Overweight spouses

caroleslaststand

It's absolutely true that we need positive people around us on this voyage or we could sink. It is not a bad analogy to compare it to a recovering alcoholic (or addict) living with another alcoholic (or addict) who isn't ready to work on recovery. In that case, it's not uncommon for couples to break up or have a trial separation.. I fear that few people would understand this if, rather than addiction, weight loss and fitness were the issues causing the split, yet it is just as important to save your life. You need to be surrounded by support and have the whole family get with the program. Until they realize that your success may depend on their participation, you do have extra difficulty to deal with.

This has, in knid of a natural progression, had an effect on how I see potential partners (I'm single). I'm not interested in someone who is overweight and not working on it seriously and successfully. I get more interested in the guy who just realized that he's losing weight and that maybe he'll get more serious about it and spend more time working out - no not "maybe" - he has to actually "do it". The ones who just accept their flab, diabetes and impotence are not appealing to me at all, no matter how cute, funny and smart they may be. It indicates an inability to carry through and be there for me should we have a crisis somewhere in our life together.

Besides, my improving health means that I'm going to be more active and have new interests and if the guy is left behind because he's too fat/unfit, what kind of a relationship is that - not a good beginning for one at all. You can't tell your loved one this kind of thing, though. It will meet a wall of resistance and resentment. Somehow, you have to maintain your resolve and take care of yourself and others without giving up. Hang in there.

only_5mom

I so agree. I have tried to encourage him to get healthy, but only a little every so once in a while. Don't want to nag and put a wedge between us. I almost burst out at him the other day though when he came into the Y while I was working out and stood right by the machine, in the way of my lifting and nagged me about being starving and to choose a restaurant to meet for lunch when I got done. Then the frustration turned to pity when I realized he is totally in denial about his situation and has no desire to be better. It is important to do what you need to do, don't let the other person drag you down. Perhaps your example will be an inspiration, so stay sweet about it!:flowerforyou:

SkettiGurl

I had 30lbs to lose...now about 20lbs and my husband who has always been overweight since I've known him (8 years) has just actively started using MFP! He's clueing in to what he should and should be eating and making much better choices. I hope this will help (both of us) to lose the weight we need. My son is only 3 and is fit and active and understands why it's important to exercise and I just hope he stays that way!

It is very hard to want to lose weight and your OH is an enabler when it comes to bad food!

sapphirewind

He claims that he can lose it anytime he wants to.

Ugh I hate when my husband says this, its like "put me on a treadmill and Ill drop all of it fast"... last time he said that to me I said "do it then".

LOL yeah mine always says "I can lose it by eating oen meal a day"..what kinds of things does he eat for this one meal? A resteraunt cheese and chicken quesadilla, then chicken sandwich and onion rings and large soda....and he was sitting next to two strict dieting females....>< Then he gets up in the middle of the night and goes to the fridge.

sapphirewind

This, right here. The whole drama over "you're doing this because the family (read, the spouse) isn't good enough for you any more and you're gonna trade us in!!11!!!" thing wears thin.

No dear, nobody is getting "traded in" because (a) because I love you (and the family), and (b) it's too damned expensive to trade you in! I'm trying to lose so I can feel better about myself, and not die anytime soon!!

And I also got the "you're eating different food than us and you're cooking for yourself!! My cooking isn't good enough!!!111" Not that "hey, honey...maybe you don't wanna cook two different meals, so hey, I'll help you out by being responsible for myself!!!"

The things we go through!

Yeah I lost a lot of weight once and the hubby would half-jokingly say "now that you're thinner are you going to find someone smaller too?" But you know what they are really thinking, that they are worried. If so worried then why not join in!

He always goes on and on about the weight he loses... then never mentions when he gains it back. So it's always the same 10 lbs or so!