I need some help!!! making me soo mad..

liliannahope

Ok here is the thing when I started this whole change my life to change my body thing , my old sister was going to start with me she even told me to join MFP as she had used it last year to loss 41lbs before going on hoilday . she is and was at the start of this year bigger then me even thou she is much shorter. I was hoping having her with me would help me and also help her actully stick to it as she is very much known as a yo yo dieter, however she is just making me madder and madder , she joined the gym when i did at the beginning of jan but only goes once a week and even then i have found out she may have been lying to me about when she has been going, I go to aqua aerobics 2-4 times a week and always invite her to come I am lucky if she comes 1 time in ten so far and she keeps making appointments for her moblie hairdressing on night she knows she should be in the gym !!! i know it might sound unfair i know she has to work but i know for a fact when i ask her to come in the mornings with me she just laughs and says "i aint getting up that early" since when is 8am early!!! the problem i have is I have reached breaking point do I keep trying or do i just leave it and focus on myself. everytime she phones me at the last min and says I m really sorry i cant make it i forgot or something I just get that much more madder at her now i find out she put on 9lbs since xmas its breaking my heart as she is always the first one to jump on me about dont you think its time you lost some weight .... just need some advice thanks ( also think i just needed a rant)

jennifer783

My sisters did the same thing....start strong, then bailed. I can't live their lives for them, though. So, you keep on trucking, changing your life and being strong! Maybe when she sees how dedicated you are, she could learn something from her younger sister!

Good luck! You can add me for support and encouragement here! :flowerforyou:

HelloSweetie4

Unfortunately, you can't help someone that won't help themselves. You've given her plenty of opprotunities to join you, but if she doesn't want to do it then she won't. I would say, at this point, just focus on youself. Hopefully she will see your progress and something in her head will click. If not, at least you didn't suffer because of her laziness.
I was the same way as your sister actually. My husband was getting out and active and he kept inviting me along but I was lazy and would always say no. After seeing significant results from my husband it finally clicked in my head that I needed to get off my butt and exercise! Thats when I joined MFP :bigsmile: As the old saying goes "you can bring a horse to water but you can't make them drink"

SomeMorr

My hubby was the same way when we joined the local gym. He has always been in good shape up until we met and he was no longer in the military, so he was all gun ho about getting back in shape. It would make me frustrated that he would not go to the gym with me. I finally just gave up talking about it and did my own thing (for the past 7 months), finally last week he has started going again. It is good to have support in your exercise journey but you can't force them to make the change.

linda57harley

ranting is good.. this is a place for you to rant! let out the frustration and then.......... go back to your focus. you.. are your focus. im sorry, but your sister is not your responsibility. she makes her own decisions. and YOU make your own decisions.. im new on here but i have been around the block a few times with this weight loss thing.. im going to be 55 this august and thru the last few years ive gained back about 60 of the 90 pounds that i lost. i have come to the conclusion and the truth that only I can change my life. its always been said, but now i understand it. i have a daughter who is 35. shes is very pretty and very smart. we try to make life changes together but it doesnt always work. i know we are each responsible for our own decisions. we are starting weight watchers again... in a week or so. we are going together to the meetings and im sure we will support each other with food and exercise choices, but at the end of the day, we do it for ourselves.. you too are young and pretty and i can see that you have passion. my suggestion to you is to follow that passion... go for it! do it for yourself! if your sister is to get motivated, she will see your changes and maybe want to join in. please... do it for yourself. you are number one. you deserve to feel better, be healthier and look better all for yourself! take care.

Cathy1844

Who are you following the plan for? Her or yourself. You can not force her. When she sees how well you have done it may stir her to start up again. Do MFP because you want to and not because she asked you to. The same with the gym. Do it because you want to.
That way you will succeed.

Robin_Bin

Rant away… if/when it helps. Did it help? I hope so.

You didn't ask for advice… so I'm about to do exactly what I'm suggesting you don't do. :happy:

Now, step back… Much as you love and worry about your sister, it's her weight and her decision. Not yours. I know you know that. Pestering her when she's not ready and she has not made that decision, may just push her away from doing it. It's that kind of "I won't and you can't make me!" resistance that some of us have. The more people push us, the more we push back. So step away, give her the space to decide to do it for herself.

In the meantime, do what you can for yourself. Learn to deal with the stress of worrying about her and whatever other family pressures and habits you may both have. Set a good example, but do it for yourself, not to show her up. Take a meditation, yoga, anger management or stress reduction class to help you deal with your feelings. Vent here as often as necessary.

When she's ready, she'll do what she needs to do, and she may even ask for your help again. Most of us have to make a few of our own mistakes. Babies fall a lot before they can walk on their own; it's not constructive and may even slow their learning if we yell at them each time they fall.

If you absolutely feel you need to say something, try saying how it hurts you, not what you want from/for her. Something like, "I was hoping to have your support and help as I did this." or "I worry about how this will affect your health because I was hoping to have you with me into our long, healthy old age." not "You need to get into better shape for your health."

Be kind to yourself and her. Please forgive my unrequested advice, and feel free to ignore it. Best wishes to both of you!

chanson104

You are only responsible for you! Stay with the good fight for yourself and let her worry about herself. Maybe as she sees you sticking with it and having success she will become inspired. In the meantime just worry about you!

kabarnes45

It is so good that you got that off your chest here so you don't blow up at her. I have started and quit so many times when I wasn't ready- this must have been one of those times for her. That said- it is not fair for her to want your help and emotional investment in her fitness if she isn't going to do the work. It may help if you just tell her that you are not going to check in with her about it until she's ready. If she decides to butt-in about your hard work, I'd be sure to tell her to zip-it until she decides to join you at the gym.

WifeNMama

While it would be nice to have support and a workout buddy in real life, it doesn't sound like you're going to have one in your sister. If she is the one mentioning your weight issues, then perhaps it's for the best. She did great for a while, and when she is tired of what she's doing to herself, she'll come around. Just like the rest of us had to.

Stop asking her to join you, talk about something other than diet and exercise, enjoy your relationship with her as it is, because it is unlikely to change with any sort of pressure being put on her. When she comes over, only have healthy food and drink available to offer. That's about as much control as any person can have over another person's eating habits, which is completely appropriate.

LilGiselle21

Ive been working out for over a year a a couple of months where I went off track. Started up again when I became a stay at home mom. Plan was to workout with my sister once a week she lives about an hour away. Last minute she would cancel. Then my mom wanted to take Zumba with me at 10 am I figured great since we only have one car. Well slowly but surely I started getting those I cant make it calls so I just talked to my significant other if he can make it before 8 pm every night so if my mom bails I still go to 830 pmZumba. Also started if she doesn't call me about going I just go for a 2.5 mile walk push my girls in their stroller so I don't just sit around waiting.

Sorry for rambling but point is you be proud of what your doing and keep doing. You can't make anyone do anything unless they want to.

bikinibeliever

You can not make someone else lose weight. You can only be accountable for yourself. Keep offering workout time together but don't get mad if your sister doesn't go.

Keep in mind that everyone is different. What one person might consider as support, another might consider as pressure.

So don't take it personally when she doesn't go.

When you make changes and they really start showing, that might be the motivation she'll need.

In the end do not ruin your relationship with your sister because of weight. Fighting a battle with weight is hard enough and a very individual thing. Sometimes you are motivated when another isn't. Sometimes they are when you aren't. :flowerforyou:

simplysassi

Let your sister know that the invitation to join you is always open. Then just back off and let her decide when she's ready. Don't keep banging your head against the wall over this. The added stress isn't good for you. Good luck !