Vega's War Balls

chris1816

So when I first learned about quinoa a while back, I was tickled by the whole historical aspect of the significance the grain itself had to the Incan Empire. I read how armies would sustain themselves on a mixture of quinoa packed with fat as a ration, and literally called them "War Balls". It made perfect sense to me, quinoa is a complete protein along with carbs and all that other goodness, when it came down to it; mix that with fat and bang you have some good energy.

So of course I wanted to f*cking make them.

I saw a post on here recently for a recipe for some energy balls and I decided to take their recipe as a base (sorry I lost your post and I am too lazy too look it up and give you credit), but cut some of the items out and make it similar to what I had figured would make a good, natural snack to pop in your mouth for a nice balance of energy and fullness. Like a Clif Builder Bar but sexier, cheaper, and spherical.

These are pretty easy to make, and much of my hippie nonsense foodstuffs I use I get off Amazon. You can tweak this however you want (I will probably experiment more since today was just a quick mess around.


First as a base instead of oatmeal I used another recipe I had for a quinoa breakfast pudding. I am posting the entire recipe for those who would want, but keep in mind for the war balls DO NOT USE THE SYRUP, NUTS, OR HONEY, JUST MAKE THE BASE MEAL WITHOUT THE EXTRAS TO USE AS YOUR BASE FOR THE WAR BALLS RECIPE.

Quinoa Breakfast Pudding
4 servings
Serving size: 1/2 cup

1/2 cup Quinoa
1 cup water
1 cup unsweetened almond milk or low fat milk
1 1/2 teaspoons Splenda sugar blend for baking (you can use the regular Splenda)
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
3 teaspoons maple syrup or honey (leave out if making for war balls)
3 teaspoons toasted chopped walnuts or almonds (ditto for this sh*it)

Rinse the quinoa in a fine sieve with cold water for about 1 minute.

In a 1-quart saucepan, bring the water to a boil. Slowly add the quinoa and bring to another boil. Lower the heat to simmer, cover and cook for about 15 minutes, or until the water is absorbed.

Add the milk, Splenda, and cinnamon, and simmer for an additional 15 minutes


Okay, so take that mixture and toss it in a bowl in the fridge to cool overnight. You can say a prayer and possibly cast a "cleanse my body" magic spell or whatever blows your hair back on it if you believe in cleanses, Democrats, or Santa at this point.

Sleep. Dream them good dreams.


Now wake up, it's time to make some War Balls.


Ingredients:

Breakfast Quinoa mixture (about 1/2 cup dry)
1 tsp Raw Cacao Powder
1oz (28g) Dried Goji berries, ground up to almost powder, thicker texture if you want some crunch.
1/4 cup Organic Cold Milled Flax Seed.
1/4 cup Chia Seed Powder
1/3 Cup Raw, Unfiltered Honey (I use North Dallas Co, if you don't know why raw, local honey is good for you, enjoy your allergy hell)
1/2 Cup Jif Natural Creamy Peanut Butter (or whatever nut butter you feel like pooping out the next day)
1 tsp vanilla bean extract
1/4 Cup Rolled Oats, ground to rough consistency. (not for mixture, but to make you feel like you aren't eating something that looks like poop)

Mix all ingredients except the oats together with a spoon, mixing bowl, some naked Italian girls using their feet; whatever's handy.

Toss in the fridge, chill for 30 minutes and go watch a show or some porn; again whatever blows your hair back.

Clean yourself off then go take your mixture and begin rolling them into balls. Now the best method here is to portion them out as evenly as possible and enter your raw ingredients into My Fitness Pal to get as close to exact amounts of nutrients. The recipe I gave here made for 19 balls. Sure I could have made each one slightly bigger and had a non arbitrary number; but I used a little scoop thingy I had, so *kitten* off.

Roll the balls up, roll them in the ground up oats so they look pretty. Store in an airtight container in the fridge at all times and expect them to keep for about a week (pure guesswork there)

For nineteen delicious balls it came out to the following per ball:

82 Calories
10 Carbs
4 Fat
3 Protein
2 Fiber
5 Sugar


That will change depending on how many servings you divide it into. They also have a bit of Vitamin A, C, Potassium, Iron and other good *kitten* like that.

So please enjoy my balls in your mouth.