How can someone help a Binge Eater?

Mercenary1914

How can someone..(family member, friend, husband/wife, girlfriend/boyfriend help and/or support someone who is a binge eater....Seems like everytime I log on to MFP...I see a blog about Binge eating or over eating..and of coursre supporting ex-Binge Eaters or current binge eaters supporting each other....But how does someone who isn't a binge eater or truly understand it support someone they love...Is there a way to "HELP" stop somone from binge eating or help get their mind off it? I am sure there are plenty of websites out there that will say seek medical advice and what have you...

What can a spouse, family member, or friend do?

I hope to hear from binge eaters or those that have helped a binge eater:

leslisa

Depends. Do they want help? That's the first question. (Not a binge eater, but a former bulimic, binging then purging).

LinzCurlyQ

Yeah. You can't help unless they want help. If not they'll binge when you aren't looking.

ChristinaOlliver

One of my biggest problems is that my partner doesn't have to watch what he eats as he is naturally stick thin. Sometimes he'll decide he wants a pig out session so he'll buy a ridiculous amount of chocolates/sweets/crisps etc and share them with me. It's so hard for me to resist and I end up eating more than he does! It would be a big help to me if he didn't do this around me.

jenniferpowell1980

I eat healthily all day, walk 9 miles commuting to and from work, then have loads of calories left, feel starving so eat loads of crap. My new tactic, instead of bingeing on cheesy chips and chocolate, im going to binge on fruit and see how that goes! Tried the not bingeing thing but then i cant sleep and just cant think about anything else apart from food of the crap variety.

Mercenary1914

Depends. Do they want help? That's the first question. (Not a binge eater, but a former bulimic, binging then purging).

How did you get out that? Was there somone who helped if so how?

Mercenary1914

Yeah. You can't help unless they want help. If not they'll binge when you aren't looking.

Yea...I have heard about this.

Mercenary1914

One of my biggest problems is that my partner doesn't have to watch what he eats as he is naturally stick thin. Sometimes he'll decide he wants a pig out session so he'll buy a ridiculous amount of chocolates/sweets/crisps etc and share them with me. It's so hard for me to resist and I end up eating more than he does! It would be a big help to me if he didn't do this around me.

I was thinking that the way I eat could possible influence others to eat badly...because I eat a lot...but I really get at in the gym and burn it off

Sheila_Ann

besides wanting help they first have to acknowledge they need help. That is the hardest part. When someone doesn't think they have a problem.

Great question Mercenary and hard to answer. I hope you find the knowledge you seek!

Sheila

TheChocolatePrincess

First, they have to want help, like everyone says. Second, they have to be willing to admit to themselves what the root of the binge is. Most bingers binge because of stress. But it is important to pin point the cause of that stress and address it and come up with better ways of dealing with it.

I.e. does the person binge because of a bad relationship? Can they just leave the relationship or is it something that they really don't have a choice about? Can they repair that relationship or can they find a better outlet (i.e. excercise, reading, cleaning, meditation).

Binging is an expression of emotion in an effort to fill a void or dull pain or distraction. It isn't something that a friend can just help another friend quit. There are support groups like overeaters anonymous. The person may just want to seek the assistance of a life coach or psychologist.

I know that I used to binge on chinese food (I know...Crazy). Whevever I would feel stressed or lonely or bored, out comes the chinese menu. It was quick, cheap, hot, lots of variety, and usually I didn't have to make any extra effort to get my hands on it (the beauty of credit cards and delivery).

Anywho, I realized that it was also greasy, full of sodium and sugar, and fattening. And one day, I had a really really really bad day, and i was talking to my mom, and I was telling her about my day, and then we moved to the topic of dinner, and I said I would probably order chinese, and she was like "why do you eat that stuff when you are stressed. That is so unhealthy"

And I stopped...But 9 years and 78lbs later now I am trying to counteract the effects of chinese binges and alcohol binges, and birth control and a sedentary lifestyle...So, I guess its all to say, i agree with everyone else. The person has to first, want to stop.

NinjaChickie

Depends. Do they want help?

I've got a friend who over eats, with occasional binges on chips. very large portions, yet believes they're doing great. When we get onto the topic of food & weight loss, I try to talk about portion control, reading labels properly, that type of thing. I can see that mentally shes not ready to commit to changing her lifestyle, and I don't think there is anything I can do about that.

There's only so much you can do until they admit they need/want help. Until then, you can continue to just be there for them so when they do realize they're ready, they also know you're there. :ohwell:

seebeachrun

I didn't even realize I had an eating disorder until my stepdad said something to my mom and she said something to me about it. You have to go about the right way because it can easily be interpreted as criticism which is likely to make the problem worse.

Personally, I liked that my mom took me aside and privately asked if there was something going on. She told me she loved me and she understood because she had previously had an eating disorder herself. We talked for a little while and then she left me alone about it; never said another word until years later after I no longer had the eating disorder. I came around on my own after a few weeks and haven't had a problem since.

Most people who have eating disorders have distorted body images and/or they use binging/starving as a method of control due to stress. The longer they suffer from it, the more difficult it is to get help.

Both of the following sites have assistance for family/friends of people with eating disorders:
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eating_disorder_self_help.htm

lesanncan

One of my biggest problems is that my partner doesn't have to watch what he eats as he is naturally stick thin. Sometimes he'll decide he wants a pig out session so he'll buy a ridiculous amount of chocolates/sweets/crisps etc and share them with me. It's so hard for me to resist and I end up eating more than he does! It would be a big help to me if he didn't do this around me.

I was thinking that the way I eat could possible influence others to eat badly...because I eat a lot...but I really get at in the gym and burn it off

it might be possible... if i've been eating lettuce and yogurt all day and i come home and your pigging out on doritos, tacos and candy, it is VERY hard for me to say no. After a work out I feel SSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOO hungry I want to eat whatever is in site my BF and son eat chips, goldfish, gummies, ice cream etc. It is so hard to see all of that and walk away. when i look in the pantry all my healthy choices seem invisible. And who can eat just ONE chip????? NOT ME!
If you know someone is struggling with it dont sit in their face while they say they are hungry and open the new gallon of icecream. BUT at the same time that you are trying to keep their feelings in mind, they should do the same and try to understand that you need to eat differently. And if I wasnt aware of what i was eating I could eat the whole bag of chips, but b/c i am trying to get healthier I opt for 1 portion size.
Like they say "You can lead a horse to water, but you cant make him drink"

leslisa

Depends. Do they want help? That's the first question. (Not a binge eater, but a former bulimic, binging then purging).

How did you get out that? Was there someone who helped if so how?

I stopped binging when a friend jumped over a girl's bathroom stall door and said she'd kick my *kitten* if I did it again and she loved me and what was wrong with me. Then she stuck with me like glue for months (really she slept at my house, I slept at hers, we even worked together). Unfortunately, after I stopped eating I went the other way and fell much deeper into anorexia and didn't get help for that until after my 2nd child.

It's sad but binge eating is an eating disorder. To effectively fight it the person has to want to fight it. In my case I had to accept that I'd had a screwed up childhood and used eating to control what was out of control in my life. Recovery wasn't something I wanted to do and something I had no intention of doing until I realized I could die and the same people who had screwed up my childhood would be the ones raising my kids if I died.

As to how to find out if the person wants help, you know the person better than I. If if was me you could ask truthfully. Just explain how much you care and that you want to live a long time with that person in your life and ask if there is anything you can do. And then I probably would have told you to f off but still have been your friend.

nightsrainfall

You can be supportive, by maybe going for healthier choices, gearing things so they won't have temptation - however the actual change has to be from them. People have been supportive for me in my own choices to try to be healthy, but if I weren't the one trying to change or trying to be healthy, then it's not like they would have been able to force me.

leslisa

You can be supportive, by maybe going for healthier choices, gearing things so they won't have temptation - however the actual change has to be from them. People have been supportive for me in my own choices to try to be healthy, but if I weren't the one trying to change or trying to be healthy, then it's not like they would have been able to force me.

So true. My hubby thinks healthy is drinking only 1 2-liter of Mountain Dew a day.

cabaray

Binge eating is often very similar to binge drinking and drug use. In my experience, there is almost always an underlying cause. Before marriage and kids, I used drugs and alcohol to "deal" with my issues. Once I started a family, that had to stop and I replaced drugs and alcohol with food...I gained 100 pounds! For me, dealing with the food binging has been so much more difficult than dealing with drugs and alcohol. You can avoid those, but you still have to eat, so you have to learn to do it properly and for the right reasons. This person may not even realize they are binging. You could start by easing into a conversation about it. If they get defensive, then they probably already know they have a problem and aren't ready to deal with it. In that case, there is nothing you can do...they have to want to fix the problem first!

LinzCurlyQ

One of my biggest problems is that my partner doesn't have to watch what he eats as he is naturally stick thin. Sometimes he'll decide he wants a pig out session so he'll buy a ridiculous amount of chocolates/sweets/crisps etc and share them with me. It's so hard for me to resist and I end up eating more than he does! It would be a big help to me if he didn't do this around me.

I was thinking that the way I eat could possible influence others to eat badly...because I eat a lot...but I really get at in the gym and burn it off

it might be possible... if i've been eating lettuce and yogurt all day and i come home and your pigging out on doritos, tacos and candy, it is VERY hard for me to say no. After a work out I feel SSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOO hungry I want to eat whatever is in site my BF and son eat chips, goldfish, gummies, ice cream etc. It is so hard to see all of that and walk away. when i look in the pantry all my healthy choices seem invisible. And who can eat just ONE chip????? NOT ME!
If you know someone is struggling with it dont sit in their face while they say they are hungry and open the new gallon of icecream. BUT at the same time that you are trying to keep their feelings in mind, they should do the same and try to understand that you need to eat differently. And if I wasnt aware of what i was eating I could eat the whole bag of chips, but b/c i am trying to get healthier I opt for 1 portion size.
Like they say "You can lead a horse to water, but you cant make him drink"

The hungry feeling is a big deal. I know when I let myself get too hungry I will binge and eat everything in sight. If they are wanting to do something about it educate them with things like eating more protein and not letting themselves get hungry. Things with high fiber too, but more protein is a good way to control hunger.

maraq

Usually binge-eating is related to the avoidance or the stuffing down of feelings that the binge-er doesn't want to deal with. they could be sad, depressed, bored, anxious, frustrated. They might not even be aware of what that feeling is.

The best way (in my experience) to lessen the bingeing is to confront those feelings and try to understand them when the urge to binge is there. The binge-er could write down their feelings, talk to a friend, see a counselor etc. If you can try to understand what you are feeling, you can deal with it, rather than reaching for food.

It sounds incredibly simple but it is actually really hard to do because someone who has been binge-ing for a long time doesn't want to deal with their feelings and often don't even know how. Maybe you can help someone who is a binge-er by asking them what's going on? how things are going? If there is something they want to talk about?

But like, everyone else here says, you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. It's nice of you for wanting to help though!

Yetibite

I am a binge eater! There I said it. I hate that it is true but it is. It is mainly emotional. I can eat amounts that make my husband sick just to think about. For me food = comfort, food = love, food is a temporary solution. When I binge I think of and feel nothing but food. It is a symptom of bigger emotional problems. I am just now starting to deal with those myself.

tinabell153

My boyfriend seems to eat constantly. I am not a binge eater, but I believe he is. I just tell him to slow down when he eats and ask him to think about what he's putting into his body. This made him not eat fast food burgers but he gets chicken instead. It's not great but it's a step!

Teach them what they are doing to their bodies and how it can be harmful to their health. Tell them you want them in your life for a long time and eating so unhealthfully can cause many medical problems including diabetes, heart attack, stoke, blood clots, etc. Don't scare them, just tell them you care and want them to be healthy and maybe find happiness in something other than food.