eating disorder recovery?

kelbelzz

i've been struggling with an eating disorder for about nine years. i've received help off and on for probably six of those years. i'm just trying to find a balance between restricting and binging. and if you've had an eating disorder, you know how hard it is.
my question for anyone who has dealt with this is basically, how do you accept yourself after eating a 'normal' amount of food? i get really anxious/depressed when i eat anything over 1,000 calories. and this really needs to stop. it's making me miserable. my nutritionist says to 'just get over it and eat.' ..... but it's easier said than done. my fear of gaining weight is ridiculous.
suggestions or anything?

kelbelzz

i hate to bump my own post, but I'm going to anyway.

roachhaley

Its just hard and takes willpower. I dont have any advice because... you just have to tough it out. its still hard for me

transfixedtoast

I try to distract myself really. Like keep busy so you don't have time to dwell on it.
The most helpful thing I found was admitting that I didn't know how to eat and I was not able to feed myself so I just gave up the power struggle and tried to trust that my nutritionist didn't want to make me fat.

jlbay

I suffered from anorexia many years ago. At the time I thought I'd never be free. It took a LOT of therapy, medication (anti depressants and anti anxiety), even a few hospitalizations to get me through.

If you have a therapist and they aren't helpful, time to find a new one. I don't know if someone can really break free of an ED without a lot of help. If your nutritionist is really saying "just get over it and eat" - time for a new nutritionist, too. They should be giving you techniques to add more calories/trigger foods/etc and helping you to work through the anxiety and other emotions. Yes, you will experience some stress and anxiety no matter what, but the people you pay to help you should be giving you tools to make it manageable. Plus, a good therapist will help in dealing with the underlying issues, which certainly helps to relieve the stress around food.

I'm really sorry you're suffering, but you will get better help from a good professional than this forum. There are a lot of crap drs, nutritionists, and therapists out there, but it is worth it to keep searching for someone who will help you.

kitty50kitty

Hey kelbelzz,

I think I can relate - I'd been struggling basically half of my life. I don't know if that works for you, but what helped me A LOT was stop counting calories in the first place and trying to re-connect with your OWN hunger/satiety again. I know this is hard. And for me it meant the opposite of what I used to do, at least for some time until I got used to not counting anything: I stopped eating anything which had nutrition labels printed on its cover, cause that would trigger me to count (...focus on numbers instead of my body, overeat, binge, restrict, repeat.). It took a while, but I started thinking about food less and less. And btw, during that time I also lost 20 lbs (I know you wanted to know if I gained ).
I can really recommend you read some books by Geneen Roth! That woman's brilliant and has some great advice on how to overcome emotional/compulsive eating. Don't judge that stuff by its cover, tho. I'm really not quite into "your body's your temple, love yourself, peace and harmony"-hippie stuff, but if you work hard on yourself, as in give it your best without punishing yourself for mistakes, it might work. I hope that helps.

HarajukuGrrl

'Life without ED' is an amazing book too. just sayin

PBfilledpretzel

The best advice I can give you is to replace old food with new. Veggies..LOTS of them. I KNOW exactly what you mean. I have no shame in admitting that I too struggled with an eating disorder. Know that surrounding yourself around people who will keep you accountable instead of shooting you down REALLY helps. My sisters helped up lift me ; they didn't tell me how horrible I was or how starving myself was stupid. I'm not sure of your religious views, however, I will be praying for you. I understand your whole situation like its the back of my hand. No matter what your mind is telling you, it's your whole body that is being messed with. I'm Samoan.... I have food around me all the time! It's soooo goodddd !!!!!!!!!!! I've felt gross and horrible about myself but I realized I can do anything positive as long as I put my heart and mind into it. Same for you, purposely put yourself around people who will keep you accountable. Remember that you aren't alone in this struggle and that others have overcome this just as you will Here for ya if you need some motivation!Good luck on your journey!

KGFitnessGuru

I used to be anorexic and then when went to binging since I was not used to eating ( doesn't look like it now ). but I got over it. I got over it because of my family, they didn't know at the time and knew that I could die cause of what your body goes through. I would suggest going and talking to a nutritionist and a trainer and maybe have the set and show you a healthy diet plan to follow so you won't have to worry about gaining weight, a trainer to help you exercise and how to maintain a healthy level.. you a beautiful and have to keep telling yourself that and would suggest if you keep a scale get rid of it, so you won't have a habit of checking it every day. you can do it

kabbit42

I don't have much advice for getting over the fear of eating, but I know I had to retrain myself to actually acknowledge when I was hungry. Even after I considered myself recovered I would 'accidentally' fast just because I wasn't used to giving into hunger. In order to help myself with this I adopted a 5 meal plan where 2 of the meals were super healthy juice. They never really filled me up but definitely supplied an energy boost and after 2 weeks or so my body was definitely expecting to be fed at certain points and it was easier to listen to it. Good job making it this far! The journey is so hard but coming out on the other side is worth it.

DreamersWifey

Okay here's my story...
I was fat my whole life I started dieting and then I somehow ended up with an eating disorder not specified
Because I binged and purged as well as starved my self an took diet pills and laxatives...
Lost 120 pounds in 11 months...ended up in the hospital and counseling
Then I got in a relationship and my food issues were suddenly in the back of my head...so I gained a little bit...got pregnant and then realized I could starve myself but I couldn't and wouldn't do that to my child...it was a guilty struggle everyday but my son came first!!
After pregnancy I was used to eating and was guilt free now I'm not pregnant and I'm fat...but now that I'm restricting
It's so hard not to slip into old way...I now have that same food guilt and obsession and it's an every freaking day struggle...
I thought Ana and Mia were gone from my life but it seems that they will always be apart of my life and I just
Have to fight them and ignore
Them to the best of my ability...there's no real help other than to ignore it and focus on how good your doing
Idk...I think
About my son and how I'm breastfeeding and need to eat and set a good example!

kelbelzz

thanks for everyone who replied. it's good to know that i'm not alone, and that someone understands. but i'll take your advice! i've already been looking into a new nutritionist and possibly a therapist. i need to surround myself with a good support system, not people who praise me for my unhealthy ways. i want to have a good relationship with food, and it's nice to know it can be overcome. i'm going to buy the 'life without ED' book today & hopefully that helps me on my journey. it's a struggle, but i really want to recover. thanks again (:

Inebriated

Its just hard and takes willpower. I dont have any advice because... you just have to tough it out. its still hard for me