Help I am so loosing the plot!

ToniLTL

Ok so I've been away on holiday knowing I was going to relax my dieting, I was a good weight at 10st 2lb thinking I'll still be able to exercise whilst away.

I did exercise even with late nights and early mornings and a four year old my hotel had an amazing gym was actually very excited; sad I know but low and behold I did my back in picking my daughter up!!!. I just get so angry at myself as I spiral into this self pitying eating and gorging for the sake of it and knowing I can't work out I sit and eat too much of everything good and bad and hate myself then sit there thinking how I'm going to get back to my ideal weight and how long it's going to take me without exercise.

I think I'm developing a food habit; I'm planning what I'm going to gorge on once my daughter goes to bed and when my hubby isn't around. I'm seriously anxious I'm too old for this rubbish but I don't want to be fat again. I don't want to talk to my friends as I sound like an idiot and like I'm attention seeking; my hubby thinks I'm lovely as I am but then he would say that! I like how I look when I'm slimmer; yes I'm vain but I like my food. My control is when I can exercise as well as enjoy my food.

I don't know what I'm looking for but thought this would be the way to start looking for it. Thanks for reading.