Just beginning and needing some support

Brandybeayon

Hello My name is Brandy I am the mother of 3 wonderful kids, 2,5,9.. I have a wonderful guy whom has stuck with me from 145lbs all the way up to my weight now which is........ Gosh I never have the balls to say it but 229.. which is actually great because a month ago I was 243... wow.. I can not believe I actually displayed those numbers.. He is wonderful but I know that he doesnt find me attractive he is in crazy good shape and is very goodlooking I just know when people see us together they can not believe we are actually TOGETHER!!! We are getting married in a month and although I will not be thin on our wedding day I am using this as a starting point I decided that we are going to have this new life as a married couple and I want to feel good about myself I want him and my kids to not be embarassed by me.. I do not want to be embarassed by myself.. I used to be an amazing athelete.. and I was cute not a model gorgeous but I was cute now I can not even styand to look at me....I am afraid I am setting a bad example to me kids and I know I make my oldest daughter embarrased kids on the bus tell her her mom is fat and she tries sticking up for me.. I told her she needs to not worry about what they say about me I lie and tell her I dont care what they say.. But kids calling me fat!! is that not a low point.. anyways I am starting I need help and I need to stay on this.. I need people I can talk to because I am addicted to food.. I would hide cany bars like an alcoholic would hide booze.. I need to do this one day at a time.. Thank You to anyone who actually read this I know it was alot o venting it actually just all came out so sorry I wish everyone else the best of luck