Some people are so rude!

toots99

I was at work tonight and two male coworkers and I were joking around. As I walked away, I heard one of them say my name. When I stopped and asked what he said, he repeated what I guess was supposed to be a funny comment about the size of my *kitten*, but was just really hurtful. I was like "That's really rude!" and had to walk away. When I gained my composure, I went up to him and said "You know, I'm not easily offended, but that was so rude and unnecessary." When he apologized I told him "There are just some things just don't say to a girl, and that's the worst. It's not okay."

I'm so not easily offended, I can dish it as well as I can take it...but I'd never dish it about something i know is mean and hurtful. I don't know how people think it's okay to make fat jokes. Would they ever walk up to a person in a wheelchair and laugh that they can't walk? It's the same thing.

What a jerk.

soxygirl

It's so great that you gained your composure and then confronted him. Not that ignorance is ever an excuse, but some guys just don't get the difference between humor and being hurtful . . . hopefully you taught him to be more careful with his words. We can say "sticks and stones . . . " all we want, but there are some words that really do hurt.

Bravo for handling it with class and strength.

toots99

Well, I had to leave to go cry. :laugh: And if I hadn't walked away first, I would have punched him in the mouth and been a crying fool. :laugh:

But I thought to myself "There's no way I can let this go and let him think that's okay to say to someone."

JDHINAZ

Good for you! I probably would have just not said anything, and then been hurt and angry for days! I wish that would never have happened to you! But kudos on handling it well (although secretly I was hoping the story ended with your foot in his *kitten*)

Perhaps I need to work on my forgivness skills...
....anyway Toots, have a great night. We're here for you!

WillyG

Good for you for standing up for yourself and saying something. This type of behaviour is not ok, it is actually harassment.

skywalker

I can also dish it out as well as take it, but I never make fun of people for any physical quality. Having struggled with weight for most of my life, I know how hurtful that is :frown:

funnychick65

Good for you that you stood up for yourself! You are exactly right about the correlation between being heavy or genetically predisposed to a certain body shape.

I CONGRATULATE YOU FOR YOUR COURAGE! Should this ever happen to me, I hope that I can not only exmplify your professionalism but also your ability to tackle an issue face to face.

Good luck in your fitness journey!

toots99

Thanks for the back up!

I can also dish it out as well as take it, but I never make fun of people for any physical quality. Having struggled with weight for most of my life, I know how hurtful that is

I am the same way...I'd never make fun of someone about their weight or the size of their nose or big ears or something...that's being intentionally hurtful. I'll be the first one to laugh at myself, but I DON'T EVEN MAKE JOKES ABOUT MY WEIGHT, so if I don't then no one else can! I don't even like it when people make jokes about other people's weight. My brother is a big guy, and his family constantly makes fun of him, and it pisses me off like crazy. He laughs it off, but I wonder if it secretly bothers him.

ozarkcontessa

When I gained my composure, I went up to him and said "You know, I'm not easily offended, but that was so rude and unnecessary." When he apologized I told him "There are just some things just don't say to a girl, and that's the worst. It's not okay."

I'm so not easily offended, I can dish it as well as I can take it...but I'd never dish it about something i know is mean and hurtful. I don't know how people think it's okay to make fat jokes. Would they ever walk up to a person in a wheelchair and laugh that they can't walk? It's the same thing.

What a jerk.

First of all kuddos for handling the situation so well...I have to tell you, as an HR person for years... this co-worker crossed the line and you would have every right to file a complaint...
on the other hand, I think what you did was Awesome, I would hope I would have your courage.

BrendaLee

Good for you for setting him straight!

isandi

I think it is wonderful that you were able to go back and confront him. I don't think I would have been so brave! The great thing about this is that this gives you 1 notch in your belt, so to speak! You can do anything and you are going to march yourself to success! We will try to march right on behind you, cheering you on!!:flowerforyou:

XFitMojoMom

Awful, uncalled for.
..my standard line is "I may be fat, but you're ugly and I can lose weight. You're stuck looking like a donkeys a**!"

TaeKonDomama

In my experience when men make comments like that they are really unhappy about their own size. Many men want the Swartenager(sp?) type mucles and when they do not have that they take some thing or another to pick on about someone else. Some truely do not know that their actions could actually cause suicidal thought in some people. Of corse there are those bullys who not only do not care they acually revel in causing pain to others. Thankfully those are in the minority. Most just never thought how much they are hurting others by remarks. My brother was one of those. We had a terrible relationship growing up where he constantly teased me for my size. One particular memory was of me getting on the scale not knowing he was hiding behind the door."No get off, too fat!" came from off to the side. I was 6 I think. Anyway after growing up and still bing distant even living in the same town it took him going to prison to get us communicating. Our Mom had died a few years before. And the other family pretty much quit contacting him. But I am deaf so I cannot talk to people. But I can write and after he went in I started writing to him. I mostly am a boring writer but he is a captive adience and even boring stuff gives them something to look forward to. ANyway, after a couple of years writing back and forth he had noticed that a lot of my memorys were of being hurt by some comment or action he did to me as kids. He actually apologised after he realized that these things he said as jokes when we were young had far reaching effects that were very damaging to me. It wasn't that he set out to hurt me so badly that it haunts me even 30 years later. He thought it was just joking around. Maybe if I had the guts to stand up back then and let him know that those remarks made me wish I was dead. Even contimplate how to do it. Maybe he would have layed off of them. He just had not realized that it was possible to break someones spirit with words. We now have the best relationship we have ever had. He is one of my biggest supporters on my weight loss journey. He told me at my last visit he can see a major diffrence in the way I carry myself now. So sometimes it takes speaking up when we encounter remarks that are hurtful. I applaude the bravery of the first poster.

femmerides

Awful, uncalled for.
..my standard line is "I may be fat, but you're ugly and I can lose weight. You're stuck looking like a donkeys a**!"

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

PinkShoes

I'm sorry that happened to you...but good for you for standing up for yourself!!!
Fat jokes are one of the few forms of ridicule that are still somewhat acceptable and I think that is rediculous. I've struggled with weight for several years and even though I've never blatently (sp?) been made fun of, kids would make little comments when I was younger that were apparently supposed to be funny. When someone is dealing with all of the issues of being overweight, the last thing they need is someone making fun of them.
So proud that you stood up to that guy!!! :happy:


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PinkShoes

Awful, uncalled for.
..my standard line is "I may be fat, but you're ugly and I can lose weight. You're stuck looking like a donkeys a**!"

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

I second that :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:


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toots99

Speaking of kids making fun, there was a girl in our class when I was little who was chubby. The kids all teased her and one day, I said something mean too, teasing her because all of the other kids were. I never forgot it, to this day I can picture exactly where we were and what we were doing. I've felt awful about it ever since because that's so not who I am, I don't do that. I've wanted to apologize ever since. Fast forward to 22 years later and we find each other on Facebook. We get to talking and the topic of mean kids in our grade school came up, and I am tempted to apologize, but I didn't want to bring up bad memories. I did anyway, explaining myself as I just did here. Turns out that she doesn't even remember! But she appreciated the apology anyway. She might not have remembered, but I never forgot.

I always felt bad because any remark that was ever made to me always cut so deep and it was impossible to forget.

FantasticVoyage

My 4 yr old tells me what a big butt I have and I even feel bad when I hear that! So to have an adult on the same level as a 4 yr old is pretty bad.:mad:

I'm glad you put him in his place though!

XFitMojoMom

My 4 yr old tells me what a big butt I have and I even feel bad when I hear that! So to have an adult on the same level as a 4 yr old is pretty bad.:mad:

I'm glad you put him in his place though!

My 3 year old just started noticing the differences in us too. She said Mommy you got a big bum! And the other day she asked me why I had such a big belly. At first I was upset about it and told her it was not "nice" to say that. But I sat her down and took her hand in mine and showed her that my hand was bigger than hers, then I did the same with feet, legs, arms... that way she could understand big/small, and that some people are different than others. She understood and said she was sorry.
I think it's totally innocent and s/he's just noticing the differences now.

FantasticVoyage

[/quote]My 3 year old just started noticing the differences in us too. She said Mommy you got a big bum! And the other day she asked me why I had such a big belly. At first I was upset about it and told her it was not "nice" to say that. But I sat her down and took her hand in mine and showed her that my hand was bigger than hers, then I did the same with feet, legs, arms... that way she could understand big/small, and that some people are different than others. She understood and said she was sorry.
I think it's totally innocent and s/he's just noticing the differences now.
[/quote]

I agree. I didn't feel bad once I knew that he just didn't understand.

toots99

Well, the conclusion to this is that I got to work tonight and he took me aside and gave me a sincere apology saying he's sorry he was so "rude and insensitive". Out of habit I started to say "Oh it's okay." Then I stopped myself and said "No, it's not okay but thank you for the apology."

Hopefully he's learned to think twice before he opens his mouth.