Support needed for un-supportive spouse!!

jennit1801

First of all, I love my husband dearly. I am extremely concerned for his health. He is overweight, a former smoker and has a great deal of stress. I have begun cooking healthier meals for the 2 of us, and we have begun the couch-to-5-k challenge with our 5k set for June 2. But, he does not seem to give a **** what goes into his mouth! (pardon the language) He will run with me, down 3 beers and then pass out. He is always tired, doesn't take multivitamins and turns his nose up at anything with veggies in it. I am at my wits end!!!!!! He needs to lose about 50 pounds, but does not seem to care. We are not even 30 yet...Any advice? I have been working out, logging meals, etc but he always wants to order pizza and have a bottle of wine before bed...every night!!!!

yongclan

oh my gosh so what do you do in a situation like this?

yongclan

you keep doing what you doing and then maybe he will come around to his senses when all the guys start paying more attention to you

yongclan

good luck

jenstanley13

first of all congrats to you for working on your own journey.

i too have a spouse that needs to lose weight but is not motivated to do so, i just decided that i can get in better shape and improve myself and hopefully he will follow. i try to make healthier meals for us and he does normally eat them without saying anything but i also allow for days we dont eat so healthy and dont nag him about those meals either. In other words i lead by example, i figure eventually he will get jealous of the activities that i go do without him because he cant keep up and decide to get started on his own journey but unfortunately i cant make up his mind for him.

good luck and feel free to friend me if you would like to...i understand your pain and frustration.

caramammal

Are we married to the same guy?haha.

Seriously, my hubby is the same, only he still smokes. Over the years I have discovered that running/staying slim is something I do on my own. It's a bit lonely, but when your other half is not supportive, or doesnt want those changes for himself, there isnt much you can do. And believe me, i've tried everything.

So nowadays, I eat healthy, stay slim, go running, hit the gym....and my hubby stays the same. It's difficult as it can create a divide, if you let it. My hubby is also a 'feeder' so will often try unwittingly to sabotage my diet efforts by bringing all my favourite high calorie foods, and eating them in front of me.

My hubby, like yours does not care that he is overweight, preferring to 'enjoy his life and eat what he wants' and so what if he dies a few years earlier, but it's not about that right?

Good luck, I hope your hubby sees what you're doing and wants to join in, you never know, he might surprise you

51powerski

Can't say I've ever been in that situation but I think the advise above is right. Just make the changes for you and with luck when he see's you get the results he will join in too.

The only other alternative I could think of is to beat him with pain sticks until he comes round to your way of thinking.

caramammal

The only other alternative I could think of is to beat him with pain sticks until he comes round to your way of thinking.

hahahaha...tried that, it doesnt work either

mattmoo33

You just have to keep on looking after yourself. Mine is exactly the same, and smokes too. BUT - he has started to notice the difference in how I look and feel and yesterday actually said that he thought he might try the 30 day workout programme I am on.

I cant change him - but I can make sure that I am setting a positive example for my kids (and hopefully him).

Eleanorjanethinner

As others have said, there's a limit to what you can do to change someone else's behaviour so focus mainly on staying strong yourself. However, do keep talking (nicely, not nagging!) to your husband about why you're doing what you're doing and how it makes you feel and how you need his support to stay on track. He doesn't need to eat healthy with you but it isn't kind or helpful of him to bring fatty food into the house and eat it in front of you.

Also, talk to your husband about how his behaviour/ habits make you feel i.e. 'I'd love it if you had the energy to go for a walk by the lake with me in the evenings after work' or 'I worry about how stressed you are, is there anything I can do to help? Is there anything you can do to help deal with your stress more healthily?' 'Remember when we first got together, we used to play volleyball and ride bikes all the time? I miss those days, can we try and add a bit of that back in?'

Is it possible that he could be depressed? He may not be willing to see a therapist (many men aren't) but may be willing to get a course of anti-depressants from the Dr. The right anti-depressant will not change his personality or *make* him feel happy all the time, but will just take the edge off his stress and down moods.

Good luck and keep talking non judgementally about how you feel!

emmamcc1981

i had to repeatedly show my husband that under no uncertain terms was he to be in control of the food i ate or exercise i did or didn't do. that meant i had to control everything myself even if he did turn his nose up at it - that was his tough poop. he works hard at a physical job all day long, has always been fit without even trying so he can basically eat as much as he likes of whatever he likes and he just burns it off through his normal day. he also treats himself with food and used to bring me 'treats' every day too until i put my foot down and started throwing them in the bin. he soon got the picture. he would say 'why can't you just *not* eat them' or 'just beacuse YOU'RE on some kind of heath kick, we don't all have to be' when he finally realised i wasn't on 'some health kick' but had actually turned my lifestyle completely on it's head he got on board and has been really supportive since. especially now he can see the real life benefits of me being fit and healthy.

i suppose i just had to keep slogging away and continually showing him week after week and month after month that i wasn't kidding around and that i had changed and this was how i was now. and if he wasn't on my path with me he'd be getting left behind. sounds harsh but i was prepared to do anything to become healthy.

i hope that helps you, but i don't really know what to suggest for getting a rocket under his butt. if he won't change, that's not really your responsibility iykwim. you can only show him how great it is to be healthy, but if he doesn't want it for himself, there isn't much you can do i'm afraid :C

good luck. it sounds like you're going to need it.

coconutbuNZ

Yep my first husband was like that, I'm with husband number two now and he is supportive, loves exercising and doesn't mind eating healthy. It was hard, especially when he put all those food temptations in front of me! Chocolate cake sundaes with icecream in the middle of the night. Fight your own battle and stick to your plan no matter what, I know it is hard but not impossible. I understand how you're very concerned about his health. Good luck to you both.

kyle4jem

You will not change what he doesn't want to change himself.

Forcing him to do what he doesn't want to do will only cause more tension and probably make him want more beer and pizza, because that's what happens when you get nagged - you rebel and do the complete opposite.

Concentrate on your own journey and lead by example.