Fat friends feeding baby junk food

katgirl985

Oh dear.

This is a touchy subject, I know.

So I'm fat. Yeah, but I'm also on MFP and busting my butt and eating right now and becoming less fat. And it's really come to bother me that my friends (two couples, both with kids, both sets of them are significantly overweight/obese) feed their kids garbage. And this doesn't seem to be a once-in-a-while thing for at least one set of them, it is like an everyday thing.

If we go out, they order their 20-month old a Happy Meal/Kid's Meal and a dessert. I have seen him eat an entire hamburger, a side of fries, a juice drink, and half of a McDonald's Pie. REALLY? This seems really excessive.

If I go over and they're cooking, it's normally something out of a box (Hambuger Helper?) or the freezer (Stouffer's Lasagna/frozen pizza) OR they've gotten take-out.

As far as I am concerned, as they are adults, they can choose what they eat and if they eat junk and are fat, that's up to them. Of course I hope they'll see that I'm having success and jump on the bandwagon, but ultimately it is THEIR decision. It really bothers me though, that they have weight problems and they are feeding their KID crap and developing HIS palate to like processed junk food which will most likely ultimately lead to HIM having a weight problem. And the icing on the cake is that one of them is pregnant as well and is sucking down diet soda and fast food -- I just don't think that is good for the baby.

:ohwell: *Sigh*

Is it overstepping to say something to them about it? I'm just really not sure what is ok and I don't want to cause any hurt feelings but I'm concerned because I don't want their kids to have to go through what I'm doing right now.

weathergirl320

None of your business and not yuor place to say anything. It will only cause a fight

Di3012

Oh dear.

This is a touchy subject, I know.

So I'm fat. Yeah, but I'm also on MFP and busting my butt and eating right now and becoming less fat. And it's really come to bother me that my friends (two couples, both with kids, both sets of them are significantly overweight/obese) feed their kids garbage. And this doesn't seem to be a once-in-a-while thing for at least one set of them, it is like an everyday thing.

If we go out, they order their 20-month old a Happy Meal/Kid's Meal and a dessert. I have seen him eat an entire hamburger, a side of fries, a juice drink, and half of a McDonald's Pie. REALLY? This seems really excessive.

If I go over and they're cooking, it's normally something out of a box (Hambuger Helper?) or the freezer (Stouffer's Lasagna/frozen pizza) OR they've gotten take-out.

As far as I am concerned, as they are adults, they can choose what they eat and if they eat junk and are fat, that's up to them. Of course I hope they'll see that I'm having success and jump on the bandwagon, but ultimately it is THEIR decision. It really bothers me though, that they have weight problems and they are feeding their KID crap and developing HIS palate to like processed junk food which will most likely ultimately lead to HIM having a weight problem. And the icing on the cake is that one of them is pregnant as well and is sucking down diet soda and fast food -- I just don't think that is good for the baby.

:ohwell: *Sigh*

Is it overstepping to say something to them about it? I'm just really not sure what is ok and I don't want to cause any hurt feelings but I'm concerned because I don't want their kids to have to go through what I'm doing right now.

I think you should just worry about yourself and leave them to their business.

You are not there 100% of the time, you do not see what they feed their kids the rest of the while. There is no saying that their children will end up as you did anyway.

Leave people to their own lives, each and every one of us has enough on our plates trying to manage our own, without interfering in other peoples'.

Kandygirl

they are not your kids so you shouldn't say anything. you can talk to the parents about eating better but dont push it.

cmayfield3

The only thing you can do is try to lead by example. What do you do when you go over to their house and they're having Hamburger Helper? Do you eat it too, or do you bring something for yourself? What if you said to them, you are always so sweet to have me over, this time I'd like to bring a dish. And bring something healthy but absolutely delicious.

xPOOKiEx

I agree with the others here. I wouldn't say anything. What I can say though is I've seen articles where parents are getting charged with child abuse due to their kids being so young and already obese...so it WILL catch up with them...

_Schatzi_

I think the tactful thing to do would be to lead by example! Talk about you- how you're working out and the great healthy stuff your eating and what a difference it's made. Instead of telling them what they are doing wrong- let them be INSPIRED by you!!

mississippi_queen

Totally not ok for you to say anything. They will only turn on you. Parenting is something you can't really step in on, especially if your advice is unsolicited.

moonpony

I concur with the lead by example. Chances are if they are feeding their kid crap food like you say, it is because they are pinched for time and those solutions seem to fit. Perhaps you can offer to make them a meal to help them out, and on the side possibly demostrate that a healthy meal can be made when one is short on time. That way you aren't being offensive, but helpful. Just a thought.

Dlopez678

As a parent I feel that it is absolutely none of your business and you really shouldn't be concerned about it. Of course they should make healthier choices, but eating those types of foods do not make you fat... eating too much of it and not exercising makes you fat. So, there is no saying that the child will become obese just because the parents are or because they ate those foods as a child. How would you feel if someone were saying something to you about everything you ate? Why not be supportive and try to get your friends active.. like play sports together.. or offer to have them over for dinner and make a healthy dinner so that they can see the other options out there with out you having to verbally say anything to them about their weight or the way they eat.

seanwebster

I think the tactful thing to do would be to lead by example! Talk about you- how you're working out and the great healthy stuff your eating and what a difference it's made. Instead of telling them what they are doing wrong- let them be INSPIRED by you!!

This. A friend of a friend is now bigger than I was at my biggest, hadn't seen me since before I started dropping, then saw me at -100 pounds. He's notorious for his bad eating habits... actually got angry at the presence of vegetables on burgers and pizza. But he spontaneously reached out to me for tips and advice after that. Hopefully your friends will see your transformation and be inspired too. You can't make them do it though.

sjv1966

Agree on not saying anything. And bringing food to their house seems a bit odd. How about inviting them and their kids over for dinner and cooking something healthy? The subject might come up naturally. If not no worries -- maybe it will over time.

I would also say that there are a lot of people out there who never learned to cook growing up and eat processed food because they feel intimidated by cooking. Perhaps there is a cooking class nearby that you could suggest taking together as a fun thing to do.

AshleeLunce

I agree with you. However, I also agree with everyone else that saying something would only lead to a fight. My husband and I have instilled great food patterns with our daughter (something I am very proud of) and I am so thankful to have a toddler who loves veggies... even broccoli (or "trees"as she calls it)! We do let her indulge in chocolate or ice cream every once in a while...kids need to be able to indulge every once in a while, just like adults do.

Lead by example. Hopefully they will change their habits before it is too late. There have been several studies done that show that bad eating patterns as a child can lead to obesity, diabetes, etc.

AshleeLunce

Perhaps there is a cooking class nearby that you could suggest taking together as a fun thing to do.

^^^This is a great idea!

jasperann

I think this has more to do with you than it does them. Are you mad at someone in your life for not speaking up sooner or maybe not saying anything to you about your weight before you started your journey?

I know that after I lost about 50lbs I was very very upset/angry with almost everyone that did nothing to say anything about my 'problem'. Although it was subconscious for a while, and cause a lot of problems, because I judged what everyone put into their mouth (stupid I know). Regardless of the fact that had they said anything before I was ready I would have ignored them, it didn't change how angry I was. However, I am past that now.

With that little background, I do not think that you should say anything. It isn't your place, just lead by example and when they see how amazing you are doing maybe they will reach out to you for help. But until then, it would probably just put a strain on your relationship with them. Believe me I know this from experience...

BrianSharpe

As much as you have the urge to jump up on the table and ask them what the hell they're thinking it really isn't your place to do so.

Perhaps you can find a way to work nutrition into a conversation in a subtle way (when you're not watching them feed their kids McGarbage). "Did you see that article in the paper, man I'm so bummed out that XXXXXXX fries contain so much sodium......" if they take the bait great, if not let it go.

JGT2004

As a parent I would say its not your place to say anything. You can be an example to them and maybe discuss their eating habits with them if the opportunity presents itself. But if they aren't eating healthy themselves I don't think they are even aware of what they are doing to their kids.

And like others have said, you are not there 100% of the time. If you saw me at Chili's on a week night my son would probably be eatting a kids pizza, oranges, and having most of a molten cake for dessert. But what you don't see is that he eats a heaping serving (or 2) of broccoli nearly every day, loves milk with a little bit of protein powder with breakfast or for a snack, and eats tons of fruit during the day! While he likes McDonalds and other junk food I try to teach him its okay to eat it but in moderation and balanced with other healthy options.

Also if you are eating out with them or going to their place maybe you could order/take something healthy and offer to let the kids try it. My son refuses to try a lot of new things but once he sees his uncle try it he will give it a go. And now he loves pineapple and asks for it regularly. This might help the parents be more open to expanding the foods they offer to their kids? Anyways.... Good luck!

Lisammy

Yep, best not to say anything. It's very sad to see...but you personally can't change their habits for them. I have a relative that feeds her kid junk food, sodas, cupcakes for breakfast, etc. Their kid is SO overweight, looks like they might explode out of their skin...and this kid is under 10 yrs old. I feel sorry for the life this kid will have to live and the ridicule from others it will have to endure...unless something changes. All I can do is hope that one day they will have a change of heart and start healthy habits. I think it starts early and you have to start w/ kids when they are very young. My 7 yr. old is always looking for foods that are healthy, and asking for fruits and veggies. One of her favorite foods is broccoli. But it starts at home, and it starts with the parents. It's a very touchy situation indeed, one you can't really do anything about....and it truly is heartbreaking to see.

Chelle_Davis

I think the tactful thing to do would be to lead by example! Talk about you- how you're working out and the great healthy stuff your eating and what a difference it's made. Instead of telling them what they are doing wrong- let them be INSPIRED by you!!

Definitely this.

kylesmommy89

NONE of your business. I can't stand when people give unsolicited parenting advice. It's their child, not yours. You can think whatever you want about it, but it's out of line to say anything to them about something so personal unless they ask you for your opinion on it..Also, what are you going to accomplish? It's not like they've never heard that McDonald's isn't the healthiest option out there!

k8blujay2

Honestly, I don't know why anything else would be expected... we teach our children our bad habits... especially, if we don't recognize them (or more accurately admit to them) ourselves... If they are obese and eating junk all the time... then why would anyone think that they would be feeding their kids anything else... With that said, I do feed my family Stouffers Lasagna fairly regularly... and eat some processed foods... even fast food... but that's not to say that I don't prepare veggies as well and we rarely have dessert... From the casual observer it may look like I feed my daughter junk all the time... but I don't, not even close.... so it really depends on what you view as junk... And there are times where my 14 month old can pack away food like a 10 year old boy... I'm not even kidding.

So yeah, I wouldn't say anything and just lead by example as well... because unless you see it every moment of every day, you don't really know the full picture of what is going on.

lporter229

Agree on not saying anything. And bringing food to their house seems a bit odd. How about inviting them and their kids over for dinner and cooking something healthy? The subject might come up naturally. If not no worries -- maybe it will over time.

Great advice. Make something that you are certain the kid will enjoy too, so when he eats it, you can say " Looks like he really likes this. I'd be glad to give you the recipe." That will at least tactfully open up the topic. But, as others have said, be careful how far you go with the subject. It could cost you a friendship.

rextcat

oh i am so guilty, i to have gotten my oldest child happy meals, altho not the pie, or a dessert of any kind, and my husband or usaly have to help her with the burger.....

beckajw

Oh dear.

This is a touchy subject, I know.

So I'm fat. Yeah, but I'm also on MFP and busting my butt and eating right now and becoming less fat. And it's really come to bother me that my friends (two couples, both with kids, both sets of them are significantly overweight/obese) feed their kids garbage. And this doesn't seem to be a once-in-a-while thing for at least one set of them, it is like an everyday thing.

If we go out, they order their 20-month old a Happy Meal/Kid's Meal and a dessert. I have seen him eat an entire hamburger, a side of fries, a juice drink, and half of a McDonald's Pie. REALLY? This seems really excessive.

If I go over and they're cooking, it's normally something out of a box (Hambuger Helper?) or the freezer (Stouffer's Lasagna/frozen pizza) OR they've gotten take-out.

As far as I am concerned, as they are adults, they can choose what they eat and if they eat junk and are fat, that's up to them. Of course I hope they'll see that I'm having success and jump on the bandwagon, but ultimately it is THEIR decision. It really bothers me though, that they have weight problems and they are feeding their KID crap and developing HIS palate to like processed junk food which will most likely ultimately lead to HIM having a weight problem. And the icing on the cake is that one of them is pregnant as well and is sucking down diet soda and fast food -- I just don't think that is good for the baby.

:ohwell: *Sigh*

Is it overstepping to say something to them about it? I'm just really not sure what is ok and I don't want to cause any hurt feelings but I'm concerned because I don't want their kids to have to go through what I'm doing right now.

Yes, it's over stepping. I understand your concern, but they are not your children. You wouldn't want someone telling you how to raise your kids right?

katgirl985

Thanks for the feedback guys.

I realize it isn't really any of my business what they do with their kids, which is why I haven't said anything to them. When I started with this in January we were supposed to be doing a group thing and they were part of it and pretty much never started (even though it was their idea!) and/or have already fallen away from it.

My parents did they best they could with me but were short on time and/or money and we ate a lot of processed stuff when I was growing up. I was a fat child, and now I'm a fat adult and I grew up with people making fun of me because of my weight and am now having my own issues related to it.

I appreciate the suggestions about bringing dinner over for them (I DO normally bring my own food or if we eat out suggest a restaurant where I know I can order something healthful) or asking about going to a cooking class together.

sailorsiren13

let me ask you this would you go to Wal-Mart and tell every big person with kids what to buy? no probably not. for years my family and i ate hamburger helper and processed stuff most people don't have the time or energy to cook these days. or that's the excuse . I would preach it all over the place if i could. what people are doing to themselves and their families is terrible but it's the society we live in and people have to want to change and until they do you can only take care of you and your own. Maybe you can invite them to your house for dinner sometime instead of only eating at their house. I hope your friendship can survive being so judgmental.

TriumphNow

I definitely understand your point. It bothers me to see kids eating junk all the time too because I know firsthand how hard it is to change those habits as an adult. I agree with those above that said you should lead by example. People get very defensive when you try to correct them about their kids. My kids like McDonald's and I keep healthy and not-so-healthy snacks at home. It's all about moderation. Keeping them active in sports or some kind of physical activity is also very important.

katgirl985

Yep, best not to say anything. It's very sad to see...but you personally can't change their habits for them. I have a relative that feeds her kid junk food, sodas, cupcakes for breakfast, etc. Their kid is SO overweight, looks like they might explode out of their skin...and this kid is under 10 yrs old. I feel sorry for the life this kid will have to live and the ridicule from others it will have to endure...unless something changes. All I can do is hope that one day they will have a change of heart and start healthy habits. I think it starts early and you have to start w/ kids when they are very young. My 7 yr. old is always looking for foods that are healthy, and asking for fruits and veggies. One of her favorite foods is broccoli. But it starts at home, and it starts with the parents. It's a very touchy situation indeed, one you can't really do anything about....and it truly is heartbreaking to see.

This is exactly how I feel. I appreciate you sharing, at least I'm not the only one who feels this way.

Im_NotPerfect

Definately overstepping. Do you see what they feed their kids ALL the time? Maybe it's the times you're there that you see it. I let my kids eat McDonald's once in a while too. And we LOVE the Stoffer's Mac and Cheese. If you came over to our house on a bad week, you might see the Stoffer's one night and McD's on the next...that's just because it's a busy week and neither my husband nor I have time to cook. However...the other 90% of the time, my kids get veggies, chicken, steak, etc for dinners. Breakfasts are usually cereal and fresh fruit.

Don't judge by the occasional meal you see...

mdsjmom98

Maybe once they see how you're doing with your lifestyle change, they will want to follow suit, and will come to you for advice!!!

OnMyWeigh464

Agree with everyone else here. For me, I was that parent that didn't make the best choices for ANYONE...me, my kids, or my husband. Now that I've been on my diet plan faithfully I make good choices, I serve salad or lots of veggies, at every supper. But it took me a long time to get here. I had to be ready to recognise the unhealthy choices I was making for everyone in my life. I had friends and family members say to me that I was not making good choice and I took offense. I know now that they were trying to help but at that time it was hurtful and I was more angry than grateful for the unsolicited advice.