Will I ever be happy?

mgram2

So when I started my weight loss journey... I was at 163 pounds (Fall 2011). I've never been really heavy.. 143 became my norm for a few years... but then I got pregnant (2008).. gained weight obviously.. but then lost it all and went back to my pre-pregnancy weight of 143. The weight gain occurred after I had some surgery that kept me out of the gym and on my butt for a while.. and of course poor eating choices. But once my scale hit 163 last fall.. I knew it was time for an overhaul.
Since having my son in 2008 I've struggled with eating disorders (binge eating and bulimia).. but when I get my eating and workout schedule on track.. I can get that under control for the most part. I'm very much an emotional eater.
Anyways.. currently I am maintaining a weight of 137 and while all my clothes have grown too big and I am noticeably smaller than I was even before I got pregnant.. I still feel unhappy with myself.
I'm beginning to think that it's been less about the number on the scale.. and more about how I view myself.
Obviously none of you can know the answer to this.. but I still feel like crying out "will I EVER be happy with myself??!" and "when will I feel comfortable in my own skin?!".
I know I don't look terrible anymore.. but I certainly feel like it!

littlehoneybee69

I'm in a group on this site through my work. But for some reason, I came across your message. Maybe because I felt like I was reading something from myself. I've been struggling too. I agree, I don't think happiness lies with in the number on the scale. All though it helps:-) I think we have to become healthy in our minds not just our bodies. Years ago, I used to go to counseling and I think its about time I get back to that for myself. Finances hold me back on that one though. I would like to encourage you to do this as well. A portion of it could also be in our hearts. I don't know about you, but my heart has been broken from various losses and it just hasn't ever been the same. I hide behind eating and unfortunately my daughter is picking up this trait. Where I used to be anorexic, now I can't imagine not eating. So I am all over the place. Exercise was always real helpful with a more healthy out look. But that too now has been taken away from me due to a serious back injury. Which makes it that much harder to loose weight and feel good about myself. It's a horrible cycle isn't it. I guess the point I'm trying to make, is that there will always be someone that knows how you feel or maybe worse than oneself. So we should never feel alone ever. Even if we feel hopelessly alone in our daily lives. Keep your head held high and my thoughts will be with you. I know its easier said than done, but lets try.

darrensurrey

Being slim/healthy/fit and being happy are two separate issues... for happiness, perhaps seek the help of a suitable therapist or counsellor to deal with your inner demons.

Iamkim73

Being slim/healthy/fit and being happy are two separate issues... for happiness, perhaps seek the help of a suitable therapist or counsellor to deal with your inner demons.

Exactly this!

marywanoKC

Not if you don't get your mind in order. You have to learn to love and accept yourself and all it's strengths and faults regardless of numbers. You deserve self-love no matter your size. I'm finally getting (not there yet) to the place where I am celebrating my progress and not focusing on the imperfections. Getting healthy is a mind AND body effort.

w2bab

Chronic depression is a real medical condition, and (contrary to what some people say) it isn't always magically cured by exercise endorphins racing through your bloodstream. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. If you've never talked to your doc about it, perhaps you should. Sometimes meds make a huge difference.

mfpcopine

So when I started my weight loss journey... I was at 163 pounds (Fall 2011). I've never been really heavy.. 143 became my norm for a few years... but then I got pregnant (2008).. gained weight obviously.. but then lost it all and went back to my pre-pregnancy weight of 143. The weight gain occurred after I had some surgery that kept me out of the gym and on my butt for a while.. and of course poor eating choices. But once my scale hit 163 last fall.. I knew it was time for an overhaul.
Since having my son in 2008 I've struggled with eating disorders (binge eating and bulimia).. but when I get my eating and workout schedule on track.. I can get that under control for the most part. I'm very much an emotional eater.
Anyways.. currently I am maintaining a weight of 137 and while all my clothes have grown too big and I am noticeably smaller than I was even before I got pregnant.. I still feel unhappy with myself.
I'm beginning to think that it's been less about the number on the scale.. and more about how I view myself.
Obviously none of you can know the answer to this.. but I still feel like crying out "will I EVER be happy with myself??!" and "when will I feel comfortable in my own skin?!".
I know I don't look terrible anymore.. but I certainly feel like it!

I'm assuming you don't have serious mental hygiene issues. If you do, consult a therapist or psychiatrist by all means.

To make a simple, cheap suggestion, you might try something like Mindfulness Practice, a form of meditation. I've been learning about it for about a year and someone recommended this book, which comes with a CD. (You don't need to be depressed to gain from it; in fact, they say that if you are actually clinically depressed, to wait until you've gotten some help.)

I listened to the first guided meditation on the CD, which is a body scan. It was very relaxing, not that relaxation is necessarily the point. It gave me a different awareness of my body: My body is good. It functions well. I can appreciate it and be at peace with it. (I am not someone who is completely comfortable in her own skin.) Is it going to magically transform your view of your body? Is it going to make a sexist, lookist world disappear? Of course not. But it might help.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Mindful-Way-through-Depression/dp/1593851286


If you're interested in pursuing Insight Meditation, audiodharma.org has free Introduction to Meditation lectures and a couple of times a year they offer a free course.

sl1ngsh0t

Therapy helps.