husband ask for help so...

Options
mandag9008
mandag9008 Posts: 182 Member
in Chit-Chat
okay so my husband and i decided to get rid of the cable and get a membership to our local 24hr fitness. everything was going good and everything until today.. See lately hes being upset with himself bc he doesnt like his body image and has ask me to help him reach his goals but when i ask what they where he simply responded IDK.Hes so upset with this body image that he doesnt like having sex. its driving me crazy, ugh. Well we have been going to the gym at night for cardio and the morning for lifting. Since the gym is right next door to my job i really have no excuse not to go. So today he said he didnt want to go and got all pouty when i left. Im trying to get into shape and motivate him. UGH IDK WHAT TO DO. WOMEN HELP? MEN OPINIONS. im at the point where i just am stuck. hes like a brick wall. I know hes ashamed of his body image but how can i modivate him?
rememeber he ask for my help.

Replies

  • RahBuhBuh
    RahBuhBuh Posts: 585 Member
    Options
    I don't think you can motivate a man. :) I think you can encourage.

    Celebrate successes. Brag on him when he is there to hear. Brag to him. His ego and image are hurting because of his body. Be his biggest life-cheerleader.

    If he gets on MFP, I would be glad to add him and cheer him on. We need more testosterone on here anyhow.
  • mandag9008
    mandag9008 Posts: 182 Member
    Options
    im trying. like when we go to the gym im like competing w him on the treadmill. and such.
  • FlyeredUp
    FlyeredUp Posts: 663 Member
    Options
    I think he might be at the same place mentally as I was when I started working out last Feb. And that is he wants to change his body/ life but worried that it is too late and that he is too far gone to do anything about it. And worried that all the sacrifice and hardwork wouldnt be worth it or make a difference. If you think that might be the case, show him mine and all the other guys pics that posted in the ""Big Men"" thread in the success forum. He can also see my pics in my profile. I think if he see's that he can be just as successful it would motivate and give him the confidence to do it aswell!!
  • mandag9008
    mandag9008 Posts: 182 Member
    Options
    i would love for him to get a mfp account. I think it might help him. hes 6'4 and about 299. to me not big at all but he doesnt see my point of view. hopefully things will change.
  • FlyeredUp
    FlyeredUp Posts: 663 Member
    Options
    Just ask him to take 5 minutes and look at this thread. Its 11 pages of big men success stories and pictures!!
    Here is the link. :happy:
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/555277-big-men
  • RahBuhBuh
    RahBuhBuh Posts: 585 Member
    Options
    I can see him getting down, but 299 at 6'4'' isn't the worst.

    I just noticed you are from Ft. Worth. Hmm. another stubborn Texan :) (that is where I am from)

    I think you are doing the right thing if you are cheering him on and letting him know that you don't see him as he sees himself. YOU hang in there too.
  • PayneAS
    PayneAS Posts: 669 Member
    Options
    To be honest I just gave up on my husband. I tried motivating him. I tried cajoling him. I tried rewarding him. I even tried being mean (hated it but it was worth a shot). Unfortunately, there really isn't anything you can do. The person has to make the choice for themselves that they want to be healthy and learn for themselves what their goal and motivation is. It is just like the opposite end of the spectrum, you can't make a smoker, alcoholic, or drug abuser quit, they have to decide that they *want* to quit and have their reasons why. Decide on the goal, make the plan, then reach the goal.

    Two other things... First. you may want to consider telling him to go talk to someone. Him not wanting to have sex because he has such severe body issues, yet unwilling to change the situation, could be a sign of depression or of a body image/eating disorder. Second, if you don't think it is that, then if he starts to feel sorry for himself then be harsh about it. Tell him you don't want to hear it because he asked for help and he didn't want to listen to it.

    Finally, Don't let him bring you down! Keep going to the gym. Feel better about yourself! Get healthy! Maybe when he sees the positive changes in you and how happy you are, it may be the motivation he needs!

    Kinda wrote a book there. Sorry. I just know exactly how you feel. I'm going through the same thing.
  • spearfox
    spearfox Posts: 276 Member
    Options
    Ok, it's a long shot BUT.................
    Maybe depression.


    Symptoms for men:
    Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" mood
    Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism
    Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness
    Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyed, including sex
    Decreased energy, fatigue, being "slowed down"
    Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
    Trouble sleeping, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
    Appetite and/or weight change
    Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts
    Restlessness, irritability
    Persistent physical symptoms, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain, which do not respond to routine treatment


    Some symptoms show and some don't. Many people respond differently.
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
    Options
    I am sorry your hubby is feeling like that about himself. He should come on here for some encouragement :)

Categories