Hating Your Body vs. Body Acceptance
sugarandspice27
Posts: 521 Member
Something that is saddens me here on MFP and in society as a whole is the amount of comments I see of people putting down and degrading their own bodies. I understand we are trained by society, and even our own mothers, to harshly criticize others and to more harshly criticize ourselves. It's almost as if saying "I like my [Body part] but if only my [body part] wasn't so big.", "I hate my [Body part]", etc is a rite of passage and expected, especially of young women. When you do this, you set up a vicious cycle of self-hatred that not only brings yourself down but brings everyone around you down. STOP it already. This isn't cute. This isn't healthy. It's negative and it's toxic. Just stop it. It's *ok* to love yourself and love your body as it is.
Am I promoting obesity and saying to let yourself go? Far from it. In fact, when you *love* yourself you're more motivated to treat yourself with respect because you believe you are *worth* it.
To that end: I refuse to use degrading words to describe my body. I vow to accept my body as it is everyday because this is the body I have today. My body is capable of fabulous and amazing things today. I am not defined by my size or shape. My body is worth treating well.
Who's with me?
Am I promoting obesity and saying to let yourself go? Far from it. In fact, when you *love* yourself you're more motivated to treat yourself with respect because you believe you are *worth* it.
To that end: I refuse to use degrading words to describe my body. I vow to accept my body as it is everyday because this is the body I have today. My body is capable of fabulous and amazing things today. I am not defined by my size or shape. My body is worth treating well.
Who's with me?
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Replies
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@ Sugar...I can only speak of my own experiences....I have always had negative thoughts about my body and Body image. When I was in the best shape of my life at the age of 30, I had not one single negative thought. I was on top of the world and nothing would have stopped me. I became a very successful person and met the woman I would marry. things couldn't have been better. Then, stress came back and then the overeating, and self loathing..I have never been able to recover. I stil have negative thoughts about myself and Therapy hasn't helped...0
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There is a FANTASTIC program (that you pay for but is well worth the investment) called Fierce Love for Every Body (http://www.fiercelove.me/bodyhomecoming/) and it is all about body acceptance, right where you are. It doesn't mean you can't lose weight or get fitter but it's about stopping the cycle of self-hatred. I did it and it was wonderful. I no longer despise my body but appreciate and respect it for what it is, the most amazing tool I will EVER have in my life
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If we say I Love My Body! Its perfect!... we are either A. a delusional btch or B. obviously wrong :-/
(but we're allowed to say it inside our head where no one can hear us sometimes, right?)0 -
There is a FANTASTIC program (that you pay for but is well worth the investment) called Fierce Love for Every Body (http://www.fiercelove.me/bodyhomecoming/) and it is all about body acceptance, right where you are. It doesn't mean you can't lose weight or get fitter but it's about stopping the cycle of self-hatred. I did it and it was wonderful. I no longer despise my body but appreciate and respect it for what it is, the most amazing tool I will EVER have in my life
I will check it out thanks! I am not sure but My body image isn't the real culprit. I think its an excuse for another thing. I beleive..It's in my head...0 -
@ Sugar...I can only speak of my own experiences....I have always had negative thoughts about my body and Body image. When I was in the best shape of my life at the age of 30, I had not one single negative thought. I was on top of the world and nothing would have stopped me. I became a very successful person and met the woman I would marry. things couldn't have been better. Then, stress came back and then the overeating, and self loathing..I have never been able to recover. I stil have negative thoughts about myself and Therapy hasn't helped...
Well I'm certainly no expert but if I had a few suggestions for you it would be to STOP comparing your past self to your current self. It sounds as though you have romanticized that time in your life as "perfect" and attributed it to your body size and your mind is stuck on that loop. Stuck in the past. So I think it would be extremely beneficial for you to focus on yourself here and now in the present. And a great exercise would be to pick out something positive about yourself to appreciate each day. It could be anything, physical or otherwise. You may have beautiful eyes or great hair. Perhaps you have accomplished a lot in your career or you're a dedicated family man or a great chef. I don't know you but I know that each of us has something that can be appreciated and loved. If you retrain yourself to ONLY focus on the positive you will slowly notice a shift in your awareness.
Instead of lingering on what you don't have, focus gratitude towards what you do have. You will shift your awareness from a sense of lack to a sense of gratitude and abundance.
I hope this helps some.0 -
You're on the wrong type of site for those sorts of thoughts - most people are here because they don't like their body & they want to change it, not because they want to accept it for all it's flaws.
Personally, I love my body. My goal isn't written in stone, I just want to have more energy & not be so lazy. I don't care if I lose 2 pounds or 20. But I'm not in the norm here, as far as my attitude goes.0 -
@ Sugar...I can only speak of my own experiences....I have always had negative thoughts about my body and Body image. When I was in the best shape of my life at the age of 30, I had not one single negative thought. I was on top of the world and nothing would have stopped me. I became a very successful person and met the woman I would marry. things couldn't have been better. Then, stress came back and then the overeating, and self loathing..I have never been able to recover. I stil have negative thoughts about myself and Therapy hasn't helped...
Well I'm certainly no expert but if I had a few suggestions for you it would be to STOP comparing your past self to your current self. It sounds as though you have romanticized that time in your life as "perfect" and attributed it to your body size and your mind is stuck on that loop. Stuck in the past. So I think it would be extremely beneficial for you to focus on yourself here and now in the present. And a great exercise would be to pick out something positive about yourself to appreciate each day. It could be anything, physical or otherwise. You may have beautiful eyes or great hair. Perhaps you have accomplished a lot in your career or you're a dedicated family man or a great chef. I don't know you but I know that each of us has something that can be appreciated and loved. If you retrain yourself to ONLY focus on the positive you will slowly notice a shift in your awareness.
Instead of lingering on what you don't have, focus gratitude towards what you do have. You will shift your awareness from a sense of lack to a sense of gratitude and abundance.
I hope this helps some.
Thanks so much. your advice sounds great. THis will help me and Maybe open a door or two regarding other issues that Someone below your Post mentioned dowsn't belong here!
I need to find that MyCrasyMindFitness.com site! LOL0 -
If we say I Love My Body! Its perfect!... we are either A. a delusional btch or B. obviously wrong :-/
(but we're allowed to say it inside our head where no one can hear us sometimes, right?)
Your body doesn't have to be perfect to be loved by you, or anyone else for that matter. True perfection is impossible, because it's subjective.0 -
BUMP0
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To that end: I refuse to use degrading words to describe my body. I vow to accept my body as it is everyday because this is the body I have today. My body is capable of fabulous and amazing things today. I am not defined by my size or shape. My body is worth treating well.
Who's with me?
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I love my body.....just workin on tightening the 'jiggly' parts :-)0
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I really wish I could love and appreciate my body, but I can't. I am fat, out of shape, unattractive and miserable with how I look. I always look @ bigger women who have good self esteem and wonder how they do it and how I can be more like them. I don't think I will ever be happy with myself totally until I love about 100lbs. I wish it were different...0
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If we say I Love My Body! Its perfect!... we are either A. a delusional btch or B. obviously wrong :-/
(but we're allowed to say it inside our head where no one can hear us sometimes, right?)
Say what!!!!
Not ONLY am I allowed to THINK my body is perfect...I'm also allowed to SAY it. It doesn't mean YOU have to agree that it is. I've never seen an ugly body. There's really something to be said about confidence. What a tragic world this would be if we were only allowed to think we're beautifully and perfectly made, in or own mind. God made us all in his image....Now, whatchugon' say about that?0 -
bump0
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Excellent points. I'm glad you discussed the role of patriarchy and sexism, which encourage women to belittle themselves, and make them feel as if they are objects to be judged. I have always hated it when women have competed to put themselves down. You are right. It's not cute.
Having said that, it is hard to completely accept oneself in a culture in which we are exposed to so many (millions) images of female perfection, many of them doctored. A healthy tolerance of myself most days is what I aim for.0 -
I love my body.....just workin on tightening the 'jiggly' parts :-)
And I even love my 'jiggly' parts :-)0 -
This is a challenge for me... i'm so all or nothing. It's like I go from hating me and losing a handful of pounds to being comfortable with me and gaining it back. I'm trying to work out a more moderated approach in my head, where I live within a healthy range and attitude and the weight loss becomes a side effect...0
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You can love your body and dislike body parts of it! Nothing is linear here. We accept what we have but we don't have to like it to love it!0
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Fat is just fat. Contrary to the media and popular belief, fat is not a personality trait. It is just an adjective - a word to describe something. Just as is blue, tall or 35.
We can choose to give it (and our bodies) the connotation of "worthless, unlovable, unattractive, disgusting, lazy, shameful, hideous" etc. or not.
Personally I have never actually hated my body as much as I think other people have (especially my mother).
Is it "perfect"? No, but that is subjective. Am I completely satisfied with where I am? No.. I would like to lose about 100 pounds more. Am I happy? I am getting there. In order to take care of my body now, I have to consider it worth taking care of, and I'm not going to get there by putting it or myself down (that's what my mother is for).
I don't have any illness or injuries and this body has performed pretty well for originally being over 300 pounds. It changes and I'm developing a new relationship with it and appreciating it more every month. Go body! Go me! Go you!0 -
I agree 100%!!! This is a poem I wrote a few years ago, that I came across recently, that addresses this same issue.
One of These Days
One of these days I am going to come to terms
with the fact that my butt is bigger than my husband's,
that his jeans probably will never fit over my birthing hips,
and that I am not a perfect 32-24-34 hourglass.
One of these days I am going to
strip naked with confidence,
instead of waiting for the lights to be out
so my cellulite won't be seen.
One of these days I am going to look at myself
in the shower and think, "Man, I'm HOT!!"
Instead of hanging my head
and counting my numerous flaws.
One of these days I'm not going to care
that my boobs are getting closer to my belly button,
and are not even close to where God intended them
without the aid of an expensive bra.
One of these days I'm going to look at my belly
and see the beauty in the life that it housed,
and not see the stretch marks
that are evidence of its growth.
One of these days....
Probably not today, maybe not tomorrow.
Possibly not even next week.
But one of these days I will start living life as I am,
and stop waiting for life to start when I am happy with
what I look like.0 -
My body was never the problem, so there was never any reason to hate it. I wasn't treating my body right - eating wrong and not being active enough - and loving my body and treating it right is what got it to change.0
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I agree 100%!!! This is a poem I wrote a few years ago, that I came across recently, that addresses this same issue.
One of These Days
One of these days I am going to come to terms
with the fact that my butt is bigger than my husband's,
that his jeans probably will never fit over my birthing hips,
and that I am not a perfect 32-24-34 hourglass.
One of these days I am going to
strip naked with confidence,
instead of waiting for the lights to be out
so my cellulite won't be seen.
One of these days I am going to look at myself
in the shower and think, "Man, I'm HOT!!"
Instead of hanging my head
and counting my numerous flaws.
One of these days I'm not going to care
that my boobs are getting closer to my belly button,
and are not even close to where God intended them
without the aid of an expensive bra.
One of these days I'm going to look at my belly
and see the beauty in the life that it housed,
and not see the stretch marks
that are evidence of its growth.
One of these days....
Probably not today, maybe not tomorrow.
Possibly not even next week.
But one of these days I will start living life as I am,
and stop waiting for life to start when I am happy with
what I look like.
I love this!!!0 -
You can love your body and dislike body parts of it! Nothing is linear here. We accept what we have but we don't have to like it to love it!
No, it doesn't follow that if you like something you have to love it, but there are reasons people are deeply conflicted about body image and it's helpful for some people to explore them.0 -
Cheers! :drinker:0
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Girl I am with you one hundred percent.0
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Lovely poem and nice positive topic!0
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I agree 100%!!! This is a poem I wrote a few years ago, that I came across recently, that addresses this same issue.
One of These Days
One of these days I am going to come to terms
with the fact that my butt is bigger than my husband's,
that his jeans probably will never fit over my birthing hips,
and that I am not a perfect 32-24-34 hourglass.
One of these days I am going to
strip naked with confidence,
instead of waiting for the lights to be out
so my cellulite won't be seen.
One of these days I am going to look at myself
in the shower and think, "Man, I'm HOT!!"
Instead of hanging my head
and counting my numerous flaws.
One of these days I'm not going to care
that my boobs are getting closer to my belly button,
and are not even close to where God intended them
without the aid of an expensive bra.
One of these days I'm going to look at my belly
and see the beauty in the life that it housed,
and not see the stretch marks
that are evidence of its growth.
One of these days....
Probably not today, maybe not tomorrow.
Possibly not even next week.
But one of these days I will start living life as I am,
and stop waiting for life to start when I am happy with
what I look like.
I think this is beautiful and EXACTLY what I was talking about. Thank you for sharing it. 0 -
You are a smart lady!My body was never the problem, so there was never any reason to hate it. I wasn't treating my body right - eating wrong and not being active enough - and loving my body and treating it right is what got it to change.
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You're on the wrong type of site for those sorts of thoughts - most people are here because they don't like their body & they want to change it, not because they want to accept it for all it's flaws.
I'm asserting that Body Acceptance and wanting to improve yourself don't have to be mutually exclusive. I'm suggesting that we love ourselves ALONG the way. Life is the journey. You never really get "There" because you there is no "there". The journey never ends.
The problem with not accepting your body as it is today and saying "I will be happy when I reach this goal" is that you're making the GOAL your happiness, which means you're missing out on happiness in the present moment. What happens if you never reach that goal? And what happens if you DO reach that goal and it's not what you expected? Usually when we reach one goal, we just reestablish the goal post and set the bar higher. By saying "I will not be happy until I reach this goal" you are setting yourself up for a life of unhappiness because happiness always remains elusive and lies on the other side of a goal, however the goal always gets moved back so you never really get "there".
Sorry, I hope that wasn't convoluted.0 -
If we say I Love My Body! Its perfect!... we are either A. a delusional btch or B. obviously wrong :-/
(but we're allowed to say it inside our head where no one can hear us sometimes, right?)
I don't think loving your body is delusional. You don't have to think it's perfect to love it. I love everyone in my family despite each of their imperfections.
There are things I want to change about my body, but I "love" it in that I respect it with exercise and healthy eating and I don't beat myself up over the little things. I think that's what the OP was talking about.0
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