Anorexia recovery: Calorie suggestions?

veggieshark

So I'm 5'9" and trying to recover from anorexia WITHOUT the ridiculous weight gaining. I've already gone from about 117lb to about 125lb and I refuse to gain any more. I got there by starting out with a healthy 1200 calories/day followed by a few binges and now I just don't look good. I want to start losing weight again but not to an extreme and I want to do it the healthy way where the pounds stay off.
I'm now eating between 900-1200 calories per day just because my metabolism is fragile and all and I want any calorie increases past that to be very, very slow so that I can lose some of this new weight.
I'd say I'm lightly active. I bike and walk every single day and I usually burn between 50 and 350 calories per day just by doing what I do. How high do you think I should raise my calories? Now please be sensitive to the fact that raising them too high and continuing to gain weight will probably make me have a heart attack and relapse within days of that. So please try and help me... I'm trying so hard.

sarafil

If you can, I would suggest turning to a professional with this question...a dietician, general practitioner, etc. What you weigh now, in reality, is still underweight, but I DO understand where you are coming from if you have an ED. It is a slippery slope, and I get that, but there is probably more work to do in terms of your recovery, rather than focusing on trying to lose weight again. Please try to consult with a professional who can help you deal with your concerns about what you are weighing currently. Good luck to you!

megz4987

I'm also going to go with the poster above me suggesting a professional...
It's a long road through recovery and it's not something to do yourself. Also, saying that you're 5'9 and 125lb but you want to lose weight again worries me. You and I both know that's not healthy, it's all in your head that you don't look good.
Good luck with everything and take care of yourself, your wellbeing is most important

sgoldman328

See a nutritionist, sweetheart. Most of us have no medical training and cannot accurately advise you in this matter.

As someone who has recovered from an eating disorder, my heart goes out to you. Be well.


http://collegecookingandironchefamerica.blogspot.com/

veggieshark

Thank you, and I know professional help is recommended, but I can't waste any more of my parents' money on me for that. I just want to do my very best on my own. I want to find a weight I can be comfortable maintaining. I got a bit of a tummy when I was binging the past week. It's crazy for me since I haven't had one of those in ages and I want it gone. I'm laying in bed angrily doing crunches. I don't feel in shape and even though my caloric intake was healthy I've never felt so flabby. And don't get me wrong, I'm doing it for my health. I got sick of making people worry and fainting every time I stood up to go to the bathroom. But I can't allow this weight gain in the meantime because in the end I think I'd pick weight over health, at least right now.

FlynnMacCallister

This is your long-term health we're talking about here; it's not a waste of anyone's money. Heck, if I had the money for it myself, I'd offer to pay for you, deadset! It's very important that you have proper educated ongoing post-anorexia care, as even now there is a psychological side to your journey as well as the physical one.

graelwyn

I don't know this site can help you if you would rather pick weight over health.
You are the same height and weight as me, and this is as low as I want to go, as health suffers when you go lower.
It is the very bottom end of the ideal weight range for our height.
And I speak as a former anorexia sufferer myself, who was once 70Ibs.
Do you want to waste more of your life trying to maintain an unrealistic weight, or actually get healthy so you can enjoy life to its fullest before it is too late?

nickyrobinson

My guess is that you might well be the correct weight, but you feel "flabby" because you lost a ton of muscle during your anorexia phase. (125 pounds is very slender for 5'9")

If you feel you have to go it alone, get into weight training. Set your calories to maintain. Your ideal would be to stay the same weight but have smaller measurements (less belly, for instance).

Be very, very cautious about actually losing weight, since you know you have a problem with that.

Best of luck!

veggieshark

This is your long-term health we're talking about here; it's not a waste of anyone's money. Heck, if I had the money for it myself, I'd offer to pay for you, deadset! It's very important that you have proper educated ongoing post-anorexia care, as even now there is a psychological side to your journey as well as the physical one.

It's just that my dad's going through a divorce right now and is paying for so, so much. That's very sweet of you to say. I've had a psychologist in the past when I was at one of my peaks of anorexia but she refused to work with me anymore because I refused help...

veggieshark

I don't know this site can help you if you would rather pick weight over health.
You are the same height and weight as me, and this is as low as I want to go, as health suffers when you go lower.
It is the very bottom end of the ideal weight range for our height.
And I speak as a former anorexia sufferer myself, who was once 70Ibs.
Do you want to waste more of your life trying to maintain an unrealistic weight, or actually get healthy so you can enjoy life to its fullest before it is too late?

I know, I know. I'm trying to stop wasting away before it's too late. And just, everyone carries weight differently, and I hate the way I'm carrying mine. Is it too personal if I asked how much you eat to keep your healthy weight?

nickyrobinson

I noticed in another thread, saraht23 said:

You can find reasonably priced nutritionists in your area. I saw one a few weeks ago for only $50. I just called my local hospital and they referred me to her.

veggieshark

My guess is that you might well be the correct weight, but you feel "flabby" because you lost a ton of muscle during your anorexia phase. (125 pounds is very slender for 5'9")

If you feel you have to go it alone, get into weight training. Set your calories to maintain. Your ideal would be to stay the same weight but have smaller measurements (less belly, for instance).

Be very, very cautious about actually losing weight, since you know you have a problem with that.

Best of luck!

Yes, I never really had a problem with this number. I've been here before and I'm sure I looked better at it last time, probably because I still had a bit of muscle back then. Toning is probably my best route. I just don't trust what this website says is my maintaining weight because surely my BMR has gone down quite a bit after starving for so long.

graelwyn

I don't know this site can help you if you would rather pick weight over health.
You are the same height and weight as me, and this is as low as I want to go, as health suffers when you go lower.
It is the very bottom end of the ideal weight range for our height.
And I speak as a former anorexia sufferer myself, who was once 70Ibs.
Do you want to waste more of your life trying to maintain an unrealistic weight, or actually get healthy so you can enjoy life to its fullest before it is too late?

I know, I know. I'm trying to stop wasting away before it's too late. And just, everyone carries weight differently, and I hate the way I'm carrying mine. Is it too personal if I asked how much you eat to keep your healthy weight?

I exercise most days, by cycling an hour to 150 minutes, and am eating around 2000-2200 most days to maintain it. I focus on healthy meals like fish with rice or a baked potato and vegetables, or tonight, a baked sweet potato with cottage cheese and vegetables, sometimes a big stew packed with veg and beans. I snack on fruit and have a treat each day, and peanut butter on bananas. Feel free to friend me if you want to check out my diary.

And yes, you might gain a bit temporarily as your body gets used to having a decent amount of food in it, but it will balance out, especially if you work out. Starvation is such an unpleasant way to contemplate spending the rest of your life, you need to work on a balance, but I think you know that.

ahubbard134

When I post this, i'm going to assume "heart attack" was a hyperbole and you don't have a heart problem. If you do, then disregard this and ask your doc.

a. Gradually exercise more
b. Eat half your exercise calories back

IMHO You shouldn't be trying to lose weight at all. You are at the bottom of the healthy BMI, and if you go lower, you will endanger your health. (colon prolapse is bad!)

I would recommend joining a gym - do light strength training so you don't burn too much... simple stuff like lunges, crunches, and bicep curls, or maybe find a good yoga studio where you do lots of "plank" and holding your arms out. Make some fitness-type friends so you can compare your toned muscles together instead of stick-figure-ness.

That way, your weight will stay healthy, but you still be improving your body and making it better looking. (Not that I think your body looks bad. I think you are lovely, based on your profile pic. If I were at 125, I would be resting on my laurels, and I'm only 5'3")

veggieshark

I exercise most days, by cycling an hour to 150 minutes, and am eating around 2000-2200 most days to maintain it. I focus on healthy meals like fish with rice or a baked potato and vegetables, or tonight, a baked sweet potato with cottage cheese and vegetables, sometimes a big stew packed with veg and beans. I snack on fruit and have a treat each day, and peanut butter on bananas. Feel free to friend me if you want to check out my diary.

And yes, you might gain a bit temporarily as your body gets used to having a decent amount of food in it, but it will balance out, especially if you work out. Starvation is such an unpleasant way to contemplate spending the rest of your life, you need to work on a balance, but I think you know that.

I do know that, and thank you for sharing. o: It's just so hard watching my body change like this...

veggieshark

When I post this, i'm going to assume "heart attack" was a hyperbole and you don't have a heart problem. If you do, then disregard this and ask your doc.

a. Gradually exercise more
b. Eat half your exercise calories back

IMHO You shouldn't be trying to lose weight at all. You are at the bottom of the healthy BMI, and if you go lower, you will endanger your health. (colon prolapse is bad!)

I would recommend joining a gym - do light strength training so you don't burn too much... simple stuff like lunges, crunches, and bicep curls, or maybe find a good yoga studio where you do lots of "plank" and holding your arms out. Make some fitness-type friends so you can compare your toned muscles together instead of stick-figure-ness.

That way, your weight will stay healthy, but you still be improving your body and making it better looking. (Not that I think your body looks bad. I think you are lovely, based on your profile pic. If I were at 125, I would be resting on my laurels, and I'm only 5'3")

Haha well, I'm not aware of a heart problem but I wouldn't be surprised since starvation causes heart problems, but in this case it was merely hyperbole! And the apartment complex I live in has a free gym. It lacks things like yoga classes but it's decent. Thank you a lot, I do think I'll be going down the route of light strength training and general toning. I'm not really a fan of muscle but I'm definitely not a fan of looking bloated and flabby like I do right now...

freckledbean

I'm currently recovering from anorexia. I'm only three weeks into ACTIVELY trying to get better, and have already made leaps and bounds both mentally and physically.

There's no way around the "ridiculous" weight gain. Recovery includes weight gain. Unless you want to be miserable, obsessed, and restricting the rest of your life and, down the road, run into bigger health problems than you can imagine right now, you have to eat. To gain weight. Stop all the restricting and stop hating your body for what it simply isn't, and accept and learn to love what it naturally is.

Sorry, I know that's not what you - I mean, your eating disorder - wanted to hear.

dad106

This is your long-term health we're talking about here; it's not a waste of anyone's money. Heck, if I had the money for it myself, I'd offer to pay for you, deadset! It's very important that you have proper educated ongoing post-anorexia care, as even now there is a psychological side to your journey as well as the physical one.

It's just that my dad's going through a divorce right now and is paying for so, so much. That's very sweet of you to say. I've had a psychologist in the past when I was at one of my peaks of anorexia but she refused to work with me anymore because I refused help...

Here's the thing though.. you seem like you are ready for help now.. so seek it!

There are places you can go, for free, that will give you the help you need... As a psychology major, it's a hard thing to do on your own.. You need professional help.

FlynnMacCallister

This is your long-term health we're talking about here; it's not a waste of anyone's money. Heck, if I had the money for it myself, I'd offer to pay for you, deadset! It's very important that you have proper educated ongoing post-anorexia care, as even now there is a psychological side to your journey as well as the physical one.

It's just that my dad's going through a divorce right now and is paying for so, so much. That's very sweet of you to say. I've had a psychologist in the past when I was at one of my peaks of anorexia but she refused to work with me anymore because I refused help...

I know, I know, but this is one of those things that's just too important to feel guilty over. It's also not your fault you've gotten unwell and need some extra help. It doesn't have to be a psychologist, at this point a dietician with some background in anorexia recovery might be even more helpful. Are you in a position to work at the moment? If it makes you feel better, maybe you can just get a "loan" from your dad and pay him back as you're able to.

chammich

I'm not anorexia but the other end of the spectrum. Are their certain foods that cause you to binge? I have triggers so that's why I am asking. I am doing Paleo now because of my carb intolerance. I don't eat any grains or beans at all. I did 30 days of Paleo, and then I tried to add dairy and grains. I felt like crap and was depressed, plus ate out of control. Now I am back on track and I realize that there are certain foods that mess up my way of thinking.

As far as counseling or a therapist try your local medical schools. Sometimes they have interns who will see you for free. Also a 12 step program might help you. If you get ahold of your local Over eaters Anonymous and ask them what you asked us. There are quite a few anorexia sufferers in that group. They might be able to help you change your body perception that you have about yourself to a healthy one. Add me if you would like

veggieshark

I'm currently recovering from anorexia. I'm only three weeks into ACTIVELY trying to get better, and have already made leaps and bounds both mentally and physically.

There's no way around the "ridiculous" weight gain. Recovery includes weight gain. Unless you want to be miserable, obsessed, and restricting the rest of your life and, down the road, run into bigger health problems than you can imagine right now, you have to eat. To gain weight. Stop all the restricting and stop hating your body for what it simply isn't, and accept and learn to love what it naturally is.

Sorry, I know that's not what you - I mean, your eating disorder - wanted to hear.

Good job on the recovery progress, I hope I'm nearly there. I have such a hard time finding the healthy medium. I feel like if I'm not carefully counting calories I'm just going to binge and binge and totally ruin my body way more than needed. I just don't know how much to eat or not eat or what I should eat and it's just all frightening to me. I was frantically trying to find safe foods to get me over my current minimum amount of calories for the day because I just couldn't get there. It was so hard to eat a mere 900 calories. I could've easily stopped at 550 today. And I know that's not how I'm supposed to be thinking right now but in my mind I just thought, "Why am I still trying to eat? I'm not hungry anymore and I'm just going to get fatter." And I hate that I still think like this.

Sorry for the free-rant.

MissJay75

How to put this delicately. If you 'binged' kind of recently, your flabby belly as you put it might just be a 'full' belly? Give your system a few days to move things through. And don't mistake your uterus, intestines, or protective layers of skin for flab.

veggieshark

I'm not anorexia but the other end of the spectrum. Are their certain foods that cause you to binge? I have triggers so that's why I am asking. I am doing Paleo now because of my carb intolerance. I don't eat any grains or beans at all. I did 30 days of Paleo, and then I tried to add dairy and grains. I felt like crap and was depressed, plus ate out of control. Now I am back on track and I realize that there are certain foods that mess up my way of thinking.

As far as counseling or a therapist try your local medical schools. Sometimes they have interns who will see you for free. Also a 12 step program might help you. If you get ahold of your local Over eaters Anonymous and ask them what you asked us. There are quite a few anorexia sufferers in that group. They might be able to help you change your body perception that you have about yourself to a healthy one. Add me if you would like

Health foods are my trigger foods. Peanut butter, granola, bananas, raspberries, cereal, triscuits. Thank you for your insight, it helps. c:

veggieshark

This is your long-term health we're talking about here; it's not a waste of anyone's money. Heck, if I had the money for it myself, I'd offer to pay for you, deadset! It's very important that you have proper educated ongoing post-anorexia care, as even now there is a psychological side to your journey as well as the physical one.

It's just that my dad's going through a divorce right now and is paying for so, so much. That's very sweet of you to say. I've had a psychologist in the past when I was at one of my peaks of anorexia but she refused to work with me anymore because I refused help...

I know, I know, but this is one of those things that's just too important to feel guilty over. It's also not your fault you've gotten unwell and need some extra help. It doesn't have to be a psychologist, at this point a dietician with some background in anorexia recovery might be even more helpful. Are you in a position to work at the moment? If it makes you feel better, maybe you can just get a "loan" from your dad and pay him back as you're able to.

I actually believe my school has a free counselor who specializes in self-harm and eating disorders (I'm trying to recover from both). I'd made an appointment to start seeing her but then I decided I wanted to recover on my own so I figured I'd better not waste her time when I'd figured out what I wanted to do.

LisaKunz

I am 28 years "post" anorexic. Anorexia is a MENTAL illness; you NEED counseling to change your THOUGHTS behind your behaviors. I'm not sure if I can call my journey a success or not - I rationalized eating so well that I gained too much weight and that brought new health issues. I know I still have unhealthy thoughts about my eating, my body, my weight... I don't believe it's possible to get over it on your own, or even with a short-term counseling session. You can probably get yourself to a number on the scale that you can live with, but that doesn't mean your anorexia is gone. Look hard in your area for local resources. Even call the local high school and ask where they refer teens with anorexia. Maybe the county has dieticians. Maybe there's a Christian recovery center in your area that has a sliding fee scale. It's worth it. It's not about the calories or the number on the scale. It's about being healthy and being the beautiful woman God created you to be.

defyallodds

please see a nutritionist...especially with suffering from anorexia, it's a lot more complicated than just going on a very slow weight gain diet because it could lead to you not gaining enough weight, to you slipping back into the anorexia, to so many things. also, with anorexia it's about a lot more than just weight...so my vote is for you to see a nutritionist who has experience in eating disorders and/or therapist....

FlynnMacCallister

This is your long-term health we're talking about here; it's not a waste of anyone's money. Heck, if I had the money for it myself, I'd offer to pay for you, deadset! It's very important that you have proper educated ongoing post-anorexia care, as even now there is a psychological side to your journey as well as the physical one.

It's just that my dad's going through a divorce right now and is paying for so, so much. That's very sweet of you to say. I've had a psychologist in the past when I was at one of my peaks of anorexia but she refused to work with me anymore because I refused help...

I know, I know, but this is one of those things that's just too important to feel guilty over. It's also not your fault you've gotten unwell and need some extra help. It doesn't have to be a psychologist, at this point a dietician with some background in anorexia recovery might be even more helpful. Are you in a position to work at the moment? If it makes you feel better, maybe you can just get a "loan" from your dad and pay him back as you're able to.

I actually believe my school has a free counselor who specializes in self-harm and eating disorders (I'm trying to recover from both). I'd made an appointment to start seeing her but then I decided I wanted to recover on my own so I figured I'd better not waste her time when I'd figured out what I wanted to do.

You wouldn't be "wasting her time"; the best time to see a counsellor is once you've made up your mind, because they become a key part of your support team. I still think a dietician would be a good approach right now, but the counsellor could be just as good. Consellors and therapists are there to help you get things organised in your head, and to give you advice, support and encouragement to get to a healthier place.

chammich

Hi..the trigger foods that you listed are all high in carbs, except the peanut butter. Maybe there is a pattern? I can't eat anything high in carbs, even fruit. It sucks but it is what it is. Have you researched carb intolerance? Interesting stuff what carbs will do to the body.

queenbeejulie

I don't really have any advice, I just wanted to say I have been where you are, and know how hard it is, feel free to add me if you want to chat

I have come to a place where I finally will choose health over weight, and I have to say, that physically, I feel fantastic having gained some weight. Emotionally it is tougher because I am not used to seeing myself this way, but I have realized that I love feeling healthy and not fainting/ getting tired/ getting stared at/ getting commented on how thin I am/ growing too much hair on my body because my body was trying so darn hard to heat itself/ all the other crap that comes along with an eating disorder. I still look in the mirror and know that I see a distorted and unrealistic image of myself, but knowing that helps me to try to see past that. I think about all the women in my life who I consider beautiful... my sister, my friends etc, and to be honest none of them are even close to the size 00 that I was... they are more like size 8's and 10's or more and they are beautiful inside and out. I strive to be like them, and to accept myself... I know you weren't looking for a lecture about recovery, but here I am.

I think for now, take it a day at a time, try to learn to love yourself and value your health, eat as healthy as you can, and slowly increase your exercise. Get professional help if possible and if not, do everything in your power to just remain REASONABLE (meaning no extremes in either direction... binge-eating, starving, excessive exercise etc). Big hugs to you!

heyghoge

I actually believe my school has a free counselor who specializes in self-harm and eating disorders (I'm trying to recover from both). I'd made an appointment to start seeing her but then I decided I wanted to recover on my own so I figured I'd better not waste her time when I'd figured out what I wanted to do.

please reconsider! she is a counselor. it is HER JOB to help other people, including yourself! you are in no way wasting her time, giving you help and support and advice is what she is trained to do. please don't take it the wrong way when i say that maybe relying on only yourself for recovery might not the best strategy, at this point -- it doesn't make you a less capable person or anything of the sort. it's totally ok to rely on other people to help you build a new structure to stand on, so to speak.

be well. i hope things get better for you, EDs are tough.

Pifflesmom

This
Any eating disorder is a mental disorder and in order to recover from it, one must understand the reasoning behind it. IMHO, you're going to need to change your mindset or you're going to have a very difficult time overcoming it - and that takes the help of a good and compassionate therapist. Speaking from my own experience from the other side of the fence, it wasn't until I realized WHY I felt the way about my body that I did, that I could truly go forward to make the changes.

I wish you the very best in your journey.
:flowerforyou:

please see a nutritionist...especially with suffering from anorexia, it's a lot more complicated than just going on a very slow weight gain diet because it could lead to you not gaining enough weight, to you slipping back into the anorexia, to so many things. also, with anorexia it's about a lot more than just weight...so my vote is for you to see a nutritionist who has experience in eating disorders and/or therapist....