How to not let it affect the kids.

Amber50lbsDown

My daughter is 5 and has been watching me and absorbing everything Im doing to lose weight. I never realized how much it was affecting her in a bad way. She came to me a couple times this week and said that she was fat and then sticks out her tummy, she also told me she couldnt wear her favorite outfit because shes fat.
She is not fat shes on the small size weight and height for her age (and always has been)
This breaks my heart.
Im trying to keep quiet about it now and tell her that Mommy is trying to get healthy and eat better to get strong, insted of saying anything that has to do with being fat or losing weight.
what else can I do ?

seekingstrengthX2

I think you're doing the right thing. My son is 4 and he often asks me why I weigh all the time, why I exercise so much, etc. I try to explain it in a positive way, explaining the health benefits of exercise. He has overweight relatives and knows they are unhealthy as a result, so we do talk about that as well. You are doing a wonderful thing and setting a GOOD example for her by trying to get healthy. Continue to focus on eating right and exercising and explain it to her. She's old enough to understand. We actually just bought a Cat in the Hat book called "The things you can do that are good for you". It talkes about this as well.

steadk

I would see if maybe you could include her in your health routine and start talking to her about being healthy,and making healthy choices. Also, I would start working on yourself to make sure that YOU are doing this to be HEALTHY and not just lose weight. After you change your behavior, it is more likely that she will change her tone.

Good luck!! I have a 1.5 year old, and I'm trying to make sure that I keep my own thoughts about my body to myself, and around her be concerned with being healthy.

Eleanorjanethinner

My daughter is 5 and has been watching me and absorbing everything Im doing to lose weight. I never realized how much it was affecting her in a bad way. She came to me a couple times this week and said that she was fat and then sticks out her tummy, she also told me she couldnt wear her favorite outfit because shes fat.
She is not fat shes on the small size weight and height for her age (and always has been)
This breaks my heart.
Im trying to keep quiet about it now and tell her that Mommy is trying to get healthy and eat better to get strong, insted of saying anything that has to do with being fat or losing weight.
what else can I do ?

Ooh, that's heartbreaking! Definitely watch what you're saying (and get your friends/ family/ partner to help you notice if you're doing any negative self-talk).

Praise yourself to her 'Hasn't mommy got pretty hair?' etc. and praise her - regularly and specifically for her traits 'Thank you for being so helpful' 'You're really clever!' as well as her looks 'You've got beautiful eyes'.

Again, enlist the help of friends/family and especially your partner/ any male influences to praise and encourage her self esteem - I think little girls really need affirming by male role models.

fitrene

As someone who grew up with a mom on a constant diet, it has affected me greatly as an adult. I think what you are doing, telling her you are trying to get healthy and show her how you are getting healthy by eating right and exercise (not fad dieting and no exercise like I witnessed for 18 year and I am still witnessing with my mom) will show her how to be healthy also.

Try not to let her see you weigh yourself, if you do that (IMO.) I think that is more damaging than saying you are dieting (again, IMO)

Good luck! It's so hard when you have little ones. Mine do workouts with me and for the most part, eat healthy. I have one that is extremely picky, but that' an entirely different topic!

jennifer783

I totally hear you!! First off, congrats on noticing her and wanting better for your daughter!! You are definitely an inspiration for her!

What we have done is stop talking about fat in a negative way. Some fat is healthy for our bodies and we didn't want our kids thinking that all fat is bad. We also did not want them to think overweight people were bad.

We started focusing on the positives of healthy eating and exercising. How our muscles and heart muscle needs to be strong so we have more energy and focus and less sickness. That it's important to take care of our bodies and this eating better and exercising was a couple of ways we could take care of ourselves.

You have already started that, it sounds like. Good for you! Definitely keep up the great work :flowerforyou:

fitrene

Ooh, that's heartbreaking! Definitely watch what you're saying (and get your friends/ family/ partner to help you notice if you're doing any negative self-talk).

Praise yourself to her 'Hasn't mommy got pretty hair?' etc. and praise her - regularly and specifically for her traits 'Thank you for being so helpful' 'You're really clever!' as well as her looks 'You've got beautiful eyes'.

Again, enlist the help of friends/family and especially your partner/ any male influences to praise and encourage her self esteem - I think little girls really need affirming by male role models.

i also agree with this. Make sure your family doesn't say anything about it in front of her. Keep it all praise and use the word healthy. I can't say it enough. Healthy, not losing weight! This is a lifestyle not a diet! I know that phrase is overused, but I like it!

olong

I have two daughters (age 11 and 9 1/2). In this process, it has been unbelieveably important that they see I don't eat "weird" food or limit myself to "weird" types of food. I eat foods that I prepare for the family to eat, though in measured proportions. I still don't like brussel sprouts and do tend to have larger salads than their father, but I keep my food choices balanced just as I have always tried to teach them.

I also exercise moderately (1-2 hours a day) doing activities they join me in or watch (I often walk around the soccer fields when they have practice).

icemaiden17_uk

Wow! That would break my heart!! I wish I coudl sugest something to you!! I think going down the healthy route is a great idea and I would agree with what others have said about making sure you and the rest of your family do everything you can to make her feel pretty!! I would also find out where this has come from! It may not be you! Ask her who told her she was fat! You may be suprised by the answer!!

Amber50lbsDown

Thank you ladies these are all great ideas. I never realized how a lifestyle change really changes everything in your life. Im working on it and hopefully she will see.
Im replacing certain words, like fat with healthy and trying to talk about moderation and not just cutting things out.
Im trying to get SO on board as well, Im going to talk to him about all this after I take her to school this morning/
Thank you all for your responses !

awidener86

Wow! That would break my heart!! I wish I coudl sugest something to you!! I think going down the healthy route is a great idea and I would agree with what others have said about making sure you and the rest of your family do everything you can to make her feel pretty!! I would also find out where this has come from! It may not be you! Ask her who told her she was fat! You may be suprised by the answer!!

I have to agree with them about asking who told her she was fat... My ex-hubands daughter was skin and bones and used to say she was fat (she was 6) and it was some kids at school calling her fat.

trijoe

If you ask me, you don't have nearly the problem you think you have. If anything, you have a golden opportunity.

I've got 3 daughters - 10,7,7 - and instead of showing them how fat Daddy is (they're well of aware of that) or how hard I'm trying to be thin again, just like them (they're well aware of that, also), I'm using my weight loss journey to teach them about living a lifestyle NOW so they don't have to go through my struggles LATER.

So I use my journey as a teaching tool for my kids. I teach them how to enjoy a fresh whole apple or orange. The joys of a salad as a meal. Why pizza/burgers/dogs/fries are okay on occasion but are way bad all the time. How there are all these delicious and wonderful foods out there in our big delicious and wonderful world that don't start and end in a fast food restaurant, and how trying new foods can help develop a healthy love of cooking, proper eating, and expanded palate. Kids are adventurous. They WANT to try new things. It's all in the mindset.

I teach them how getting active can be fun - I mean REALLY FUN! (Believe it or not, my kids are finishing their first Read Right and Run Marathon this Saturday - Yes you read right, they'll be marathoners in a few days, with medals to prove it. THEY wanted it.) I teach them how it's okay to be thin or fat or whoever you are, but it's even more okay to enjoy a lifestyle that keeps your body healthy.

I do this through actual teaching moments - such as bringing them into the kitchen and giving them cooking/tasting/food lessons, and through example. When they see Dad having fun at a race, THEY want to have fun at a race. One of the 7yo's has been fussing for months how I never race with her, so in a few weeks, we're doing our first 1M fun run race together, just me and her. HER decision. HER drive. HER pushing. My 10yo has been doing 5k's and triathlons for years. Again, HER decision (I actually have to reign her in).

So, you're probably tired of my rambling. In short, why make this a negative? Your daughter is yearning to learn from and be like the most wonderful person she knows in this world - her mother. I say bring it on!!! You're the best teacher she'll ever have. Bring her along on your journey. And remember that your journey will always be a part of hers. Get her started on hers now.

I hope this helps. It's done wonders in our house.

newtattie

You have been given some great advice in this post and really I think the main message is be positive about what you are doing and convey the health message as clearly as possible.

I started losing weight last year, I have always carried weight ( about 15-20lbs) but as long as I felt healthy and was capable of doing anything I turned my mind to it was fine. I realised last summer I could no longer do this, so it was time to change.

This is the simple explaination I gave/give to my 9 and 7 year old sons - I didn't feel healthy, or fit, and knew that I should treat myself in the best way I could - eat right,, exercise and be able to take part in all the things families like to do. I didn't want to be left out so "it was up to mummy to get healthy so I could spend better time with them".

I tell them everyone is different, but generally they are younger than me and although they should be aware of health it is only as they get much older that they will need to pay more attention to these things - and that is what mummy, and daddy are doing now - they can join in with the exercise if they want but while they are growing will probably need more food than we do and feeling hungry and eating more is never a problem with healthy food - and the odd snack too.

Good luck - your positive attitude will soon rub off on her.

10acity

I don't have kids, but I've always so admired the way a friend of mine very intentionally approaches this issue with her young daughter. She doesn't completely steer clear of telling her daughter that she's pretty or looks nice, but she makes a point of complimenting things like her kindness, intelligence, abilities, thoughtfulness, etc. much more often, and along with every remark about her appearance. I think it's such a great idea.

It must be so confusing to be a little girl these days, when even dolls look anorexic and every media outlet is telling you nothing matters but being thin and pretty. I think it's important to do what we can to bring them up with sane perspectives on their bodies, but also to build their confidence in other areas so they understand beyond the shadow of a doubt that appearances are not what it's all about.

Kudos to you for recognizing this as an issue! :flowerforyou:

SandraD89

Just tell her its because you are getting healthier. I had to have maya do some exercises with me to fully get it. She has said she's fat, but after i tell her she isn't and that mommy thinks she is beautiful. We weigh ourselves but go yay you weigh this ect. Then i let her eat the normal kid stuff and my stuff which is more fruits and veggies. She told me one night mama go eat your salad. lol We also make it so instead of candy she gets her fruits and veggies and even now she takes one bit of a candy is done. Maya is 3 By the way. I would get that book by doctor suss though.

hopefloatsup

I have a little girl that was starting to do that a bit, but we quickly changed the way we worded things here. It's not about "losing weight" or "getting skinny". We always talk about being healthy. She caught onto that pretty quickly as well, so hopefully that will work for you as well. She does grab things at the grocery store and look at the nutritional facts simply because we do which doesn't bother me, oddly enough. I'm glad that at 7 years old, she is learning to be aware of the things that are going into her body. She looks more at sodium & sugar than anything else LOL I agree with this being a great opportunity to teach them about nutrition & just being healthy in general! I wasn't ever taught that as a child.....which is why I'm going through this now

rbrigola

My two oldest girls are 4 and 7. I am trying to keep a positive aspect to this weight loss, much like those that have also posted here. When they ask, I tell them I am trying to get healthy so I can have lots of energy to keep doing fun things with them. When my oldest asked about my weight (in the dressing room of Kohl's, lol) I told her that sometimes that happens after you have a baby (I gained a lot of wt this time) and that is ok as long as you try to work on getting healthy again. My oldest now wants to go on walks with me so she can "be healthy" too. Seriously slows down my walks but how can I say no to that.