Give Yourself a Chance!

ZugTheMegasaurus

This is my response to a lot of threads posted in this forum; I figure it might be more effective than trying to reply to each one individually (since there seems to be a constant stream of them).

I notice many people posting things like, "I have been really good all week but ate 300 calories over today, HELP!!!" or "I'm hungry, what am I doing wrong??" or "It's been two weeks and I haven't lost anything! Giving up!" The basic theme is that shortly into a major diet/exercise change, a slipup happens, or results aren't fast/major enough, and this is symptomatic of some huge problem.

Here's the answer to every one of those: you're probably not doing anything wrong. You just haven't given yourself the opportunity to learn yet.

Like anything else, changing your diet and lifestyle comes with a learning curve. You wouldn't expect to be a concert pianist after one lesson or a physicist after one class, so why do you expect to adopt a super-healthy lifestyle overnight? Further, you're not starting at zero if you're used to an unhealthy lifestyle; you have to undo some old things before you can implement the new ones.

If you're doing well most of the time, you're fine. If you're miserable and can't imagine doing your plan for a long time, try something else. If it's been only a few weeks, it's entirely possible that you aren't able to see results yet, but it doesn't mean that nothing is changing internally.

People who are successful do not have a secret that you're missing out on; they just don't give up when they aren't perfect. When something doesn't work, they change it. When they screw up, they acknowledge it and move on. They use all different diets, plans, programs, or make their own way; there is no universal solution.

The right plan for you is the one you'll actually do. But if you're just starting, you don't know what that is yet. The only thing you're doing wrong is panicking and thinking there's a problem with you personally. Give yourself the chance to figure it out. Focus on improvement, not perfection.

Just a thought.

myjourney2

Totally agree with your post. It took me years to figure this out. I would diet for a week and then binge and then stop my diet completely. Now I have made a lifestyle change that I will follow for the rest of my life. I am happy with it and feel comforatable that I can do this.

cpettigrew

I agree whole-heartedly.This is my second time for mass weight loss. The first time was 4 years ago, and I did very well. Didn't think I was doing so well this time, until I rememebered I was working a physically demanding job last time. This time, I ride a desk 10 hours a day. I had to make massive changes to the methods I am now using compared to what I was doing 4 years ago. Believing in cardboard cut out diets ONLY, without customizing to individuals needs, will lead to failure.

ZugTheMegasaurus

Believing in cardboard cut out diets ONLY, without customizing to individuals needs, will lead to failure.

I think this is where a lot of people go wrong. They hear, "You need to make a diet change you can keep up in the long term," so they look up a bunch of different diets, pick the one that sounds like it would be easiest for them to maintain, and then torture themselves trying to follow all the rules and restrictions. What they should actually be doing is tweaking things as they go along so that it becomes something sustainable. It doesn't start out that way though; that's where the learning and experimenting aspect comes in.

Rays_Wife

Excellent post and dead on. I didn't start succeeding until I learned this valuable lesson.

Aerohead21

Agreed. Nail, meet hammer. I just have to learn how to deal with the emotional struggle of it all.

froeschli

Ah, I agree. My downfall is thinking "I've figured it all out" too soon. It's just too easy to quit taking the lifestyle change seriously. But then again, taking it too seriously is probably worse.
A happy medium and you'll be fine

sonyagruman

This is my response to a lot of threads posted in this forum; I figure it might be more effective than trying to reply to each one individually (since there seems to be a constant stream of them).

I notice many people posting things like, "I have been really good all week but ate 300 calories over today, HELP!!!" or "I'm hungry, what am I doing wrong??" or "It's been two weeks and I haven't lost anything! Giving up!" The basic theme is that shortly into a major diet/exercise change, a slipup happens, or results aren't fast/major enough, and this is symptomatic of some huge problem.

Here's the answer to every one of those: you're probably not doing anything wrong. You just haven't given yourself the opportunity to learn yet.

Like anything else, changing your diet and lifestyle comes with a learning curve. You wouldn't expect to be a concert pianist after one lesson or a physicist after one class, so why do you expect to adopt a super-healthy lifestyle overnight? Further, you're not starting at zero if you're used to an unhealthy lifestyle; you have to undo some old things before you can implement the new ones.

If you're doing well most of the time, you're fine. If you're miserable and can't imagine doing your plan for a long time, try something else. If it's been only a few weeks, it's entirely possible that you aren't able to see results yet, but it doesn't mean that nothing is changing internally.

People who are successful do not have a secret that you're missing out on; they just don't give up when they aren't perfect. When something doesn't work, they change it. When they screw up, they acknowledge it and move on. They use all different diets, plans, programs, or make their own way; there is no universal solution.

The right plan for you is the one you'll actually do. But if you're just starting, you don't know what that is yet. The only thing you're doing wrong is panicking and thinking there's a problem with you personally. Give yourself the chance to figure it out. Focus on improvement, not perfection.

Just a thought.

1Timothy4v8

Yup, and its a good thought, I guess as long as you keep striving for the better choices it will get eazer

kluvit

Believing in cardboard cut out diets ONLY, without customizing to individuals needs, will lead to failure.

I think this is where a lot of people go wrong. They hear, "You need to make a diet change you can keep up in the long term," so they look up a bunch of different diets, pick the one that sounds like it would be easiest for them to maintain, and then torture themselves trying to follow all the rules and restrictions. What they should actually be doing is tweaking things as they go along so that it becomes something sustainable. It doesn't start out that way though; that's where the learning and experimenting aspect comes in.

Agreed. I've done very well using restrictive diets such as "low-carb," but as someone whose favorite food is potatoes (prepared any way), long-term low carb as a lifestyle is not my preference. Now, I've learned how to eat what I love and still lose weight in a way that I can do everyday. In four months, I haven't needed a "cheat" day or even a "cheat" meal because nothing is off-limits. Everything is allowed, but I make the choice about whether it's worth it (giving up something else that day, or working out longer).

shellrocker12

Perfect!! Thank you so much for sharing this. We all need to remember this!! ( coming from someone who slipped up today!! Tomrrow is a new day!!!)

marpeters

I totally agree. Here's my extra perspective. Having extra weight, lots of it, probably means that we have extra "baggage" issues. I have lost and gained back lots of weight over 3 decades of trying. It's finally off now...except for the last 7 pounds, because I faced the issues that kept me fat, kept me from taking better care of myself, kept me from totally loving myself. This time, as I lost the weight, I did the internal work that will help me keep it off. Last time I slipped, I went up 8 pounds. Far better than the 80 it used to be.

ZugTheMegasaurus

I totally agree. Here's my extra perspective. Having extra weight, lots of it, probably means that we have extra "baggage" issues. I have lost and gained back lots of weight over 3 decades of trying. It's finally off now...except for the last 7 pounds, because I faced the issues that kept me fat, kept me from taking better care of myself, kept me from totally loving myself. This time, as I lost the weight, I did the internal work that will help me keep it off. Last time I slipped, I went up 8 pounds. Far better than the 80 it used to be.

Great point. Technically, it might be a matter of calories consumed and burned, but people themselves are not that simple. I couldn't do it until I dealt with some serious mental scars as well, but it can be done (and people do it all the time). And the perspective of "well, 8 is a lot better than 80" is the right one; you're not perfect but you've made leaps and bounds from where you were, and that's the best you can ever do. Congratulations on your successes!

MogwaisGrandma

I posted something on my profile page the other day about all these threads messing with peoples heads.

I know that if I, over a longer period of time, go by the calories in v calories out way of living then the weight I am carrying will eventually go. Yes, I have goals and I have a time I would like this to happen but I am sick of my own head sabotaging what I am trying to do for my body. They need to work together and this is my main drive at the moment.

Nice post

AlexJourneyHall

Wow, this is really great. I'll have to keep it in mind more.

Behavior_Modification

This is so true. It is something I need to remind myself of all the time. My body doesn't have the same hunger from day to day. It is better to listen to my body, and read its signals to determine whether or not I should eat more calories. And I do mean body and not mind because if I listen to that I will go overboard, hence I struggle w/ an ED.

300 cals over should not be a big deal. It shouldn't be something we are beating ourselves up about. But it is. Because unfortunately what we have learned from dieting is that it is better to restrict our calorie consumption even if we are truly hungry. We are labeled as weak and have lost our will power when we eat more than that allotted calorie count.

Mel2626

Great post and responses!!! I completely view weight-loss as a learning process and I think that has helped me a lot so far. I stumble (sometimes much more than I'd like) but i get back into it and move on. It drives me crazy when people spew out blanket statements because everyone is SO different. It's about finding what works for ourselves and then sticking with it~not being afraid to mix things up or to do things out of our comfort zone. I'm far from perfect but I'm in a much better place than I was when I started to live healthier. Nothing wrong with learning new tricks along the way!! Thanks for this inspiring post! :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

BeccaB1981

Here's the answer to every one of those: you're probably not doing anything wrong. You just haven't given yourself the opportunity to learn yet.

Like anything else, changing your diet and lifestyle comes with a learning curve. You wouldn't expect to be a concert pianist after one lesson or a physicist after one class, so why do you expect to adopt a super-healthy lifestyle overnight? Further, you're not starting at zero if you're used to an unhealthy lifestyle; you have to undo some old things before you can implement the new ones.

People who are successful do not have a secret that you're missing out on; they just don't give up when they aren't perfect. When something doesn't work, they change it. When they screw up, they acknowledge it and move on. They use all different diets, plans, programs, or make their own way; there is no universal solution.

The right plan for you is the one you'll actually do. But if you're just starting, you don't know what that is yet. The only thing you're doing wrong is panicking and thinking there's a problem with you personally. Give yourself the chance to figure it out. Focus on improvement, not perfection.

Just a thought.

I really like this! It made me realize that I have so much to learn and just because I have kind of stalled out lately doesn't mean I am big ol' screwup it just means I need to learn more and maybe change things up a bit.