In need of support :(

CassieReannan

Hey guys, I have been apart of MFP for 3 weeks now... and lately things in my life really suck...
Its like a never ending battle with my weight, confidence and happiness..
I cant seem to find any motivation to even get out of bed in the morning let alone work out.
I have had a few health issues lately and lost my job. I moved back home because my mum had a stroke and I vowed to help her. I went to the hospital every day for a month and always supported her.. now she takes everything out on me.. She always yells at me and I try to stand my ground but fall apart.

My sister is divorced (abusive relationship) with two children under 5, and I get pinned to babysit them pretty much 2 times a week unpaid.. I want to help her and I want to help my mum but lately it feels like everyone just uses me when they see fit to.
I just started my nursing course and have 4 years of that to do, the stress to study is so high and doing everything for everyone means university work gets pushed aside. I have no motivation to study anymore and contemplating leaving ... I just want to start my life again.

I am 20 years old and engaged and no one approved of our engagement... My sister recently got engaged and everyone was so happy about it. It really sucks, I feel like I am just the unwanted person of the family and no one cares. I see my fiance once a week... We are pretty much LDR now and we're trying to make it work. I have no money.. no job.. no confidence or true happiness.

Sorry MFP for putting my problems out on the open, but I am just so down lately...... Has anyone else felt this way?

suzibanshee

*hugs* I don't have a lot to say other than sometimes we need to put ourselves first. Be good to yourself (exercise outside in the sun, study, eat right) and if it's right for you to be good to your family right now, do it.

CassieReannan

*hugs* I don't have a lot to say other than sometimes we need to put ourselves first. Be good to yourself (exercise outside in the sun, study, eat right) and if it's right for you to be good to your family right now, do it.

Thanks, I'm trying to it just really sucks right now. :frown:

ChasingSweatandTears

It sounds like a lot of stuff in your life feels like it's out of your control right now. I've been there multiple times. I won't go into all of my troubles, but I can tell you that nothing will make you feel better than taking care of yourself. Eating healthy and getting some activity in every single day gives YOU POWER. You may not be able to control all of your circumstances right now, but the one thing you CAN control is yourself. You have to practice loving yourself when it seems like the whole world is against you, family or others. Each and every day that you make choices that are right for you, brings you one step closer to living the life you want to live.

I would also suggest making sure you are getting enough nutrients and eating enough of the right things. In times of high stress it's more critical than ever.
I used to be depressed, have overwhelming anxiety, low energy fatigue.. etc.. for YEARS and YEARS. I was put on one antidepressant and antianxiety med after another with no improvement. Mostly my problem was burnout due to a lack of energy. I finally DEMANDED nurtitional testing for vitamin D and B12, after doing lots of research and working for a neurologist. I noticed the first thing the doctors I worked for would do is check these two nutrients.
Well, I was deficient in both and for the past two years have taken 5,000 ius of vitamin d daily along with a powerful b complex supplement and I get biweekly b12 injections (my husband is an RN so he gives them to me) I have to tell you this has changed my life. I no longer sleep away an entire weekend out of fatigue, and my mood is 90% better. I get bloodwork every year and I have a perfect bill of health, no side effects from too many vitamins (people are unnecessarily scared of vitamins for the most part, it's all about education) My point is, correcting these imbalances along with eliminating most sugar has done a world of good for me. It's given me the enrgy needed to get through some of the biggest challenges of my life and some very high stress times.
Vitamin D and the B vitamins are so critical for mental and nervous health. Your nutritional status affects everything including your motivation.

Hang in there and take care of yourself. That includes taking the steps you need, one day at a time to reach those personal and educational goals. You can absolutely be there for others without allowing them to have power over how you feel. Family often treats each other worse than strangers, I know. Envision yourself being made of rubber, literally imagine it in your head the next time your Mother yells at you. Bounce that negative energy off of you, in another direction, not back at her and then envision yourself sending positive energy to her, even if you don't feel it. At that point your body will soften, you will be able to expereience the negativity without ABSORBING the negativity. OMG I know this sounds wacky, but it helps if you practice it

CassieReannan

It sounds like a lot of stuff in your life feels like it's out of your control right now. I've been there multiple times. I won't go into all of my troubles, but I can tell you that nothing will make you feel better than taking care of yourself. Eating healthy and getting some activity in every single day gives YOU POWER. You may not be able to control all of your circumstances right now, but the one thing you CAN control is yourself. You have to practice loving yourself when it seems like the whole world is against you, family or others. Each and every day that you make choices that are right for you, brings you one step closer to living the life you want to live.

I would also suggest making sure you are getting enough nutrients and eating enough of the right things. In times of high stress it's more critical than ever.
I used to be depressed, have overwhelming anxiety, low energy fatigue.. etc.. for YEARS and YEARS. I was put on one antidepressant and antianxiety med after another with no improvement. Mostly my problem was burnout due to a lack of energy. I finally DEMANDED nurtitional testing for vitamin D and B12, after doing lots of research and working for a neurologist. I noticed the first thing the doctors I worked for would do is check these two nutrients.
Well, I was deficient in both and for the past two years have taken 5,000 ius of vitamin d daily along with a powerful b complex supplement and I get biweekly b12 injections (my husband is an RN so he gives them to me) I have to tell you this has changed my life. I no longer sleep away an entire weekend out of fatigue, and my mood is 90% better. I get bloodwork every year and I have a perfect bill of health, no side effects from too many vitamins (people are unnecessarily scared of vitamins for the most part, it's all about education) My point is, correcting these imbalances along with eliminating most sugar has done a world of good for me. It's given me the enrgy needed to get through some of the biggest challenges of my life and some very high stress times.
Vitamin D and the B vitamins are so critical for mental and nervous health. Your nutritional status affects everything including your motivation.

Hang in there and take care of yourself. That includes taking the steps you need, one day at a time to reach those personal and educational goals. You can absolutely be there for others without allowing them to have power over how you feel. Family often treats each other worse than strangers, I know. Envision yourself being made of rubber, literally imagine it in your head the next time your Mother yells at you. Bounce that negative energy off of you, in another direction, not back at her and then envision yourself sending positive energy to her, even if you don't feel it. At that point your body will soften, you will be able to expereience the negativity without ABSORBING the negativity. OMG I know this sounds wacky, but it helps if you practice it

Thank you so much, you really helped

tanyalevan

I felt like this last year...worst year and I was depressed the whole time. I vowed to make this year the year of TANYA! Being a little selfish is not a crime! I watched this video and it really helped.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8A6MFXfgbo&feature=plcp&context=C4d67511VDvjVQa1PpcFPqWmOb_gILBfxhFCFffkPC-Of5xuugRrQ%3D

CassieReannan

I felt like this last year...worst year and I was depressed the whole time. I vowed to make this year the year of TANYA! Being a little selfish is not a crime! I watched this video and it really helped.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8A6MFXfgbo&feature=plcp&context=C4d67511VDvjVQa1PpcFPqWmOb_gILBfxhFCFffkPC-Of5xuugRrQ%3D

Great video, thank you so much.

mali240

Can't think of anything to say but big hugs!!!!

katiejoycecross

Things always seem to get darkest before they get light. Keeping hold on, and keep your chin up. Nursing school is challenging but doable, even at 20

Take time for yourself. Even if it's something small everyday, like a favorite song or a healthy brownie. (Ha ha) We're here for you.

roodledoodle

You need to start feeling good and confident about yourself - for a start from your profile picture you're really pretty! You must learn to say no and to not feel guilty about doing so, you'd be amazed at the difference this will make to your life. If you need to be studying and you are asked to do something for someone if you find it hard to say no just say something like - It's not convenient for me to do it then but will be free to help out on (whenever is better for you). Keep keep keep applying for jobs too - every one you don't get is a step nearer to the one you will get!

Very important - while it's very very easy to get down about all the things you have going on in your life and the feelings you are getting because of family issues please try and focus on ANY positive things you have going on - just from reading your post these are the positives I can see: -

You are a beautiful and healthy young lady.
You are studying to do something you want to do and this is a brilliant career you can have for yourself.
You are in love.
Although it's not ideal you have a roof over your head.
Your are a kind and caring person
Things WILL get better and you WILL be happy.

Really hope you're okay x

CassieReannan

Things always seem to get darkest before they get light. Keeping hold on, and keep your chin up. Nursing school is challenging but doable, even at 20

Take time for yourself. Even if it's something small everyday, like a favorite song or a healthy brownie. (Ha ha) We're here for you.

I appreciate the advice.. Thank you. I usually try to take a half hour walk every day but lately Ive had a lot of health issues. Sucks.

You need to start feeling good and confident about yourself - for a start from your profile picture you're really pretty! You must learn to say no and to not feel guilty about doing so, you'd be amazed at the difference this will make to your life. If you need to be studying and you are asked to do something for someone if you find it hard to say no just say something like - It's not convenient for me to do it then but will be free to help out on (whenever is better for you). Keep keep keep applying for jobs too - every one you don't get is a step nearer to the one you will get!

Very important - while it's very very easy to get down about all the things you have going on in your life and the feelings you are getting because of family issues please try and focus on ANY positive things you have going on - just from reading your post these are the positives I can see: -

You are a beautiful and healthy young lady.
You are studying to do something you want to do and this is a brilliant career you can have for yourself.
You are in love.
Although it's not ideal you have a roof over your head.
Your are a kind and caring person
Things WILL get better and you WILL be happy.

Really hope you're okay x

People always tell me I am 'pretty' but I have never felt it... I have low self esteem and confidence. I usually put on a happy face and try to make people happy.. I am trying to get healthy for me but lately its always about everyone else.

I hope one day you are right, thank you very much for your post you really helped me feel better. Thank you.

CassieReannan

Can't think of anything to say but big hugs!!!!

Awwwh thanks

lorro

lately things in my life really suck...Its like a never ending battle with my weight, confidence and happiness..
.. lately it feels like everyone just uses me when they see fit to...doing everything for everyone means university work gets pushed aside. I have no motivation to study anymore and contemplating leaving ... I just want to start my life again.... I feel like I am just the unwanted person of the family and no one cares. Sorry MFP for putting my problems out on the open, but I am just so down lately......

Cassie please don't be sorry for putting your problems out in the open, that takes great courage and shows how determined you are to change, despite your difficulties.

You've had a lot of problems to deal with: health, a LTR, losing your job, family conflict, a stressful course - no wonder you are struggling. These problems have occured on top of the really big one - your relationship with your family. The way they treat you and take advantage of you makes you feel bad about yourself. It's your low confidence and low self esteem that keep you trapped in this negative cyle. This affects your mood and robs you of motivation. You're desperate for a new start and have a lot going for you with your fiance and uni course, but expecting yourself to soldier on as the cheerful person who deals with all her problems herself and everyone else's too is robbing you of the pleasure in your life and the motivation to follow through on things that are important to you, like your studies and weight loss.

I recommend you go straight to the core of the problem and get some help for your self esteem and possibly assertivness to help with your family relationships. It may be best to get in person help but you may want to try self help first. Here are some links to some high quality, free courses based on approaches that have been shown to be effective for problems like this. Please do something soon, before your mood worsens and motivation drops still further.
http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=47
http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=51

I don't know the specifics of your situation so may be off base, but I'll tell you what I know of many families who have this particular dynamic. Often the parents have difficulties themselves having had problems in childhood. This makes it hard for them to contain their emotional needs and they often vent them on their children. The children internalise these difficulties and tend to react in one of two ways. They act out, having difficulties with relationships themselves, or they try (often successfully) to please everyone so as to minimise conflict. You do matter to your family cassie, more than you would ever know. You're their fixer. But you have needs too and they will not attend to them, it's time for you to do that and to put yourself first. You deserve nothing less. :flowerforyou: