Drinking Beer!!

applekiss13

Thank you for all of your replys, and I mean everyone of you I know I have issues myself of being insecure and worrying, but it is just hard to see a change like this in him where it never was before.

No his mood isn't any different when he isn't drinking and no he hasn't gotten drunk or have done anything out of control! I do believe half of it is me and how I see things, and the other half is that we do have to discuss things professionally. He does get on the defensive side when I do bring it up, but when I have brought it up, it has been both ways at separate times...1) getting upset at him and 2)showing him in a rational, caring way. And in either way I do it, he seems annoyed and he doesn't try to respond with being lighthearted and telling me it is nothing to worry about. He just responds like "here she goes again".

When I think about it when he is gone to work, I feel like it isn't a big deal and that I don't want to be the uptight wife, because someone having a couple of drinks, shouldn't be a problem. But when he comes home and cracks a beer again, I just instantly get upset inside. It's just that he doesn't communicate well with me and I feel like I am alone when these situation come up in our lives. He has never liked confrontation and that is why I guess I chose to get some unbiased suggestions on whether I am being a worry wart or if there is something I should be concerned about!

I don't want to make the situation worse by being the nagging wife!

skinnyack

Oh I feel for you. Everyone has their "it's scary" point with alcohol, and usually their partner, having different life experiences, is honestly...different. My "It's scary" point- is watching my partner drink to the point of puking. With my now fiance it's only happened a couple times. The first time I was annoyed. The second time I told him he needs to get his crap together. The third time I basically had to say- Look, I had an alcoholic father. Unfortunately this behavior is scary and embarassing for me when you drink to the point of puking. While I understand that it's all fun and games for you and your friends it's terrifying to me and makes me miserable and angry. And as much as I love you and want to be with you this is not something I will tolerate in my life- ever. He obviously is still my fiance so we have figured out ways for him to still have fun, but not terrify me. My concern with your situation is that he (from what you wrote) is brushing you off. How ****ty is it to have an emotionally dismissive partner? At the same time he may feel you don't trust him to know what he's doing. So you have to do the hard work of defining your breaking point. You need to decide, from observation- be Logical-, can you trust him during this phase. And he needs to be able to reassure you you don't have a reason to be afraid. If you are partners you should be able to compromise to where it's comfortable for both of you. You are not a bad person for having boundaries. In my opinion, I'd sit back and just observe- for awhile. State, right now (you probably already have) that you are a little nervous, but you are going to take a big leap of faith and trust first-- as long as besides the beer thing he's meeting your needs. Give him just enough rope to see if he hangs himself. You'll see your answer as you give it a little more time (I'd say 3 months). Side Note- there will be a hundred stories of people who went through a rough patch and came out find, to match the hundred stories of where this exact situation turned into an addiction. There is no way to know which way it'll go. Just make sure you are prepared for either. You being prepared to do WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO- be it separation, counseling, whatever- means you don't have to be afraid for yourself anymore. And that will give you strength, power, and most importantly takes a lot of pressure off you and him, so he will be able to figure it out.
I'll probably be mocked for this last part- but it's something my aunt told me when I was going through it with my fiance. She said she had heard that Dr. Phil had said (paraphrased)- that he is very much a person who wouldn't mind having a glass of wine at the end of the day and thinks nothing of it. However his wife has had such a troubling experience with alcoholics in her life that he never does, because it makes her that uncomfortable. After hearing it I realized I would never want to do something that made my fiance that uncomfortable and I think I should be shown the same respect, which I have been. That's partnership. :flowerforyou: You deserve a good partner- I truly hope you two can be great partners for each other.

Pollywog39

Your mention of his depression worries me more than anything else you said........I was married to a depressed, unhappy, chemically dependent person. It didn't start out bad, but over the years he got worse and worse, because he didn't deal with the depression......and turned more and more to the chemicals (alcohol and drugs.)

I do think that this new behavior is related, and that you need to encourage him to get more help for his depression. It's a very serious disease that can affect SO many things in a person's life.

DPernet

Standard Alcohol related screening questions

Do you lose time from work due to drinking
Is drinking making your homelife unhappy
Do you drink because you are shy with other people
Is drinking affecting your reputation
Have you ever felt remorse after drinking
Have you had financial difficulties as a result of drinking
Do you turn to inferior companions and environments when drinking
Does your drinking make you careless of your family's welfare
Has your ambition decreased since drinking
Do you crave a drink at a definite time daily
Do you want a drink the next morning
Does drinking cause you to have difficulty in sleeping
Has your efficiency decreased since drinking
Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business
Do you drink to escape from worries or trouble
Do you drink alone
Have you ever had a loss of memory as a result of drinking
Has your physician ever treated you for drinking
Do you drink to build up your self-confidence
Have you ever been to a hospital or institution on account of drinking

According to the Office of Health Care Programs, Johns Hopkins University Hospital, developers of this screening quiz, if you answered 3 of these questions with a Yes it is a definite sign that your drinking patterns are harmful and possibly considered alcohol dependent or alcoholic