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Seriously guy??? I think the problem isn't you, but her. True change must come from within yourself, not wanting to make her treat you differently. What if you get to the point you want to be at, and nothing changes? Will you then figure it out that she isn't worth your time and move on to someone who cares about you for exactly who you are, and will appreciate the things you do for her?
I tell you... some people.
Change for yourself.
And I think the best change you could do for yourself... get a new girlfriend.0 -
Seriously guy??? I think the problem isn't you, but her. True change must come from within yourself, not wanting to make her treat you differently. What if you get to the point you want to be at, and nothing changes? Will you then figure it out that she isn't worth your time and move on to someone who cares about you for exactly who you are, and will appreciate the things you do for her?
I tell you... some people.
Change for yourself.
And I think the best change you could do for yourself... get a new girlfriend.
if nothing changes I will stick it out till the very end regardless. The reasons why relationships don't work is because people don't make the relationship a priority. I never said she doesn't love me, I just want more affection. To feel desirable.
But to truly answer your question, if things don't change and we keep arguing over this and she decides to leave. Then I will have no problem moving on after I recover from the break up of course.0 -
Hate to break it to you but she isn't going to treat you any differently if youre 300 lbs or a 130 lb Abercrombie model. She is the way she is. You will have more success doing this health change for YOU. You're going to end up disappointed by her lack of attention for the amount of effort you're putting in.
I'd also venture to bet most women on here would back me in saying that looks utterly don't matter in the end and that you're going about fixing your relationship completely wrong, but good luck.0 -
I don't think you should have to change your appearance in order for her to give you the affection you want. My fiance showed me the same kind of affection when I was fat and now that I've lost 30 lbs...In your profile you say that she is just not an affectionate person, so changing your appearance isn't going to change the way she is...
I have to agree with this..if she is not affectionate changing your looks probably won't make that big a difference if any difference at all. You have to decide if her not being affectionate enough if something you can live with..0 -
Hate to break it to you but she isn't going to treat you any differently if youre 300 lbs or a 130 lb Abercrombie model. She is the way she is. You will have more success doing this health change for YOU. You're going to end up disappointed by her lack of attention for the amount of effort you're putting in.
I'd also venture to bet most women on here would back me in saying that looks utterly don't matter in the end and that you're going about fixing your relationship completely wrong, but good luck.
Well what else is their to do? I bring her flowers, I take her warm dinner to work, one time i cut out a bunch of hearts and wrote sweet silly stuff on them and taped them to her car, i leave her letters etc... we've talked about it which usually makes her cry because she says "My love isn't good enough" and in reality her love is plenty, her affection is scarce.
More than likely you are right. I will still be disappointed by her lack of attention for the amount of effort I put into everything not just getting fit. However it can't hurt things and can only make things better.0 -
I don't think you should have to change your appearance in order for her to give you the affection you want. My fiance showed me the same kind of affection when I was fat and now that I've lost 30 lbs...In your profile you say that she is just not an affectionate person, so changing your appearance isn't going to change the way she is...
I have to agree with this..if she is not affectionate changing your looks probably won't make that big a difference if any difference at all. You have to decide if her not being affectionate enough if something you can live with..
I have no problem living with it.... But keeping the lack of feeling desired and lack of affection bottled up inside of me will be the problem. I haven't ever thought of cheating but I have seen this as a problem for many guys in many relationships and all of them usually end up cheating on their spouse. I don't want to be the guy who ends up cheating because of this problem we have. I know its as simple as "well don't cheat" but in reality these things happen everyday.
guy meets girl
guy and girl kiss
guy and girl move in together
girl slowly stops kissing guy
guy feels depressed
random chick brightens guys day up
random chick sleeps with guy...0 -
I don't think you should have to change your appearance in order for her to give you the affection you want. My fiance showed me the same kind of affection when I was fat and now that I've lost 30 lbs...In your profile you say that she is just not an affectionate person, so changing your appearance isn't going to change the way she is...
I have to agree with this..if she is not affectionate changing your looks probably won't make that big a difference if any difference at all. You have to decide if her not being affectionate enough if something you can live with..
I have no problem living with it.... But keeping the lack of feeling desired and lack of affection bottled up inside of me will be the problem. I haven't ever thought of cheating but I have seen this as a problem for many guys in many relationships and all of them usually end up cheating on their spouse. I don't want to be the guy who ends up cheating because of this problem we have. I know its as simple as "well don't cheat" but in reality these things happen everyday.
guy meets girl
guy and girl kiss
guy and girl move in together
girl slowly stops kissing guy
guy feels depressed
random chick brightens guys day up
random chick sleeps with guy...
^^This is a problem if your midnset is already this way. Marriage (which I am assuming is where you are hoping to take this since you have talked about spouses) is hard, hard work and that means knowing your spouse. You both have to put in the hard work, and her personality may just not be an effectionate one. She needs to work on being able to show you affection, just as you need to know what her triggers are that make her feel loved. Both of you should read "Love Languages". Everyone grew up in different situations and experienced love by their family and in their atmosphere in different ways. Your love language sounds like it might be both physical touch and words of affirmation, that is what best speaks loving action to you. It sounds like physical touch is not her love language and so she may not understand how truly important it is to you.
Long lasting relationships, marriage, etc, is not a cake walk (there are very rare instances, but even they have to figure out this stuff) and it takes work on both parties. It is important that your physical well being is not based off of her reaction to you, however, because then it will never be your goal.
Just my two cents...0 -
I don't think you should have to change your appearance in order for her to give you the affection you want. My fiance showed me the same kind of affection when I was fat and now that I've lost 30 lbs...In your profile you say that she is just not an affectionate person, so changing your appearance isn't going to change the way she is...
I have to agree with this..if she is not affectionate changing your looks probably won't make that big a difference if any difference at all. You have to decide if her not being affectionate enough if something you can live with..
I have no problem living with it.... But keeping the lack of feeling desired and lack of affection bottled up inside of me will be the problem. I haven't ever thought of cheating but I have seen this as a problem for many guys in many relationships and all of them usually end up cheating on their spouse. I don't want to be the guy who ends up cheating because of this problem we have. I know its as simple as "well don't cheat" but in reality these things happen everyday.
guy meets girl
guy and girl kiss
guy and girl move in together
girl slowly stops kissing guy
guy feels depressed
random chick brightens guys day up
random chick sleeps with guy...
^^This is a problem if your midnset is already this way. Marriage (which I am assuming is where you are hoping to take this since you have talked about spouses) is hard, hard work and that means knowing your spouse. You both have to put in the hard work, and her personality may just not be an effectionate one. She needs to work on being able to show you affection, just as you need to know what her triggers are that make her feel loved. Both of you should read "Love Languages". Everyone grew up in different situations and experienced love by their family and in their atmosphere in different ways. Your love language sounds like it might be both physical touch and words of affirmation, that is what best speaks loving action to you. It sounds like physical touch is not her love language and so she may not understand how truly important it is to you.
Long lasting relationships, marriage, etc, is not a cake walk (there are very rare instances, but even they have to figure out this stuff) and it takes work on both parties. It is important that your physical well being is not based off of her reaction to you, however, because then it will never be your goal.
Just my two cents...
I just wish she would see it and understand it and work on it. Everything you said is exactly how I see everything.0 -
She is not going to just see it. She will have to understand what "it" is, if she doesn't know it exists, she won't see it and she won't know what to work on. It is also up to you to understand her and to work on understanding her. Perhaps some counseling to help you both communicate it and with each other. It never hurts to have an professional clarify things.I don't think you should have to change your appearance in order for her to give you the affection you want. My fiance showed me the same kind of affection when I was fat and now that I've lost 30 lbs...In your profile you say that she is just not an affectionate person, so changing your appearance isn't going to change the way she is...
I have to agree with this..if she is not affectionate changing your looks probably won't make that big a difference if any difference at all. You have to decide if her not being affectionate enough if something you can live with..
I have no problem living with it.... But keeping the lack of feeling desired and lack of affection bottled up inside of me will be the problem. I haven't ever thought of cheating but I have seen this as a problem for many guys in many relationships and all of them usually end up cheating on their spouse. I don't want to be the guy who ends up cheating because of this problem we have. I know its as simple as "well don't cheat" but in reality these things happen everyday.
guy meets girl
guy and girl kiss
guy and girl move in together
girl slowly stops kissing guy
guy feels depressed
random chick brightens guys day up
random chick sleeps with guy...
^^This is a problem if your midnset is already this way. Marriage (which I am assuming is where you are hoping to take this since you have talked about spouses) is hard, hard work and that means knowing your spouse. You both have to put in the hard work, and her personality may just not be an effectionate one. She needs to work on being able to show you affection, just as you need to know what her triggers are that make her feel loved. Both of you should read "Love Languages". Everyone grew up in different situations and experienced love by their family and in their atmosphere in different ways. Your love language sounds like it might be both physical touch and words of affirmation, that is what best speaks loving action to you. It sounds like physical touch is not her love language and so she may not understand how truly important it is to you.
Long lasting relationships, marriage, etc, is not a cake walk (there are very rare instances, but even they have to figure out this stuff) and it takes work on both parties. It is important that your physical well being is not based off of her reaction to you, however, because then it will never be your goal.
Just my two cents...
I just wish she would see it and understand it and work on it. Everything you said is exactly how I see everything.0 -
My boyfriend doesn't give me any attention. He always is on his computer, laptop, phone, ipad etc. We can never be together without him being on one of those things.
Weird thing is I want to get fit and lose weight and he is against it! He says he wants my body the way it is now. So, even if I lost the weight I wouldn't get any more attention as I would now.
I think this is the same in your case. Your weight doesn't matter. It's her personality and how she treats others.0 -
My boyfriend doesn't give me any attention. He always is on his computer, laptop, phone, ipad etc. We can never be together without him being on one of those things.
Weird thing is I want to get fit and lose weight and he is against it! He says he wants my body the way it is now. So, even if I lost the weight I wouldn't get any more attention as I would now.
I think this is the same in your case. Your weight doesn't matter. It's her personality and how she treats others.
Secretly he's telling you to get fit. Its against man law to tell you to because women are considered "touchy" when it comes to their physical appearance.
@cbcbrass90
We couldn't possibly afford that at this time, but if we get a chance and if I can talk her into it. (will have to find a way to sugarcoat "hey i don't do things for you vice versa lets go get pro help") Of course this is where someone is going to say if she doesn't want to do this then she isn't wanting to work on it and isn't worth my time. I've thought about these things and every possible way to fix that one thing. I know we'll both tough it out to where we just learn to deal with each other. Thats not a question at all. Its just taking entirely too long for me to learn to deal with this or her to realize how much it means to me. We've had our ups and downs we're still together.0 -
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I just wish she would see it and understand it and work on it. Everything you said is exactly how I see everything.
[/quote]
I bet she does see it and I am sure she understands that you are frustrated. She probably wants to make you happy but at the same time if she is not an affectionate person you telling her all the time will not make her more affectionate, it will make her upset. You might have to just accept her as she is and be ok with her lack of affection.0 -
You profile says "vagina" as an inspiration, you can't be for real? L M A O0
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You profile says "vagina" as an inspiration, you can't be for real? L M A O
LOL I thought it was funny... And no man can lie about it. If they work out and they are nice and fit it woman cross their mind.
Its only natural for a man to think, Damn if I look better the chicks are going to think so too. The power of Vagina is a very good inspiration... Ever guy thinks don't care what they say.0 -
"no homo guys"
But you said everyone?
now I'm just confused, you want to look good so the ladies start staring but not good enough to attract other men. that's going to be hard but good luck.
lol well guys can look and say too. But I'm not the one for them to touch.
Fair enough. we had a couple Gay dude's in my BCT platoon. they made us uncomfortable until we got to know them and then they were cool. there compliments never got out of hand.0 -
Have you tried to cut back on the amount of affection you give her? I was in a relationship that had the same problem and believe me the other person notices when you don't act as affectionately as you usually do. It could help her understand how you feel on a daily basis.0
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Have you tried to cut back on the amount of affection you give her? I was in a relationship that had the same problem and believe me the other person notices when you don't act as affectionately as you usually do. It could help her understand how you feel on a daily basis.
Yeah it dwindles away a little bit each day... And for clarification its not like I show her a lot of affection because she hates it...0 -
You profile says "vagina" as an inspiration, you can't be for real? L M A O
LOL I thought it was funny... And no man can lie about it. If they work out and they are nice and fit it woman cross their mind.
Its only natural for a man to think, Damn if I look better the chicks are going to think so too. The power of Vagina is a very good inspiration... Ever guy thinks don't care what they say.
It all boils down to one thing: the size of the man's....bank account. Nothing else matters to women, you should have learned this by now. And, oh, NOT coming across as a douche nozzle the first time you introduce yourself to a bunch of strangers over the internet.0 -
You profile says "vagina" as an inspiration, you can't be for real? L M A O
LOL I thought it was funny... And no man can lie about it. If they work out and they are nice and fit it woman cross their mind.
Its only natural for a man to think, Damn if I look better the chicks are going to think so too. The power of Vagina is a very good inspiration... Ever guy thinks don't care what they say.
It all boils down to one thing: the size of the man's....bank account. Nothing else matters to women, you should have learned this by now. And, oh, NOT coming across as a douche nozzle the first time you introduce yourself to a bunch of strangers over the internet.
Yeah that sure is an example your setting name calling and what not. If your offended by what I say then their is no need to reply back.
this theory of yours about how big a mans bank account is just proves how shallow and cold you are, and these words make other woman look bad.
As a former middle school student I really worry about the morals and ethics you are teaching the younger generations.
I pray for you,
Brechin
EDIT : that really makes you a gold digger... At 22 even I know its how you treat a lady...0 -
You profile says "vagina" as an inspiration, you can't be for real? L M A O
LOL I thought it was funny... And no man can lie about it. If they work out and they are nice and fit it woman cross their mind.
Its only natural for a man to think, Damn if I look better the chicks are going to think so too. The power of Vagina is a very good inspiration... Ever guy thinks don't care what they say.
It all boils down to one thing: the size of the man's....bank account. Nothing else matters to women, you should have learned this by now. And, oh, NOT coming across as a douche nozzle the first time you introduce yourself to a bunch of strangers over the internet.
Yeah that sure is an example your setting name calling and what not. If your offended by what I say then their is no need to reply back.
this theory of yours about how big a mans bank account is just proves how shallow and cold you are, and these words make other woman look bad.
As a former middle school student I really worry about the morals and ethics you are teaching the younger generations.
I pray for you,
Brechin
EDIT : that really makes you a gold digger... At 22 even I know its how you treat a lady...
heh heh.0
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