Trying to Pay My Ex Back For $ He Lent Me But He's Making It

Metamorphasis555

A few months back I was going through a rough patch financially & I stupidly borrowed some money from my exbf. I regret that so much now but what's done is done & I just have to deal with it. When he first loaned the money to me, I thought that was nice of him especially because he kept telling me he knows it can be hard for me sometimes as a single mom and no need to worry about paying him back quickly, etc. He basically just acted all laid back about it and said just send me what you can whenever you can. However, now I'm thinking that he actually might have had some sort of ulterior motive to loaning me the money. Here's why I say that...

I got my tax refund earlier this week and so I thought this would be a perfect time to send him some money. I sent him a few texts earlier this week asking him to please confirm he's still with __ Bank & to please text me the last few digits of his bank account # so that I could go to his bank and deposit some money in his account. (When he originally lent me money, that's how he did it by going to my bank & depositing the money into my account). I thought it seemed kinda strange when he never texted me back with his banking info even though I asked for it a few days in a row.

Yesterday I went to my local branch of his bank (he lives an hour away from me) to put some money in his account as my first payment to him. I told the teller that I didn't now his acct number & I asked if just his name and address would be enough for me to make the deposit. She said sure no problem. However, when I gave her the address she said nope that's not it. I'm fairly certain from a recent convo I had with him that he's still living at the same house he lived at when we were together. So, I think maybe for some reason they had an old address for him still on file. She asked me if I could confirm his date of birth which I was able to do with no problem and she said okay looks like you definitely have the right person! So, I went ahead and made the deposit.

Shortly after leaving the bank, I texted him to let him know I just put $280 into his account ending in 2787. Heard back from him a few hours later saying "that's not my account". I immediately was like what do you mean this isn't your account?? Are you telling me I just put almost $300 into some total stranger's account? How could it not be your account since she asked me your DOB& I got it right, etc? I also told him this is exactly why I kept asking you the other day to please text me the last few digits of your act # so I could be 100% sure I was putting the money in the right account! His texts back to me said stuff like: Don't worry about it. You need the money more than I do right now. Just pay me later sometime. Now, with anyone else I would have been like thanks so much that's really nice of you. However, I was really starting to feel convinced that I actually DID have the right account & that for whatever reason he just didn't want me to pay him back yet which I think is why he didn't text me with his account # in the first place! He just kept giving me the run around & not giving me a straight answer about whether or not that was actually his account so after a few minutes of this I decided to call his bank.

I told them I'm not sure what's going on but he's telling me that's not actually his account & I asked them is there anyway we can put a temporary freeze or hold on that money I deposited until I can talk to him more & try to get this all sorted out? They said they couldn't do that but what they recommended doing was that they could reverse the transaction right away & then have a check waiting for me to come pick it up so I could get my money back. I of course said that would be great because while I thought it prob. was his account he was so insistent that it wasn't his account which quickly turned to he wasn't sure if it was or not, etc & I definitely didn't want to take even a small chance that I might have just put $280 in my random stranger's account!! The teller asked me to hold on a sec while she checked something & then she said hmm, that's really odd that he told you that's not his account because I just checked and we actually only have one person with his name in our entire system. So, after she said that it became pretty obvious to me that chances are like 99.8% that it in fact IS his account!

He told me he's not home right now so he can't check his account & that he's visiting his aunt. He told me since he's not home he can't check his account # because he doesn't have internet which seems like a bunch of crap as knowing him he probably has it memorized. Even if he doesn't have it memorized and even if he is away from home wherever, he could easily log into his online banking on his cell phone! Or, he could have taken two minutes to call his bank to confirm his account info!

So, seems to me especially since the bank said there's only ONE person with his name in their entire system that I DID have the right account.. When he texted me yesterday, he just kept saying just pay me back later. I told him I'd really like to pay you know while I have this extra money that I got from my tax return & I told him I don't know why you're making this so difficult for me when I'm just trying to do the right thing and pay you back! I told him look okay when you DO decide how you want me to pay you, just send me a text please with either the last few digits of your bank account # or send me the mailing address that you'd like me to send a check or money order to. I said that to him a few times and he just totally ignored it.

He's been jerking me around for the past 2 years & I just want so bad to pay him back as quickly as possible so that I can cut any and all ties with him but he's making it nearly impossible for me to pay him!! What should I do?? Someone suggested to me that I just set up a payment plan with him that he's agrees to and then just send the $ when I'm supposed to & that way I wouldn't have to stay in touch with him at all about this since there would really be nothing we'd need to discuss. Thought that was a great idea and I tried it but he refused to set up a payment plan with me!

I outright told him recently that once he's totally paid off I'm never going to speak to him again. It probably was a big mistake to tell him that because I think that might be why he keeps trying to delay me paying him!! He clearly isn't interested in reconciling with me nor am I interested in that at this point. So, I think maybe he is panicking somewhat at the thought of his "fall back" girl not being there for him anymore! Do you guys agree or why else do you think he's making it so difficult for me to pay him?? I really don't think he's just trying to be nice. I definitely think there's some kind of ulterior motive involved! What should I do?? How would you guys handle this if you were in my shoes?? I don't want to wait until "later" to start paying him as first of all I don't like owing anyone money so want to pay him back just as soon as I can. Also, I can't stand feeling like he has "control" over me like he might try & use the owing him money thing as some sort of leverage. One thing he's already been doing like that recently is telling me really needs to talk to me about the money & then when I give in and talk to him (after several days of ignoring him) he wants to talk to me about everything BUT the money!! I just don't know what to do. I want to be able to just send regular payments to him until he's totally paid off without having to talk to him even occasionally but he just refuses to let me do that!!

He sent me a text today saying "I will call you Sunday when I'm home".

ArtGeek22

I would either sit him down and calmly talk to him and say something like "I have so much stuff going on in my finances and I really need to go ahead and pay you the money so I can worry about other things."

Or if he has a mom, dad, sister, brother, best friend, etc. maybe you should try to get his account information from one of them or maybe see if they are willing to take the money and give it to him for you.

And if you do talk to him in person and he is getting off topic tell him politly but firmly, "I don't want to talk about that right now. I would like to talk about paying you back right now. Maybe we could talk about that later."

Even when I was reading my instincts where tingling. The best thing would be to pay him and cut all ties, which I know is what you want to do. Also, I would maybe ignore the call.


I wish you the best of luck and if you want feel free to friend me


Keep Calm and Carry On,
Anna

Bahet

Keep it and never think of him again. He obviously doesn't want it. If he ever contacts you and says he wants it, well you'll have it plus whatever interest it earned while in your account. Just make sure you never go below that amount.

Metamorphasis555

Thank you very much for your input Bahet & ArtGeek22. I really appreciate it!

Ripken818836701

Sorry Im not buying it. You cannot put money in someone else's account if you do not have their proper account #, info etc. without them being there to verify you have permission to do so!! All you had to do was mail him a check or money order if you wanted to pay him back!! If he didnt cash it etc. that is up to him. But you fulfilled your obligation to him. Plain and simple, problem solved.

Metamorphasis555

Pike,
Actually, yes you can put money in someone's account without knowing their account # & without them being there to verify they have your permission. I know that for a fact as just the other day I put money directly into my mother's account just by verifying her address & then telling them to please put it in her savings account (what she requested instead of her checking account). When I made that deposit, my mother was not there at the bank with me to verify nor did they try to contact her to verify if it was okay.

I'd be more than happy to send him either a check or money order to pay him back. However, I'm not 100% sure whether or not he's still living at the same address that he was back when we were dating & so far he's refused to verify his address with me!

Not to get off topic but nice abs by the way. You're looking good.

ChristineMarie89

if he still lives where u used to live with him take a check to his house drop it in his mailbox and then only he can cash it and u will know he got it

Metamorphasis555

Hey ShadowMommy,
I actually never lived with him although I spent a lot of time at his house during the time we dated. I like your idea a lot except that he lives a little over an hour from me & I don't want to waste money on gas if he doesn't even live there anymore. I wish he'd stop being a *kitten* and just take two freaking seconds to text me & confirm whether or not he's still living at the same address!

Hearts_2015

Sorry Im not buying it. You cannot put money in someone else's account if you do not have their proper account #, info etc. without them being there to verify you have permission to do so!! All you had to do was mail him a check or money order if you wanted to pay him back!! If he didnt cash it etc. that is up to him. But you fulfilled your obligation to him. Plain and simple, problem solved.

Sure ya can! You can then even have the bank mail the owner of the account a receipt for the money that was placed in their account so they know it was placed in their account and by whom.

Sounds like that might be the best way to go if you're really wanting to pay this guy back OP. If the bank verifies it like they did, that it's HIS account then simply place the payments you're giving him back into his account and have them mail him a receipt so he knows it's there. They can also make you a copy for proof you've made the loan payback. No need to even make contact again with him.

Personally I would NEVER give out my bank account info to anyone since ex's do happen. I'd feel far more comfortable having changed my account number if I'd given it out. Some areas you can withdraw from that persons account too...which could really mess up an account quick.

Sherbog

I would close out my account if I were to find out someone deposited into my account without an account number. How sketchy was that transaction.

You wrote...I wish he'd stop being a *kitten* and just take two freaking seconds to text me & confirm whether or not he's still living at the same address!

Perhaps he wants nothing more to do with you. It appears he does not want you to know where he is living.

Write him off.

AmerTunsi

Sorry Im not buying it. You cannot put money in someone else's account if you do not have their proper account #, info etc. without them being there to verify you have permission to do so!! All you had to do was mail him a check or money order if you wanted to pay him back!! If he didnt cash it etc. that is up to him. But you fulfilled your obligation to him. Plain and simple, problem solved.

You most certainly can put money into other people's account with just the basic info. I have done it many times.

jsmith2377

If you agreed to pay him back, then legally you have to. He could take you to small claims court later on because of it. If you have a way to confirm with him, in writing, what his address is, then send it in a check by certified mail. Keep documentation that he received it. If you do it by transferring money to his account, keep documentation of it as well so he can't claim you didn't later. You need to get a receipt showing you paid him so don't give him cash. He can just claim later you never paid.

McMommyx3

Keep it and never think of him again. He obviously doesn't want it. If he ever contacts you and says he wants it, well you'll have it plus whatever interest it earned while in your account. Just make sure you never go below that amount.

^^^this^^^

AmerTunsi

If you have his e-mail address I would send him an e-mail, not text, asking him about how he would like to be repaid and get all the information needed for those payments.

The reason I'm saying send an e-mail is because you want to have a paper trail that you have attempted to pay him back, Also request all further communication to be done so through e-mail. This is to cover your own booty and avoid an issues in the future. Trust me. Because if he every claims that you owe him money and turns it into a crazy legal thing ... you want proof of your attempts and his avoidance.

Also by keeping it through e-mail you have taken away the possibility of a phone or in person conversation where he can avoid your questions. If he ignores your question in e-mail responses you can ignore the issue and get back to the main point. If he continues to ignore you simply state in an e-mail that when he knows how he'd like to receive his payments to e-mail you. Also note in this e-mail that you have attempted to pay him while you have some extra money, and if he chooses to delay at a later time he will have to understand that you may not have the same amount or full amount at that time as you are a single mother. Do not get emotional, do not go in circles, keep it professional and set your boundaries.

Hope this helps. GL!


One more thing. Do not give him cash. The best thing is to write him a check or a cashier's check from your bank. Do not do general money orders.

AmerTunsi

Keep it and never think of him again. He obviously doesn't want it. If he ever contacts you and says he wants it, well you'll have it plus whatever interest it earned while in your account. Just make sure you never go below that amount.

^^^this^^^

I would NOT recommend this. While it may seem like the easiest way and most beneficial it is certainly not how you want to conduct yourself. He helped you when you were in need and said you would pay him back. Just because he is being difficult about it now you have to be the adult in the situation and stand by your word. Be someone of good character and continue to make an honest effort with my suggestions above. Once you have stood by your word and shown it, it is up to him from that point forward.

Rhea30

Sorry Im not buying it. You cannot put money in someone else's account if you do not have their proper account #, info etc. without them being there to verify you have permission to do so!! All you had to do was mail him a check or money order if you wanted to pay him back!! If he didnt cash it etc. that is up to him. But you fulfilled your obligation to him. Plain and simple, problem solved.

You most certainly can put money into other people's account with just the basic info. I have done it many times.

It depends on your bank. I've had one bank that was very strict about that and been with another one which wasn't at all.

Rhea30

See if he is willing to meet you somewhere public so then he doesn't have to worry about you having his address and you can give the money then and then go your separate ways

Hearts_2015

Keep it and never think of him again. He obviously doesn't want it. If he ever contacts you and says he wants it, well you'll have it plus whatever interest it earned while in your account. Just make sure you never go below that amount.

^^^this^^^

I would NOT recommend this. While it may seem like the easiest way and most beneficial it is certainly not how you want to conduct yourself. He helped you when you were in need and said you would pay him back. Just because he is being difficult about it now you have to be the adult in the situation and stand by your word. Be someone of good character and continue to make an honest effort with my suggestions above. Once you have stood by your word and shown it, it is up to him from that point forward.

This!
Integrity, it's a good thing. :flowerforyou:

Metamorphasis555

Thank you very much for all of the great suggestions everyone. I really appreciate it!

Metamorphasis555

He texted me yesterday and said "I will call you Sunday when I'm home". I never responded to that text.

I don't want to talk to him period & especially not on the phone!!

What should I do if he actually does call me tomorrow?? Just let it go to voice mail? If I do that, he'll prob send a text afterwards saying "Call me" or "Call me I need to talk to you".

I almost sent him a text earlier tonight saying "Don't bother calling me tomorrow. I will only speak to you via text and only if it's specifically to make payment arrangements for the money I owe you". Before I wrote & sent that text, I thought I'd come on here and see if you guys thought it was a good idea or not.

Rhea30

He texted me yesterday and said "I will call you Sunday when I'm home". I never responded to that text.

I don't want to talk to him period & especially not on the phone!!

What should I do if he actually does call me tomorrow?? Just let it go to voice mail? If I do that, he'll prob send a text afterwards saying "Call me" or "Call me I need to talk to you".

I almost sent him a text earlier tonight saying "Don't bother calling me tomorrow. I will only speak to you via text and only if it's specifically to make payment arrangements for the money I owe you". Before I wrote & sent that text, I thought I'd come on here and see if you guys thought it was a good idea or not.

Sounds like you two love drama.

boomboom011

He texted me yesterday and said "I will call you Sunday when I'm home". I never responded to that text.

I don't want to talk to him period & especially not on the phone!!

What should I do if he actually does call me tomorrow?? Just let it go to voice mail? If I do that, he'll prob send a text afterwards saying "Call me" or "Call me I need to talk to you".

I almost sent him a text earlier tonight saying "Don't bother calling me tomorrow. I will only speak to you via text and only if it's specifically to make payment arrangements for the money I owe you". Before I wrote & sent that text, I thought I'd come on here and see if you guys thought it was a good idea or not.

you answer the phone and talk to him like an adult and come up with an agreement about repayments. This all seems a bit childish to me.

LaurenAOK

Sounds like that might be the best way to go if you're really wanting to pay this guy back OP. If the bank verifies it like they did, that it's HIS account then simply place the payments you're giving him back into his account and have them mail him a receipt so he knows it's there. They can also make you a copy for proof you've made the loan payback. No need to even make contact again with him.

Yes, this. Based on reading your story I am just about 100% sure that it was actually his account. Go back to the bank tomorrow and pay him through that account. Let the bank let him know about it, you can sever all contact. Boom you're done.

Metamorphasis555

Great news!! Exbf finally texted me back tonight and said that I can either send checks or money orders to _____ which is his old address that he was living at back when we were dating. So, apparently he's still living there. I told him that would be fine & that I'll send him my first payment sometime this week. I also told him that if he ever moves it's his responsibility to provide a new address to me where I can continue sending him payments (if he wasn't already full paid off yet).

I feel SO good about this you guys! It just feels like such a huge burden off my shoulders that now I know exactly how to pay him back and there is no need for me to have any further communication with him anymore!

Thank you very much to all of you who took the time to respond to my post. You all had a lot of great advice & suggestions.

LeanerBeef

Thanks for the cash......$$$

Metamorphasis555

LeanerBeef,

Say what? I don't get it...

lulu9663

Everything else aside, maybe there is a reason he doesn't want the money put in his account right now. Maybe a garnishment/seizure? Problems with the IRS? Maybe unemployment? It sounds like he wants the money, he just doesn't want it in a form he'll have to run through that account, and he's just too proud to tell you. I don't know, it's just a theory...

lulu9663

Also, you can go to www.spokeo.com
That site gives you all the addresses a particular person has lived at. Along with age, income, marital status, family members, hobbies, pets, phone numbers, social networking sites visited, your net worth.... Some of it you have to pay for, but the name/address/birthday should still be free.

Hearts_2015

LeanerBeef,

Say what? I don't get it...

He's teasing you... meant thanks for putting the cash in 'His' account. Ya know when you were a bit concerned if you'd gotten the money in right bank account or not?