Concerning body image, does any one else feel the way I do?

Reban060

I think you're right on target to focus on improving your fitness.

I think that what a lot of us want, but don't necessarily even know it, is to feel powerful. As we've gained weight and lost control of our eating one of the important things that has been lost from our lives is a sense of power. If we diet and lose weight we can solve part of that problem, but not all of it because we may still feel physically weak and powerless.

I believe that a good solution to this problem is to not merely diet and lose weight, but to radically improve our strength and fitness so that we don't just look nice, but so that we feel strong, powerful and downright mighty.

After reading the article below my wife and I decided to add strength training to our routine and now it's become the main part of our workout. (http://nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/07/21/meet-staci-your-new-powerlifting-super-hero/)

In fact, after reading this article my wife said: "I WANT TO BE HER!" So that's what we're working on, not just through diet, but through making our bodies truly mighty. It's only been 3 weeks for us of focusing on body weight exercises, but we both feel a whole lot better, stronger and more confident. We still do some cardio and I like to go for a long bike ride 2-3 times a week, but the centerpiece is all about strength.

Another good inspirational site for women (or men, I guess) is this one:
http://get-thinspiration.tumblr.com/

It's full of pictures and instructions for women who want to get strong and powerful, not just thin. Appearance is a byproduct of fitness. Strong is the new skinny. Conquer!

Wow, Staci's story is really insipring! Thank you for sharing!

catpow2

I was definitely an ugly duckling as a child: chubby, frizzy-haired, acne-ridden, shy and insecure. In my late teens/early 20s, I started working out and got my body in shape. In my 30s, I got my mind in shape by earning a PhD. Self-esteem comes from within. If you don't feel good about yourself, there's nothing anyone else can do to change that. I realized in my early 30s that it didn't matter what anyone else thought about me; it only mattered what I thought about me and if it wasn't good, only I could change it. You have to build your own self esteem. Figure out what make you feel good about yourself and work toward it. Acknowledge when you've done something well and when you haven't, eh. Cut yourself a break. Failing helps you learn, gives you an opportunity to reassess and be better next time. It's a journey, a process, not a final destination.

For many women, building good self esteem is especially hard. We're always trying to measure up to some unrealistic physical ideal set by popular culture. Who says we should all be striving to look like a hot, blond, big-breasted, skinny 21-year-old Victoria's Secret model?! One, I wouldn't want to be 21 again. 31, sure--the 30s are great, but I'll pass on anything younger. Two, I am blond but I'm flat chested and I'll always be flat chested. Eh. Three, I'd rather have a PhD and be able to run a half marathon like I did last fall. I guarantee you those models can't do either one of these things!! Accept who you are. Set your own physical fitness and professional goals. Decide who you want to be and work toward your goals--no one's watching but you.

classycouture

I completely understand how you feel. I was always thin and athletic in high school, never paid much attention to my weight. But all of a sudden, it was like the flip of a switch, I had gained 10 pounds and absolutely loathed myself. It's been a struggle ever since. I have finally decided to focus on FITNESS, not weight. I am currently doing Insanity, and feeling better about myself every day. Feel free to add me! And best of luck to you :flowerforyou:

mikesa3

I found and printed this a few weeks ago because I thought it was good article about body image.
http://www.doctoroz.com/blog/katie-rickel-phd/refocusing-your-body-image
(for those that are anti Dr Oz, I know it's from the Dr Oz website but it's not written by him) I hope you like the article.
Nancy

gizz1970

The less pressure you put on yourself about losing weight the quicker you will lose weight the less you weigh yourself or look in the mirror for self acceptance the easier it will be. The less you compare to either being skinnnier or fatter than someone also helps. We must focus on our emotions that bound to make harsh judgements on ourselves and never being able to live up to our own expectations

Reban060

I'm wondering if a nude beach might do you some good? then again, I haven't been for a few years... but my first experiences were positive. Back then there was an unspoken beach etiquette everyone followed. NO OOGLING! That meant everyone went about their business without judging, one way or another.... I met a geriatric, republican, double mastectomy patient on the nude beach once and we had a political discussion while naked. Talk about positive body acceptance. No idea how things go now... I'm sure times have changed.

I do actually enjoy nude beaches, and I try to go skinnydipping as often as I can! It feels great to be naked around other naked, completely normal bodies (skinny, fat, old, young, tall, short, whatever) around you instead of the photoshopped, plastic Barbiebodies that one is bombarded with constantly in our society today.

rhinson3788

I have been overweight my whole life. I was picked on in school and it was no fault of my own. I received the "over-weight" gene from my moms side of the family. When I got in high school I was very active with volleyball and color guard and it felt awesome. I was losing weight eating better and everything. I lost 48 pounds before I went off to college and it felt amazing BUT I also still felt fat. I think being that way my whole life my mind set is that I am always going to be like that. After I lost the 48 pounds my bf of 3 years broke up with me and I was so upset I never eat. Weird thing was, I gained all my weight back AND THEN SOME. I was so disappointed in myself and it wasn't until recently I decided this needs to change. I have been working really hard and have lost 16 pounds in a month. It feels great but I think no matter how much weight I lose I will always see myself as that little girl who was always over weight. So it isn't just you, I think every girl and even guys deal with this on a daily basis. You just have to have confidence in yourself and not worry what everyone else thinks. And I am looking for friends too for motivation so feel free to add me )) I know this probably didn't help much but I just wanted to share my short story and let you know that you aren't the only one that struggles with this and from your profile pic you're a beautiful girl and everyone should love you for you and not what you look like or what your body size is. Do it for you and you'll be the happiest person ever. Trust me Last time I did it for my bf, this time I am doing it for me and I couldn't feel better!!!

jerber160

I'm wondering if a nude beach might do you some good? then again, I haven't been for a few years... but my first experiences were positive. Back then there was an unspoken beach etiquette everyone followed. NO OOGLING! That meant everyone went about their business without judging, one way or another.... I met a geriatric, republican, double mastectomy patient on the nude beach once and we had a political discussion while naked. Talk about positive body acceptance. No idea how things go now... I'm sure times have changed.

I do actually enjoy nude beaches, and I try to go skinnydipping as often as I can! It feels great to be naked around other naked, completely normal bodies (skinny, fat, old, young, tall, short, whatever) around you instead of the photoshopped, plastic Barbiebodies that one is bombarded with constantly in our society today.

so you do accept your body? is it the attitudes (perceived or real) of others that gets you sad?

yanastig

My weight has always been an issue for me, I can remember already wanting to loose weight at an age of 8. Even so, I have never been obese, I've just always been a bit chubby. During my teen years and early twenties I tried dieting all the time, dreaming about the day when I would finally become beautiful, sexy and skinny. Now, at the age of 25, I have come to realize that feeling beautiful and sexy won't come with loosing weight, since no matter what size I have I will always feel fat. My body image and my actual physical appearance have little to nothing at all to do with each other. Right now, I am in the middle of a deep depression that I've just started to seek professional help for and I hope that I can finally, after years of hating and feeling disgusted by myself and my body, start moving towards a place where I feel better about myself no matter what size I am. With this realization I have also started to reevaluate the reasons I have for loosing weight and getting into shape. Obviously, if my goal is such a subjective one, as being beautiful or sexy, I am never going to get there since I'm not able to feel that way about myself. Instead, I have decided to work towards improving my fitness and measuring it in my work out and Roller Derby performance, which is something I can objectively measure and also something that I can enjoy ALOT.

Does anybody feel the way I do about themselves? How do you handle it? Any "body image success stories" out there??

PS: I am looking for friends here on MFP who are also focusing on exercise - add me so that we can inspire and motivate each other! DS

Back in college, I was 60 kg/132 lbs and I thought I was fat. I started putting on the pounds after graduation eventually reaching, 160 lbs. Everyone had been commenting and teasing me that I've gotten so huge over the years. I told myself I'd never let these remarks get to me, but it finally did. I am human after all. Last September, I finally resolved to losing that 20 lbs. I enrolled in a gym, took pilates classes, downloaded workout apps, joined MFP, basically doing a complete 180 degree turn in terms of my lifestyle. Prior to joining MFP, I had already lost 10lbs. But after religiously counting calories since I joined, the pounds just started melting away. It really did help that you can see how much calories you can consume in one sitting. Because of this, more and more people have commented that I've lost so much weight. Some of them are genuinely happy for me, but there are some who reacted negatively to it. One guy from work even said I looked hotter when I was chubbier. Imagine that! And even my bestfriend agreed to that. The most ironic thing about this is that, the weight that I am now is the weight I was in college and I thought I was soo fat then. The thing is, I have a thin face even when I was overweight and so when I lost that weight, I guess I looked like someone who hasn't been putting any food in their mouth. It even got to the point that I wanted to gain back all those pounds I've lost. But then, all my sacrifices would be futile. I realized though that I have a very poor body image. It takes one insult, just one to make you forget all the nice things people have said to you. A line from a Baz Luhrman song goes like this "remember compliments you received, forget the insults. if you succeed in doing this, tell me how". The thing that irks me the most is when people assume that I'm doing this so that I would get a boyfriend. It isn't. I wanted to be healthy and I didn't want to suddenly be 33 years old and regretting that I didn't do something about my weight while I was still in my 20s. I think everyone of us needs to learn to love and accept whatever body type we have. But it's not easy and it will never be easy. As a matter of fact, I'm still wearing my old clothes. In my mind, I will always be the fat girl and I could be 110 lbs and sill think I'm fat. Anyways I've already said too much, I wish you the best of luck in your journey! :happy:

Reban060

I found and printed this a few weeks ago because I thought it was good article about body image.
http://www.doctoroz.com/blog/katie-rickel-phd/refocusing-your-body-image
(for those that are anti Dr Oz, I know it's from the Dr Oz website but it's not written by him) I hope you like the article.
Nancy

Thanks for sharing!

Hawksbillus

Wow, Staci's story is really inspiring! Thank you so much for sharing

Isn't it, though? She IS a freakin' super hero!

Reban060

I do actually enjoy nude beaches, and I try to go skinnydipping as often as I can! It feels great to be naked around other naked, completely normal bodies (skinny, fat, old, young, tall, short, whatever) around you instead of the photoshopped, plastic Barbiebodies that one is bombarded with constantly in our society today.

so you do accept your body? is it the attitudes (perceived or real) of others that gets you sad?

Well, I try to. Going to nude beaches is one of the things that I do to learn to accept my body. It might seem contradictory, but it helps to surround myself with "natural" bodies instead of the ones I am served on TV/billboards/magazines. It's weird, but I generally feel more conscious about the way I look when I am fully dressed at for example my university campus, then I do when I'm at my favourite nude beach.

Reban060

Wow, Staci's story is really inspiring! Thank you so much for sharing

Isn't it, though? She IS a freakin' super hero!

Indeed! As soon as I can afford it again I'll join a gym so I can start lifting weights! For now, I'm gonna start with the roller derby workout challenge, there's no weights in it but plenty of push ups, lounges, burpees and things like that

jerber160

I'm wondering if a nude beach might do you some good? then again, I haven't been for a few years... but my first experiences were positive. Back then there was an unspoken beach etiquette everyone followed. NO OOGLING! That meant everyone went about their business without judging, one way or another.... I met a geriatric, republican, double mastectomy patient on the nude beach once and we had a political discussion while naked. Talk about positive body acceptance. No idea how things go now... I'm sure times have changed.

I do actually enjoy nude beaches, and I try to go skinnydipping as often as I can! It feels great to be naked around other naked, completely normal bodies (skinny, fat, old, young, tall, short, whatever) around you instead of the photoshopped, plastic Barbiebodies that one is bombarded with constantly in our society today.

so you do accept your body? is it the attitudes (perceived or real) of others that gets you sad?

so i think it's good you're talking to a professional. that's why I mentioned 'perceived.' isn't it strange we can feel more comfortable naked around people who respect personal space than around clothed people we seem to be conditioned to feel are judging us? on the nude beach the lines are clear.. No JUDGING. and that's freeing and relaxing. best of luck with this.. you're gonna be fine!

SarLem81

In high school I danced up to 5 days a week and weighed 120lbs, but still had a slight belly (thanks, genetics). That belly made me feel fat even though I could leg press the entire stack in the school gym and wear a size 3. I would scoff if anyone called me beautiful or pretty because I just couldn't see it.

A knee injury my freshman year of college prevented me from minoring in dance. I started partying more and eating crap. My weight fluctuated throughout college and graduate school. I was miserable all the time, no matter what I weighed. I just managed to look happier when I was thinner. I pushed most of my friends out of my life. During the summer after my second year of college, my boss at my job pulled me aside one day after I spent half the morning crying in the bathroom. She called me out on my depression. She said she knew what was going on because she had been there. She begged me to take the afternoon off and go to the doctor. I did. The doctor gave me meds and advised that I see a therapist.

That was in 2001, and while I'm generally much happier than I was then, my body image issues are still there. It really didn't help that part of the reason my last relationship crumbled was because I gained a lot of weight while working full-time and going to grad school part-time. I hated how I looked and my ex's response to my looking for help and support (since we lived together/ate meals together) after graduation was "I'm not the one who's trying to lose weight." We broke up 2 1/2 years ago, and his words still sting to this day.

After quite a bit of therapy I realized that being thinner won't make me happy. That's entirely up to me and a separate battle from my weight loss battle. I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin, and by feeling healthy and strong I can get partway there. I have amazing friends and family who try to help me see who I am through their eyes, and that is helping me do the rest.

Good luck with your battle. Changing how you think is harder than changing your physical body. You can do it!

mfpcopine

Jane Fonda is an Oscar-winning actress who had an aerobics instruction empire in the 1980s. She sold exercise programs, sexy workout outfits, etc. She was very thin, although her father, the actor Henry Fonda, hurt her self-confidence when she was young because he told her she was fat. She also had a very beautiful mother with whom she compared herself.

Anyway, by her 30s she was wealthy, successful, famous and thin. In an interview, she once said that she didn't think that anyone in America was ever completely comfortable with their bodies.

It's not surprising. There are too many images to contend with. I read an article that said that girls are exposed to something like a million images of "perfect" faces and bodies" by a very young age. We live in a sexist, lookist age. Men are beginning to feel some of the same pressures of objectification, but it still doesn't compare to what women are subjected to.


I suggest you reduce to a healthy weight, get into a routine of healthy eating and fitness, which you'll be doing the rest of your life. Wear clothes that fit and flatter you. Have them made if necessary. Make yourself look and feel good but understand that there will probably always be days when you have some doubts.

Most important, focus on things that are bigger than you. Many of the most fulfilling things in life we can do have nothing to do with our appearance.

Reban060

Thanks to everyone for sharing your stories, it feels so good to know that I am not the only one who is struggling with these issues. I look forward to getting to know more of your guys and for us to help eachother to reach our goals! The best of luck to all of you, you are in my thoughts!

mohanj

I have struggled with body image all my life. I was teased as a teenager and I use to cry thinking I am fat. After having two kids around age 30, I weighed 127 lbs or so and still felt fat though the whole world said I should not loose any more weight. I wanted to be thin and beautiful though my husband always liked the way I am and did not care if I loose or gained weight. At age 58, now I want to loose weight because of health reasons. I want to be energetic, active and healthy. Looking slim and beautiful if I loose weight is a secondary thing. So my focus is my health and I don't care too much how others see me as beautiful or ugly....don't care a damn about other's opinion. Just focus on your health and good life style and things will fall in place on it's own. Good luck.

janeite1990

When I was 20 and weighed 107, I wanted to be 105. When I was 110, I wanted to be 107. When I was 112, I wanted to be 110. When I was 115, I wanted to 112. When I was 117, I wanted to be115.

January at 125, I set my MFP goal for 117. Today I am 118. When I hit 117, I will probably adjust my goal down. I don't expect to be below 112 ever again, and I don't really want to be. I'm exercising more consistently than I ever have, and I'm eating better than I ever have. I hope I keep at those two things. There is still lots o fat on my body, and it really stands out to me. I don't feel 7 seven pounds lighter. My husband says he can see a difference. People at work have said, "Are you losing weight." I know my body is smaller, but until there is a little more muscle and a little less fat, I won't feel like it. I'm not going to starve myself or get crazy. I've made peace with my stretch marks and cellulite. Que sera.

EvEboEvie

I have absolutely felt this way. I was at a perfectly normal weight up into my early teenage years and always thought I was fat. Then college came and I really did get fat... I experienced several major stressors in my life back to back for several years and, because I am a stress eater, I gained even more weight.

So this journey for me encompasses three main things (emotionally):
1. Recognizing my worth and loving myself enough to do good things for myself (like getting healthy)
2. Telling myself positive things about my body and accepting it no matter what
3. Getting my confidence back (ok, "back" is a lie, let's just get some danggone confidence to begin with).

bilzprincess

And how do I still do this? I've gained three pounds and can't shake it for two months. All weightloss has come to a halt--then today I looked at the weight I was this last Christmas. I was feeling really slim at the Christmas party. Feeling good about myself. And I weighed about 5 lbs more than this 3-lb heavier me. So what the heck?how can I feel so huge when in fact I'm the thinnest I've been in decades?! All I can think is it's cuz I'm USED to feeling heavy, but not used to liking myself as I am. Harrumph. What a head game this all is!

cgray

I know exactly how you feel (I just sent you a friend request) my heart brakes when I see little girls posting photos of "thinspiration" and making claims that their lives would be so different if only they looked like the girl in the photos. I AM the girl in those photos, literally sometimes, and I feel horrible about myself. I find myself terrified that the real me will never live up to people's expectations of the airbrushed version of myself. I spent my entire 20s stressed over how ugly I am, how fat I look and how much weight I needed to lose (imagined or not). My focus now is completely on health both mental & physical. I still have really bad days but I have a good support system & I pray a lot (sorry non-Christians, I'm not trying to offend simply telling you what works for me). My eating habits are horrible which is why I'm here, I sometimes need support to keep me eating, choosing healthy foods and not over training. I admire you for facing this issue head on.

amibeachcomber

DS.........I'm glad you're seeking professional help for your depression. I'm double your age and have dealt with the same body image issues you're dealing with since I was just a teenager. I wish I had never gone on my first crazy diet when I was 14. I look back at pictures of myself then and I was no where near overweight. I needed to lose maybe 10 pounds. As a result of that first diet, I have yo-yoed my way into the land of obesity and have never been able to get out and stay out successfully. Oh, I've been thin many times over the last 35 years, but I didn't stay there for more than 6 months or so. For the brief times that I was "normal weighted", I never saw myself as thin. I just couldn't get my head wrapped around it. My friends would all tell me how great I looked. I would see the size 6 label on the pants I was wearing and yet, I still couldn't grasp the thin me.

When I look back at pictures of my size 6 self, now that I am overweight again, I can acknowledge how thin I was. I've decided to take the advice of the friend who introduced me to MFP. She advised me to take front, side and back pictures of myself, now and periodically through this process, until I reach my weight goal and hang them on the fridge. I think this will really help me visualize my transition as I go along so that when I reach my goal, I am already used to what I look like and it's not such a shock to my mind. It probably sounds a bit crazy, but if someone has felt this way, maybe you,.......then, you'll understand exactly what I'm saying.

I have a 16 year old daughter who's overweight now and it breaks my heart that I'm not a good role model for her. I hope I can beat this thing and maybe be the role model for her that I so long to be.

All my best to you.

xoeva

My weight has always been an issue for me, I can remember already wanting to loose weight at an age of 8. Even so, I have never been obese, I've just always been a bit chubby. During my teen years and early twenties I tried dieting all the time, dreaming about the day when I would finally become beautiful, sexy and skinny. Now, at the age of 25, I have come to realize that feeling beautiful and sexy won't come with loosing weight, since no matter what size I have I will always feel fat. My body image and my actual physical appearance have little to nothing at all to do with each other. Right now, I am in the middle of a deep depression that I've just started to seek professional help for and I hope that I can finally, after years of hating and feeling disgusted by myself and my body, start moving towards a place where I feel better about myself no matter what size I am. With this realization I have also started to reevaluate the reasons I have for loosing weight and getting into shape. Obviously, if my goal is such a subjective one, as being beautiful or sexy, I am never going to get there since I'm not able to feel that way about myself. Instead, I have decided to work towards improving my fitness and measuring it in my work out and Roller Derby performance, which is something I can objectively measure and also something that I can enjoy ALOT.

Does anybody feel the way I do about themselves? How do you handle it? Any "body image success stories" out there??

PS: I am looking for friends here on MFP who are also focusing on exercise - add me so that we can inspire and motivate each other! DS

I felt fat in highschool (about 20 years ago) and I now see photos of me then I lwas HOT....unfortunatelly I didn't enjoy it....I always felt fat...take care of your depression...it can get worse very quickly. What I've done sometimes is write a list of 100 things I like about myself...either talents (baking...taking good photos...my smile....whatever) and read it every morning...and every night before you fall asleep think of three things you are gratefull for...that you got a good parking spot, that it was a sunny day, that you had a good chat with your friend/sister, whatever. Trying to improve your health and diet while depressed is really really hard.