

If you can look past what feels like harshness, I think you got some good responses from people who have a different perspective, so it's not all bad!

Yes! Thank you! I absolutely agree.

Marla64

OP you seem like a realist (and kinda an @$$hole) no worries cuz i am kinda an @$$hole myself. i see it like this....everyone on here is looking for some kind of support that they are lacking in other areas of their lives. but the term "friend" gets people very confused...i have very few freinds because i do not think many people truly understand that term. now with the advent of computer "friends" we can remain nameless, faceless, and throw out an obligatory "WTG" and we feel like we are supporting our "friends". but realize that those comments are more making the commenter feel better about themselves...they feel like they are such a great and supportive "friend" to whomever the comment was intended. its this false way of pretending that they care when like you said they didnt even read your journal filled with doritos and diet soda! but on a more positive note: this is your journey! there is no right or wrong but just a desire to give it your best shot everyday! so instead of getting annoyed by them...give a little chuckle when you get the silly "wtg" comments and realize that person must be feeling lonely today!
p.s. i know most people are definately NOT going to agree with me...most people never agree with me cuz its too realistic. but OP you can send me a friend request...and we can be slightly pessimist @$$hole friends! LOL

I had a woman drop me here as a "friend" because I didn't give her the nice, little, pitter pat "WTG." She actually sent me a PM to tell me that she wasn't going to be my friend anymore.

I like your comments.

dls06

OP you seem like a realist (and kinda an @$$hole) no worries cuz i am kinda an @$$hole myself. i see it like this....everyone on here is looking for some kind of support that they are lacking in other areas of their lives. but the term "friend" gets people very confused...i have very few freinds because i do not think many people truly understand that term. now with the advent of computer "friends" we can remain nameless, faceless, and throw out an obligatory "WTG" and we feel like we are supporting our "friends". but realize that those comments are more making the commenter feel better about themselves...they feel like they are such a great and supportive "friend" to whomever the comment was intended. its this false way of pretending that they care when like you said they didnt even read your journal filled with doritos and diet soda! but on a more positive note: this is your journey! there is no right or wrong but just a desire to give it your best shot everyday! so instead of getting annoyed by them...give a little chuckle when you get the silly "wtg" comments and realize that person must be feeling lonely today!
p.s. i know most people are definately NOT going to agree with me...most people never agree with me cuz its too realistic. but OP you can send me a friend request...and we can be slightly pessimist @$$hole friends! LOL

I had a woman drop me here as a "friend" because I didn't give her the nice, little, pitter pat "WTG." She actually sent me a PM to tell me that she wasn't going to be my friend anymore.

I like your comments.

Dammed if you Do and Dammed if you Don't!

You know, you could scold yourself for the poor choices you're making, instead of relying on other people to do it.

This too.

beckajw

Yeah I'm a peach, I'll concede it. I'm here because I'm not getting the kind of support and accountability in "real life" that I need. Plenty of people have dropped me as a friend on here precisely because I call them out. But if we're here for accountability, then that's what you're going to get, and I'd like the same in return. I guess the truth isn't everyone's bag, but not facing the truth or being truthful with ourselves is what got a lot of us here in the first place.

You are responsible for yourself. Some people really feel like they have done a good job just getting one thing in "from the perimeter of the grocery store." Those people are here to have a friend tell them good job for getting in that veg and tracking what you put in your mouth. This encourages them to do even more tomorrow.

If that's not the kind of support you want, be honest about it with your friends and find new friends. But to expect your friends to call you out when you aren't doing the right thing is a bit lazy. Take responsibility for your own actions.

rml_16

This only bugs me when someone says "good job" and the person ate a yogurt and an ice cube and called it a day.

Ha! This is what set me off this morning! I saw 17 "way to go's" on someone's status, looked at the diary because I thought "heck, that had to be a really good day" and it was 99% crap and supplements. I did address it with her personally, and she got mad. Cannot win.

To everyone else, harsh words so early in the morning. Ouch.

So ... you're not even complaining about what people said about YOUR diary???

You really are a peach.

Your OP was harsh.

emgawne

personally I agree with you. yes, i am here for support and to support others, but i dont want smoke blown up my *kitten*. i would rather have constructive criticism on what i might do better to reach my goals than just a "great job" because i was under my cal goal. i tend to just not comment on someones diary unless they ask for advice, but thats just me i guess.