Funny.... "Senior Moments"

dimplzz
dimplzz Posts: 456 Member
edited September 19 in Chit-Chat
THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO ME
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car
has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to
the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake
pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay
calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in.
"Disregard.." He says, "She got in the back-seat by mistake.."
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FAMILY
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the
96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses... She yells to
the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year
old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the
stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92 year old is
sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She
shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on
wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see
who's at the door."
_____________________________________
I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March
day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man
replied, "it's Thursday..." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's
have a beer."
_____________________________________
SUPERSEX
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As
she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say
"Supersex.." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair Flipping her gown at
him, she said, "Supersex."He sat silently for a moment or two and finally
answered, "I'll take the soup."
_____________________________________
DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER
80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She
holds her clenched fist in the air and announces," Anyone who can guess
what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!" An elderly gentleman in
the rear shouts out, "An elephant?" Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close
enough."
_____________________________________
OLD FRIENDS
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years,
they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.One day,
they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't
get mad at me.. I know we've been friends for a long time but I just
can't think of your name. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it.
Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least
three minutes she just stared and glared at her.Finally she said, "How
soon do you need to Know?"
_____________________________________
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just
heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77.
Please be careful!" "Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car...it's
hundreds of them!" _____________________________________
DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see
over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.The woman in
the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have
sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they
came to another intersection and the light was red again.Again, they went
right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the
light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was
getting nervous At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red
and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said,
"Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You
could have killed us both!"Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I
driving?"

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