College and Parent Problems

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  • lour441
    lour441 Posts: 543 Member
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    I have made it quite clear to my 10 year old daughter she is not allowed to date until she moves out or she is 30. Maybe that is your issue.
  • Mina133842
    Mina133842 Posts: 1,573 Member
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    I think the conversation needs to happen between you and your parents- and just try like another poster said to find out why they don't like him. Keep in mind, that parents have been around longer, and may "see" something in him that you don't, because you love him and are able to overlook his faults. That's not to say that he doesn't deserve a fair chance. Their objection to him attending the same school however, is a bit much. That's something for him and HIS parents to decide, not your parents.
    I had a boyfriend late in high school that my dad just couldn't stand... it never did get better, and after I was out of school and dating someone else, my dad never did say why he didn't like him - but looking back, the next couple of boyfriends were WAY worse than he was.... gently remind them that you're not marrying this guy, you're in a relationship with him that may or may not last - you're young and have lots of time on your hands to decide who you ultimately end up with. maybe asking if they're scared of you marrying this guy and having his baby - just put those types of questions to rest? I don't know, I'm not saying their opinion of him is right, but have you actually considered their feelings?? and try to get them to understand you feel like they're overlooking your feelings and good judgement. They did raise you to make your own decisions, right?!
  • xHelloQuincyx
    xHelloQuincyx Posts: 884 Member
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    lol if my mom had a problem with that i would just tell her its my life and i want to go there
    then again im paying for all my college on my own.
    when my boyfriend was in college and i was a senior i would drive 100 miles ever weekend to go see him. my mom didnt have a problem with it because i told her exactly what was up
  • BeetleChe13
    BeetleChe13 Posts: 498 Member
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    Definitely just talk to your parents about it. You should be free to go to whichever school you choose for whatever reason, and as for your boyfriend, it is none of their business where he goes. They're not his parents, and they have no say in it. That being said, you are also an adult. If their overprotectiveness gets in your way of doing what you feel is right, you're an adult. You can move out and support yourself. This isn't something that they should let get between your relationship though.
  • Rhaamses
    Rhaamses Posts: 9 Member
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    Find out exactly why your parents are furious but him attending the same college as you. Though he may be the world to you, independently, you are both just one person in the world of a college campus. You should be able to defend any response they present, simply by standing on the grounds that this your first step in adulthood, and they need to trust in their guidance of you.
  • soymilkcoffee
    soymilkcoffee Posts: 171
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    I don't believe that they dislike him for no reason at all. There is a reason. I don't know if you know what it is, but you might have a gut feeling what it is.
    Also, get your boyfriend more involved in the family. Does your boyfriend come over for holidays or dinners? If not, invite him over. Your boyfriend needs to work on the relationship, even if it seems like a lost cause.
    Other than that, maintain good grades and they can't possibly complain that your boyfriend at your school is a distraction. Unless you two are the same majors and taking the same classes, then I hardly think that he'll be a distraction in the first place.
    Good luck. :flowerforyou:
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
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    Hi everyone. I need a little advice. Im a college freshman, transferring to be closer to home next year.
    I'm a mom of a 25 year old who has graduated from college and a 20 year old in college, so I'm asking from a parent perspective. Why are you wanting to change colleges now to be closer to home? If one of my sons wanted to do that and then "coincidentally" their girlfriend was going to the same local school, I don't think I'd like it much. I would think that relationship was dictating where they wanted to attend college. I wouldn't like a teenage relationship dictating that, but that's just me.
  • angraham2
    angraham2 Posts: 128
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    TALK to your parents, be sure that they know why you are transfering, don't let boy's get in the way of your education. Be careful how you word things with your parents and don't have the boyfriend there when you talk. It will just create more tension.
  • hillary124
    hillary124 Posts: 112
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    Find out exactly why your parents are furious but him attending the same college as you. Though he may be the world to you, independently, you are both just one person in the world of a college campus. You should be able to defend any response they present, simply by standing on the grounds that this your first step in adulthood, and they need to trust in their guidance of you.

    They think that since i was unhappy at my first school ill be unhappy at the new one, more so if my boyfriend is there. but they arent even giving me a chance.
  • hillary124
    hillary124 Posts: 112
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    I don't believe that they dislike him for no reason at all. There is a reason. I don't know if you know what it is, but you might have a gut feeling what it is.
    Also, get your boyfriend more involved in the family. Does your boyfriend come over for holidays or dinners? If not, invite him over. Your boyfriend needs to work on the relationship, even if it seems like a lost cause.
    Other than that, maintain good grades and they can't possibly complain that your boyfriend at your school is a distraction. Unless you two are the same majors and taking the same classes, then I hardly think that he'll be a distraction in the first place.
    Good luck. :flowerforyou:

    Thank you so much. And he does try to come around for dinners and things but he feels awkward because he knows how my parents feel about him:(
  • hillary124
    hillary124 Posts: 112
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    Hi everyone. I need a little advice. Im a college freshman, transferring to be closer to home next year.
    I'm a mom of a 25 year old who has graduated from college and a 20 year old in college, so I'm asking from a parent perspective. Why are you wanting to change colleges now to be closer to home? If one of my sons wanted to do that and then "coincidentally" their girlfriend was going to the same local school, I don't think I'd like it much. I would think that relationship was dictating where they wanted to attend college. I wouldn't like a teenage relationship dictating that, but that's just me.

    I had ALOT of problems with my current college:( None of them had to do with the boyfriend. I promise.
  • hillary124
    hillary124 Posts: 112
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    TALK to your parents, be sure that they know why you are transfering, don't let boy's get in the way of your education. Be careful how you word things with your parents and don't have the boyfriend there when you talk. It will just create more tension.

    They know Im not transferring because of him, and they are ok with me transferring. I made my decision of where im going before my boyfriend did. So they know Im not transferring because of him. Which is why this is so frustrating cause theyre mad at me anyway.



    EVERYONE, thank you for the advice. It really does help alot to hear everyones input. :smile:
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
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    Hi There- I am a mom of a 19 year old who's finishing her freshman year (see my pic:) I can tell you from a parents perspective that we have a tendency to worry about our daughters getting into serious relationships when we feel they should be living it up in college. I catch myself doing that all the time- my daughter had a serious BF in highschool and almost cancelled her out of state college plans and I was pretty upset. Eventually, they broke up and I have to admit I was happy about it. Nowadays, I just remind myself that she is an adult and I remind her that we are footing the bill for her education and try to avoid making judgemental statements about some of the questionable (but fun) activities she's been undertaking at College:)
    You sound like a great kid- I don't think anyone needs to switch schools. Just remind your momma that you hve a set of goals for yourself that don't hinge on your relationship status and take a deep breath whenever she goes a little crazy. She does love you and has your best interest at heart:)

    Exactly this. People who are in relationship in college tend to have less fun time with friends and spend more time coupled up. Your parents just don't want you to regret spending all this time with one person - they want you to experience everything life has to offer. For your sake and theirs, talk to them and explain that you will promise to spend time with your other friends and have fun. :) You are only in college once at this age - so live it up!
  • jcriscuolo
    jcriscuolo Posts: 319 Member
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    Hillary - I can understand your parents point of view. I believe that they are concerned about you getting serious at such a young age. My son got involved with a girl when he was 17 and she was 18. They dated for three years. They broke up and he regrets being so deeply involved with her. Me and my wife tried to stay out of it but knew that he was too young to have a steady girlfriend. You should think about keeping him as a friend but also keeping your options open. It sounds like he is a nice guy so it's not like they have an objection to him based on his actions. They want the best for you and now you are too young to pick one person at this point in your life. There is a lot of living to do so hang loose and keep your options open.
    Don't be exclusive at such a young age. Explore, enjoy, experiment.
  • crazytreelady
    crazytreelady Posts: 752 Member
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    Live your life. You're in college, so I'm assuming you're at least 18.

    I wish it was that easy. Im 19, but my parents go under the rule "you live in our house, we pay for your college and food and phone and blah blah blah so we can still control your life." Which i understand....to an extent. Alot of this is mostly just me being so frustrated that they dont like my boyfriend and are that mad that were gonna be together. It hurts my feelings too .


    Realize that you what you have **is a gift **and a privilege. There are students out there working two jobs, living on their own an going to school. Boyfriend issues at your age shouldn't be that big a deal and if you really want to be with him, move out and you'll have your own rules.
  • hillary124
    hillary124 Posts: 112
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    Hillary - I can understand your parents point of view. I believe that they are concerned about you getting serious at such a young age. My son got involved with a girl when he was 17 and she was 18. They dated for three years. They broke up and he regrets being so deeply involved with her. Me and my wife tried to stay out of it but knew that he was too young to have a steady girlfriend. You should think about keeping him as a friend but also keeping your options open. It sounds like he is a nice guy so it's not like they have an objection to him based on his actions. They want the best for you and now you are too young to pick one person at this point in your life. There is a lot of living to do so hang loose and keep your options open.
    Don't be exclusive at such a young age. Explore, enjoy, experiment.

    I understand their point of view too, just not to such an extent. I think that they think our relationship is tumultuous and it wont be good if were together all the time, but in reality our relationship doesnt have any problems and i think they dont realize that. Thanks for the advice!
  • Mina133842
    Mina133842 Posts: 1,573 Member
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    why would they think your relationship is "tumultuous?"

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