My best friend wont talk to me

isLillyMarieS

My best friend got really mad at me last week. I dont really know what I did or didnt do. But she told me not to talk to her. She said she would call or come over when she was ready to deal with me. Well today she knocked on my door asked if she could borrow a book. I said yeah no problem. She took it, left, them returned it a few moments later. I could barely hear he say thank you to me as she left. Idk what to say or do. But that kinda made me feel used.

This weekend my mother is comming into town (6hr drive for her to come see me) for easter. I invited my friends including the girl Im talking about to come over for my moms easter dinner and egg coloring party. But I dont think I want her comming if this how she is going to act around me. We have been friends for 3years now. I just dont know what to say to her.

Suggestions??

farm_mamaX9

Did you borrow something from her and forget to return it? Kind of sounds like she was trying to make a point by borrowing a book only to return it right away???

1shauna1

I dunno! You need to find out what she's pissed about. If she won't say, I think that's pretty childish. Hopefully if she's your best friend, she'll be able to tell you what she's mad about. Obviously you don't seem to know so can't make amends. I'd try to find out so you can figure out if a) you actually did something or she's just being ridiculous or b) you can apologize and make things right. Good luck with it!

Pebble321

You're not in kindergarten anymore.... if you want to know what's going on, ask her!
Or, if she chooses to act as though she is in kindergarten then just get on with your life like a grown up person and let her do what seems right to her.

Natx83

I have no idea, as this is something I've never come acros.. My friends will just call each other out, not even a bad way. But we generally dont have any problems, ever. Guess thats what happens sometimes when you've known the same group of guys 14- 18 years!

christine24t

She took it, left, them returned it a few moments later. I could barely hear he say thank you to me as she left. Idk what to say or do. But that kinda made me feel used.

She might be trying to make a point with that. Not sure what is it, but maybe it's worth asking.

MB_Positif

I suggest being the "grown up" and just asking her what's going on. Tell her you would still like her to come to the Easter dinner, but want to make sure you two are on good terms prior to it!

delilah47

If you are truly good friends, you should make her tell you what's the matter. How can you make it better if it's a mystery? You dont' want someone being sulky and pouty at your mother's party; it could spoil everyone's good time. I say make her talk!! :smokin:

sun33082

My best friend of 8 years did that to me over a year ago. Out of the blue quit talking to me. Wouldn't return my emails, texts, phone calls. I still have the christmas presents I bought for her kids (she quit talking to me at the beginning of December). It still bothers me because I never got an answer. She wouldn't tell me, I tried asking her brother and a mutual friend and no one knew why or wouldn't tell me.

You just have to ask and move on if you don't get an answer. It's hard. Some people just won't deal with confrontation at all.

the_prettty1

As an adult I know longer have friends who I am not comfortable telling how I feel. Being able to be honest is the hallmark of a good friend. If she can't do that then she is not your best friend anyway. Did you lose a lot of weight? Is she jealous?

rsmblue

I'm sorry, but WHY is it as we get older 'we' act more like children?!

Unless you cheated her out of something, had a major lie or stole her husband, it's time for her to GROW THE F*K UP!

I'd knock on her door and say, I need my book back (if it's that important) and end ties... Anyone that isn't grown up enough to save a friendship rather than 'kill it' isn't worth your time... Life is too short!

Good luck

CrystalT

I suggest being the "grown up" and just asking her what's going on. Tell her you would still like her to come to the Easter dinner, but want to make sure you two are on good terms prior to it!

This would be my suggestion, too. Just email or text her to say you would like to talk before Easter dinner if she was still planning to come. If she ignores the message, I would assume she's not coming to dinner.

Sorry you're going through this. Good luck on working it out.

rsmblue

My best friend of 8 years did that to me over a year ago. Out of the blue quit talking to me. Wouldn't return my emails, texts, phone calls. I still have the christmas presents I bought for her kids (she quit talking to me at the beginning of December). It still bothers me because I never got an answer. She wouldn't tell me, I tried asking her brother and a mutual friend and no one knew why or wouldn't tell me.

You just have to ask and move on if you don't get an answer. It's hard. Some people just won't deal with confrontation at all.

Sometimes I think that people can't deal when other people grow and change (turn) their lives around.

That's their propblem, not yours, for your the one that has to live your life, not them... ya know?!

I'm sorry that you lost this person after all that time, but a TRUE friend would be there with you regardless...

Hopefully you will meet some new ones on here that will be life-long.

HUGS

cloud2011

I don't know, but people who give the silent treatment tend to do it with a lot of different people in their lives.

I would say, give it a shot and ask her what's happening. But don't dwell on it, as she is not treating you the way a friend treats a real friend.

I've had a sister and cousin do the same thing to me, but I wasn't the only person they were giving the silent treatment...it was a pattern of behavior for both people. (In fact it's a form of emotional abuse).

AReasor

Who needs that kind of drama?

slkehl

She might be an internal processor. That's how my boyfriend is. When we get in fights, he gets really quiet and won't talk to me about how he's feeling because he needs to sort things through in his head. It takes a while to blow over but eventually we make up.

It's really hard for me because I am an external processor, and I'm used to dealing with conflict by talking through it. Since I work out things that way, I want to deal with the issue and sort things out at that moment. This is hard for him obviously because he needs that time on his own to sort though his thoughts. So I have to slow down and sit back for a while and then he needs to come forward and talk eventually.

It helps that we've discussed this. When you two are on talking terms again, you could discuss how you each handle conflict and how the other persons' handing of conflict affects you.

agentscully514

honey, you did something. Just ask her straight up. You aren't psychic!

TheRoadDog

Why don't you have a mutual friend pass her a note in Gym Class asking her what's wrong?

Masterchef2000

I'm one of those people who does not like confrontation. I just recently completely stopped talking to someone because she was no longer worth any of my attention and when I looked back, I don't know why I put up with her for so long. She's a pathological liar and started to turn her lies to me about mundane stupid stuff. I don't even want to imagine the big stuff I never heard about! I didn't have it out with her, I just walked away. Granted it takes a lot for me to do this, to just up and ignore them but dealing with the person I was dealing with, it was just better that way. Plus I'm going on 30, I didn't imagine being my age and still dealing with school yard lying.

Maybe something was said to her, who knows. But if it bugs you this much, just ask her. She must care if she came around like she did.

TimWilkinson101

As others have said, I'd ask. No point trying to second guess if you've not got a clue. It may be that someone else has said you did or said something about them or it may be that they are going through something pretty stressful in their life and they took it out on you (as we tend to with our loved ones).

One other thing I'd consider is, what was the book she borrowed? Returning it so quickly was either making a point about you having borrowed something or she might want to tell you what is wrong that way (for instance if it was a book on someone going bancrupt or getting cancer). Might well not be, but who knows... and as I stated at the start, you wont know until you ask.

Hope it works out.

cramernh

Been there. They acted the same exact way and took it a step further (queue the kindergarten approach): attempted to start a fight with me on Facebook to turn the tables and ask me why wouldnt talk with her.

I laughed because she was the person to initiate the whole get-pissy-and-give-me-the-silent-treatment thing. When people cant act like an adult and talk to me decently, I ignore them and go on. I have enough drama of my own that I am dealing with and would rather focus on things that are more pressing than my best friend's lacking ability to act like a real adult. Same goes for family...

isLillyMarieS

She borrowed a hair dressers book. She picked out a cute hair cut for herself last month. She borrowed the book, took it to her house (one block away), scaned it in and made a copy on the computer, then brought it right back. So it dont think that the book has anything to to do with why she is mad at me.

The night of the fight, she called me and basically told me that I talk to much about my personal issues (boys, mom, school...basic worries I have). She said I dont consider that she might have issues of her own. The problem is she bottles up all emotions and tries to work out her issues with no out side help. If things to be to much for her she explodes.... usually on me. I have asked her before if things were ok (when she looked upset and all) and her answer is always the same "yeah im fine." Now, I am the kind of person who likes to vent all of my problems. I dont want ppl to fix my issues, I just like having someone to listen so I can get **** off my chest. My friend likes to fix not only her own issues by herslef but also wants to fix your issues.

I really dont know whats all going on with her. But I believe that its just problems SHE is having with HER life, not neccarilly related to me. But honestly I am just going to shut my mouth about my problems a little more and let things blow over. She can come around when she is ready. I figure I already invited her to easter dinner once, why should I make any more effort to someone who treats me this way?

isLillyMarieS

BTW: I am a college student with a mountain of HW on my plate this week, due to graduate in May, still need to BUY graduation invites then SEND them, along with my cap and gown,and speeding ticket and defensive driving to pay for, working 2 jobs, living on my own with barely enough money to put food on the table or pay the rent. I really dont think I need any more added drama in my life AND I believe that I should be able to count on my firend to listen to these issues as I vent for second trying to straighten things out in my own mind as I cope with all this stress..... yet Im getting the silent treatment which needless to say is adding to the stress pile.

BIGJIMMYU

Too bad you couldn't be stupid men like us for a day. If it doesn't leave our pea brains after 3 days(our retention period), we fist fight it out, then go have a beer and talk about things that are really important like sports, sex, and beer.

isLillyMarieS

lmao

mjbrenner

She borrowed a hair dressers book. She picked out a cute hair cut for herself last month. She borrowed the book, took it to her house (one block away), scaned it in and made a copy on the computer, then brought it right back. So it dont think that the book has anything to to do with why she is mad at me.

The night of the fight, she called me and basically told me that I talk to much about my personal issues (boys, mom, school...basic worries I have). She said I dont consider that she might have issues of her own. The problem is she bottles up all emotions and tries to work out her issues with no out side help. If things to be to much for her she explodes.... usually on me. I have asked her before if things were ok (when she looked upset and all) and her answer is always the same "yeah im fine." Now, I am the kind of person who likes to vent all of my problems. I dont want ppl to fix my issues, I just like having someone to listen so I can get **** off my chest. My friend likes to fix not only her own issues by herslef but also wants to fix your issues.

I really dont know whats all going on with her. But I believe that its just problems SHE is having with HER life, not neccarilly related to me. But honestly I am just going to shut my mouth about my problems a little more and let things blow over. She can come around when she is ready. I figure I already invited her to easter dinner once, why should I make any more effort to someone who treats me this way?

She has told you what is wrong - she needs you to vent less, and she needs to feel like you better value her feelings. "Yeah, I am fine," is the universal phrase most everyone uses when we really mean, "I am not fine, but I am also uncomfortable talking about my problems right now." It is a signal for you to be supportive. One example of a good response could be, "You do not sound very fine to me. Look, I understand if it is none of my business, but I am happy to listen if you need to vent." Then you let the air remain silent for a moment, so she has the chance to think about it and respond.

We are often unaware that when we vent our feelings, we also tend to bring others down with us. It is okay to vent sometimes, especially if you are explicitly told that you may by the listener. When we are riled up, however, we often cannot see that our frustration rubs off on the other person.

If this woman is really your best friend, then you need to extend an olive branch, let her know that you understand she is upset with you, and also confirm that you value her friendship. She gave you an opportunity to do that when she borrowed your book - you may need to be proactive in having this conversation now that that moment has passed.

Good luck in repairing your friendship. It can be hard to do, but good friends are precious.

hikezilla

If it was me, I'd just forget about her. Don't go chasing ghosts. If she wants to be your friend she'll snap out of it, or not. Too many other things to worry about besides this.

garita93

She borrowed a hair dressers book. She picked out a cute hair cut for herself last month. She borrowed the book, took it to her house (one block away), scaned it in and made a copy on the computer, then brought it right back. So it dont think that the book has anything to to do with why she is mad at me.

The night of the fight, she called me and basically told me that I talk to much about my personal issues (boys, mom, school...basic worries I have). She said I dont consider that she might have issues of her own. The problem is she bottles up all emotions and tries to work out her issues with no out side help. If things to be to much for her she explodes.... usually on me. I have asked her before if things were ok (when she looked upset and all) and her answer is always the same "yeah im fine." Now, I am the kind of person who likes to vent all of my problems. I dont want ppl to fix my issues, I just like having someone to listen so I can get **** off my chest. My friend likes to fix not only her own issues by herslef but also wants to fix your issues.

I really dont know whats all going on with her. But I believe that its just problems SHE is having with HER life, not neccarilly related to me. But honestly I am just going to shut my mouth about my problems a little more and let things blow over. She can come around when she is ready. I figure I already invited her to easter dinner once, why should I make any more effort to someone who treats me this way?

She has told you what is wrong - she needs you to vent less, and she needs to feel like you better value her feelings. "Yeah, I am fine," is the universal phrase most everyone uses when we really mean, "I am not fine, but I am also uncomfortable talking about my problems right now." It is a signal for you to be supportive. One example of a good response could be, "You do not sound very fine to me. Look, I understand if it is none of my business, but I am happy to listen if you need to vent." Then you let the air remain silent for a moment, so she has the chance to think about it and respond.

We are often unaware that when we vent our feelings, we also tend to bring others down with us. It is okay to vent sometimes, especially if you are explicitly told that you may by the listener. When we are riled up, however, we often cannot see that our frustration rubs off on the other person.

If this woman is really your best friend, then you need to extend an olive branch, let her know that you understand she is upset with you, and also confirm that you value her friendship. She gave you an opportunity to do that when she borrowed your book - you may need to be proactive in having this conversation now that that moment has passed.

Good luck in repairing your friendship. It can be hard to do, but good friends are precious.

^^^This because I have a friend that vents to me all the time and feels like she doesn't give a crap about what is going on in my life, it hurts!

Masterchef2000

I would like to point out that someone can't be supportive to someone who always hide what's going on. She can tell you to vent less but isn't that what friends are for? She can't blame you for her issues of not being able to talk about them unless she feels that you are not trust worthy. Maybe ask her if she feels that way if she never shares what's going on. Maybe that's the issue?