Restore my faith in men

Ready2Rock206

Are there any single guys who aren't looking for women just for sex?

Obviously, I am going through something here so no ridicule or bashing please.

None I've met in the last 20 years or so....

KrisyKat

It's just that I met someone that seemed absolutely wonderful. And then he showed his true colors. It's just kind of disappointing.

Expectations lead to disappointments...

Don't go looking for the "perfect man"...you'll never find him. Instead, find the one whose flaws are minimally irritating :laugh:

Well I never said he was perfect. I don't expect anyone to ever be perfect. My luck is that the flaws are usually gargantuanly disastrous. Apparently, I lack the ability to pick them.

Don't despair...you'll find the right one someday.

I hope the poem below allows you to see the silver lining to your cloudy days with men. My mother, who has been through some tough *kitten* (four divorces, four children, & loads of drama,) always keeps a framed copy in her house. It was the first poem I ever read, and probably the first poem I ever truly understood:

COMES THE DAWN...

After awhile you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn’t mean security,
That kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises.

And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up
And your eyes open, with the grace of a woman
Not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build all your roads on today.
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns,
If you get too much.

So you plant your own garden
And you decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure…
That you really are strong and you really do have worth.

And you learn and learn.
With every goodbye
You learn.


---NOTE: I would credit this to an author but there is quite a dispute over its true origin, and there is no copyright.

jupityjupe

there are probably just as many crappy women out there as men..some good women get crappy men, some good men get crappy women, some good men get good women...it's all, well, a crap shoot....in my life men either want to *kitten* me or *kitten* me over or both..at least that's the way it's always been...hoping the future holds something brighter

Bethie_B

There are a ton of great guys out there. In fact, most of them are. Be confident in who you are and what you want, and the right one will be attracted to that.

HorrorChix89

This is why I date men older than me. By the time the sex topic rolls around they're already on their death bed :laugh:

UsedToBeHusky

Thanks KristyKat! That was nice!

MyFeistyEvolution

Are there any single guys who aren't looking for women just for sex?

Obviously, I am going through something here so no ridicule or bashing please.

I am not a man but I think you deserve the world and nothing less. Remember that.

Agreed.

And I guarantee you that there are some wonderful men out there that want the whole package!!!

UsedToBeHusky

Are there any single guys who aren't looking for women just for sex?

Obviously, I am going through something here so no ridicule or bashing please.

I am not a man but I think you deserve the world and nothing less. Remember that.

Agreed.

And I guarantee you that there are some wonderful men out there that want the whole package!!!

:flowerforyou:

bikinibeliever

You need to take some time out of the game and just enjoy being single for a while. You can't approach dating like you NEED a man. Nor can you go in with the mindset that all men are scoundrels.

Couldn't have said it any better!

bikinibeliever

Are there any single guys who aren't looking for women just for sex?

Absolutely...Laundry and cleaning would be nice too.

:laugh:

liftingbro

IMO, as a once single guy that is now married, if a guy is worth his salt he'd be willing to wait until you're ready.

My wife and I went out for quite a while before we went down that road and that was because I thought she was something special. I wanted to make it clear to her that I was interested in her for more than her hot bod. There were nights when we were dating when I was ready to go but she wasn't yet wanting to start that sort or relationship. I was OK with that because I knew I had long term plans with her and that eventually it would happen.

If a guy wants to get you in the sack or he's going to break up with you then he's probably not worth the time. IMO, it's not unreasonable to expect to wait as long as she wants. Waiting is good, it lets you know who the weeds in the garden are.

Also, you may just be going out with guys in a different stage in life than you. Maybe you're looking for something that can be come something serious and finding only guys who want to hookup. Granted, guys have a history of not being honest but you need to make it clear from the start that you are not looking to be just a hookup.

scapez

It's just that I met someone that seemed absolutely wonderful. And then he showed his true colors. It's just kind of disappointing.

You just need to keep at it. I had to kiss a lot of toads before I found my prince. You deserve someone wonderful and I hope you find him soon.

Jennicia

Not single, but my wife is out of town. Rawr.

"When the cat's away, the mouse will play"! :laugh:

ashnm88

Most guys just want sex, and that's it.

Nekhet

Most guys just want sex, and that's it.

And a sammich...LOL

I coudln't resist.

If that's all a guy wants...karma usually comes around...most guys I know wants sex, but also want peace

liftingbro

Most guys just want sex, and that's it.

All guys want sex all of the time (baring health issues or being odd..lol) but some see at as a bonus and others see it as a necessity.

I always want it, but not so much if the wife doesn't want it. It's not any fun if they are just taking one for the team. :laugh:

Bikini27

We all like it and want it but that doesn`t mean we can`t be decent and loving too and happy to go without when we are caring for a lady. :flowerforyou:

This.
Plus, if you don't allow them to go there right at the beginning, then you have a better chance of developing something with them.
I'm not saying the "no sex until the 5th date" rule or whatever, but the constant sexting and emails about sex opens that door and you are less likely to make a lasting connection.

And women do it, too. I admit, I've gone with a guy simply because he was a tiger in the sack but his personal life was a mess.

Make sure the contact you have with the man is more well rounded, the give and take of conversation that doesn't revolve around sex. Once he is interested in you as a person, you have a better chance of it being about more than just sex. And if he isn't interested in anything more than sex, ditch his *kitten* and move onto the next one.

GoldspursX3

Most guys just want sex, and that's it.

Geez, generalize much? Would it be appropriate if I said most women are gold diggers? No?

JustJennie1

If you just stop looking and are content with who you are and where you are you will find the right person. That happened to me. As soon as I was fine being single and completely and totally content with myself and being alone BAM! In walks the man I eventually married.

They are out there.

JThomas61

It's just that I met someone that seemed absolutely wonderful. And then he showed his true colors. It's just kind of disappointing.

You just need to keep at it. I had to kiss a lot of toads before I found my prince. You deserve someone wonderful and I hope you find him soon.

I found someone wonderful!

nursedb

It's just that I met someone that seemed absolutely wonderful. And then he showed his true colors. It's just kind of disappointing.

Expectations lead to disappointments...

Don't go looking for the "perfect man"...you'll never find him. Instead, find the one whose flaws are minimally irritating :laugh:

EXACTLY!!!! what she said ...absolutely!!!!!

UsedToBeHusky

It's just that I met someone that seemed absolutely wonderful. And then he showed his true colors. It's just kind of disappointing.

You just need to keep at it. I had to kiss a lot of toads before I found my prince. You deserve someone wonderful and I hope you find him soon.

I found someone wonderful!

I have to agree with you threre!

ConcordPhil

I'll answer your question in a roundabout manner.

I think we, I mean men, need to do a lot more to recognize that what modern society sees as beautiful is only skin-deep. We are bombarded with messages on tv, movies and advertising that a "beautiful" woman is one who is thin, young and "sexy".

One exercise that I am doing is to work hard at recognizing when a woman does something that itself is a beautiful act. And then I will compliment her on it. This is regardless of whether or not I see her as a potential partner.

For example, I have a friend who is a grandmother and whose daughter, well let's just say her daughter does not have her life in order quite yet. My friend has taken on the responsibility of raising her grandson in what I see as an act of self-sacrifice. She could just have allowed the grandchild to be in a bad situation but she decided that she would sacrifice her current freedom so that the child could have a chance at a better life. I told my friend that I thought she was doing a really beautiful thing by being a parent to this child. And I used the exact words "a really beautiful thing". It may sound silly but by using the word "beautiful" to directly describe a selfless action, I am re-training my mind to see women not as objects but as full participants in this little journey of ours... with brains and hearts and potential and accomplishments. The other benefit I've found is that it helps me to see if a woman is more interested in her outer beauty and is neglecting those things that make her beautiful inside.

It isn't easy, like I say we are bombarded with superficiality every day. But it is worth it. And sex should be a normal healthy part of a loving relationship. So I would say take your time before going to bed with a guy. Give yourself the opportunity to see if he sees your inner beauty rather than just your outsides.

The flip side for women is this: are you more concerned with your outside appearance as opposed to your inside self? If you spend much of your time trying to emulate the appearance of so-called stars and celebrities, I would say that you will get what you are looking for.... a man who only sees the outside and is more interested in sex rather than getting to know you as a human being.

boggsmeister

It might help if you "looked" at church, or volunteering. It isn't perfect, but it raises the odds of finding someone who isn't an *kitten* hat.

UsedToBeHusky

@ConcordPhil - Thank you for posting!! I truly appreciate your kind advice.

crisanderson27

It's just that I met someone that seemed absolutely wonderful. And then he showed his true colors. It's just kind of disappointing.

Expectations lead to disappointments...

Don't go looking for the "perfect man"...you'll never find him. Instead, find the one whose flaws are minimally irritating :laugh:

Or the one who has flaws...that make him perfect to you.

I know, sounds stupid...until you meet him.

KrisyKat

Thanks KristyKat! That was nice!

You're very welcome :flowerforyou: