Gotta vent
Replies
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perfectly said!!!
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I think what some people perceive as resistance is in fact people just not caring.
And why should they care really? Perhaps weight loss isn't something that interests them. I'm sure if they came to you with a story about how big the fish they caught was or about this great tackle they pulled off at football, you probably wouldn't care either.
You can't realistically get insulted because someone doesn't care as much about it as you.
People don't bother going out of their way to treat others like crap because they don't care. People who don't care simply go about their lives. Let's not act as if people who are overweight aren't mistreated all the time. I bet those people would love to be ignored and go on with their day without hearing the random notions of some ill-informed jerk who gets off on being rude. This thread didn't start because someone was feeling ignored.0 -
The other day in the office kitchen we had some clients over and one of my co-workers baked them cookies. (Yes, we have an Otis Spunkmeyer oven and cookie dough in the office!) Anyway, when the cookies were done I offered them a couple and while they were waiting for me to bag 'em up one of the female clients, who happens to be rail-thin, says to me...
"So, are you the one that does all the baking around here?"
I thought to myself...
"Is it because I'm overweight? Or perhaps it's because I'm a woman?"
People are stupid and they don't think before they speak.
She doesn't know that my thinner co-workers are the ones that eat horribly, constantly snacking on ice cream sandwiches, chips, jelly beans, cookies, soda, all the crap provided in the kitchen, eating out everyday for lunch.
She doesn't know how hard I work to stay away from that stuff and bring in my own healthy fruits and veggies to snack on, all the lunches I've had to decline.
I could have let that stupid comment really upset me, but instead I reminded myself that right now, all that matters is that my body knows - my heart, my bones, my muscles.
I'm doing this for me, no one else needs to know.
Eventually, our appearance will reflect all the hard work we're doing and it will speak for us.
Until then, screw 'em.0 -
The other day in the office kitchen we had some clients over and one of my co-workers baked them cookies. (Yes, we have an Otis Spunkmeyer oven and cookie dough in the office!) Anyway, when the cookies were done I offered them a couple and while they were waiting for me to bag 'em up one of the female clients, who happens to be rail-thin, says to me...
"So, are you the one that does all the baking around here?"
I thought to myself...
"Is it because I'm overweight? Or perhaps it's because I'm a woman?"
People are stupid and they don't think before they speak.
She doesn't know that my thinner co-workers are the ones that eat horribly, constantly snacking on ice cream sandwiches, chips, jelly beans, cookies, soda, all the crap provided in the kitchen, eating out everyday for lunch.
She doesn't know how hard I work to stay away from that stuff and bring in my own healthy fruits and veggies to snack on, all the lunches I've had to decline.
I could have let that stupid comment really upset me, but instead I reminded myself that right now, all that matters is that my body knows - my heart, my bones, my muscles.
I'm doing this for me, no one else needs to know.
Eventually, our appearance will reflect all the hard work we're doing and it will speak for us.
Until then, screw 'em.
That was very well said and yes you are right! Why let stupid comments upset us? Unmotivate us? Make us sad? Make us quit? No. We have to own our feelings and then strive to NOT QUIT.0 -
bump0
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Yes, I let someone get to me. I shouldnt have. But it wasnt from someone I know, but form someone I didnt know. Why? Because tis person made a assumption without carting to know I already lost over 30 pounds, 5 came from starting this site. You dont know me. My god, just because I am big, oyu think I dont notice? really? Hello I am not stupid. I dont neglect to look in the mirror everday dam day and say I hate me. No. of course not just add too it. I'm not fishing fro compliments, just sick of the judgement. My bf, of 13 years, can out eat me any day, but no one would ever think that he eats like he does. It was a doctor I saw today about my stomach scar from a previous surgery. Yes, I get it. I'm fat. Thank you for telling me.......again. I dont expect him to notice, but to acknowledge it. There is a difference. "Well ok mam you have already lost some weight ,but more is needed to be lost in order me to fix your scar." Thats all that need to be said. Not to treat me like I am some idiot, like I never ever noticed my weight. yes I freakn notice and I already hate myself, so give me more self doubt. You dont know me, so dont judge and if its that much of a nuisance to you I am fat, walk away. I know I am still letting it bother me. It actually messed up my whole day. Been making mistakes all day.0
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I have a friend who has this great saying, I try to live by it these days...."Don't let them live in your head rent-free!"0
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skinny doesn't equal fit. I'm 330lbs and I can out run, out hike, out work my 115lb wife. she's working out to get in shape while I work to loose weight. I could care less what other think of me because I'm not doing this for them
Don't let ignorant people keep you down.
Amen!!!0 -
You know, its sad you know your big and people act like you dont know your overweight and being over weight is bad for you. Even after you told them you already lost weight, they still need to inform you. Like "Ok I know you lost weight but whatever, your still a pig so starve and make it happen overnite" Thats how I feel. Everyone dont know everyones story, but we come to conclusions (assume) that we some how know everything about everyone and we are a bunch of know it alls. I lost 5 pounds since I started this. I am happy about this, but then still feel frustrated about the assumptions that people make of me. How dare you judge me or how dare we judge anyone at all. Who are we to think we know it all. How dare anyone who has always been skinny to automatically think big people gorge on food all day. Do you know for sure? Do you keep tabs and obsess over big people just so you can talk about them? I feel like giving up already just because. I am doing this for me, but when I keep getting told you still are overweight and fat (when you lost weight) I feel so hopeless. It just brings me down even more. I think skinny people do this to have that control over someones emotions. Idk its like if I lost weight its like "see how fat you were?" or if I didnt "your always going to be fat" Just so freakn hopeless.
I firmly believe that people who judge others are so insecure that they feel the need to comment about your weight or someone elses. There is no reason for it otherwise.
Keep your head up and keep moving. You are doing this for you and no one else anyway.0 -
Those people are called dreamkillers. I completely understand your frustration with others. But, you also need to be kind to yourself, and as hard as it is, just divorce yourself from these stupid comments. You are on your own journey, and the people who aren't willing to support you, well they don't matter to you right now.
I find that sometimes I am the one saying those things to myself: wow, you've lost over 30 lbs but you have so much to go. It's going to take forever. No one notices, etc. Well I just have to keep reminding myself that so what if it's taken me 3 years, I'm going to achieve my goal, even though it might take a long time.
Anyway, hang in there, keep at it, and you're doing great!0 -
Yes, I let someone get to me. I shouldnt have. But it wasnt from someone I know, but form someone I didnt know. Why? Because tis person made a assumption without carting to know I already lost over 30 pounds, 5 came from starting this site. You dont know me. My god, just because I am big, oyu think I dont notice? really? Hello I am not stupid. I dont neglect to look in the mirror everday dam day and say I hate me. No. of course not just add too it. I'm not fishing fro compliments, just sick of the judgement. My bf, of 13 years, can out eat me any day, but no one would ever think that he eats like he does. It was a doctor I saw today about my stomach scar from a previous surgery. Yes, I get it. I'm fat. Thank you for telling me.......again. I dont expect him to notice, but to acknowledge it. There is a difference. "Well ok mam you have already lost some weight ,but more is needed to be lost in order me to fix your scar." Thats all that need to be said. Not to treat me like I am some idiot, like I never ever noticed my weight. yes I freakn notice and I already hate myself, so give me more self doubt. You dont know me, so dont judge and if its that much of a nuisance to you I am fat, walk away. I know I am still letting it bother me. It actually messed up my whole day. Been making mistakes all day.
Wow, that doctor is really rude. If you think you can talk to him about it at some point, consider telling him that you felt his comments weren't helpful.0 -
Hi tlc,
I use to worry about what others thought all the time and finally realized that it really didn't matter. We only have to please God and ourselves (if spouses/significant others are pleased too then that is a plus). People usually say hateful things to others when they themselves have them something to feel bad about. You have all of us here at MFP and we are SO PLEASED that you have lost that 5 lbs!!!!! :happy: We will not judge or criticize because we are all on this same journey and we all know what we look like and have to do so hang in there hon and remember that you have hundreds of people supporting, encouraging and motivating you anytime you need it. People can be mean but we just have to smother them with kindness!!! Feel free to check out my profile and add me if you would like.
Hugs
Bev0 -
well I can assure you that "skinny people" at least not all "skinny people" would treat you this way. I come from a VERY LARGE obese family raised in the south on fried everything , carbs and sweet tea.. I was never taught how to eat properly etc.. I have had to teach myself and learn all on my own how to get "skinny" and still I do not feel comfortable in my own skin. I still look at my family members and instead of judging them I just want to cry because since learning the healthy lifestyle I have tried so hard to reach out and help each of them but no one listens. I just want to tell you that I do not know you, BUT if you are doing this for YOU then PLEASE DO NOT GIVE UP!!! You are doing an amazing job and there is no judgement from me. feel free to add me , I try to encourage my MFP friends everyday.. This is no easy task, putting yourself first and taking care of you BUT I believe anyone can do it you just have to want to bad enough!! 0 -
You know, its sad you know your big and people act like you dont know your overweight and being over weight is bad for you. Even after you told them you already lost weight, they still need to inform you. Like "Ok I know you lost weight but whatever, your still a pig so starve and make it happen overnite" Thats how I feel. Everyone dont know everyones story, but we come to conclusions (assume) that we some how know everything about everyone and we are a bunch of know it alls. I lost 5 pounds since I started this. I am happy about this, but then still feel frustrated about the assumptions that people make of me. How dare you judge me or how dare we judge anyone at all. Who are we to think we know it all. How dare anyone who has always been skinny to automatically think big people gorge on food all day. Do you know for sure? Do you keep tabs and obsess over big people just so you can talk about them? I feel like giving up already just because. I am doing this for me, but when I keep getting told you still are overweight and fat (when you lost weight) I feel so hopeless. It just brings me down even more. I think skinny people do this to have that control over someones emotions. Idk its like if I lost weight its like "see how fat you were?" or if I didnt "your always going to be fat" Just so freakn hopeless.
I have a wonderful brother-in-law that always says about such things, "People should be better than they are, but they're not" I think that pretty much sums it up. As much as it sucks, you can only control you and your reactions to such insensitivity. Be better than them. Make the world a better place because you are in it!0 -
Yes dream killers, I like that. He could of worded it better, with him being a professional and all. I came home crying. My bf told me not to let him get to me. But it really did bother me. I am usually a strong woman and never let any comment get to me, but today it did. And everyone is right, I cant change what people think and have to ignore those who, for some reason, be so judgmental. BUt its hard when your getting told your a liar when your telling the truth. Thats how it feels, hopeless. Its actually mental rape, another way to describe it. Or being brainwashed, even though your doing it, your told over n over again that your not.0
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Honey tell folks like that stfu and give them the middle finger and and strut off..some folks are just douche bags seriously like they were born out the womb that way. Most don't have substance or tact just keep it moving and don't stop due to ****s of the world and that goes both girl and boy.0
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Wow oh wow wow wow!!! I know what you mean..it sucks turtle penis, it does!!!
But....one day...ONE DAY they'll eat those words!!!
Keep your chin up...and your *kitten* out....it'll be easier for them to kiss.
Congratulations on the loss :flowerforyou:
I'm quoting this because the phrase turtle penis should cheer anyone up.
But I agree people don't and can't know your story without taking the time to get to know you. In the long run the more you can make your weight loss about and for you the happier you will be.
Good luck0 -
I did a huge happy dance when I lost my first 5 lbs because I had sorta believed the haters - that I was going to be fat my entire life and there was no way I could lose weight and keep it off. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said you are doing this for you. If you are doing it for you, so you'll be healthier and live longer and just plain feel better, you can do this. I know it's hard, but try to brush off their criticisms. Only discuss your weight loss with those who will be supportive. We'll be here for you.0
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I face ridicule every single day in my current line of work (Army). I'm always getting comments about how fat I am or how I'm a waste of Army money. I pull my own weight and put in my effort everyday in the job but it doesn't matter I'm still the fat guy who is always malingering. Sometimes I shove it in their face that I have a lower BMI then them (thick neck) and other times I ignore it and sometimes I play along. BUT in the end, I know who I am and what I am doing. It's working for me and when these naysayers finally come to their senses and see what I have done, I will be modest. I'm not going to brag because that will just let them know that they have gotten to me. I have a goal, I see results what does it matter what other people think? Is it so easy to make fun at someone for being overweight? What about people with bad relationships, ugly appearance, messed up finances, etc. Weight is always the easiest to poke fun at. I say f***'em... I'm gonna do what's right for me and when I'm losing all this weight they remain the same self enveloped people that they have always been.0
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You know, one of the most useful things I've learnt in life is that you can't control other peoples actions (comments, opinions etc) but you CAN control how you react to them.
So what if they don't recognise the achievements you've made to lose weight? Really, that doesn't matter.
You aren't doing this for them, you are doing it for yourself, so shrug your shoulders and say "hey, they might not think it's a big deal, but i KNOW I'm making really positive changes for myself and for a better future".
I've also learnt that if you measure your success by what other people think, life is full of disappointment.
Keep your achievements to yourself, you know how hard you've worked and what you've done, that's enough.0 -
The other day in the office kitchen we had some clients over and one of my co-workers baked them cookies. (Yes, we have an Otis Spunkmeyer oven and cookie dough in the office!) Anyway, when the cookies were done I offered them a couple and while they were waiting for me to bag 'em up one of the female clients, who happens to be rail-thin, says to me...
"So, are you the one that does all the baking around here?"
I thought to myself...
"Is it because I'm overweight? Or perhaps it's because I'm a woman?"
People are stupid and they don't think before they speak.
She doesn't know that my thinner co-workers are the ones that eat horribly, constantly snacking on ice cream sandwiches, chips, jelly beans, cookies, soda, all the crap provided in the kitchen, eating out everyday for lunch.
She doesn't know how hard I work to stay away from that stuff and bring in my own healthy fruits and veggies to snack on, all the lunches I've had to decline.
I could have let that stupid comment really upset me, but instead I reminded myself that right now, all that matters is that my body knows - my heart, my bones, my muscles.
I'm doing this for me, no one else needs to know.
Eventually, our appearance will reflect all the hard work we're doing and it will speak for us.
Until then, screw 'em.
Perhaps it's not because you're overweight or a woman... perhaps it is because she thought: "cool, I wish I could bake cookies in my office". Or :"wow, this lady is fantastic, she's giving us cookies, I wonder if she baked them herself or bought them from the shop next door".
Sometimes we put so much importance on comments from other people - it's easy to think: "she said that because I'm fat and she's thin" but you don't know that. Maybe she did - or maybe she didn't. Not worth losing sleep over!0 -
fire that doctor, keep working on losing the weight and when you get to a healthier weight that you can have your scar worked on find a doctor with a better bedside manner and give your money to them. some doctors do get "god" syndrome and lose all compassion (if they had it to begin with) and i personally choose not to give those bad doctors my money. there are plenty of great caring doctors out there to waste your time, energy, and money on the ones that arent.0
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You know, one of the most useful things I've learnt in life is that you can't control other peoples actions (comments, opinions etc) but you CAN control how you react to them.
So what if they don't recognise the achievements you've made to lose weight? Really, that doesn't matter.
You aren't doing this for them, you are doing it for yourself, so shrug your shoulders and say "hey, they might not think it's a big deal, but i KNOW I'm making really positive changes for myself and for a better future".
I've also learnt that if you measure your success by what other people think, life is full of disappointment.
Keep your achievements to yourself, you know how hard you've worked and what you've done, that's enough.
Love, love, love this!!! :flowerforyou:0
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