Advice on declining an invitation
lizziebeth1028
Posts: 3,602 Member
in Chit-Chat
Advice on declining an invitation - My friend and her husband have a camper about 2 hours from where we live. She has been trying to get my boyfriend and I up there for the last 3 summers to stay for a weekend. I keep making up excuses because I don't want to go for several reasons -
Her and her husband are BIG drinkers and the weekend would revolve around this
Her and her husband are BIG eaters and the weekend would revolve around non stop bad foods
Her and her husband are VERY sedentary and there will be none of the fun activities I normally associate with camping – hiking – boating – waverunning - swimming
She has admitted that they don't do much of anything but sit around drink and eat when they are at the camper. And she knows both my boyfriend and I are very active, only lite social drinkers, and although we love food….we are way more health orientated. I have even made hints that sitting around wouldn't be exactly what we are into. Yet she continues to try to get us to go out there. I know at this point I'm going to have to tell her the truth, that we just have no interest in taking the long drive out there to sit around and drink all weekend. But how do I phrase it with out hurting her feelings?
A little background on the friendship. We've worked together for about 12 years (our current jobs and a previous job). We do lunch together once a week and and in the past we have seen each other socially after work too. (out to dinner, a movie ect) However our differences in lifestyle have made us drift apart in recent years.
I'm looking for suggestions on how to phrase this delicately. I'm not interested in making healthy meals and bringing them up to the camper or trying to get her and her husband to hike and bike or whatever (they would have no interest in doing that). I just need to decline the invitation once and for all with out hurting her feelings.
Her and her husband are BIG drinkers and the weekend would revolve around this
Her and her husband are BIG eaters and the weekend would revolve around non stop bad foods
Her and her husband are VERY sedentary and there will be none of the fun activities I normally associate with camping – hiking – boating – waverunning - swimming
She has admitted that they don't do much of anything but sit around drink and eat when they are at the camper. And she knows both my boyfriend and I are very active, only lite social drinkers, and although we love food….we are way more health orientated. I have even made hints that sitting around wouldn't be exactly what we are into. Yet she continues to try to get us to go out there. I know at this point I'm going to have to tell her the truth, that we just have no interest in taking the long drive out there to sit around and drink all weekend. But how do I phrase it with out hurting her feelings?
A little background on the friendship. We've worked together for about 12 years (our current jobs and a previous job). We do lunch together once a week and and in the past we have seen each other socially after work too. (out to dinner, a movie ect) However our differences in lifestyle have made us drift apart in recent years.
I'm looking for suggestions on how to phrase this delicately. I'm not interested in making healthy meals and bringing them up to the camper or trying to get her and her husband to hike and bike or whatever (they would have no interest in doing that). I just need to decline the invitation once and for all with out hurting her feelings.
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Replies
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Blame it on your boyfriend! My husband and I have a rule that we are allowed to save face with a friend by blaming the other if needed. Works for us occasionally. Just make sure to ask the boyfriend if it is ok first. Or you could just tell her the truth-that you will/can continue to have lunch together, etc... but not interested in the whole weekend away thing.0
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Don't lie. If you keep making up reasons why you can't go, she'll just keep asking. This person might not even care if you and your boyfriend want to join them and just do your own thing. I really don't see the point in that, but if that's what it takes to get her to see that the two of you are probably not ever going to be weekend buddies, then so be it.
Still, I would start by asking her what they plan on doing while there. If if it's what you suspect (eating, drinking, and sitting around), then just tell her you prefer to be more active on the weekends. If she's really your friend, she can deal with it. If she's not really your friend, I'm not even sure why this is up for discussion.0 -
Hrmmm... that isn't easy.
I think I'd be semi-honest, "I have to be honest, we just really aren't the camping & drinking type. It has nothing to do with you, but it's just not really a weekend get-away that works for us or fits in with our interests. I hope you understand."
But, she's probably going to feel "judged" and "rejected", so I guess.... yeah, I don't know *LOL*0 -
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Why not go but (after explaining your preferences up front) and then just spend the day hiking or enjoying the outdoors, then hang out with them in the evenings and have your preferred amount of adult beverage and enjoy some of the "bad" food to eat your exercise calories for having been out enjoying the outdoors all day?
That way, you get to enjoy the outdoors AND your friend's company (in the evening, over a few well-earned-by-activity drinks).
Or you can read the post immediately before mine who said it better than I could and a few milliseconds faster. LOL.0 -
Eating outside of your regular routine for a weekend won't hurt.
Any reason you and your boyfriend can't get some hiking and such in on your own a couple of hours each day? Tell your buddy that your boyfriend will only go if he can get some hiking in.0 -
OR, you could ask "what is there to do out there? I really like hiking, do you know of any good trails? Can I bring my mountain bike?"
See what she says, and make your decision based on that. Or you could just let her know you like doing those things, so she won't be offended/surprised when you don't want to sit around. If you do go, bring all your own food, so you don't have to worry about eating bad.
i don't drink, so I get to deal with drunk people during the long holiday weekends.0 -
Say, "Oh, you guys are into swinging too?"
They won't ask you again. Unless they are, in which case, you've just dug yourself in deeper.
Hope this helps.0 -
I seriously wish I had some partying friends with a camper to invite me out!!!
I'm sure it would be polite of you to bring some of your own food or food to share, why not bring food you are comfortable with eating? Why not take an hour or two a day to go on a little adventure and tell them you just need to stretch your legs? Just because they don't enjoy those activites dpoesn't mean you can't go and enjoy them yourself.. Hell, you might even have fun!0 -
Why can't you go and find your own activities to do? You can say, "let's have breakfast together, and then boyfriend and I will go on a hike, etc. We can meet back up for a cookout at dinner!" ....
It's not that difficult to be honest and do your own thing. An invite to camp isn't an invite to be attached at the hip. And clearly if she's invited you repeatedly, it means she likes you and wants to do things with you.0 -
Or to you. I've seen both scenarios played out on Cinemax and Lifetime.And clearly if she's invited you repeatedly, it means she likes you and wants to do things with you.0 -
Why can't you just go with the understanding that you and your BF will be doing activities? Also bring your own healthy food and just decline the booze. That way you can hang out with your friend and still have the fun of camping! Never turn down camping!! LOL0
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Hrmmm... that isn't easy.
I think I'd be semi-honest, "I have to be honest, we just really aren't the camping & drinking type. It has nothing to do with you, but it's just not really a weekend get-away that works for us or fits in with our interests. I hope you understand."
But, she's probably going to feel "judged" and "rejected", so I guess.... yeah, I don't know *LOL*
That is exactly what I would say. I would say "it's not really our thing, but thank you for asking us!"0
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