can i please have some motivation?

willywonka

Hi MFP friends,
Can i please ask for some support from you guys? To make a long story short, I have a sister that has had a really hard time getting pregnant, well she is pregnant for the first time and we are very excited! The only downfall of this is I have decided to take the rare opportunity that I was offered-a slot running the NYC marathon in November. It falls within a week of her due date. My thinking was that this is apples and oranges and what are the odds of her going into labor on that day, at the worst case scenario I could fly back after the race.

So, I hear it from both my mom and my sister. I come from an overweight family and I have always, always been sensitive to them about weight. Ever since I started trying to get healthy, I have gotten grief, and now it's to the point where they make fun of me, especially my sister.
My mom is in really bad health and throughout my entire twenties and early thirties, I have dedicated my life to helping her and my dad. Even after I first got married, I ran two households by cooking, cleaning, doing everything. My sister never helped during this time, her response was always, "get jenny to do it, she doesn't have a life"

And now for the first time in my life, I feel good about myself. I have hobbies, friends, things that I enjoy and no I haven't been going over there but a couple of times a week to help. So my mom calls me just now to tell me, that I am no longer her same daughter, that I'm a different person since I lost the weight and that she doesn't like that person. I told her I was sorry she felt that way and that I only wanted their support. They are making me feel horrible about pursuing a dream and I do not think it is fair. Thanks for listening :frown:

gglenn

You need to do what makes YOU happy.

My family is just like this, I have always been there to take care of everyone and now that I'm taking care of myself they say I think I'm better than they are. So you do what makes you happy and they'll come around....................eventually.

jolinemariem

i dont know your family so it is hard to give advice but my family is overweight to and i am the only one who seems to do anything to stay healthy i think they are coming around maybe yours will to. you cant give up on your health either do you want to end up needing that help all the time

motivated1

Misery loves company! Keep your head up, and realize it is their self-esteem issues, not you.
You should be proud of yourself and excited that you are following your dreams.
Hang in there!

KatWood

I hate to say this but this probably stems from jealously. Be patient with them but don't let them convince you that you are doing anything wrong. Encourage them to participate in your new healthy lifestyle and hopefully your success will inspire them and they will come around. And if not, well we can't change our families but we can surround ourselves with loving supportive friends like yourpals here on MFP!:flowerforyou:

havingitall

Look 10 years in the future... when you look back will it be
1) I am so proud of myself for running that marathon
or
2) I am so glad I was there to see my niece/nephew after they were born.

You will see the child for years. Is it imperitive that you see them immediately after birth or can it wait a few hours.

I say follow your dream. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission!

kelligirl

Run, willy, run!

Need I say more? :flowerforyou:

jabdye

Definitely do the race! Don't let them rob you of things that make you happy....just because they have sedentary lifestyles. You're priorities are changing -- and YAY YOU for changing them! You have to do what makes you happy -- don't let them guilt you into thinking you are selfish for wanting something for yourself. You'll end up resenting them if you allow them to hold you down. And congrats on all that you've done despite the negativity!!!

Marla64

oh my-- families that think you're tied to their hip forever because you once inhabited the same womb really boggle my mind--

I'll echo everyone else-- misery loves company-- they want you down with them-- you've risen above it-- stay there and enjoy it--

Have a great time training-- love your family, help 'em when you can if you're led--

But, live your life-- run your marathon.

pcbta

I, too, come from a mother like this. It does come from jealousy. I have a very thin sister, and my mother is always down on her saying she is anorexic...and she is NOT. she is down on people who diet or work out a lot. and then she herself, is quite overweight. so she feels bad about herself and tries to put everyone down to feel better.
It likely doesn't work, so try not to worry. I know it can be so hard and very stressful!!! BUT at some point you have to let it go and do what you know is right.
Good luck

Cindy

MissNova

I have actually been going through the same thing with my family. I was always the one to do everything, I know that a new child is happy times but you need to do what is happy for you. When times get rough you have to think about who was there for you, if anyone at all?...Go head to New York and do everything you always wanted to do. It will all work out. Good luck.

angelascott919

The only one who can live your life is YOU. Unfortunatly our families look at our successes as their failures.

One thing I always think is...

At the end of my life I don't want to look back and say.. if only I had.....

No regrets, I want to do what I can do live a happy and healthy life. Go places, do things, enjoy life to it's fullest and not worry about what other people think about me.

If I left it to my mom, I would live in a town that has no jobs, no money, full of crime and work for minimum wage. Parents don't always know best, we love them and are there when we can be but you are not her only child (one thing I had to remind my family, I am the youngest of 4).

Congratulations losing the weight, keep it up and go run the marathon.

kerrilucko

it's a jealousy thing, it really is. You LOOK amazing, but you also just plain ARE amazing. You're one of the sweetest people I've met on here! You're happy and honest and forthcoming. Why WOULDN'T she be jealous?

You really just have to try and let it roll off your back. If she makes a comment that bothers you, change the subject. If she's not interested in running, don't talk about it with her. Talk about it with like-minded people and stick to mutual interests when you're with her.

It sucks that people can't just be happy for us sometimes... jealousy is very real... but don't let it get to you, we all know that she's wrong and you're right :bigsmile: :laugh:

:flowerforyou:

jchudon

Hmmm, it's always hard to change habits in your life.
Everyone was telling me to stop losing weight, that I was doing it wrong, that I would gain it as fast as I've lost it.
People are mocking me when I use the scale to weight my food.
My girlfriend who is a little overweight was always telling me to stop, that she liked me the way I was...

Today, I'm healthy. I've got a little baby who's incredible and my girlfriend has lost more weight then she had gained during her pregnancy. My eating habits eventually got to her . 3 friends have started to lose some weight as long a guy who I work with.

I will be able to go to the park and play with my boy instead of sitting on a bench to fat to play along and that is worth every mockery and every mean comment.

Motivated1 says "Misery loves company! " and I could not agree more.

Go girl, run that marathon, make yourself and everyone in here proud! :bigsmile:

lgolden

Misery loves company! Keep your head up, and realize it is their self-esteem issues, not you.
You should be proud of yourself and excited that you are following your dreams.
Hang in there!

I agree! Don't let them bring you down. :flowerforyou:

mfinney

That is really unfortunate, but I know exactly what you mean. Out of my entire family -- and I do mean ENTIRE family, brother, sister, mom, dad, grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles -- absolutely EVERYONE -- i am the only person who follows any kind of healthy lifestyle WHATSOEVER. I catch the grief here and there, and a lot of it is a form of jealousy, which I get. It's one of the reasons I found this place and enjoy it so much, because we're all on the same mission.

When it comes to your race and being there for your sister -- here is what I think:

Train for the race. Keep doing what you're doing and prepare to do it regardless of what they say right now... That being said, I don't know what your beliefs are, but as for me, I believe in family before myself no matter what. So there may be many different scenarios -- you can train for the race, run it, and it won't even affect the timing of the birth -- How many times are they dead on anyway??? She could have that baby a week before your race, a few days after, you just never know. On the flip side, the coincidence could just happen that she goes into labor the day before the race or the day of the race...and if you know, you should probably be there for her. So what if you trained for it and then can't run it??? At least you trained for it and are as healthy as ever because of it.

There will ALWAYS be more marathons to run -- there will only be ONE TIME this baby is born, and I think it's apparent it's important enough for you to be there for it. And tell them (your mom and sis) this is your plan, but if all else fails and the day comes and it's baby time, you'll be there, and maybe they won't be so judgmental about the whole thing.

Good luck

brainey100

Lead by example. If your family sees how happy and energized you are by living a healthy lifestyle, they will be more inclined to change. No one likes change, especially the ones closest to you. They feel threatened that you will no longer be the same person. They will eventually come to understand that this is who you are and will embrace you for being a stronger and more confident person. Run the race for you, pray that your family understands, and continue to live on the healthy side of life.

paddlemom

Do the race! Look forward to it and enjoy YOUR journey preparing for it and anticipating the excitement of your day. This is your bliss. They will have theirs, and if it comes on the same day, you will be there when you can to share all the joy for years to come.

Babies are unpredictable and even if you weren't running the marathon, you surely wouldn't be able to guarantee you would be there for the birth, even if she called you the moment she went into labour!
I'm sure this is the anticipation of the day talking and your mom and sister will calm down as time goes on.

In the meantime, you will have lots of opportunities to share your sister's pregnancy and plans. Remind her that she has her own journey to enjoy - it's more than just one birth day! You are not responsible for making their day special - that will happen all on it's own.

ndiamond

The only advice I can give you is what my daddy told me, "Make a decision with your heart you'll make mistakes. Make a decision with you brain and you'll make mistakes. But decisions from the heart, you'll never regret."

There comes a point in every relationship where you need to evaluate it's value. When you love your family, you do everything to support them. You were there for your sister during her biggest struggle: becoming pregnant. She should be there for your goals. Child birth is amazing, but you're not even garunteeing your going to miss it. Train. Play it by ear. And see how you feel when the time comes. I heard only about 5% of people actually deliver on their due date.

Most of all, you're setting an example for a new generation in your family. Be proud of yourself and your accomplishments.

pickadilly2009

Think of it this way. They want you to be there for your sister's "BIG EVENT" but what about the fact that her sister is running in the NY marathon!!!! Hello!!! THIS IS HUGE! Turn it around on them and tell them you are sad that they will not be there for your "BIG EVENT". Don't you let them take you down! That kind of manipulation from family is what got you in the first place! Don't let them steal your joy! Tell them, "I am really sorry you don't feel the same about me anymore, but I still feel the same way about you and I love you. I wish you could do the same for me."

Ohhhhh that just get's my dander up! Shame on them!

YOU ARE AMAZING!!!!

bakergirl62

NEVER give up on your dreams! That's what keeps us moving in the right direction.