ladies is he being a jerk or gentleman???

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  • bergsangel
    bergsangel Posts: 131
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    Dumb way to say it, but most men are not huge in the communication arena. I personally would appreciate the heads up. You can look amazing without having to overdo it, I'd be showing the ex that skill...
  • torie079
    torie079 Posts: 179 Member
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    I read all twelve pages of this thread and now my head is filled with the sound of clucking chickens. All this empathy and support from you sympathetic hoes is just bad advice.


    Please explain to me how these "hoes" are giving bad advice when he asked for a "ladies" point of view? No one asked for your outdated, male chauvinist viewpoint.
    Look, until the ring goes on, you're in a competition for his attention. Even after the ring goes on... you're probably still in a competition (plenty of proof of that in these threads, amirite?). Assuming that he's only got eyes for you is going to lead to disappointment unless he's Prince F'in Charming... and he clearly isn't PFC 'cause he's lacking in tact.

    Always act as if that his ex-girlfriend is a predatory down-*kitten* chick with a rockin' bod that plays Xbox like a boss and cooks perfect bacon and has no gag reflex so that you ALWAYS BRING YOUR "A" GAME instead of rolling to the black-tie function looking like a frumpy hag. Or don't - because if you don't care, don't put in the effort. If he matters to you, you'll work to keep him. If he doesn't, you go to the party, guzzle booze, and then smash faces with his bros. Either way you win.

    She is in competition for his attention? PLEASE! While men have to roll out all kinds of game, buy fancy dinners, etc just to get a woman, most women barely have to lift a finger to get a man. If you really think a woman is so lucky to have you because she is so effin desperate and has to continuously impress you, you need to open your eyes. Men are a dime a dozen and it's really not that difficult to get one, so maybe he should be impressing HER!

    Thank you!!!
  • HollyAus
    HollyAus Posts: 251 Member
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    I'll take the guys side on this one, this is a heads up, look if you run into the ex and you are introduced for some reason, YOU want to look your best. Hasn't anyone been there before? I sure have, was out running errands in a t-shirt and some jeans and ran into my guys ex at the store and she was just getting off work and was in a suit and heels. I felt like crap afterwards because she didn't get an opportunity to see his upgrade. Because I was caught off guard I didn't have my best foot forward and you only get one chance to make the first impression. Call me whatever you want but I'd like the opportunity to knock it home and show her that he's got quite a catch. If you go and aren't looking your best and he didn't tell you that you might run into her, what's going to be the first thing out of your mouth? "Why didn't you tell me she was going to be there!" Your going to follow that up with knocking him upside the head and then mumbling to yourself for days about how you wished you;d have been wearing this or that, or that you'd fixed your hair or touched up your makeup.

    I agree. If I saw an ex I would want to be looking my best! Call me old fashioned (cause yes I am) but I want my husband to want to show me off. I want to be the trophy wife, for him! I've never had to deal with the Ex thing, we got married young and he never really had an serious girlfriends. But I had a serious boyfriend and I know the one time we ran into him, I was pregnant, so naturally I felt fat and horrible lol but I did look cute, but my man was looking good and I was soo glad that the ex got to see what I now had. I guess like how much better my husband is then he was lol. Hope this makes sense lol.
    I agree too with others that have said guys aren't the best at knowing exactly what to say to us that wont make us upset. As long as he wasn't saying it to be mean or for you to be something your not then I would appreciate the heads up. I would want that girl to say WOW I can't compete with that! :)
  • AlSalzman
    AlSalzman Posts: 296 Member
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    Best Response!!!

    agree! i like the guzzling booze part. :D
    Lulz, the moderators disagree... I guess my post was insulting.
  • doorki
    doorki Posts: 2,611 Member
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    Best Response!!!

    agree! i like the guzzling booze part. :D
    Lulz, the moderators disagree... I guess my post was insulting.

    Boo....not insulting
  • andreanicole686
    andreanicole686 Posts: 406 Member
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    Hmm I would think he was being a little bit of a jerk because he is pretty much saying you don't usually dress up or clean up well. But knowing how guys think he isn't thinking that way just making sure you know his ex would be there and you need to look extra hot that night.
  • AlSalzman
    AlSalzman Posts: 296 Member
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    Please explain to me how these "hoes" are giving bad advice when he asked for a "ladies" point of view? No one asked for your outdated, male chauvinist viewpoint.
    K, "hoes" was inflammatory and unnecessary. Outdated and chauvinist? Guilty. That said - open thread, open forum, fourteen pages of man-bashing responses ("Jerk! Dump him!" OMG I never...)... I'm allowed my $0.02, just like you're allowed your opinion. And my opinion was that the ladies were giving bad advice.

    She is in competition for his attention? PLEASE! While men have to roll out all kinds of game, buy fancy dinners, etc just to get a woman, most women barely have to lift a finger to get a man. If you really think a woman is so lucky to have you because she is so effin desperate and has to continuously impress you, you need to open your eyes. Men are a dime a dozen and it's really not that difficult to get one, so maybe he should be impressing HER!
    ///Looks around... takes inventory of MFP members...

    Website full of divorced/single moms/self-confidence-issues/health-issues-from-overeating women begs to differ.

    Truth siren, baby. It ain't pretty but it's real - there's a flood of people on this site, both male and female, that got "better deal'd" by their partners. Maybe they had your same attitude, maybe they didn't... but if you become apathetic and take your partner for granted, you're tempting fate.
  • zoedallas
    zoedallas Posts: 116 Member
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    She is in competition for his attention? PLEASE! While men have to roll out all kinds of game, buy fancy dinners, etc just to get a woman, most women barely have to lift a finger to get a man. If you really think a woman is so lucky to have you because she is so effin desperate and has to continuously impress you, you need to open your eyes. Men are a dime a dozen and it's really not that difficult to get one, so maybe he should be impressing HER!
    I have to disagree with this. BOYS are a dime a dozen. A good man is rare and in high demand. They are well worth the time and effort. After all, he's also put in the time and effort to be a cut above the rest.

    If you want the best, then you have to be the best too. Some women are happy with the boys. Not me.
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,843 Member
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    I can't believe this discussion is still going on. :laugh:
  • OnMyWeigh464
    OnMyWeigh464 Posts: 447 Member
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    I've been with my husband since I was 16, he was 17. We've been together for 19 years now, married 14.. He never had any girlfriends before me so thankfully I don't have to contend with any exes however if he ever said this to me saying that "other women" will be dressed up blah blah...I would have his bags packed. No ifs, ands or buts. No counselling needed. No apology would EVER take those harsh words back. Ever.

    you would leave your husband of 14 years because he told you that he wanted you to look nice?

    Probably not. I replied on impulse. But if he ever told me how to dress becaus so-and-so always dresses up then I'd have a tough time believing his true feelings when he compliments me. But I know my spouse and he would never EVER suggest I dress in a specific way because of so-and-so who will be all gussied up. He has his flaws but he also has tactful ways of talking to me.
  • muffyjog
    muffyjog Posts: 30
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    Altered to be gender neutral:

    Your significant other( someone who you have been dating exclusively for a year) ask you to attend a popular event In your area and they say to you " I really need you looking your best my ex always attends this event and I know they are going to be there and I know they will be dressed up"

    Would you feel like they are being a jerk or would you feel that is a good heads up cause its not something you would normally get particularly dressed up and made up to attend?????

    Taking the gender issue out helps to better clarify the problem although I think this has been fairly well hashed out at this point. Still, worth looking at.

    "I need you looking your best" is the part that I would object to. Probably mis-spoken but a sad thing if true. Need is a strong word. And if what matters most is that your outward appearance be competitive, well, that's a great sadness because the focus is on the wrong part. It emphasizes a lack of confidence in you and emphasizes the superficiality of the affection and points out a big "HERE THERE BE DRAGONS" in the relationship.

    You deserve to be loved for being amazing on your worst hair day ever when standing next to any ex, no matter if you're male or female. If that's an issue, you're quite possibly in the wrong relationship.
  • 42kgirl
    42kgirl Posts: 692 Member
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    Obviously a man is never right, and it would be better for everyone if we'd just shut up and go fishing.
    Finally, a guy who gets it. Take my hubs fishing with you!
  • RaeLB
    RaeLB Posts: 1,216 Member
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    I wouldn't be mad... I would want the heads up for my own benefit! I wouldn't want to show up half-assed and her to out-hot me.
  • kwith1014
    kwith1014 Posts: 144
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    I don't think he meant it wrong but I think I would still be upset... WHO CARES IF YOU'RE EX IS GOING TO BE THERE??!!
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
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    14 pages...wow

    It's mostly just people insulting others with very little real discussion. lol

    Also known as, a typical 14-page MFP message board post.
  • Shaneekwa
    Shaneekwa Posts: 130 Member
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    LMAO at this post!!! Go DAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • dancellabz
    dancellabz Posts: 9
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    wow
  • geckofli
    geckofli Posts: 155 Member
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    Ex's are persona non grata, who cares what they think, I got nothing now to say about this.
    My ex will be there would have been an appropriate heads up, but I need you to look yor best cause my ex will be there? Boy you need to pull your head out of your butt and have a good look around.
  • hotcocoa8
    hotcocoa8 Posts: 58 Member
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    Your significant other( someone who you have been dating exclusively for a year) ask you to attend a popular event In your area and he says to you " I really need you looking your best my ex girlfriend always attends this event and I know she is going to be there and I know she is going to be dressed up" would you feel like he is being a jerk or would you feel that is a good heads up cause its not something you would normally get particularly dressed up and made up to attend?????
    Are you being serious? Why are you still concerned about your ex-girlfriend?
  • sxynanaplay
    sxynanaplay Posts: 83 Member
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    I know that guys arent really good with words but he was just being up front that he is giving you a heads up that his ex will be there. Of course you want to look your best against the other girl. Or say if the shoe was on the other foot (i know some women dont care, which i am one of them) but if you had a boyfriend that looked pretty casual all the time and you are going to an event and you want him to look super hot you will tell him just in better choices of words lol, you want to dangle his hot piece of a** in front of your ex just to show you can do better.

    I get what he is saying but he worded it all wrong.

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