Motherhood!!!!??!!!!

Fit_Forever25

Long story short..
I got married 1.5 years ago, I am gonna be 29 years old on 25th April.
My In laws, my parents, everyone is forcing me to have a baby soon .. but I am not ready for it... and will never be
My Husband and I had many discussions about it and we decided we plan one soon may be in a years time..

Problem: I am not ready, I can never be ready I always freak out when I think about it.. big belly.. so many problems, pain, morning sickness.. blah blah blah.. above all I do not know anything about Pregnancy.

Help: I want to make up my mind and want some good positive energy to be ready for it. Any book? any site? any good experience here? any kind of help would be great....

I love kids but I never want to go through the pregnancy... and also the fact that after pregnancy most of the women put on lots of weight and that loose tummy never goes back it is a big change in life how did you prepare yourself for it??

Please help me.. !

Fit_Forever25

:huh:

jcpmoore

First honey, no one can force you to have a baby. If people are putting pressure on you to have a baby, kindly tell them to mind their own business. The decision of when or even if to have children is up to you and your husband. Don't make that decision based on your fear of pregnancy. Make it based on whether you want to raise children. That's what it's about.

What you know about pregnancy, well, most of it's probably inaccurate. Why do I say that? Because nothing that's been written in a book can truly give you the info you need. No two pregnancies are alike. I have had two babies. With each of my pregnancies I gained no more than 15 pounds. I was already overweight beforehand, so my ob said that was sufficient for he babies to be healthy. There's no reason pregnancy has to be a huge inconvenience or major event that screws up your health. Talk to your doctor about it and have them give you a more accurate picture. And remember, it's YOUR decision to have children. Not your in laws', not your parents', or anyone else's. Yours.

ladybg81

I had similar feelings though never worried about the weight, etc issues you seem to be concerned about. I just don't like kids. At all. But trust me when I say this, there is nothing that compares to the love/ connection you have with your own child. And you don't have to gain a bunch of weight. You can still eat right and exercise the whole time.

Sounds to me like you still a little maturing to do. Don't let anyone "force" you into having a baby. I can not imagine they will come to your house and force you and your husband to procreate by force. I think it is natual for people to start wondering when you will have children after you marry. My husband and I wanted 5 years before having our son. And I will not do it again. I had the most perfect pregnancy, labor, etc but I feel I've done my part for humanity.

Do it when you feel you are ready. But remember, you'll never be prepared financially, mentally, emotionally.

Fit_Forever25

Thanks guys!
its not that I dont want to have a baby but I am more scared because I am sure it will make me fat again.. and those 9 months
I have always heard only bad things and only horrifying experience of pregnancy may be thats why I am more scared.

Got your point.. so its better to talk to a doctor rather than reading any books or anything..

I just want to make up my mind.. I think I am not ready to give up looks and the life I have now to have a baby

monipie

i can't help you be ready, all i can do is share my experience. i wasn't "ready" when i was pregnant with my first but i wasn't going to terminate the pregnancy (personal beliefs) so i had to become ready. i was 19 when i had my son. it was very hard being a mother and i wish i had waited. that being said, i waited 11 years before deciding that i was finally ready to have more kids. if it is just the pregnancy that freaks you out- well, that is a piece of cake compared to all the other aspects about being a mom. lol! i popped 3 babies out and my tummy looks better than a lot of 20 somethings i see on the beach. pregnancy is not bad at all. some women even love being pregnant. i think women gain weight because they think being pregnant is an excuse to eat everything and anything just because they are "eating for two". i worked out throughout my pregnancies and i had a healthy diet. i only gained around 20-25 pounds and got back to my pre-pregnancy weight within a couple months. good luck with your decision hun. most importanly, don't let anyone pressure you into making the decision to have babies. tell them to back offf. if you are not ready then you are not ready. it is your decision. hth.

jnh17

Don't let a fear of pregnancy keep you from experiencing motherhood. Of course everyone has *some* fear of what it will do to their bodies. I *had* amazing boobs before kids. Amazing. Now, they aren't terrible or anything...but amazing? No. Guess what? There's surgery to fix that. Stretch marks? Fixable.

Don't get out of control duing pregnancy and you're good to go.

I feared taking a baby (a BABY!) home and actually being able to keep it alive so if pregnancy is your biggest worry, you're doin' okay.

Fit_Forever25

i can't help you be ready, all i can do is share my experience. i wasn't "ready" when i was pregnant with my first but i wasn't going to terminate the pregnancy (personal beliefs) so i had to become ready. i was 19 when i had my son. it was very hard being a mother and i wish i had waited. that being said, i waited 11 years before deciding that i was finally ready to have more kids. if it is just the pregnancy that freaks you out- well, that is a piece of cake compared to all the other aspects about being a mom. lol! i popped 3 babies out and my tummy looks better than a lot of 20 somethings i see on the beach. pregnancy is not bad at all. some women even love being pregnant. i think women gain weight because they think being pregnant is an excuse to eat everything and anything just because they are "eating for two". i worked out throughout my pregnancies and i had a healthy diet. i only gained around 20-25 pounds and got back to my pre-pregnancy weight within a couple months. good luck with your decision hun. most importanly, don't let anyone pressure you into making the decision to have babies. tell them to back offf. if you are not ready then you are not ready. it is your decision. hth.

Thank you so much !
that was really nice to read.. I am trying hard to tell people to back off but its impossible for parents and inlaws to not talk about it
But thanks I have something positive now

Fit_Forever25

Don't let a fear of pregnancy keep you from experiencing motherhood. Of course everyone has *some* fear of what it will do to their bodies. I *had* amazing boobs before kids. Amazing. Now, they aren't terrible or anything...but amazing? No. Guess what? There's surgery to fix that. Stretch marks? Fixable.

Don't get out of control duing pregnancy and you're good to go.

I feared taking a baby (a BABY!) home and actually being able to keep it alive so if pregnancy is your biggest worry, you're doin' okay.

Ah thanks so much!
I thought its compulsory to eat all the crap and get fat when you are pregnant.
I dont want to put on lots of weight .. and yes I am just scared of pregnancy otherwise I would love to experience motherhood!
thanks a lot for your response!

kak1018

Your story sounds like mine. I got married at 29 and the "when are you going to have a baby?" questions never let up. I wasn't sure I even wanted children. I was scared to let go of my freedom, body, and the life I had. 5 years later when I was ready my husband I decided to try for a family. It happened quickly and we welcomed our beautiful baby boy 7 weeks ago. I gained 25 lbs and already lost 20 of it. Don't do it to please anyone, make sure you are ready, and if you decided not to have children that is your choice. Hang in there! I know how stressful and hard all that talk and pressue can be, just make sure you are ready. 29 is young by the way don't let that scare you

Fit_Forever25

Your story sounds like mine. I got married at 29 and the "when are you going to have a baby?" questions never let up. I wasn't sure I even wanted children. I was scared to let go of my freedom, body, and the life I had. 5 years later when I was ready my husband I decided to try for a family. It happened quickly and we welcomed our beautiful baby boy 7 weeks ago. I gained 25 lbs and already lost 20 of it. Don't do it to please anyone, make sure you are ready, and if you decided not to have children that is your choice. Hang in there! I know how stressful and hard all that talk and pressue can be, just make sure you are ready. 29 is young by the way don't let that scare you

Really!!!!!
29 is young!!!
I am from originally from India and there its a RULE!!!
If you have crossed 30 and you dont have kids that means you have some problem! :-((
and People starts talking about you ..
I know its terrible but even my family and in laws everyone says the same .. to have a baby before 30!
is it true that after 30 it can be more difficult? or it depends upon person to person?

momof3and3

Pregnancy is different from person to person and from pregnancy to pregnancy...There is nothing to be scared of though, it is a beautiful experience. However, it is not for everyone, and only you can decide the when and if.

If you aren't ready or even sure you want to have a baby, than you are not ready. Tell family and friends that it is a personal decision of the when and if, and when you decided to have children they will be the first to know, until than you will not discuss it.

I have had 5 biological children...has my body changed since I was younger, absolutely! But I embrace it,because I look great and in 20 years from I will wish I had this body

If you are not sure of pregnancy but want a child, adopt. There are so many babies, toddlers, children and teens who are in the foster care system who need a loving supportive family.

Enjoy your life, don't stess about this...when you are ready you will know. Until than enjoy life child-free....

Fit_Forever25

Ohh I always wished to Adopt a child! from the age when I was 15
But in my society thats a big no no ( I hate this about my culture that there is no freedom and people are so orthodox..
But yes thanks for your help I will try to susshh people and explain them thats its all up to my hubby and me when to have it!
thanks xx..

qtiekiki

I think most women go into pregnancy not knowing anything about it. Some might think they know, you know things from people, but you never know how it will be like for you. I have 2 kids. I didn't have any morning sickness or food aversion. I gained 30lbs and 34lbs. And then you hear stories where people can't keep any foods down, and women who have to be on bedrest. You just never know. If weight is your main concern, it is something you can control. You just eat sensibly and make healthy choice, and you can totally lose the weight afterward.

Fit_Forever25

I think most women go into pregnancy not knowing anything about it. Some might think they know, you know things from people, but you never know how it will be like for you. I have 2 kids. I didn't have any morning sickness or food aversion. I gained 30lbs and 34lbs. And then you hear stories where people can't keep any foods down, and women who have to be on bedrest. You just never know. If weight is your main concern, it is something you can control. You just eat sensibly and make healthy choice, and you can totally lose the weight afterward.

Thank you so much! I think I have never seen that option ever in and around my family that we can opt for good and healthy choices (not always high in fat and high in cholesterol food) to have a healthy baby ..
so that was a myth! thanks

SONIA820

Both my pregnancies were night and day! Both boys too! First I would not worry about pregnancy because just like weight loss journey, your pregnancy journey will be unique to YOU and only YOU. If and when you are ready, you can continue the healthy life style you already have, and exercise! Of course your body goes though a ton of changes, but in the end at least for me, I welcomed all those changes because I grew TWO people! Nothing is permanent (except I suppose death!) and honestly when it comes down to it, you can never be fully ready or prepared for life with a new baby, you just have to take it all one day at a time!

STOP listening to other people pressure you, this is between you and your husband ultimately!

HilaryP22

If you truly want a child, don't let the fear of pregnancy stop you from having a baby. Yeah, pregnancy is rough for some women. And for some women, it isn't. You don't know until you go through it! I was lucky and loved being pregnant, don't have excess skin now, and within 10 days of giving birth, had lost 30 pounds and weighed 10 pounds LESS than I did before I ever got pregnant in the first place. (thanks to breastfeeding). I don't have stretch marks, either. My labor was awful, but they do make drugs for that which usually help. And you can absolutely watch your diet and weight while pregnant. Keep exercising to keep weight gain somewhat minimal, as well.

hailie08

A site that really helped me was babyfit.com

It's a lot like this site in a way. There are all sorts of forums and due date clubs so you have other moms going through the same things:)

countryrayne

Long story short..
I got married 1.5 years ago, I am gonna be 29 years old on 25th April.
My In laws, my parents, everyone is forcing me to have a baby soon .. but I am not ready for it... and will never be
My Husband and I had many discussions about it and we decided we plan one soon may be in a years time..

Problem: I am not ready, I can never be ready I always freak out when I think about it.. big belly.. so many problems, pain, morning sickness.. blah blah blah.. above all I do not know anything about Pregnancy.

Help: I want to make up my mind and want some good positive energy to be ready for it. Any book? any site? any good experience here? any kind of help would be great....

I love kids but I never want to go through the pregnancy... and also the fact that after pregnancy most of the women put on lots of weight and that loose tummy never goes back it is a big change in life how did you prepare yourself for it??

Please help me.. !

Don't try to get pregnant if you are not ready. My husband and I had the same thought as you. . . . if I quit taking the birthcontrol then it would probably take awhile and I would be pregos in a year or two. Well I was pregnant with in a month and a half but it was the best thing that ever happened to us!

If you truely want a child don't let pregnancy stop you. Being pregnant was a great experience for me. I don't know if it was the hormones or what but I was so happy. I too had no clue about pregnancy, heck I hadn't even held a baby before! It all comes naturally, mother nature takes care of that.

Don't let your fear of a loose tummy stop you. When you are 60 are you going to look back and be proud of a child or your rock hard abs?

Good luck with your decission!

jsjaclark

Your story sounds like mine. I got married at 29 and the "when are you going to have a baby?" questions never let up. I wasn't sure I even wanted children. I was scared to let go of my freedom, body, and the life I had. 5 years later when I was ready my husband I decided to try for a family. It happened quickly and we welcomed our beautiful baby boy 7 weeks ago. I gained 25 lbs and already lost 20 of it. Don't do it to please anyone, make sure you are ready, and if you decided not to have children that is your choice. Hang in there! I know how stressful and hard all that talk and pressue can be, just make sure you are ready. 29 is young by the way don't let that scare you

Really!!!!!
29 is young!!!
I am from originally from India and there its a RULE!!!
If you have crossed 30 and you dont have kids that means you have some problem! :-((
and People starts talking about you ..
I know its terrible but even my family and in laws everyone says the same .. to have a baby before 30!
is it true that after 30 it can be more difficult? or it depends upon person to person?

It depends on the person and like others have said, every pregnancy is different. I had my two when I was 26 and 28. I got married at age 22 and the families started asking almost immediately. It got worse when my sister-in-law got pregnant. My MIL thinks that is why I got pregnant when I did, but my husband and I had always said that we would wait 4-5 years before starting a family. My brother and his wife just had their first child two years ago - he was 41 and she was 37 and they had been married over 15 years. If you aren't ready, then you shouldn't rush it.

I gained a total of about 25 pounds with each. I was working out all throughout both pregnancies (up until the day before I delivered). Only change in my workout routines were to do low impact and not to lay on my back (although I did still do the ab classes). Lost the weight within 4 weeks. That was 18 years ago and I weight about the same now.

If you keep eating healthy and continue your routine, there is no reason to worry about it. Pregnancy is easy compare to when they are teenagers.

BAMFMeredith

Thanks guys!
its not that I dont want to have a baby but I am more scared because I am sure it will make me fat again.. and those 9 months
I have always heard only bad things and only horrifying experience of pregnancy may be thats why I am more scared.

Got your point.. so its better to talk to a doctor rather than reading any books or anything..

I just want to make up my mind.. I think I am not ready to give up looks and the life I have now to have a baby

I haven't given up my looks or my life, and I have an awesome 5 year old to boot!

Just because we have kids doesn't mean we're doomed to be fat and boring I suggest talking to your doctor about ways to stay in shape during pregnancy, because it can be done. And I still have fun, make time for friends, and enjoy life. But if you're not ready, then don't do it. It's not fair to you or to the baby.

ladynica

Let me add that in my opinion, pregnancy was the least hardest part of parenthood/motherhood. LOL. Motherhood in general the most draining, exhausting, mind boggling, excruciating, confusing, wonderful, utterly rewarding experience I've ever had. Nothing anyone could have told me could have prepared me for it, nor could I have ever been convinced to do it.

In the end, you and your husband are the only two people who can decide what's best for you and whatever you decide, your experience will be unique to you. That's not to say that some experiences in motherhood, pregnancy, childbirth, etc aren't universal. I'm just saying only you can decide what's best for you an whatever you decide, ENJOY IT as much as you can.

twogirlsmama

Motherhood is your choice! It's your body. Yes, your husband should have some input, but the final outcome is about your body carrying a baby.

My own personal experiences on the road to motherhood were very sorrowful and I choose to keep them to myself in a situation like yours. In the end, I am a very proud momma of two beautiful little girls. They are way more than I expected!

The physical action of carrying a child is the simple part. The parenting is the complicated part. You can work to get your body back, you have exercise and diet to help you. You will never really be prepared for the joy, laughter and sometimes heart felt pain a child can bring to you.

Please be responsible and make the choice for yourself, not the people surrounding you. I wish you the confidence to make YOUR choice.

mslack01

Please do not have a baby because you feel pressured to do so. It is a serious, life-long, full-time, (can't do it halfass) committment. It's another life that you are endeavoring to shape and mold.

AmberJslimsAWAY

No one can MAKE you have a baby.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

< This is what post pregnancy looks like on me. I'm sorry, but I loved being pregnant. the thought of growing a life inside of me, all the complexity of that, and the miracle of everything knowing exactly where it's supposed to go to become a real life human? Nothing in my life was better. I had no morning sickness. Not to say it was all rainbows and unicorns, but it was amazing, and powerful, and it helped me to embrace my capabilities. I will never be so impressed with the capacity of the power of my body as I was when I was pregnant. I can't wait to do it again, I look at other women's pregnant bellies with wonder, amazment, and jealousy. The flutter of another human, knowing that there is no way possibly to be closer to another person, it's all so incredible.

Pregnancy and labor have so much to do with perspective. Yes, there are some really hard experiences out there, but most boil down to how you look at it.

I posted this blog today regarding my own progress. Between the first picture and the second I conceived and had my son. At my top weight while pregnant I crested 200 pounds (something I will not let myself do next time). http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/allabtlm/view/progress-pics-2008-to-now-243486

korsicash

The child is worth the pregnancy. Like you though I never wanted all the yuck that goes along with getting the baby. Search yourself and see if being a mommy is worth it to you. Unconditional love, seeing the world brand new all over again, and a swell in your heart you had no idea was possible. I am glad I have one. My family is upset that I am trying for another. But one is great. Also none of them have to have "change" none of them have to be a walking suitcase for 9 months SO soul search and decide if motherhood after the 9 months of yuck is worth it. If the 9 months is still too difficult for you but you want to give your heart to a child adopt, foster there are lots of kids out there who need loving mommies.

Shriffee

You are being forced to have a baby? It sounds like you have bigger issues than gaining weight from pregnancy... seriously.

ladykaisa

Long story short..
I got married 1.5 years ago, I am gonna be 29 years old on 25th April.
My In laws, my parents, everyone is forcing me to have a baby soon .. but I am not ready for it... and will never be
My Husband and I had many discussions about it and we decided we plan one soon may be in a years time..

Problem: I am not ready, I can never be ready I always freak out when I think about it.. big belly.. so many problems, pain, morning sickness.. blah blah blah.. above all I do not know anything about Pregnancy.

Help: I want to make up my mind and want some good positive energy to be ready for it. Any book? any site? any good experience here? any kind of help would be great....

I love kids but I never want to go through the pregnancy... and also the fact that after pregnancy most of the women put on lots of weight and that loose tummy never goes back it is a big change in life how did you prepare yourself for it??

Please help me.. !

I can't help with the child rearing part, or the pregnancy part, but my Fiancee and I have been together 7 years and gettting married in May. My MiL and mom started 3 years ago asking for grandchildren.

The exact words out of my mouth were "You have other children. When are they gonna procreate?"

I passed the buck onto my Sister In Law and my little brother. They pushed it, I'd tell them I'm not having kids. Shut 'em up real quick.

My mother's been going on and on about grandkids since we got engaged. Each time she mentions kids, just simply say "I haven't made up my mind yet". It's the truth. I'll be 28 in October, hubs doesn't really want kids, and I'm on the fence. It's a big, life changing event.

My best friend and MoH *just* had her *first* baby. She's 35 tomorrow.

Amy

jessicareiter

What you read and hear about pregnancy is like the warnings on medication…all of these miserable things could happen. Doesn’t mean they will. I kept waiting for them too because of everything I read.

I personally felt great the whole time. It took about 3 months, but all the weight came off. Just be smart about staying active and eating well when you are pregnant.

At 29 I wasn’t ready….then around 31 something changed and I was. You have time…take it to get to know your husband and enjoy life!

kimberly702

I never prepared for it. Missed my period and started throwing up so I took a test and yuppers I was pregnant! I was 19 when I got pregnant... who's ready at 19 to be a mom? Had my first baby girl when I was 20 and yeah I gained weight, 25 lbs with my first and had a little pooch leftover. But I've never been one to prance around in a bikini and it didn't bother me. The pregnancy, although uncomfortable and made me sick... was the most INCREDIBLE experience! The bond you have with your baby and your body... is priceless. I have never felt MORE beautiful and sexy than I did when I was pregnant! I felt that way for all 3 of my kiddos. I love pregnancy... and yeah, I've gained weight and am trying to lose it... I'll never have tight flat sexy abs... but whatever! Look what I did!! I grew 3 beautiful babies in that belly!