Panicking over some foods...help?

katiej122

Today my dad ate the food I was planning on having for dinner. We have very little food in the house now, so my mum ordered thai food, I said I would have some. Now its here, and I can't look at it without crying, my mum screamed at me for wasting her money and she says she wont take a bit until I will. But I cant eat it, I feel like my throat is closing up and I feel sick and I can't bear it. The plate is next to me right now and I know I should just pick up the fork but I feel like I physically cant.
Yesterday I started crying at the shopping centre with my sister because I looked up the calorie content of some food on my phone and I couldn't eat any of it, even salads, and I was starving but I just couldn't put anything in my mouth, I wanted to so badly but it made me panic completely.
This happens all the time. Nearly every day, in some way. I always eat but its so hard. I don't know why I'm so afraid.
I feel like this is my punishment for letting myself get fat. I still can't stand it though.
I'm sorry for being dramatic I'm just not sure what to do..has anyone else ever felt like this?

hinzmand

Stay within your calorie range. Your mother doesnt seem too supportive. Have you talked with her and asked her to be more supportive of your efforts? You look fantastic.

katiej122

Thank you...She doesn't think I'm fat, she wont accept the fact I need to do this. Every time I prepare my own food she tells me to stop being stupid and just eat what I want. Even when shes not around I feel the same way...I'm just not sure whats going on inside my head, I feel like its all getting out of hand and its scaring me. I've always had trouble finding balance with this.

Beezil

How much weight are you trying to lose? From your pictures you don't look as though you need to lose any. It sounds like you need to take a break from calorie counting. If it's causing you to stress and panic over eating food, there's an underlying issue I think. I have had to take a break from MFP before because of that, and it's really hard to get to any kind of a goal weight when you have that mindset. Body image issues are terrible to try and cope with or overcome at all. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you can get over your fear of eating.

Beezil

Thank you...She doesn't think I'm fat, she wont accept the fact I need to do this. Every time I prepare my own food she tells me to stop being stupid and just eat what I want. Even when shes not around I feel the same way...I'm just not sure whats going on inside my head, I feel like its all getting out of hand and its scaring me. I've always had trouble finding balance with this.

You can eat the Thai food. If it's pad Thai, just have half a portion - it's really not that bad for you. Much better than most takeout or Chinese food, I promise. Your mom does sound a bit harsh and unsupportive, but I'm sure it only comes from her concern and love for you.

katiej122

Thank you I want to lose 10 kilos (20 pounds-ish?) but I dont feel like I'm going to be able to get there. I wish I didnt have to count calories, I hate it but I dont feel like theres any other way.
I just measured out some of the food so I'm still under my calories...such a stressful process just to eat dinner ahh. Maybe I need to tell my pyschologist about this.
Thank you for the support xx

GretelPetal91

If it really is that bad, maybe you should stop logging calories for a bit. If food looks nice and healthy and you are hungry, just eat it. If you read through the success stories, so many people have lost huge amounts of weight without feeling that they can't treat themselves every now and then.
There are also a few people on here who achieve their weight loss goals by "zig-zagging" where they might have a small binge one day, then eat really healthy the next day.

viviennemayer

I believe you answered your own question with your last two sentences. You should probably talk to someone who knows you and understands why you have the anxiety about counting the calories. And you're probably getting on the scales too much. I'm having trouble with that myself.

Beezil

It couldn't hurt to talk about it with your doctor. It can be very stressful counting calories... I used to get so frustrated constantly. It took a while, but now I'm really comfortable with my routine and eating habits, and the occasional splurge doesn't bother me as much anymore. It gets easier with time, I think. I still stress a little bit now and then, but it's not nearly as bad as it used to be. I had the exact same issues when I was still trying to lose weight, and I'm sure that's a big part of the stress. It's scary to gain even 1 pound when you're that determined to lose, but you have to keep in mind that 1 bad day or 1 bad meal isn't going to cause you any significant weight gain. If you gain weight from one day, it was probably just water retention from high sodium foods or could really be any number of variables; the weight of the food, muscles retaining water to heal from exercise, a food allergy, or like I said already, water retention from high sodium.

Another thing is that you may really not need to lose anymore weight, which might be why you are unable to. I don't know you or anything to determine that for myself other than your pictures, but it's something to consider. Sometimes we see ourselves very differently than what is actually represented to us. I think you're gorgeous! You seem really sweet, and I hope you can get to a point where you feel happy and comfortable in your own skin.

donna_glasgow

remember its a lifestyle change, you haver to be able to eat these foods when you have lost your weight

so count the cals and have a lighter meal at another part of the day .......... just make sure your honest about how much you have had and log it properly .... if you go over your cals go for a walk to burn it off again

AthenaErr

Please be careful, whats going on in your head around food sounds extreme. To me you seem rather small to be going for a 1200 diet? I imagine your mum is worried about you developing an ED, she's not going about showing that very well, but if you were my daughter I'd be worried too.
Could you talk some of this over with your dr or a dietician (and i really do mean someone with the medical background to properly advise you not some crank). This stuff can be dangerous. You are young and beautiful, youve got it all going for you dont jump off the edge xx

girl_afraid82

remember its a lifestyle change, you haver to be able to eat these foods when you have lost your weight

so count the cals and have a lighter meal at another part of the day .......... just make sure your honest about how much you have had and log it properly .... if you go over your cals go for a walk to burn it off again

Exactly what I was going to say. You have to see it as a lifestyle, not a diet. You can eat whatever you like (within reason!) and as long as you balance out the bad stuff with good stuff you'll be fine. Keep it within your calorie allowance, and exercise if you want more calories to eat.
I LOVE thai food, and have it at least every couple of weeks... along with the occasional pizza, ice cream, chocolate, everything I have always eaten! I'm still losing, because my portion control is way better, and I balance it all out with good healthy foods the rest of the time.
I read it takes 3500 extra calories, above your maintenance level to put on a pound of weight. I bet your dinner was nowhere near even getting you to maintain your current weight, let alone gain any Just make sure you drink lots of water to counteract the sodium content!

emmab0902

Looking at your photos I can't see where you would find 10kg to lose. I am a mum and maybe she is scared you are heading for disordered eating? You look lovely as you are, and I think it could be something to talk to your psychologist about.

kyle4jem

Thank you I want to lose 10 kilos (20 pounds-ish?) but I dont feel like I'm going to be able to get there. I wish I didnt have to count calories, I hate it but I dont feel like theres any other way.

Do you exercise? ...and I don't necessarily mean going down the gym for hours on end, but swimming, walking, dancing, bike riding, horse riding, etc? If you exercise regularly, then at your age you probably won't need to worry too much about counting calories.

I just measured out some of the food so I'm still under my calories...such a stressful process just to eat dinner ahh. Maybe I need to tell my pyschologist about this.
Thank you for the support xx

Yes, you do need to speak to your pyschologist about it, because from your OP it sounds like you have issues with food.

I don't know you, I don't know your stats, but looking at your pics, then you don't look fat. And by fat I mean 25kg over weight.

I know the pressure on young women to look their best and keep to a certain weight is huge, but there's a healthy weight and then there's skinny and some skinny folks are just not healthy.

Take care and look after yourself! :flowerforyou:

katiej122

Looking at your photos I can't see where you would find 10kg to lose. I am a mum and maybe she is scared you are heading for disordered eating? You look lovely as you are, and I think it could be something to talk to your psychologist about.

The two photos I have of my body are from 5 kilos ago...I've gained weight since then I just have them there because my old self from 4 months ago is the most motivating thing for me. (Thank you though ) I will definitely ask my psychologist about it, they might be able to deal with it a little better than my mum.

Do you exercise? ...and I don't necessarily mean going down the gym for hours on end, but swimming, walking, dancing, bike riding, horse riding, etc? If you exercise regularly, then at your age you probably won't need to worry too much about counting calories.

The only exercise I really do is walking, which I enjoy it doesnt even feel like I'm working out. Im a bit injured at the moment with some chronic shin splints so I cant exercise for a week which is making me more paranoid than usual...back on the wagon next week though Thanks for the kind words

katiej122

Please be careful, whats going on in your head around food sounds extreme. To me you seem rather small to be going for a 1200 diet? I imagine your mum is worried about you developing an ED, she's not going about showing that very well, but if you were my daughter I'd be worried too.
Could you talk some of this over with your dr or a dietician (and i really do mean someone with the medical background to properly advise you not some crank). This stuff can be dangerous. You are young and beautiful, youve got it all going for you dont jump off the edge xx

I started out at 1200 but I couldn't do it! Not sure how anyone can, I'm shooting for 1390 at the moment, and I'm hoping to up it to 1500 soon but I'm a bit scared. I'll find someone to talk to about it Thanks xx

Amy_nz

It sounds like you know you need to talk to a professional about it, so that's great. Do it, and do it soon - you'll feel much better!

Food is a good thing and should never EVER be a source of panic.

If I'm offered something that I know that I *shouldn't* eat (like calorific Thai food, which I love by the way - and there's a lot of low-cal Thai options), I weigh up the options. If not eating it would cause hurt to someone else - if they've arranged something especially for me and would be upset if I didn't eat it - then I'll eat it happily and enjoy every mouthful. I'd rather eat something calorific than hurt someone's feelings. If I'm sitting at home by myself of an evening and decide to eat an entire family-sized block of peanut butter chocolate? THEN and only then do I get to beat myself up about it.

You know what you need to do, and I'm confident that you'll do it. Keep us updated, mmkay?

AthenaErr

Please be careful, whats going on in your head around food sounds extreme. To me you seem rather small to be going for a 1200 diet? I imagine your mum is worried about you developing an ED, she's not going about showing that very well, but if you were my daughter I'd be worried too.
Could you talk some of this over with your dr or a dietician (and i really do mean someone with the medical background to properly advise you not some crank). This stuff can be dangerous. You are young and beautiful, youve got it all going for you dont jump off the edge xx

I started out at 1200 but I couldn't do it! Not sure how anyone can, I'm shooting for 1390 at the moment, and I'm hoping to up it to 1500 soon but I'm a bit scared. I'll find someone to talk to about it Thanks xx

Good, you take care of yourself, take it slow, do some exercise and remember food is not for panicking over.