When you know why you eat... but can't stop.

RunDottyRun

Okay quick recap. I've been on MFP since I gave birth to my second child in September 2011. Since then I've lost 18kg.

I feel miserable.

For the first few months it was great. I was feeling lighter, stronger, more energetic, eating new exciting foods... then in the new year I just lost all motivation. I started binging, then fasting for 2-3 days at a time then binging again & can't seem to stop this cycle.

The reason I got overweight in the first place was because I was hiding from my unhappiness. I am a very young mother & that means that I miss out on a LOT of opportunities & experiences. When I see my old friends going out, having fun & enjoying their lives it really hurts me, so I eat to feel better.

Now that I've accepted why I let myself go, how do I stop? How do I get past something that cannot be changed & stop eating my feelings? I don't want to fall back to where I was but the way I'm going I'm just going to end up very overweight like the rest of the women in my family.

Help?

mmk137

being a mum is hard work. regardless if you are an old mum or a young mum.

Instead of looking at all the negatives look at the positives. (and yes there are positives).

1st thing first, you need to reprogram your brain. You need to stop telling yourself that you are fat, ugly, worthless etc etc. cause when you keep saying that to yourself, well then of course you are going to believe it.

You are strong girl. Seriously a young mum, who has lost 18kg, you go girl!

but seriously, you need to set yourself a timer and eat every 2 hours, do not go without food for more than 4 hours. Because that's when binging occurs, cause you are so hungry you just pig out.

I'm listening at the moment to chalene's johnsons' motivational audio that came with clx. And it was the kick in the but that I needed.

So don't get down on yourself. and know that we are all here to support you and motivate you.

oh and what excuse are you using to not exercise?

Imajicat

I have found that the only way for me to stop eating/sexing/gambling/drinking/smoking/etc-ing to avoid bad feelings is to go ahead and feel the bad feelings.

When I feel the urge to eat outside my plan, specifically to binge hardcore, I have to ask myself, what am I trying to eat to cover up right now? Then I have to identify the feeling, then I have to pin point why I'm having the feeling, then I have to sit with the feeling and feel it and journal, cry, yell, make a plan to fix the problem or whatever I need to do to experience it untill it passes on it's own. sometimes just living in the crappy emotion for a little while is better than trying to cram it back down with food. The more it stays crammed down, the bigger it gets and the more it wants me to eat later.

For me, this is the only way to not eat my emotions. It can be painful and really hard and exhausting but after a while it is getting easier for me.

suziew64

Hey darling - as a 47 year old, can i make a few comments? - Firstly, you have lost 18kg, wow, I'm in awe. But I also want you to know that You Are Worth Looking After. Be kind to yourself, don't be so hard on yourself. Having young kids is crazy busy, it's tough, but you (and they) are worth being a happy mum. And as someone whose kids are big now, I can tell you they do grow up. And when they do, you'll still be young enough to have a wonderful life. And some of those others you are comparing yourself to will still be waiting to have kids. Live YOUR life, not someone else's. And hey, despite all our failings, the kids seem to turn out ok; they will bring you joy in your old age.

Re the binging, I agree with mmk, make yourself eat regularly, stop punishing yourself. Focus on HEALTHY, not weight loss. Exercise is super important, not over-the-top exercise, just 30 minutes a day. The relaxing, having fun, be easy on yourself, kinda exercise. I used to suffer from dreadful anxiety but i've been able to get it under control with half an hour a day of exercise (anything that makes you sweat - yucko). Also I have a list of happy memories, which i focus on when my head goes crazy. Other techniques to help you clear your head include talking positive things to yourself, watching a funny tv show, singing, breathing deeply. Eat well and go to bed early (with little kids? haha).

Your life has its own wonderful plan and purpose, don't live in regret, be kind to yourself.

Hang in there babe, God bless -

itontae

I'm 49 and could have asked the same question.
Brilliant answers.

deegeyspazms

I was the first of my friends to have kids. I was fed up with the fact that they had a life and I was stuck with my kids.

In the back of my mind I knew that I needed to make the most of my kids - going into the woods and seeing the world through their eyes etc, so I tried my best with that.
I also tried to treat myself kindly whenever I could - a nice bath, a bit of gardening, put the music on... Having a radio on in the kitchen really cheered me up.

Now they are teenagers - they say they loved their childhoods with me.

But the best thing is - now they are teenagers - I can go out again and have a life - and my friends? They are now stuck in with their small children - they'll be a lot older when they get their lives back!

I have new friends - you make friends with other parents - and we go out together and have a ball!

You will get your life back - hang on in there x

karmaticgeek

I wasn't really young when I had my son but I was younger than I wanted to be. Becoming a mother is so life changing and I think my feelings I had 'lost' my old life were simply due to me struggling with my new identity as a mum. I didn't really want to go out drinking all the time, my mind was just reeling over the fact that someone now relied on me for their very existence, that I would easily, instantly give up my life to protect that someone. The best of us would have a hard time processing that and it will take time to accept.

But if you really do miss going out with your friends, go out! I still go out with mine and most of us have kids under 3 now. You find a way to make time for you as well as your little one.

As for the binge/fast cycle, I know exactly what you mean and it's entirely counter-productive. Stop punishing yourself with fasts after a binge, eat regularly, don't let yourself get ravenously hungry. That is a typical binge trigger so it's why fasting is the last thing you (and I) need to do. Accept that you binged, eat normally and move on. Binges will get less frequent as your mind and body realise you don't need to make the most out of every meal.

The journalling idea is a great one. I agree 100% with what Imajicat said.

goodenoughforme

Hello, I am new to this site and your post caught my eye because that is exactly why I am here!

I think the answers you have been given so far are amazingly helpful - particularly the one about allowing yourself to feel your emotions.

But I would like to add something if I may? (Actually, this is more in response to one of the replies than to your original post!)

I had three children in very close succession by the time I was 25 - for a while I really struggled as it was such hard work, and I found myself wishing I hadn't had them and 'wanting my life back'. Then, one evening when they were all sleeping, I stood by the bedroom door looking at my three, beautiful children and realised something pretty major...............

My children did not ask to be born - let alone to be born to me! Their existence was down to a decision by me, and they were beautiful - and our life together was now up to me.

What I am trying to say is that although being a mum is hard (and being a young mum brings its own challenges) it is one of the greatest jobs in the world. Don't fret about what all your old friends are up to - get out there and make new ones! You will never 'get your life back' because everyone moves on. What you have NOW is amazing - THIS is your life - you have a beautiful child, you have lost lots of weight so you are fitter to have fun with your child. Make the most of your time NOW - don't live life in a waiting room! Play, explore, laugh - see life through your child's eyes and have fun together! Being active with your child can only help your mood!

Dawn

vegamy

For the first few months it was great. I was feeling lighter, stronger, more energetic, eating new exciting foods... then in the new year I just lost all motivation. I started binging, then fasting for 2-3 days at a time then binging again & can't seem to stop this cycle.

It sounds like you started binging for emotional reasons, but now you're stuck in the cycle of being really hungry and just saying, oh well, I'm going to eat whatever I want because I'M SO HUNGRY and then you might feel guilty or sick and then fast afterwards. My advice is to try to eat consistently and hit your net calorie goal every day - make sure you're eating every few hours and try to make good choices. Log everything, but don't restrict yourself by saying you NEVER can have certain foods (it sets you up for failure), just indulge in moderation. Engaging in extreme behavior isn't healthy and you do need to explore the root of your problems, but as far as food goes, keep yourself nourished and it's less likely that you will binge. Also keep hydrated and exercise regularly and you may feel a little better (and have more calories to work with)! Try to relieve stress by talking to someone you trust.

lorro

Hi I have read your posts before and thought what a genuine, lovely person you seem to be . The first steps are huge and they are behind you - recognising what your problem is and reaching out repeatedly for help, even when you get criticised for it.

Apologies if this is not the kind of answer you are expecting. All off us can become stuck in negative thought and mood cycles which are hard to break out of. I feel you would benefit from learning practical life skills to help you more actively manage your mood. There are some great, free self help resources online. Please reply if you would like me to post a link. You have the right amount of insight and committment to be able to benefit from using resources like this. Good luck :flowerforyou: