letting go...finally
Replies
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Her kids don't play soccer, softball, or anything? Strange. My kids love those things and they take tennis and swimming in the summer. My kids spend most days at the swim pool.
I am also happy that my kids take after my naturally thin hubby who is athletic.
Her kids don't do anything because her and her husband are too lazy to sign them up, take them to practices or show up an any event not involving food and televisions.0 -
Wow sarcasm and calling someone "lame" as a response...it's no surprise why your "friend" might not be open to your helpful suggestions.0
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Why are you friends with someone you obviously have such a low opinion of?0
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I personally think it's a form of child abuse.
YES YES YES...make me want to cryy0 -
I personally think it's a form of child abuse.
Well, if only the children of the world had YOU as their parent.
What's the solution, then? When a parent beats a child and locks them in a closet for a day it's pretty clear cut what should be done.
What are you going to do about fat kids? Take the kids away from otherwise loving parents and stick them in the already overburdened foster system? Manadatory, state run nutritional programs (where's the money gonna come from, and what if they just don't do it?)? What about skinny kids who eat like crap, are their parents to be punished too? Who decides just how much McDonald's a kid can get before it's abuse, and who's gonna track/enforce it? What about a fat kid who eats too many veggies, is that abuse too?
Maybe if you ever come across a REAL abuse situation, where a child is actually and immediately in danger you will be educated about what child abuse is and not throw the word "abuse" around. Until then you should probably just stop talking about it.0 -
I share you're frustration. I work for WIC, and for those of you who are not familiar with the program its a suplimental nutrition program for pregnant women and children up to the age of 5. Some days its like I'm talking to a wall when it comes to children and healthy eating. Moms would rather take them to McDonalds or heat up a frozen dinner then cook or provide a healthy meal. Its sad when a child has gained so much weight they can't play and run around. All we can do it set a good example for the people in our lives. And in my case try and educate the parents on the health risks associated with their child's eating paterns. As a parent you have a responcibility to your child to provide healthy foods and teach them how to be healthy. I wish more parents took that responcibility a little more seriously.
Ok rant over thanks for giving me the opportunitty to get that off my chest.
First of all, I am so thankful for WIC. I don't have children personally but I know people who do and WIC is an absolute life saver.
Second of all, how do they afford McDonalds if they qualify for WIC???
I know when my kids were little and we were on WIC McDonalds was not something I could afford to do on a regular basis. That stuff was, and still is, for special occasions only.
My family had plenty of money but fast food was still considered a special treat for me, too! It is expensive and bad for you. I used to love having a babysitter because I would always get KFC that night! LOL! I agree with everyone saying providing the awful foods that lead to childhood obesity is abuse. Ok, so perhaps there is an occassional medical reason....but come on, that is very, very rare for a young person!!!! I am not a perfect eater and I allow my kids to enjoy treats once in awhile, but there is NO excuse for an obese child! It is heartbreaking and 100% PREVENTABLE!0 -
i agree that their example is hurting their children, which is abuse. And to the person who said that the patently are struggling with their weight...they aren't struggling...they are choosing to be that way. If you are working to be healthy, but weight isn't coming off, that would be struggling. it takes work to struggle.0
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I am happy so many people have apparently never seen child abuse first hand. Looking at a bruised and battered child, and especially the fact that the child was injured by the people meant to protect and nurture them is heartbreaking.
Chubby kids isn't abuse. Maybe a 200 pound 2 year old counts, but your run of the mill fat kid is not a "victim" of "child abuse", and it's ignorant and insensitive to say so. Their parents are ignorant and not a great example of healthy eating, but definitely not abusers.0 -
You are so right, kids eat what they are provided. I try very carefully to teach my kids how to be healthy eaters and how to stay fit. I like that they see me work out and they know mommy goes on lots of walks (for now) and they know I run when I'm not pregnant. I think it's so important to lead by example!
I once got in an argument with my MIL about their eating habits; while me and my husband were on a cruise she gave them chopped veggies for a snack (yay!) and ranch to dip it in..ugh! They were 4 and 5 and had NEVER had ranch. Now of course, they ask for ranch all the time and get really upset at times if they get told no. Do I really believe they would have gone their whole lives never touching a bottle of ranch? No.. but did I feel like she "ruined" them with it a little bit? Yes! Kids are so impressionable, especially when it comes to eating! They want what tastes good! If you introduce them to such unhealthy things, especially for no reason at all (they never complained about plain veggies) then you're opening the door to more poor choices. She still thinks I'm crazy, but I think she's crazy too so it evens out :P She was never overweight until she was an adult so I don't think she understands where I'm coming from. I was a "fat kid" all my life and I refuse to let my children have to live through that too when I know at this point it's all in my control!
I guess daycare ruined my kids then. They get things provided to them there, which even though state guidelines are followed, are not the healthiest. When these same kids come home and refuse to eat what I provide them, still not the healthiest, but I'm trying to do better than fast food, am I to send them to bed without dinner? I find that to be child abuse. I have extremely stubborn children (16 months and 5 years) and both have gone until 8:30pm before refusing to eat what I have made for dinner. (No, I don't make them sit there and stare at it or anything, but my 16 month old will say no and throw it off her highchair and my 5 year would just go to bed hungry rather than eat something he doesn't want to). So, I give in sometimes...I try to offer healthier alternatives like peanut butter, yogurt, applesauce...but veggies are hard to work in ( I even hide baby food carrots in the spaghetti sauce just to try to work them in). My point is...being a parent is hard and getting your strong willed kids to eat "right" can be hard, so let's be a little less judgmental. Sorry...I realize this is *not* exactly what OP was talking about (seeing as how neither of my kids are overweight--both are below 50% in their age group--picky, picky kids), but I guess I took offense to the sweeping generalization that kids will eat whatever they are provided. Not always...not at my house anyway.0 -
I agree while allowing your children to become obese is negligent, it is not child abuse. Children do often copy their parents and that includes bad habits such as overeating, cursing, playing too many video games, and neglecting spiritual and intellectual growth. Each person finds their way as they grow up. and although it will be a more difficult path, obese children/ teenagers can make the correct choices as they get older. As a parent of 5 grown children and 7 grandchildren- I have learned to be much less judgmental. My goal is to lead by example; be a happy person others can relate to, and offer advice only when asked. Often unasked for advice crushes the spirit and makes situations worse.0
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I share you're frustration. I work for WIC, and for those of you who are not familiar with the program its a suplimental nutrition program for pregnant women and children up to the age of 5. Some days its like I'm talking to a wall when it comes to children and healthy eating. Moms would rather take them to McDonalds or heat up a frozen dinner then cook or provide a healthy meal. Its sad when a child has gained so much weight they can't play and run around. All we can do it set a good example for the people in our lives. And in my case try and educate the parents on the health risks associated with their child's eating paterns. As a parent you have a responcibility to your child to provide healthy foods and teach them how to be healthy. I wish more parents took that responcibility a little more seriously.
Ok rant over thanks for giving me the opportunitty to get that off my chest.
I can see why that would be frustrating, but I have had the opposite frustration. The people at WIC insisted that my 3yo was overweight and needed to be "on a diet," when really he was a perfectly normal, healthy, active child who was still had a little baby fat. Shortly after that he shot up in height and thinned out, and now he's a totally healthy, active, not even a little bit fat 10yo. I was very glad I didn't listen to their "advice" to deprive my son, when he clearly needed the energy to grow.
That said, I know that there are people who are pretty much abusing their kids with food. I have an aunt who used to feed her kids nothing but candy bars, all the time. That *is* abuse.0 -
Wow sarcasm and calling someone "lame" as a response...it's no surprise why your "friend" might not be open to your helpful suggestions.
I never said she was a friend0 -
You are so right, kids eat what they are provided. I try very carefully to teach my kids how to be healthy eaters and how to stay fit. I like that they see me work out and they know mommy goes on lots of walks (for now) and they know I run when I'm not pregnant. I think it's so important to lead by example!
I once got in an argument with my MIL about their eating habits; while me and my husband were on a cruise she gave them chopped veggies for a snack (yay!) and ranch to dip it in..ugh! They were 4 and 5 and had NEVER had ranch. Now of course, they ask for ranch all the time and get really upset at times if they get told no. Do I really believe they would have gone their whole lives never touching a bottle of ranch? No.. but did I feel like she "ruined" them with it a little bit? Yes! Kids are so impressionable, especially when it comes to eating! They want what tastes good! If you introduce them to such unhealthy things, especially for no reason at all (they never complained about plain veggies) then you're opening the door to more poor choices. She still thinks I'm crazy, but I think she's crazy too so it evens out :P She was never overweight until she was an adult so I don't think she understands where I'm coming from. I was a "fat kid" all my life and I refuse to let my children have to live through that too when I know at this point it's all in my control!
I guess daycare ruined my kids then. They get things provided to them there, which even though state guidelines are followed, are not the healthiest. When these same kids come home and refuse to eat what I provide them, still not the healthiest, but I'm trying to do better than fast food, am I to send them to bed without dinner? I find that to be child abuse. I have extremely stubborn children (16 months and 5 years) and both have gone until 8:30pm before refusing to eat what I have made for dinner. (No, I don't make them sit there and stare at it or anything, but my 16 month old will say no and throw it off her highchair and my 5 year would just go to bed hungry rather than eat something he doesn't want to). So, I give in sometimes...I try to offer healthier alternatives like peanut butter, yogurt, applesauce...but veggies are hard to work in ( I even hide baby food carrots in the spaghetti sauce just to try to work them in). My point is...being a parent is hard and getting your strong willed kids to eat "right" can be hard, so let's be a little less judgmental. Sorry...I realize this is *not* exactly what OP was talking about (seeing as how neither of my kids are overweight--both are below 50% in their age group--picky, picky kids), but I guess I took offense to the sweeping generalization that kids will eat whatever they are provided. Not always...not at my house anyway.
I realize what you are saying here and I feel like I have to defend my original post in a way. I didn't add as much detail as I should have. When I say there are no veggies or fruits offered I mean, nothing. It is boxed foods or fast foods and the portions are insane. I know getting kiddos to eat properly is impossible at times.0 -
I heard a pastor say once of judging overweight strangers that you "don't know if they are coming or going," meaning of course that that same person could have been much heavier previously and on their way down.
As far as changes that are helpful to children, I've completely quit caffeine, carbonation and beverages with any calories. So, my 3 year old son sees me drinking Propel Zero all of the time and now he asks for Propel Water instead of juice. I'm certain that this is a move in the right direction for us both. He also now asks for salad and blueberries as a result of seeing me eat healthier. It is critical to lead children by example with diets and healthy lifestyles. If they see us eat junk, then they will eat junk. If they see us smoke, then one day they will smoke, but that's another topic. :huh:0 -
Seriously? You must be on here for a reason. It's a weight loss site. You say that you are blessed because your children take after your husband and blessed that they didn't follow YOUR old eating habits, but now that you are on the health bandwagon it's ok to bash others who haven't "crossed over" into healthy eating yet? I'm glad you aren't my friend. Maybe you would serve a better purpose by just living your life, with your new healthy habits, NOT throwing it in their faces or judging them, but just letting them see how much more energy you have and the great shape you are in-be shining light to them instead of a glaring face looking down on them. You never know when you might inspire someone to make a change, but judging them isn't going to be the way to do it.
How is it that some of us can live unhealthy lifestyles but as soon as we change for a bit we become hypocrites who are so quick to judge others that are in the shoes we previously wore?
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to the person lame enough to post this to my situation....I am not a hypocrite. I admitted that I did have bad eating habits but I have offered several suggestions to her about her healthy eating, especially where her children are involved (they are not interested in sports or even walking for that matter). As I put in the original post which you must have so obliviously overlooked (shocker there) is that she is not open to suggestions AT ALL. I have not "crossed over" and still struggle too every day with eating choices, hence being on this site. My gripe is do what you want to your body but shame shame to those putting your children at risk. Thanks for your complete understanding of this painful situation.
Yeah, it sounds terribly painful for you to be on here talking all kinds of trash about them. So sorry for "not understanding your pain". I'm terribly sorry, but you sound extremely judgmental and rude. Don't you have better things to do with your time than sit around posting angry things on the internet about your friend/acquaintance/whatever? and then insulting people who call you on your hypocrisy? It's obvious you're just looking for people to post about how awful your "friends" are and support you in your trash talking. I'll bow out now, as i'm apparently not giving you the attention and ego brushing you are craving, posting about how great you are and how you are trying to help these awful, 'abusive' parents.0 -
You are so right, kids eat what they are provided. I try very carefully to teach my kids how to be healthy eaters and how to stay fit. I like that they see me work out and they know mommy goes on lots of walks (for now) and they know I run when I'm not pregnant. I think it's so important to lead by example!
I once got in an argument with my MIL about their eating habits; while me and my husband were on a cruise she gave them chopped veggies for a snack (yay!) and ranch to dip it in..ugh! They were 4 and 5 and had NEVER had ranch. Now of course, they ask for ranch all the time and get really upset at times if they get told no. Do I really believe they would have gone their whole lives never touching a bottle of ranch? No.. but did I feel like she "ruined" them with it a little bit? Yes! Kids are so impressionable, especially when it comes to eating! They want what tastes good! If you introduce them to such unhealthy things, especially for no reason at all (they never complained about plain veggies) then you're opening the door to more poor choices. She still thinks I'm crazy, but I think she's crazy too so it evens out :P She was never overweight until she was an adult so I don't think she understands where I'm coming from. I was a "fat kid" all my life and I refuse to let my children have to live through that too when I know at this point it's all in my control!
I guess daycare ruined my kids then. They get things provided to them there, which even though state guidelines are followed, are not the healthiest. When these same kids come home and refuse to eat what I provide them, still not the healthiest, but I'm trying to do better than fast food, am I to send them to bed without dinner? I find that to be child abuse. I have extremely stubborn children (16 months and 5 years) and both have gone until 8:30pm before refusing to eat what I have made for dinner. (No, I don't make them sit there and stare at it or anything, but my 16 month old will say no and throw it off her highchair and my 5 year would just go to bed hungry rather than eat something he doesn't want to). So, I give in sometimes...I try to offer healthier alternatives like peanut butter, yogurt, applesauce...but veggies are hard to work in ( I even hide baby food carrots in the spaghetti sauce just to try to work them in). My point is...being a parent is hard and getting your strong willed kids to eat "right" can be hard, so let's be a little less judgmental. Sorry...I realize this is *not* exactly what OP was talking about (seeing as how neither of my kids are overweight--both are below 50% in their age group--picky, picky kids), but I guess I took offense to the sweeping generalization that kids will eat whatever they are provided. Not always...not at my house anyway.
Of course kids will be stubborn, my kids are stubborn about certain foods, too. I have to finely chop some veggies and sneak them into foods, others they eat openly and willingly. My point is if you provide kids with junk food and then try to give them healthy food, most kids are going to pick the junk. They're kids, they want what taste good and I don't blame them. Parents who only provide crap food should be ashamed of themselves. If you're at least trying to offer them healthy (healthier than fast food counts at this point) meals, then good on you!0 -
I personally think it's a form of child abuse.
What about skinny kids who eat like crap, are their parents to be punished too? Who decides just how much McDonald's a kid can get before it's abuse, and who's gonna track/enforce it? What about a fat kid who eats too many veggies, is that abuse too?
Such a good point it should be repeated.0 -
Man I was fat as a kid and if I had heard any adults say my mom was abusive because of that I would have turned feral on them.0
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my family eats out a lot due to tons of drs appt and sports event but when we stop at mcdonals i get the kids chicken nuggest and i normal either get a baccon ranch salad with grilled chicken or a mcchicken sandwich and we share a lg fry. my only down fall is my drink and thats because its a shake. soda gives me migrains and all water has a metalic taste to me so a lot of my drinks are dairy or juice. i think obesed is a form of child abuse if the parents are truly lazy and the kids dont know any better. i say that cause i have a friend who big and her daughter is big and both of them are exstreamly active. her daughter was tested for giantism cause shes only 9 and weight 150lbs and has a healthy life style. the dr says its her metabolism and hopefully it will kick into high gear when she hits puberty.0
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My kids love fruits and veggies and I always makes sure they eat a well balanced meal. In my family and in my husband, everyone is overweight/obese. My kids are toothpicks as they like to call them. They are always complaining how healthy my kids are and how they need to learn to live a little. My son gets away with murder in his grandmas house and never eats anything healthy. I hate it because here we limit sweets and candy to once a day. My mother in law thinks I over react and they should get more because they are so skinny. Um, no. They are healthy and sweets just causes obesity problems. Yes, we have treats here for special occasions but I limit them. oh, I also had a grocery bag of halloween candy full that I cleaned out of the candy jar. My mother in law was here and she was like why didnt you give it to them? Really? I rolled my eyes!0
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Maybe your coworker is in denial? How many people before they came here were??? I thought "I am not eating THAT bad, For the longest time I wouldn't even TRY anything that was different. My daughter (4) loves lima beans and brussel sprouts. I had to eat them and say that I liked them so that she would eat them. Now its a game for her and as I am trying to get more healthy she says that I am trying to be healthy like her and she is right.
Maybe your coworker just isn't ready to take advice and is defensive because some where in her head she knows that you are right.0 -
Actually children do not always eat what is provided to them. I fed my vegetables and other healthy foods to the dog, flushed them down the toilet, or did whatever else I could to avoid eating them. I was hungry most of the time, and skinny as a rail, but nothing my mom did could make me eat healthy. Fruits and vegetables, especially raw, to this day hurt my stomach, and I wonder if that was part of the reason I wouldn't eat them.
I ate junkfood whenever I could get it (not often, my mother rarely bought it). I ate raw sugar from the cabinets, doubled up on my lunch at school (burgers and chocolate milk), and developed an obsession with all the foods I couldn't have. As soon as I could have those foods (when I got my first job), I ate them constantly, and of course I got fat.
I'm not saying parents shouldn't try to modify what their children eat, and stuffing them with garbage foods is horrible, but I am saying if you have a picky eater in the house, try to find healthy foods the kid likes, don't just put food in front of her and tell her to eat it or sit there all day (which really means until she figures out how to dispose of it).
My son is an extremely healthy eater. He almost never eats anything unhealthy. Turns his nose up at burgers and chooses chicken instead, and given the chance will pick seafood over anything. He rarely eats sweets of any kind, and loves juice and fruits and vegetables. His sole weakness is rootbeer, and he doesn't even drink that every day.
And it might partly be because he got something I never did growing up. A choice of foods instead of an ultimatum.0 -
Listen - your heart is in the right place, but you can't help everyone. You can try, but beyond a certain point, I think you're right, you need to let it go. You tried - just be content with that.0
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I have a friend who is just like this! She says she is trying to eat healthier but constantly gets fast food burgers and vending machine food. She also SWEARS on diet pills. Whenever I bring my lunch to work, she turns up her nose at my healthy foods and says they are disgusting. Oh well not much you can do when someone doesn't want to change for themselves. I just wish she wasn't so rude to me about my eating habits.
We have to start somewhere. Maybe these small changes can lead to something else. Most of us lose weight when we don't cut cold turkey, but over time.
If it was anyone else, I would probably agree with you and give her the benefit of the doubt. However, I happen to work with this woman every day and she just has not the slightest idea of how to eat healthy. I try all the time to politely sneak little tips in or help her switch one thing out for something else that's healthier and she just talks about how gross all of the healthy food is, and gets really rude about it. She also snubs me for eating healthy. Only so much I can do!0 -
We have to start somewhere. Maybe these small changes can lead to something else. Most of us lose weight when we don't cut cold turkey, but over time.
If it was anyone else, I would probably agree with you and give her the benefit of the doubt. However, I happen to work with this woman every day and she just has not the slightest idea of how to eat healthy. I try all the time to politely sneak little tips in or help her switch one thing out for something else that's healthier and she just talks about how gross all of the healthy food is, and gets really rude about it. She also snubs me for eating healthy. Only so much I can do!
Does she ask you for advice?
If she is feeding her kids a pile of crap everyday, do you think that's abuse?? If you do, if you knew a kid was being abused, would you wait for the abuser to ask for advice? Or would you offer it anyway?
I don't know the whole story and there are always 2 sides to every story, but from what I have read I would do just what the op does, gently offer advice and politely offer tips about eating healthy.
The lady probably retaliates by acting rude because she has low self esteem which is adversely affected by her weight, and most likely, her kids weight; so it's one big circle until she(the obese woman/mom) fixes it.
But yeah: would you wait until an abuser asked you for advice on how to stop abusing? or would you try to help regardless?0 -
If she is feeding her kids a pile of crap everyday, do you think that's abuse?? If you do, if you knew a kid was being abused, would you wait for the abuser to ask for advice? Or would you offer it anyway?
I don't know the whole story and there are always 2 sides to every story, but from what I have read I would do just what the op does, gently offer advice and politely offer tips about eating healthy.
The lady probably retaliates by acting rude because she has low self esteem which is adversely affected by her weight, and most likely, her kids weight; so it's one big circle until she(the obese woman/mom) fixes it.
But yeah: would you wait until an abuser asked you for advice on how to stop abusing? or would you try to help regardless?
Oh she's older (57 I think) and her kids are all grown up and have kids of their own, I'm not sure what their eating habits are. I realize my story is a lot different than the OP but I mostly posted my story to let her know she's not alone. My story just sticks out in my mind because her reasoning seemed so off the wall to me. She's just kind of an odd individual, but we all have our quirks. I am not an aggressive person by nature and I would never force my opinions about food and health on someone else. But when the opportunity presents itself I will throw in my opinion or suggestions to add to the conversation, then she'll talk about how gross my "healthy" food is, or how ridiculous and crazy it is how much I exercise.
I see both sides of the child abuse argument and honestly I am on the fence. I think childhood obesity is a major problem in the USA but I don't know if I'd go as far as throwing people in jail and labeling them abusers just because of ignorance, and that's alot of the problem, ignorance. For example, I used to spend every day with my Grandma when my Mom was working when I was younger. She used to feed me all kinds of unhealthy food, fast food, ice cream for snacks, etc. But that is truthfully just her way of showing love, she honestly thinks that by giving her children and grandchildren lots of food, it makes them happy, and shows them that she loves them. She also has yo-yo/fad dieted her whole life and is still confused about what's really a balanced diet.. She was NOT abusing me by feeding me too many fattening snacks, but I was pretty chunky when I was younger, and that might have something to do with it.
But... nevertheless, I don't want to start arguing about the abuse thing!!0 -
Her kids don't play soccer, softball, or anything? Strange. My kids love those things and they take tennis and swimming in the summer. My kids spend most days at the swim pool.
I didn't do any of these things, except sometimes go to the pool. But I was a painfully shy kid, didn't have friends, and besides, we were quite poor and my mom couldn't afford to be shoving me into things I didn't want to do anyway. Of course, parents can walk/run/bike with their kids for free. Anyway, not everyone can afford team sports or going to the Y or a gym.0
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