I'm really struggling and need some help please

pelleld

I've been REALLY struggling lately and don't know what to do, any advice from those who have been in maintenance for a while would be appreciated, but first a little background.....

I will be 49 y/o in July and am 5'3" tall. I started here in Feb of 2011 at 143, with a final goal of 125. I hit goal in late May 2011, slowly went up to maintenance calories, but lost another 10 pounds by Nov 2011, settling in at 115. I've fluctuated within 2 pounds of that since then. To lose the weight I followed MFP guidelines, added exercise to my life and ate most of my exercise calories back. I did an "everything in moderation" approach and gave up very few foods (only those where control was an issue for me). I was religious about logging. The exercise totally changed my body and I was thrilled about my new body. I had a complete physical in November so my doctor saw me at 115 and said it was a good weight for me but not to go any lower.

Lately I've been getting off track with my eating, not fully logging, and eating less quality foods. It is not being reflected on the scale as I am still within my 2 pound range. I am still going to the gym 5 days per week for an hour (1/2 cardio, 1/2 weight machines). But I don't like the way I feel, as if I am failing myself somehow. In the meantime, people in my life are encouraging me to gain weight, saying I am too thin now. I "pooh poohed" them until I was trying on dresses yesterday (to wear to my grandson's first communion in May). All the dresses just hung on me, even the XS ones. I couldn't find anything I like. I've been feeling great in my new size 2 levi jeans but in dresses yesterday I realized my curves are gone. I felt as depressed as when I was heavy when I left the store.

Do I need to gain weight? Do I need to change my exercise and will that get some of my curves back? Why can't I find a dress to flatter me? Is this why I am getting off track? How do I get back on track when I am growing conflicted about what is a healthy weight for me? Maybe I just need to buy new clothes! I am just so confused. I'm having more trouble with maintenance than I did losing the weight! I feel ridiculous complaining after having such success but I need to find a way to make this maintenance thing work for me...............

tlc12078

You think your getting to thin? It kind of sounds like you might be, but not intentionally. Maybe just cut back on the gym and maybe stick to healthy eating, but eat more of those healthy foods. Idk, hmmmm

bcattoes

You think your getting to thin? It kind of sounds like you might be, but not intentionally. Maybe just cut back on the gym and maybe stick to healthy eating, but eat more of those healthy foods. Idk, hmmmm

I disagree with this advice. I don't mean to offend, but exercise is extremely important for health. I would suggest eating more quality foods, and try eating 100-200 more calories per day for a few weeks and see how that goes. Don't get discouraged if you gain, because that's the point. But after a few weeks you should go back into maintenance at the higher weight.

If you continue to gain past where you like the look, scale back the calories a little until you are maintaining.

beachdiva2010

You think your getting to thin? It kind of sounds like you might be, but not intentionally. Maybe just cut back on the gym and maybe stick to healthy eating, but eat more of those healthy foods. Idk, hmmmm

I disagree with this advice. I don't mean to offend, but exercise is extremely important for health. I would suggest eating more quality foods, and try eating 100-200 more calories per day for a few weeks and see how that goes. Don't get discouraged if you gain, because that's the point. But after a few weeks you should go back into maintenance at the higher weight.

If you continue to gain past where you like the look, scale back the calories a little until you are maintaining.

I totally agree. Absolutely start logging again, especially to see where and what has changed in your eating habits. You'll get back on track, just keep believing in yourself.

DonnaLFitz

Lisa, I am definitely with you on this, though my maintenance issue is slightly different.

Frankly, I'm bored with dieting. To lose all that weight, I had to stay within VERY strict guidelines, with very little room for choice. Every day was a struggle with temptation. I was unable to go out with friends for dinner, have a drink at a party, or enjoy my favorite dessert.

I achieved my first goal, but the results were very disheartening. Everybody who saw me commented that I had lost weight -- but not positively. Their faces looked alarmed. They were trying to be complimentary, but their eyes showed concern. One guy asked if I had AIDS. Really? I looked that bad? And I hadn't come close to reaching my utimate goal.

Now, I have seen your pictures. You do not look gaunt, but to people who knew you before, maybe you do.

I have decided to stick with a slightly higher weight so that my face stays filled out. See, I have a C-section poof that I hate. I can diet for years and never lose it. The more weight I lose, the more comes off my face and upper arms. And the poof remains. Surgery is not a viable option for it. I can't afford it, nor can I afford the healing downtime since I have a special needs child that requires lifting and physical manipulation all during the day.

I also just can't find motivation to go much lower. I could lose ten pounds and not change sizes. I could lose 20 pounds, but I would barely be in the next size down and would have to struggle to stay there.

Honestly, I think I look healthier with a little extra weight. That's just me. I can't speak for you.

And doctors' numbers do not tell the whole story. Do they even look at us? I mean SEE us? I don't think so. I think they see numbers on a page. If they looked, they would not be so quick to tell a middle-aged woman that she should be as thin as a model.

The only question is: how do you feel physically? Do you feel good? Great even? Then stay at this weight and buy new clothes. Feel like you are working too hard for too little result? Add 100 calories/day each week until you stabilize at a new weight that feels better and is maintainable.

steph124ny

I used to be a size 0-2....and i will be there again! LOL! My suggestion to you is to get your clothes tailored. People do not realize that it is just as difficult to dress a size zero as it is a size 22. Most "grown up" clothes don't come that small, and I'm WAY past the age where I want "Juicy" across my *kitten*....kwim? If you are small, you just have to find a good seamstress to make the clothes fit better. It's the clothes that are the problem...NOT YOU!!!

jennyb612

LISA - you look beautiful and happy and petite. NOT gaunt or "too skinny". I agree with the posters who have said to try to eat a little healthier because it will make you feel good!. Also continuing at the gym is good for your body and your mental state. If you're having trouble finding a dress that you feel like a knockout in, try going to a diffeent store or working with a personal shopper - Nordstrom comes to mind because they are amazing - BUT very expensive. The ladies at Talbots Petites are amazing and they often have good sales. You could also try Ann Taylor as their dresses are sexy but sophisticated and work really well on Petites.

Good luck to you - it sounds like the dresses are the problem, not you!

TinaDay1114

The only question is: how do you feel physically? Do you feel good? Great even? Then stay at this weight and buy new clothes. Feel like you are working too hard for too little result? Add 100 calories/day each week until you stabilize at a new weight that feels better and is maintainable.

I think DonnaFitz has a lot of good points there. I've been struggling with maintenance, too -- like Donna, I am getting bored with tracking, and having trouble staying strict. I don't think I've found my "magic #" for maintenance calories yet, b/c I'm training for a 1/2 marathon and need more, but seem to be gaining and losing the same 5 lbs. over and over again. I really do think maintenance is even more confusing and frustrating sometimes than the actual weight loss journey itself.

I think you need to assess how your body feels, how your energy level is, if you are able to perform stronger "work" at the gym or not (like DonnaFitz suggests). Eat enough so you have energy and stamina, make sure you're not getting fatigued regularly (even getting that "pooped out" feeling every few days/1x a week can be a sign that you're not eating enough overall). Those are all better indicators of where you are than numbers.

Hang in there!

pelleld

Lisa, I am definitely with you on this, though my maintenance issue is slightly different.

Frankly, I'm bored with dieting. To lose all that weight, I had to stay within VERY strict guidelines, with very little room for choice. Every day was a struggle with temptation. I was unable to go out with friends for dinner, have a drink at a party, or enjoy my favorite dessert.

I achieved my first goal, but the results were very disheartening. Everybody who saw me commented that I had lost weight -- but not positively. Their faces looked alarmed. They were trying to be complimentary, but their eyes showed concern. One guy asked if I had AIDS. Really? I looked that bad? And I hadn't come close to reaching my utimate goal.

Now, I have seen your pictures. You do not look gaunt, but to people who knew you before, maybe you do.

I have decided to stick with a slightly higher weight so that my face stays filled out. See, I have a C-section poof that I hate. I can diet for years and never lose it. The more weight I lose, the more comes off my face and upper arms. And the poof remains. Surgery is not a viable option for it. I can't afford it, nor can I afford the healing downtime since I have a special needs child that requires lifting and physical manipulation all during the day.

I also just can't find motivation to go much lower. I could lose ten pounds and not change sizes. I could lose 20 pounds, but I would barely be in the next size down and would have to struggle to stay there.

Honestly, I think I look healthier with a little extra weight. That's just me. I can't speak for you.

And doctors' numbers do not tell the whole story. Do they even look at us? I mean SEE us? I don't think so. I think they see numbers on a page. If they looked, they would not be so quick to tell a middle-aged woman that she should be as thin as a model.

The only question is: how do you feel physically? Do you feel good? Great even? Then stay at this weight and buy new clothes. Feel like you are working too hard for too little result? Add 100 calories/day each week until you stabilize at a new weight that feels better and is maintainable.

Donna -

I feel like I can stay at this weight without a lot of work or sacrifice (food wise). I think going to the gym 5 times per week has upped my metabolism to the point that I can afford to eat a bit more and not gain. Yes, my face looks thinner, but I think it is the loss of my curves that is the most upsetting. I'm just "straighter" than before, no longer "curvy". Even when I was heavier people told me that I had a nice figure. Now I feel like the parts that made my figure nice are gone (nice butt and hips, small waist). But, the part of my body that I hated the most, my thighs, look great for THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE. I guess I want the nice butt and hips, small waist, AND the great thighs, but maybe I can't have it all....lol.

Physically I feel great. I feel strong and healthy. I feel happy with my body for the first time ever.......until I saw myself in all those ill-fitting dresses the other day.

Thanks for your help!!

Lisa

pelleld

I used to be a size 0-2....and i will be there again! LOL! My suggestion to you is to get your clothes tailored. People do not realize that it is just as difficult to dress a size zero as it is a size 22. Most "grown up" clothes don't come that small, and I'm WAY past the age where I want "Juicy" across my *kitten*....kwim? If you are small, you just have to find a good seamstress to make the clothes fit better. It's the clothes that are the problem...NOT YOU!!!

You know what......it never occurred to me that the clothes were the problem. Thanks for that!

pelleld

LISA - you look beautiful and happy and petite. NOT gaunt or "too skinny". I agree with the posters who have said to try to eat a little healthier because it will make you feel good!. Also continuing at the gym is good for your body and your mental state. If you're having trouble finding a dress that you feel like a knockout in, try going to a diffeent store or working with a personal shopper - Nordstrom comes to mind because they are amazing - BUT very expensive. The ladies at Talbots Petites are amazing and they often have good sales. You could also try Ann Taylor as their dresses are sexy but sophisticated and work really well on Petites.

Good luck to you - it sounds like the dresses are the problem, not you!

As I told steph above, it never occurred to me that the clothes were the problem. Maybe I need to change the way I think........