Teens + Drugs/Alcohol = Your advice?

barefoot76

I've got young kids, but we're on the edge of the teen years (oldest is 12). We talk about drugs, alcohol, sex, etc very openly around here, and I'm lucky that my oldest is a pretty responsible, communicative kid. Even so, I know that peer pressure is pretty strong -- it sure was when I was his age. I know he isn't perfect and isn't always going to "do the right thing." Still, I'd like to do what I can to help guide him in the right direction.

I'm wondering: What do you wish your parents had said/done when you were young regarding these issues? Is there something they could have said/done that might have prevented you from making a poor choice or decision?

Looking back, I definitely wasn't perfect, but I made mostly good choices. I really think the fact that my parents were open and tried not to be overly judgmental helped a lot. I'm not sure they could have done a better job! Then again, I also think it just wasn't in my personality to be a risk-taker. I wonder how much of my "mature" choices was just a part of who I was, and how much they actually influenced.... Your thoughts/experience?

manic4titans

I think you are going about this the right way.

My mother NEVER talked to me about my period, sex, drugs, etc. I learned it all from friends or the "talk" at school. My husband and I are talking with our kids. Our teens have done some stupid things (choice of g/f or b/f and telling a lie), but we remained calm and talked with them. We have always told them of our expectations. If they don't live up to them we don't freak out. Gotta live and learn.

yay! for being a PRO-active parent.

fraser112

I wish the school had been honest with me

Ive tried loads of drugs and had zero problems along with all my mates.

ive never seen anyone harmed by illegal drugs.

So while the school filled are heads with rubbish about drugs they failed to warn us correctly about alcohol

I have seen mates commit suicide people stabbed killed chock to death raped die slowly in a hospital bed and its always a direct result of alcohol.

If the school was honest and said this is not good if you do it to much.

when you tell your kids be honest. if i knew the truth about weed id have never tried it

the drugs that will hurt you are alcohol and meth.

barefoot76

Aw, Fraser, so sorry to hear about your experiences. Sadly, there is a lot of addiction in our family so my kids have already learned the hard way what can happen. I am hoping they will learn through these experiences and not repeat our family history :-(

monty619

the earlier the kid starts to do alcohol or drugs the more likely he will end up an addict. i did not start drinking or partying til i was 17 but i had friends that started to drink when they were 14 and i consider them to be somewhat alcoholics... for me personally it just interferes with fitness goals so there is no way i would become that way.

Raven_Blackblade

This might be a bit of a TL;DR.... but bare with me here.

My family is very open about these topics. Due to my starting employment at 15, and going to school full time I was not really interested in sex, though I did have a plethora of boyfriends. My mother always said to me if I wanted to have sex to make sure to let her know so she would get me protection. This never ended up being the case till I became an adult.
The same went for drugs and alcohol. My mom's view on it was simply that she would rather I did it at home where she would be able to take care of me, rather than on the streets, or in some place she did not know about. Because of this, I only tried Acid, and Pot. I hated pot, never did it again, and loved acid, but will never do it again because I liked it too much.
With alcohol, I would give my mom the money, and she would get me what I was interested in. Because she knew my tastes she would make recommendations, and I would take them under advisement. I had my first hangover when I was 16, and learned early how to take care of these.
I never did anything without my mom knowing about it, and I always took things she said to heart or at least under advisement. Because of this I would be the teen kicking back with a glass of Merlot while doing homework, or after work. On weekends I would enjoy a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon while my friends were getting stupid off of peppermint schnapps.
I never ended up in the gutter, I joined the military, and now have an amazing steady job that I love.
My mom always said she was blessed because I was terrified of needles in my veins, I have a nose obsession where nothing can be in it, and I am obsessed with my teeth. Because of these things she knew that I would never get into anything serious.
I hope this helps.

macpatti

My mother is a psychologist specializing in drug and alcohol abuse. She told us of the dangers, but made sure to tell us why drugs and alcohol are appealing, too. She wanted us to hear both sides from her. She scared the crap out of me regarding addiction, so I was just too scared to try drugs.

I will NEVER purchase alcohol or tobacco products for my children when they're under age. I will NEVER allow them to go to a friend's house whose parent believes in the, "They're going to do it anyway, at least here they're safe" mentality. I let them know I don't condone it. Period. I've had the same conversations with them that my mom did with me.

iam_thatdude

I wish the school had been honest with me

Ive tried loads of drugs and had zero problems along with all my mates.

ive never seen anyone harmed by illegal drugs.

So while the school filled are heads with rubbish about drugs they failed to warn us correctly about alcohol

I have seen mates commit suicide people stabbed killed chock to death raped die slowly in a hospital bed and its always a direct result of alcohol.

If the school was honest and said this is not good if you do it to much.

when you tell your kids be honest. if i knew the truth about weed id have never tried it

the drugs that will hurt you are alcohol and meth.

well im glad uve never seen anyone harmed by illegal drugs I wuld guess u must live under a rock. For me I was a major cokehead from 17-22. Ive seen ppl's lives destroyed, ive stolen money. Ive seen otehrs do worse. The best thing you can do is......not let your kid listen to HIP HOP.

ROCK N ROLL WILL NEVER DIE BABY

Have them read Nikki Sixx's The Heroin Diaries

JanetLM73

My parents were very laid back, there was always parties at our house. They told me and my sister that we have to learn from our own mistakes.

Now that I'm a Mom of a 13 year old boy, I have talked to him about things. I've drilled it into his head about not smoking. I'm not stupid when it comes to trying drugs/alcohol but we told him about the risks and how it's not a good thing to do no matter how much pressure there is. I just hope that if or when he does try it one day that he is smart about it.

BrendaLee

My mother never talked to me about anything, but I wish she had told me two things -- that my virginity mattered and that drugs kill brain cells. I've used the brain cells thing with my daughter since she was old enough to know what drugs are, and I'm pretty sure I have her convinced that one puff will permanently destroy her brain.

I think it's helpful for kids to see the negative effects of addiction. There are a lot of powerful videos on YouTube.

angieleighbyrd

I am a recovering addict and my father died from a heroin overdose.

I have a teenage son, I've always been honest with him. He knows that I've been in very low spots, knows I went to rehab, knows how his grandfather died.

I think the honesty is what's helping. He has friends who smoke weed, and he is very honest with me. He even stopped hanging out with his best friend because he was trying to get my son to try it.

patiencexgracexstrength

I'm the youngest (one sis two years older) so I think I had it a bit easier. From about 14/15 my mum would buy like 1 or 2 cruisers for me for parties , wayyyy more sugar in them than any form of alcohol. Never enough to get drunk.
I'm not a massive drinker mostly due to the calories these days but when I do go out I can hold it pretty well.
I've never touched drugs and although I have to admit to smoking once or twice before but I find it disgusting and never would again. Parents have a zero tolerance stance on both smoking and drug use too.

DietingMommy08

I think being open with your child about it is the best way to go.
Allowing them to know that they can trust you and talk to you about anything without you getting angry or upset makes it easier for them to want to come and talk to you about thier problems.

My mom was a drug addict all her life and spent most of her time in the bedroom ro with guys.
She never talked to me about anything tho she did put me in all the sex ed classes and even made me do that bring a fake baby home class when I was 12.

Needless to say I had sex at a young age and when she found out, she didnt talk to me about it. SHE YELLED AT ME and took me to my aunts house and called my father.
They didnt just yell about me for having sex, they yelled at me for having condoms in my room.

I never got into the drug scene clearly because I seen what it did to my mom and her life and I didnt wanna fall into that.
The sex... I had to learn everything on my own and the ppl around me.

My son is about to be 4 this year and I know i still have a long time to wait... but because I didnt have any adults in my life that I could trust, I already think about how ima make sure my son knows that he can seriously come to me for ANYTHING!!

christine24t

I just grew out of my teen years. I think you have to have open conversations (something my family never really had), and tell your children that if they need help, to call you. You don't want someone to die of a drug or alcohol overdose because they're scared to call 911 for fear of being reported drunk. That situation almost happened to me once - and thank god that the girl woke up before we ended up dialing 911, but we were all honestly scared of getting minors. Also same goes for driving drunk. Tell your child that you will always come help them if they need it, no questions asked that night, but you can have a conversation about it in the morning. You want your child to trust you.

vmclach

My parents were super closed about it. It was always brought up in a negative light. However, my parents both drank/drink very regularly.

I was very very stupid when it came to drinking and doing drugs. For me, it was the fact that my parents placed such a high expectation on me for school. They didn't see me as a whole person. I remember them telling me "You aren't in school to make friends". My parents always called my friends "losers" because they weren't as smart as me. I thought it was super rude, and it would make me really mad, so I started hanging out with worse and worse people (while still doing good in school) just to kind of "prove a point". Plus, I enjoyed my "fun" friends better than the sheltered kids in all my AP classes.

I ended up doing a lot of incredibly stupid things when I was a junior/senior in high school. I'm only 20 now, but looking back I put my life and others in danger many many times.

Some of my friends parents, on the other hand, would buy us cigs and booze. They were like "it's okay if you drink here". Invite your friends here to party. blah blah blah. Those old friends are really messed up now

but basically what i'm trying to say is no matter how you raise your kids, you can't stop them from doing it. I wish my parents would have been more open with me about it and cool about it like my friends parents because then I would have never found the need to "rebel" against them...
This is my honest experience.

BarbWhite09

There isn't anything my parents could have done to prevent my terrible teenage years...Along with a pill addiction I had depression, anxiety, an eating disorder & self mutilation problems. My poor mental state was just the change in hormones & a nice mix of mental disorders. They couldn't have prevented any of the problems I had, including the drugs & alcohol...They pretty much followed the book "drugs are bad because of yada yada...here's the experiences we had with them...tell us if anything is wrong..." They know about my problems now, I told them my senior year once I kicked the pill & self mutilation habits. I try to manage my depression and anxiety now that Im in college & generally can keep the disordered eating thoughts out of my head. You sound like you're on the right path with your kids, if some reason something negative does happen [although I doubt it will] don't blame yourself...My parents STILL think they did something wrong, although they didn't.

skinnylove00

mom and dad warned me, talked to me openly about it, i won first place in my D.A.R.E. (dare to resist drugs and violence) essay contest, i did everything but try it myself. well, college happened and i tried lots of drugs. the kicker was LSD which landed me in overnight rehab for three weeks. that experience swore me off drugs cold turkey, i havent done anything drug related since. yes, i drink alcohol (used binge drink 4-5 times a week back in those days) but now i limit it to weekends and only 3 or 4 shots. but thats IT.

point is, you can do your part to educate them but it wont guarantee that they will swear off drugs. but by all means, EDUCATE THEM so they are not sitting ducks when their best friends start pressuring them, ESPECIALLY when they go to college. its important that they at least know what could happen to them. trying drugs is pretty bad....but now at least i know for sure from my own firsthand experience that drugs are NOT for me. i wish i didnt have to subject myself to possibly long term damage to find this out but i know FOR SURE i will NEVER touch drugs again. kids are going to be curious.....just try to lead them in the right way.

stormieweather

I've always been open with my kids about cigarettes, drugs, and alcohol. I've shown them before and after pictures of meth heads, talked about the financial burden of a DUI and described the devastation of a vehicular homicide. I've explained how drugs kill brain cells and make you sound and look stupid. I drank too much for a few years and quit all alcohol 9 years ago. Quit smoking 3 years ago. No alcohol is in my home.

I have made it very clear that my trust goes as far as their trustworthiness goes. I let them go to parties and concerts...I'll even drive them. But if they come home even once drunk, stoned, high, then all bets are off. However, they do get a single free pass if they do ever find themselves unable to drive safely. Call me and I'll come get them. No punishment (one time only), but trust has to be earned back. My 23yr old is very responsible, but the same time I quit smoking, he started...:sad: My 16yr old has a friend who regularly has blackouts and gets so drunk she pees herself and can't remember her own name. I've described the potential for harm to someone in that condition, and my daughter is petrified of ever being in that state. In spite of being a totally mouthy teenager, she is always responsible in situations where she could chose otherwise.

I haven't started on the 6yr old yet.

tkcasta

My mom just let me know that if I'm ever in a situation, if I'm drunk, high, whatever that she would come get me, that no questions would be asked and that she just wanted me to be safe. Knowing that I could call if I had to helped me be more responsible, I wasn't perfect, but really never got into any real trouble.

keem88

i wish my parents were like you. i never got any talks about sex or drugs, other than "don't do it."
which naturally made me want to.
i wish that i could have talked with them about things like that instead of learning from documentaries, movies, or friends.
here at 23, they still have never had any talks with me about that, even though i have experienced sex, drugs, alcohol, and miscarriage.
i think it is great that you are open with them so there are no secrets, and so they do not feel like they need to hide anything.
i have always been scared to talk to my parents about any of these issues, and that is not right. no kid should be scared to talk to their mom or dad about things that are natural and part of growing up.
kudos to you!!

CatherineElizabeth13

I wish my parents had given me the freedom that I craved.
So I could make my own mistakes.
I was always independent and level headed.
If they had trusted me to handle my own life, I wouldn't have rebelled and gone off the rails. I only did so to show them that if I'm not allowed to make my own good choices, I will sure as hell make bad ones.

Don't suffocate your kids with the morals you hold, if you have good morals, chances are they will adopt them on their own.
But accept that your kids will make mistakes and meet bad people.
And trust that, like me, they will come out of it strong and look back knowing where they went wrong.

stephc0711

This is what worked for me...
My mom has been a nurse for 26 years, and when I was a teen, my mom sat me down with her medical books and showed me the nastiest, most graphic pictures she could find. Told me if I wasn't smart, those pictures could be me. The pictures were of lungs full of cancer, genitals with STDs (yuck!!), livers with cirrhosis. All so gross. I wasn't the perfect teen, but knowing that if I wasn't smart about what I did, I'd end up like that worked for me. Granted, it was a bit harsh for some people, but that was/ is my mom's style. She's blunt, and a nurse.

TheDudette

I think you hit the nail on the head about talking openly. My parents were big on the whole sharing without judgement thing and very honest. They never expected me to be a saint, they were very realistic parents as well, but they did expect me to be mature about my decisions and take responsibility for my actions. Because of this I rarely did anything without weighing out the consequences, and if there wasn't one that I was prepared to deal with I didn't do it. I wasn't perfect either, I did my share of experimenting, but I was pretty old when I did and never took it to an inappropriate level. I plan on doing the same thing with my daughter.


P.S. My husbands parents never talked to him about anything, and when he tells me about some of the stuff he did when he was young it amazes me that he didn't get himself into a lot of trouble. He honestly looks back and says, "I didn't know any better!" Proof! Talking is key!

Rhea30

I wish the school had been honest with me

Ive tried loads of drugs and had zero problems along with all my mates.

ive never seen anyone harmed by illegal drugs.

So while the school filled are heads with rubbish about drugs they failed to warn us correctly about alcohol

I have seen mates commit suicide people stabbed killed chock to death raped die slowly in a hospital bed and its always a direct result of alcohol.

If the school was honest and said this is not good if you do it to much.

when you tell your kids be honest. if i knew the truth about weed id have never tried it

the drugs that will hurt you are alcohol and meth.

You may think you haven't seen people harm or think you guys have acted normal but there is a good chance it had effect you or your friends but you may not be aware of it. Seen many drug addicts who think they are okay while its clear as day to others that something is off and sadly have seen the downside to drugs and what they do to people from turning them into liars to overdose. I also consider weed dangerous since it screws with your judgement and motor skills. Weed itself may never had hurt someone but a person on weed behind a skillful task is dangerous since the skill is out of the window.

_CiaoParis

My parents NEVER told me anything. My dad only had the sex talk with me, but I was like 10. Me and my parents used to be very distant.

I used to smoke weed a lot, drink, and party (my parents found out about all of this during my pregnancy.) -> Until one day I got pregnant and stopped.
My dad had his first child in high school, but we never talked about it... like ever. Now he talks about it, but if he would have told me before then I would probably not have a baby.

It's nice that you and your kids talk about these things. I'm sure they'll make the right decisions, but teens will always be curious to try new things.

ajohn252

I'm only 19 with no experience with kids but I know the best thing
my mom told me was about contraception and how important it is.
You can't stop "it" from happening (I had my first time when I was 14), all
you can do is make sure its safe when it does happen.
I'd recommend just letting your kids know they can come to you about this, at least
that way you know they will be protected.

cabaray

My oldest will be 13 next month, so I know how you feel. I had great parents. They taught me right from wrong, they did everything they could do to keep me on the straight and narrow. That being said, I didn't want to. I drank and used drugs for many years. I suppose I would have been worse if my parents wouldn't have been so great, but really, if you're child decides to do it, they will find a way. I'm giving my daughter all the knowledge she needs to make wise decisions, but ultimately, she has to make the decisions. Arm them the best you can and be there should they make the wrong choices.

fittiephd

I'm 21.. my mom and dad always told me that if I wanted birth control to just ask them and they wouldn't judge. However, I always felt more uncomfortable asking my mom and asked my dad instead, we're closer. My mom was relatively strict about boys and going out and curfews, and it definitely made my lie more to go out, or about where I was. I also may have just lied because it was more fun and "dangerous" feeling. I think it really depends on your kid, for me, I knew the consequences of drugs and was brought up to think that smoking was bad for you. I also was really really driven in school (still am -- starting a phd this fall!!), so I never wanted to risk doing badly or getting in trouble and hurting my future. However, I did start drinking when I was 17, summer before senior year. I also started having sex when I was 17.5. We had multiple forms of birth control and had been waiting a long time to make sure we were ready, so I honestly have no regrets.

I experienced something similar to vmclach that I used to hang out with "worse" friends who were from my town instead of in my AP classes. I didn't always do what they did, I would drink but not smoke for example, but it gave me a sense of fun and a sense of "at least I know I'm better than this". In college I drank a fair amount, still do! Definitely binge drinking status. I don't regret any of it, it's been a blast. My dad used to let us kids have a drink or two at his house once we were about 16. But only at his house and only if we'd never be driving.

I think that's more important to mention, is not drinking and driving NO MATTER WHAT. That's what I was glad my parents emphasized. I think that with my kids I will just be very open and honest with them, and also I will probably start giving them a glass of wine or a beer earlier in life. I think it gives one a better perspective on how much they can handle without hurting themselves. Also makes it seem less appealing because it's "forbidden".

Promise I turned out fine

HelloSweetie4

I do agree with Fraser on the fact that schools don't teach you enough about it.

My parents were pretty open with me about sex, drinking, and mj. They never talked much about other drugs because they didn't know much about them either. I'm glad my parents were open about it and I stayed away from all of it as a teenager.

However, I think if the schools are going to teach you about illegal drugs they really do need to be more honest. They will tell you that you die the first time you try anything and that's not true. So adventurous kids go and try it and realize "hey I'm not dead it must all be a lie" and then they become addicts and eventually overdose. (I'm obviously not saying all teenagers do this, but that's usually the general story I hear from the addicts I work with)
I understand that the school need to teach this stuff because there are parents out there who don't talk to their children about it. But if they're going to teach it they need to be more truthful. No, you're probably not going to die the first time you try it, but it could make your life miserable and worthless. They don't talk enough about what people put themselves through when they're addicted. They don't show you what you can look like after uses meth or cocaine regularly. Or that you could live on the streets because you spent all the money you had on heroin.

Sorry, went off on a rant there. I see this stuff everyday and I always wish I knew more about it as a teen.

courtxoney

my parents never really talked to me about that stuff. they would casually bring it up in conversation but we never actually had a sit down and talked about stuff like that.

i played softball 24/7 through teen years so i never really had time to go out to drink and party. my parents were friends with most of my friends parents so whenever me and my friends hung out, it'd be a get together with their parents as well.

it might be the way i was raised or it could just be the type of person i am, but i never found the appeal of drinking and smoking in high school. i really don't now either - and i'm 21.