I give up

hurleycutie142

im so tired of everything...
my and my fiance are over i think...

i read a text he was texting his friend saying that he loves to go run the rose bowl to see the cute girls and see there tetas (boobs) jump...
i see it as pure disrespect...
and he sees it as im just trying to be cool...
and its my fault for looking...

first of all my dad pays our phones... so its technically my phone...
we were just about to move out and i checked it cause i want to make sure that im doing the right thing...
he always talks about his co worker pushing him to cheat on me how do i know its not a cover?
i dunno...
im just hurt...
i dont know what to do...

chgudnitz

First, I'm a guy, married for almost 7 years, and I'm still not going to pretend to know how you women think. But I do know how guys think. What guys really feel and what we say to our friends are most of the time 2 different things.

He didn't say though that he likes going there to get with other girls, cheat, flirt with, sleep with or anything like that. Women talk all the time about the "yard guy" or the "pool boy" or whatever, its likely just the same thing. If you are really upset, talk to him about it. And don't think about what he says on the 9000 different levels that women like to *kitten* our responses on. When a guy is confronted we typically say what we mean because we don't stop to think about creative answers. If you all are seriously serious, then a text message shouldn't change that.

Hope this helps a little.

marm1962

I agree, just because a guy likes to look doesn't mean he's cheating. Women look, we're just smart enough to keep the comments to ourselves....lol

pinksultana

What made you check his phone in the first place? Perhaps subconsciously you knew things were as great as they should be.
this is a tricky one tho - On one hand it could be somewhat of an offhanded comment...but on the other I wouldnt like my husband to text that to his mates either! Talk to him about how it makes you feel - I think if he realises and is sorry for making you feel sad, and genuinley seems to understand why it upset you than its a sign he is in it with you, but if he kicks off for you checking his phone and doent try and understand why your upset then i would consider whether you want to stay with a dude that doesnt care how it makes you feel....but then again I could understand him getting upset if he feels you are checking up on him and dont trust him....
In some ways it seems either consciously or unconsciously you dont fully trust him if you feel you need to check his phone...
just my 2 cents
good luck with things girl! Relationships are hard!
PINK

leann_m_olson

depends if this is a one time thing or have you found a trend of his acting this way? Mistrust is not the way to start a marriage. Think long and hard, it is much easier to end a relationship before marriage than after. You are a beautiful girl and should be treated with respect, if he doesn't respect you now, it will get worse after marriage. just my opinion. :flowerforyou:

amymeenieminymo

If this is an isolated incident, then I would probably write it off as boys being boys. I don't even want to know what my boyfriend talks about with his guy friends....and I've said some things to my girl friends that I wouldn't necessarily want him to hear. Granted, it's probably not as crude as what a guy would say, but my guy hearing me say something "lovey or romantic" about some other guy (like oh he' so cute, or he's so sweet, or something like that) would be equivalent to my guy saying check out the butt on that girl.

If there are other things that makes you think you cannot trust him, and this is the straw that broke the camels back, then perhaps it is time to reevaluate things. However, snooping through people's personal things will seldom bring either person happiness....regardless of who pays for it, it is his phone for personal use and his privacy should be respected.

Good luck, I hope everything works out as it should.

MissNova

Men will always look just as woman do as well. You just need to take a step back and check your personal goals first. Take time for yourself and not worry about things you can't control. Also don't look for things you don't want to find. That is his private phone, no looking if you can't handle what you find. If you don't trust him just let him go but don't look for things that could stress yourself out. Stay focused!

hurleycutie142

Its a weird situation...
when he got with me he knew my baggage...
my dad did and still is cheating with my mom
and after i found out i never truely trust men...
and he knew that...
there were times that the earge would be un bearable that i had to look...
cause i never wanted to go through what my mom went through...
looking stupid when everyone around her knew and she didnt...

i guess it just helps me save myself...
and he knows this...
so now that he is guilty of something now he wants to be defensive...
i know it was wrong to look but im glad i did...
cause he plays off this innocent act with me and i wanted to know how he truely feels...

he is lieing now saying that he lied to them saying it was 6 in the morning when he went and no one was there...
when i know its a lie because i know a lot of people that work out at that time...
its just a continuous lie instead of saying sorry that it hurt u...

he doesnt understand either that we have been together for 3 years and the only friends we had were his brother and my best friend <--- who are getting married...
and now that he is in fire academy he has "friends"
and he said it cause he wants to be cool...
but im being childish?

Valtishia

well go run the rose bowl with him and let him watch your ta-ta's jump

On a more serious note... I wouldn't be upset with something like this unless there was sign after sign that he was a dirty cheater. I look at other men and sometimes even make comments and my man does the same for women although its more she's cute rather than look at the ta-ta's on her. We are a little weird like that I guess though, we really don't censor our thoughts or words around eachother... on the plus side though I never wonder what he is thinking.
Unless you really feel like you can't trust him for some other reasons in addition to this, I wouldn't worry too much about it. I would be more concerned about the guy who says he likes to go hang out at the local elementary school cause the girls look cute in thier skirts... if you find a text like that then runnnnnnnnn!!!

chgudnitz

You have got to relax a little. You will never find someone that is 100% perfect, does everything you want 100% of the time. What are you going to do when you 2 are watching a movie and he says the actress is hot? You see him catch a glance at someone walking down the street.

As far as this "helping you save yourself", it's probably doing more harm to you than saving. You seem to have an unhealthy distrust of men, even one that you have been with for 16% of your life. Take this from a man's point of view, if you don't trust us and try to be controlling and not let us be us, then we will 100% live up (down?) to your expectations.

Try talking about it, saying it happened, its over with, lets move on, this is how I feel about it but I trust that you were "insert comment" (joking, playing cool, bragging) whatever. Your BF is not your dad, and guys can not deal with women that don't trust and try to be controlling. Not for long anyways.

hurleycutie142

well go run the rose bowl with him and let him watch your ta-ta's jump

On a more serious note... I wouldn't be upset with something like this unless there was sign after sign that he was a dirty cheater. I look at other men and sometimes even make comments and my man does the same for women although its more she's cute rather than look at the ta-ta's on her. We are a little weird like that I guess though, we really don't censor our thoughts or words around eachother... on the plus side though I never wonder what he is thinking.
Unless you really feel like you can't trust him for some other reasons in addition to this, I wouldn't worry too much about it. I would be more concerned about the guy who says he likes to go hang out at the local elementary school cause the girls look cute in thier skirts... if you find a text like that then runnnnnnnnn!!!

ya i know...
but for some reason it still hurts...
i cant run the rose bowl anymore...
i cant even run around the stairs without losing my breath...
i just dont feel good about myself anymore...
and this just made me feel worse...