Should your lover expect you to lose weight?

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Chelle_Davis
Chelle_Davis Posts: 241
in Motivation and Support
Thoughts??
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  • lmelangley
    lmelangley Posts: 1,039 Member
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    No. He may encourage it from a health perspective, but if he "expects" it, he's no "lover".
  • carly_pear
    carly_pear Posts: 65 Member
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    I don't think it should ever be expected by someone who loves you. I think that if your health is at risk, they should encourage you and give you all the support you need to make it happen.
  • adross3
    adross3 Posts: 606 Member
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    Yes and No.

    Yes, because you should want to please your lover. Love is not a feeling but a realization of what the other person does for you. So, you should want to please your partner.

    No, because if your partner likes you the way you are then they are happy.

    Either way, always try to please your lover.
  • VeganPanda
    VeganPanda Posts: 582 Member
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    Not "expect," but if one is out of shape, and overweight or obese, they should "encourage" out of health and caring reasons.
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
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    Expect it? No.

    But, if you're very overweight and struggling with health issues that are a direct side effect of it? I think it is okay for a loved one to let you know they are concerned.

    I dearly love my boyfriend and if he were to gain 50lbs, I would still love him. I would, however, be concerned about his overall health.
  • asia_hanebach
    asia_hanebach Posts: 275 Member
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    Not "expect," but if one is out of shape, and overweight or obese, they should "encourage" out of health and caring reasons.

    ^This.
  • chocolateandvodka
    chocolateandvodka Posts: 1,856 Member
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    If i begin dating someone who is healthy, or on the premise of becoming healthier (i.e. met him/her at a gym, on mfp, etc) and suddenly they decide their body is a dumpster, i will probably have a conversation about it with them.

    It might be because their emotional state has declined for some other reason - work, family, me, etc.
    in which case i'll do whatever i can to help them through it.

    or maybe it's because of an underlying medical condition or medication, in which case i'll stay and do what i can to help.

    but if it's because they've just become lazy *kitten* couch potatoes who assume i'll stay around while they sit in front of the tv and munch Oreos all day, no. i can not love someone who does not love themselves.
  • USMCConditioning
    USMCConditioning Posts: 84
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    I know it's gonna be hard for some people to understand and that is ok, but i told my wife that, when i'm in boot camp i hope for her to look better in 3 months than she does the day i leave. I'm not asking her to look like she did in high school, even though that would be so damn sexy. But I gotta think realistically with her goals and know that she's not as nearly enthusiastic about doing 40 or more minutes of cardio 5 days a week. But i won't take any excuses unless it's a physical problem where she breaks a bone or severely sprains a joint.
  • adross3
    adross3 Posts: 606 Member
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    If i begin dating someone who is healthy, or on the premise of becoming healthier (i.e. met him/her at a gym, on mfp, etc) and suddenly they decide their body is a dumpster, i will probably have a conversation about it with them.

    It might be because their emotional state has declined for some other reason - work, family, me, etc.
    in which case i'll do whatever i can to help them through it.

    or maybe it's because of an underlying medical condition or medication, in which case i'll stay and do what i can to help.

    but if it's because they've just become lazy *kitten* couch potatoes who assume i'll stay around while they sit in front of the tv and munch Oreos all day, no. i can not love someone who does not love themselves.

    Well Said...
  • Diary_Queen
    Diary_Queen Posts: 1,314 Member
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    My weight gain came from a deep-seeded loathing of myself. In that regard, I think my former partners should have expected me to love myself enough or to work toward loving myself enough to take better care of myself. Most of them just thought that I should take a pill and feel happy about life or that I should use illegal drugs and not care either way. They were wrong and it took me many years to feel the self-worth to stop hiding behind my fat body and let my real awesomeness start shining through. That's what my weight loss will mean for me. A complete love and acceptance of who I am - expressed to the people in my life - by me loving myself enough to not die at 35 of a heart attack or a stroke in the line at Sonic getting extra onions and chili on my 3rd New York dog. I dont think someone should expect me to be a size 0 just so they can imagine humping a model.
  • Oo_BrookeNicole_oO
    Oo_BrookeNicole_oO Posts: 165
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    No. Love is unconditional. If you start "expecting" your significant other to lose weight then you might want to reexamine your reasons for being in a relationship with that person. Is it because of their personality or looks? It's important to encourage them, but when you start "expecting" them to lose weight I think that's just to far.
  • naomi8888
    naomi8888 Posts: 519 Member
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    If i begin dating someone who is healthy, or on the premise of becoming healthier (i.e. met him/her at a gym, on mfp, etc) and suddenly they decide their body is a dumpster, i will probably have a conversation about it with them.

    It might be because their emotional state has declined for some other reason - work, family, me, etc.
    in which case i'll do whatever i can to help them through it.

    or maybe it's because of an underlying medical condition or medication, in which case i'll stay and do what i can to help.

    but if it's because they've just become lazy *kitten* couch potatoes who assume i'll stay around while they sit in front of the tv and munch Oreos all day, no. i can not love someone who does not love themselves.

    Well said!
  • naomi8888
    naomi8888 Posts: 519 Member
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    I know it's gonna be hard for some people to understand and that is ok, but i told my wife that, when i'm in boot camp i hope for her to look better in 3 months than she does the day i leave. I'm not asking her to look like she did in high school, even though that would be so damn sexy. But I gotta think realistically with her goals and know that she's not as nearly enthusiastic about doing 40 or more minutes of cardio 5 days a week. But i won't take any excuses unless it's a physical problem where she breaks a bone or severely sprains a joint.

    How did that go down? I could see that going either way depending on the way you actually said it.
  • hapoo100
    hapoo100 Posts: 940 Member
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    Not "expect," but if one is out of shape, and overweight or obese, they should "encourage" out of health and caring reasons.

    ^^this for sure
  • sfoxy219
    sfoxy219 Posts: 103
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    No, Like others have said He can encourage but should not expect you too.
  • debs6
    debs6 Posts: 232 Member
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    I know it's gonna be hard for some people to understand and that is ok, but i told my wife that, when i'm in boot camp i hope for her to look better in 3 months than she does the day i leave. I'm not asking her to look like she did in high school, even though that would be so damn sexy. But I gotta think realistically with her goals and know that she's not as nearly enthusiastic about doing 40 or more minutes of cardio 5 days a week. But i won't take any excuses unless it's a physical problem where she breaks a bone or severely sprains a joint.

    How did that go down? I could see that going either way depending on the way you actually said it.

    I sure agree with the comment here- if issued as an instruction the locks would be changed before your return. Do you love, support and encourage this woman or what?
  • tabulator32
    tabulator32 Posts: 701 Member
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    If i begin dating someone who is healthy, or on the premise of becoming healthier (i.e. met him/her at a gym, on mfp, etc) and suddenly they decide their body is a dumpster, i will probably have a conversation about it with them.

    It might be because their emotional state has declined for some other reason - work, family, me, etc.
    in which case i'll do whatever i can to help them through it.

    or maybe it's because of an underlying medical condition or medication, in which case i'll stay and do what i can to help.

    but if it's because they've just become lazy *kitten* couch potatoes who assume i'll stay around while they sit in front of the tv and munch Oreos all day, no. i can not love someone who does not love themselves.

    Ditto.

    I had considered saying something to this effect but I would have fully expected to knocked to the ground by a hail of rotten tomatoes.

    You more or less encompassed what I would have said, so..."ditto."
  • gomisskellygo
    gomisskellygo Posts: 635 Member
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    I know it's gonna be hard for some people to understand and that is ok, but i told my wife that, when i'm in boot camp i hope for her to look better in 3 months than she does the day i leave. I'm not asking her to look like she did in high school, even though that would be so damn sexy. But I gotta think realistically with her goals and know that she's not as nearly enthusiastic about doing 40 or more minutes of cardio 5 days a week. But i won't take any excuses unless it's a physical problem where she breaks a bone or severely sprains a joint.


    Lol..I would be HOT and you would be SINGLE. And poor.
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
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    I know it's gonna be hard for some people to understand and that is ok, but i told my wife that, when i'm in boot camp i hope for her to look better in 3 months than she does the day i leave. I'm not asking her to look like she did in high school, even though that would be so damn sexy. But I gotta think realistically with her goals and know that she's not as nearly enthusiastic about doing 40 or more minutes of cardio 5 days a week. But i won't take any excuses unless it's a physical problem where she breaks a bone or severely sprains a joint.

    Wow. If my husband told me this - I would tell him "I'll look great when you are done with boot camp, but I'll be looking great on someone else's arm". There's no way I would tolerate that sort of ultimatum from someone who is supposed to love me.
  • Oo_BrookeNicole_oO
    Oo_BrookeNicole_oO Posts: 165
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    I know it's gonna be hard for some people to understand and that is ok, but i told my wife that, when i'm in boot camp i hope for her to look better in 3 months than she does the day i leave. I'm not asking her to look like she did in high school, even though that would be so damn sexy. But I gotta think realistically with her goals and know that she's not as nearly enthusiastic about doing 40 or more minutes of cardio 5 days a week. But i won't take any excuses unless it's a physical problem where she breaks a bone or severely sprains a joint.

    What happens if you come back and she has gained weight? Just curious...

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