Should your lover expect you to lose weight?
Chelle_Davis
Posts: 241
Thoughts??
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Replies
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No. He may encourage it from a health perspective, but if he "expects" it, he's no "lover".0
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I don't think it should ever be expected by someone who loves you. I think that if your health is at risk, they should encourage you and give you all the support you need to make it happen.0
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Yes and No.
Yes, because you should want to please your lover. Love is not a feeling but a realization of what the other person does for you. So, you should want to please your partner.
No, because if your partner likes you the way you are then they are happy.
Either way, always try to please your lover.0 -
Not "expect," but if one is out of shape, and overweight or obese, they should "encourage" out of health and caring reasons.0
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Expect it? No.
But, if you're very overweight and struggling with health issues that are a direct side effect of it? I think it is okay for a loved one to let you know they are concerned.
I dearly love my boyfriend and if he were to gain 50lbs, I would still love him. I would, however, be concerned about his overall health.0 -
Not "expect," but if one is out of shape, and overweight or obese, they should "encourage" out of health and caring reasons.
^This.0 -
If i begin dating someone who is healthy, or on the premise of becoming healthier (i.e. met him/her at a gym, on mfp, etc) and suddenly they decide their body is a dumpster, i will probably have a conversation about it with them.
It might be because their emotional state has declined for some other reason - work, family, me, etc.
in which case i'll do whatever i can to help them through it.
or maybe it's because of an underlying medical condition or medication, in which case i'll stay and do what i can to help.
but if it's because they've just become lazy *kitten* couch potatoes who assume i'll stay around while they sit in front of the tv and munch Oreos all day, no. i can not love someone who does not love themselves.0 -
I know it's gonna be hard for some people to understand and that is ok, but i told my wife that, when i'm in boot camp i hope for her to look better in 3 months than she does the day i leave. I'm not asking her to look like she did in high school, even though that would be so damn sexy. But I gotta think realistically with her goals and know that she's not as nearly enthusiastic about doing 40 or more minutes of cardio 5 days a week. But i won't take any excuses unless it's a physical problem where she breaks a bone or severely sprains a joint.0
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If i begin dating someone who is healthy, or on the premise of becoming healthier (i.e. met him/her at a gym, on mfp, etc) and suddenly they decide their body is a dumpster, i will probably have a conversation about it with them.
It might be because their emotional state has declined for some other reason - work, family, me, etc.
in which case i'll do whatever i can to help them through it.
or maybe it's because of an underlying medical condition or medication, in which case i'll stay and do what i can to help.
but if it's because they've just become lazy *kitten* couch potatoes who assume i'll stay around while they sit in front of the tv and munch Oreos all day, no. i can not love someone who does not love themselves.
Well Said...0 -
My weight gain came from a deep-seeded loathing of myself. In that regard, I think my former partners should have expected me to love myself enough or to work toward loving myself enough to take better care of myself. Most of them just thought that I should take a pill and feel happy about life or that I should use illegal drugs and not care either way. They were wrong and it took me many years to feel the self-worth to stop hiding behind my fat body and let my real awesomeness start shining through. That's what my weight loss will mean for me. A complete love and acceptance of who I am - expressed to the people in my life - by me loving myself enough to not die at 35 of a heart attack or a stroke in the line at Sonic getting extra onions and chili on my 3rd New York dog. I dont think someone should expect me to be a size 0 just so they can imagine humping a model.0
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No. Love is unconditional. If you start "expecting" your significant other to lose weight then you might want to reexamine your reasons for being in a relationship with that person. Is it because of their personality or looks? It's important to encourage them, but when you start "expecting" them to lose weight I think that's just to far.0
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If i begin dating someone who is healthy, or on the premise of becoming healthier (i.e. met him/her at a gym, on mfp, etc) and suddenly they decide their body is a dumpster, i will probably have a conversation about it with them.
It might be because their emotional state has declined for some other reason - work, family, me, etc.
in which case i'll do whatever i can to help them through it.
or maybe it's because of an underlying medical condition or medication, in which case i'll stay and do what i can to help.
but if it's because they've just become lazy *kitten* couch potatoes who assume i'll stay around while they sit in front of the tv and munch Oreos all day, no. i can not love someone who does not love themselves.
Well said!0 -
I know it's gonna be hard for some people to understand and that is ok, but i told my wife that, when i'm in boot camp i hope for her to look better in 3 months than she does the day i leave. I'm not asking her to look like she did in high school, even though that would be so damn sexy. But I gotta think realistically with her goals and know that she's not as nearly enthusiastic about doing 40 or more minutes of cardio 5 days a week. But i won't take any excuses unless it's a physical problem where she breaks a bone or severely sprains a joint.
How did that go down? I could see that going either way depending on the way you actually said it.0 -
Not "expect," but if one is out of shape, and overweight or obese, they should "encourage" out of health and caring reasons.
^^this for sure0 -
No, Like others have said He can encourage but should not expect you too.0
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I know it's gonna be hard for some people to understand and that is ok, but i told my wife that, when i'm in boot camp i hope for her to look better in 3 months than she does the day i leave. I'm not asking her to look like she did in high school, even though that would be so damn sexy. But I gotta think realistically with her goals and know that she's not as nearly enthusiastic about doing 40 or more minutes of cardio 5 days a week. But i won't take any excuses unless it's a physical problem where she breaks a bone or severely sprains a joint.
How did that go down? I could see that going either way depending on the way you actually said it.
I sure agree with the comment here- if issued as an instruction the locks would be changed before your return. Do you love, support and encourage this woman or what?0 -
If i begin dating someone who is healthy, or on the premise of becoming healthier (i.e. met him/her at a gym, on mfp, etc) and suddenly they decide their body is a dumpster, i will probably have a conversation about it with them.
It might be because their emotional state has declined for some other reason - work, family, me, etc.
in which case i'll do whatever i can to help them through it.
or maybe it's because of an underlying medical condition or medication, in which case i'll stay and do what i can to help.
but if it's because they've just become lazy *kitten* couch potatoes who assume i'll stay around while they sit in front of the tv and munch Oreos all day, no. i can not love someone who does not love themselves.
Ditto.
I had considered saying something to this effect but I would have fully expected to knocked to the ground by a hail of rotten tomatoes.
You more or less encompassed what I would have said, so..."ditto."0 -
I know it's gonna be hard for some people to understand and that is ok, but i told my wife that, when i'm in boot camp i hope for her to look better in 3 months than she does the day i leave. I'm not asking her to look like she did in high school, even though that would be so damn sexy. But I gotta think realistically with her goals and know that she's not as nearly enthusiastic about doing 40 or more minutes of cardio 5 days a week. But i won't take any excuses unless it's a physical problem where she breaks a bone or severely sprains a joint.
Lol..I would be HOT and you would be SINGLE. And poor.0 -
I know it's gonna be hard for some people to understand and that is ok, but i told my wife that, when i'm in boot camp i hope for her to look better in 3 months than she does the day i leave. I'm not asking her to look like she did in high school, even though that would be so damn sexy. But I gotta think realistically with her goals and know that she's not as nearly enthusiastic about doing 40 or more minutes of cardio 5 days a week. But i won't take any excuses unless it's a physical problem where she breaks a bone or severely sprains a joint.
Wow. If my husband told me this - I would tell him "I'll look great when you are done with boot camp, but I'll be looking great on someone else's arm". There's no way I would tolerate that sort of ultimatum from someone who is supposed to love me.0 -
I know it's gonna be hard for some people to understand and that is ok, but i told my wife that, when i'm in boot camp i hope for her to look better in 3 months than she does the day i leave. I'm not asking her to look like she did in high school, even though that would be so damn sexy. But I gotta think realistically with her goals and know that she's not as nearly enthusiastic about doing 40 or more minutes of cardio 5 days a week. But i won't take any excuses unless it's a physical problem where she breaks a bone or severely sprains a joint.
What happens if you come back and she has gained weight? Just curious...0 -
I know it's gonna be hard for some people to understand and that is ok, but i told my wife that, when i'm in boot camp i hope for her to look better in 3 months than she does the day i leave. I'm not asking her to look like she did in high school, even though that would be so damn sexy. But I gotta think realistically with her goals and know that she's not as nearly enthusiastic about doing 40 or more minutes of cardio 5 days a week. But i won't take any excuses unless it's a physical problem where she breaks a bone or severely sprains a joint.
You can't be serious? Good God you would definitely be single when you got back from bootcamp if I was your wife! You must think very highly of yourself to give your spouse that kind of ultimatum! Good luck in life with that kind of attitude.0 -
I have no problem with my husband encouraging me to be healthy and active but if he were to ever tell me he would hope that I "look better" and he won't accept excuses, that would be my exit cue. How incredibly shallow and controlling. I swear marriage vows should inclde "for thinner or thicker".I know it's gonna be hard for some people to understand and that is ok, but i told my wife that, when i'm in boot camp i hope for her to look better in 3 months than she does the day i leave. I'm not asking her to look like she did in high school, even though that would be so damn sexy. But I gotta think realistically with her goals and know that she's not as nearly enthusiastic about doing 40 or more minutes of cardio 5 days a week. But i won't take any excuses unless it's a physical problem where she breaks a bone or severely sprains a joint.
Wow. If my husband told me this - I would tell him "I'll look great when you are done with boot camp, but I'll be looking great on someone else's arm". There's no way I would tolerate that sort of ultimatum from someone who is supposed to love me.
As a matter of fact I am the active, healthy lifestyle one in our relationship. I always look for opportunities to encourage him to make healthier choices because he has a histiry of high blood pressure and cholesterol. Since we met he gained 30 lbs but has since lost 1/2 of that. I lost 65 in the time we've been together. But we each didit in our own way and in our own time. And if he never lost an ounce or gained another 50 I would continue to be concerned, to encourage him, but I would never do or say anything that makes him feel like crap.0 -
I know it's gonna be hard for some people to understand and that is ok, but i told my wife that, when i'm in boot camp i hope for her to look better in 3 months than she does the day i leave. I'm not asking her to look like she did in high school, even though that would be so damn sexy. But I gotta think realistically with her goals and know that she's not as nearly enthusiastic about doing 40 or more minutes of cardio 5 days a week. But i won't take any excuses unless it's a physical problem where she breaks a bone or severely sprains a joint.
you would be coming home to an empty house.
weight is something that should only be discussed between lovers in the most delicate ways and specifically out of genuine concern. to a woman, this is how it happens:
Husband: I'll really miss you while I'm away at boot camp. I'll be thinking of you every day and counting the hours until I see you again. Hopefully while I'm away you'll have much more free time to take care of yourself and maybe even hit the gym. I'd love to see you healthier and happier when I get home. Maybe you'll even lose a size or two!
Wife hears: I'm leaving to get away from you. You look angry and frumpy. You aren't good enough as you are. I would rather come home to someone completely different. I don't care if you risk your health and happiness, I want to come home to a hot wife, because I deserve better than you.0 -
i don't expect my husband to lose weight.. to look good.. but .. i would like him to lose weight because of health issues.. he has a bad back, bad legs, and a bad hip.. all of wich would benifit from him losing 30 pounds. not to mention the benifits of strengthing the muscles around the joints.. he also eats like a trash can.. i have issues with that.. only because we have three kids and i want them to see both of us eating well.. and not just me.. .. he eats chips, taco bell, mcdonalds, sugary sodas, gallons of icecream.. just a terrible diet. really big turn off for me.0
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I think if Justin ever expected me to lose weight I would put on 5 pounds on purpose to show him that I have a mind of my own...and that he better love me no matter no what, jelly roll be damned.
And I'd never expect him to lose weight...unless the doctor told him to "or else" and that goes for me as well. I think that'd be the only way I'd accept it. He better love me for who I am, not what I look like.0 -
My wife asked me once if I would be happier if she were skinnier. I answered her honestly, and the way I think most men, if they truly love their partner would answer -
"I love you the way you are and I'm happiest when you're happy. And if being skinny is what makes you happy, then I'll support you 100%."
For what it's worth, I was reminded later that night that was the right answer.
:devil: 0 -
I think you love the person you are with for who they are and don't require them to lose weight. It could be raised lovingly as a health concern but then in a supportive manner (for example, suggesting more physical activity as a couple thing - like going for walks together).
I did suggest to my husband that he might need to eat more (particularly protein) and talked to him about whether he should consider protein drinks when he runs. The reason is he's bordering at the bottom of the healthy weight to underweight side but runs long distances so I'm not sure it was healthy for him to be doing things the way he is. Hope that wasn't bad.0 -
My wife asked me once if I would be happier if she were skinnier. I answered her honestly, and the way I think most men, if they truly love their partner would answer -
"I love you the way you are and I'm happiest when you're happy. And if being skinny is what makes you happy, then I'll support you 100%."
For what it's worth, I was reminded later that night that was the right answer. :devil:
Win!!0 -
My wife asked me once if I would be happier if she were skinnier. I answered her honestly, and the way I think most men, if they truly love their partner would answer -
"I love you the way you are and I'm happiest when you're happy. And if being skinny is what makes you happy, then I'll support you 100%."
For what it's worth, I was reminded later that night that was the right answer. :devil:
Win!!
Good response. My husband doesn't really want me to lose any weight but he knows I am happier a bit lighter so supports that because he knows I need to be happy with myself. And I am confident he loves me whether I am heavier or lighter than now.0 -
“Lovers.. oh, that word bums me out unless it’s between meat and pizza.†- Liz Lemon0
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