Feel like a bad mom

XstitchCarina

I just refound this place and am getting quite good in logging in what I eat and the exercise I do, because I have overweight. So does my husband, but he isn't too worried about it right now.

I have 3 kids. Of which 2 aren't even close to overweight, they do a few hours sports in a week, and the youngest plays outside quite a lot. Now my middle one, a boy, he has always been more of an inside child, not liking sports too much, and likes playing with his DS or on the Wii, or watch TV.

I do limit these things usually, try to monitor it a bit. But anyways, this son is overweight, it is slightly now still, but he is. A few months ago, we found out he had been sneeking food out of our cupboards, or if I had stuff in my bedroom, which of course I shouldn't have and I won't be doing anymore. So we punished him and told him not to do it, etc.

Anyways, found last night he had been sneeking food again, so asked him why and he couldn't tell me. The kids get snacks, so it can't be that he is hungry. I can't completely ban candy/crisps out the house, but how can I stop him? I feel I am the guilty one, because I and my husband get things in the house.

I am thinking I should make him a private account here, just so I can fill it in and see what he eats through the day. Anyone think that that is a good idea?

And if anyone has some advice, that would be great.

gem057

it might be worth having him checked by a doctor to rule out any medical reasons, Some kids are definately more prone to weight gain than others though. You could also try getting him to exercise more with you so you are giving a positive message about the feel good side to exercising. I am lucky as I am the only overweight one in my family both my kids are bordering on the thin side.

XstitchCarina

it might be worth having him checked by a doctor to rule out any medical reasons, Some kids are definately more prone to weight gain than others though. You could also try getting him to exercise more with you so you are giving a positive message about the feel good side to exercising. I am lucky as I am the only overweight one in my family both my kids are bordering on the thin side.

That could be an idea, taking him to our doctor. I am going to make his own log here though, so I can track what he is getting in him. I will be going to the gym in a bit, and I will tell him, he is going to do Wii Fit Plus for a while, that is at least a start.

bekahl

I'd definately get him checked out by the Doctor first just to rule out any medical reasons that may make him feel more hungry.
If it was me, I would definately ban candy/crisp and any other junk food snack from the house. And I'd get loads of fruit and healthy cereal bars etc in the house. That way if he feels he needs to snack more then at least he'll be eating healthily. I agree about getting him to exercise with you but make it fun or else he'll never do it. An activity where he doesn't even realise that he's exercising as he's having soo much fun.

taunto

Sounds like his taste buds are craving the junk foods. I used to eat sugar (just plain old sugar) out of the kitchen cabinet because I wanted something sweet badly.

Get him into a sport. Depending on how old he is, you gotta have some tough love and get him used to activity. I was THAT kid and I wouldn't have been this way had I started sports early on. Not my parents (or in this case, yours) fault, they just didnt think it would become this kind of problem.

Try getting him into something that he enjoys. If he enjoys contact sports (boxing, martial arts etc) get him into a class or something. TAKE HIM THERE AND STAY WITH HIM! Encourage him. Let him socialize with other kids or if he's a loner then show that you're proud of him. If he likes other sports like soccer or baseball or w/e get him into that at school or something. Sports will help him tremendously and he will try to get into a better shape and start eating better once he starts liking the sport


PS. I'm all for having the kid checked out but...don't put him on any medication. Try and fix it without medications first

Liz75

Although logging food and exercise might work for an adult it may put pressure on a younger person. It might make the situation spiral -pressure, guilt and also single him out from his siblings.
I would keep an eye on him, stop buying junk. There might also be another reason why he's sneaking and eating -an issue or problem he can't cope with and so is eating for comfort.
Lots of positive comments, encouragement, family walks/ bike rides..?
Make sure there is healthy food in the house for all your family. You will all benefit, even the 'normal' weight children need to adopt a healthy diet regardless of their exercising... I buy crisps/ chocolate only occasionally rather than automatically.
And of course, trip to Doctors to check your boy out..

samandlucysmum

I'd definately get him checked out by the Doctor first just to rule out any medical reasons that may make him feel more hungry.
If it was me, I would definately ban candy/crisp and any other junk food snack from the house. And I'd get loads of fruit and healthy cereal bars etc in the house. That way if he feels he needs to snack more then at least he'll be eating healthily. I agree about getting him to exercise with you but make it fun or else he'll never do it. An activity where he doesn't even realise that he's exercising as he's having soo much fun.

I have 6 kids, of which 2 of them sneak food out of the cupboard, they are 12 and 14!! They aren't really hungry when they take the food, they just want more of the nice food than I give them, I used to do it when I was a child too, it's just something kids go thru, I agree with this poster, keep more healthy snacks in the house, and something we thought about doing was locking one of the cupboards with the unhealthy snacks in!!

Anyway, don't worry, show him by example, kids copy everything we do, so give him something good to copy.

XstitchCarina

Thanks a lot everyone. I tried to make him an account, but can't, because he isn't 18 yet. So will see if there is anything on Dutch Website that i can use instead. I forgot to tell, he does 1 hour a week sports. It is like gymnastics, but not like the competition like gymnastics. He does enjoy that and he has 2 times PE at school.

But I told him that I am going to log what he eats in a day and drinks, and he said that he would do the Wii Fit Plus, when I go in a bit.

And I will make an appointment for to go to our family doctor next week. See what he says or she.

EuroReady

I'm not a mom so please don't take this wrong: I think logging what he eats for you to observe is great, so is getting him more active. But please be delicate about his weight. Having been an overweight kid, I know how easily a parent's concern, to a kid, can seem like they are criticizing. I am not saying you are criticizing, merely that kids can take things and warp them to hurt their confidence. Making him TOO aware of his situation might hurt his esteem, especially if he feels he has to sneak food to begin with and has 'normal' siblings . Maybe instead of telling him to do the wii exercise, ask him to join you whileyou do it. And maybe provide healthier snacks so he won't the need to sneak them. For example, air popped popcorn is filling and fun while l pretty good in calories. But again, i'm not a mom, so I may be misstepping.

swisspea

I second this. But then again, I am also not a mom (though my 1 year as a live-in nanny to 3 kids under 6 sure made me feel like I was one!), so you can decide how much my 2 cents is worth.

I'm not a mom so please don't take this wrong: I think logging what he eats for you to observe is great, so is getting him more active. But please be delicate about his weight. Having been an overweight kid, I know how easily a parent's concern, to a kid, can seem like they are criticizing. I am not saying you are criticizing, merely that kids can take things and warp them to hurt their confidence. Making him TOO aware of his situation might hurt his esteem, especially if he feels he has to sneak food to begin with and has 'normal' siblings . Maybe instead of telling him to do the wii exercise, ask him to join you whileyou do it. And maybe provide healthier snacks so he won't the need to sneak them. For example, air popped popcorn is filling and fun while l pretty good in calories. But again, i'm not a mom, so I may be misstepping.

Just as an edit, I wish my mom had payed attention to what I was eating as an overweight kid, my sister was slim, and I was overweight (neither of us were sporty, but we did go to swimming and gymnastics classes). She has horrible self-esteem and weight issues herself, and was too absorbed in her own unhappiness to worry about my habits. I'm happy to hear a mom that does care. You are not a bad mom, please don't feel that way.

gem057

good advice, I wondered if he was already feeling a bit different with the siblings being thinner and could be why he is sneaking food. If the whole family do a healthy eating plan then he won't feel he is being singled out. Another idea would be to log everyones food for a week or two.

Werglum

In terms of the candy and crisps (or lollies and chips as we call them here) we never had them in the house as a child except for birthday parties. We would get lolly day once a week (on shopping day) and would have a chocolate bar or something. We all looked forward to it and I think enjoyed it more!

Elf_Princess1210

I just refound this place and am getting quite good in logging in what I eat and the exercise I do, because I have overweight. So does my husband, but he isn't too worried about it right now.

I have 3 kids. Of which 2 aren't even close to overweight, they do a few hours sports in a week, and the youngest plays outside quite a lot. Now my middle one, a boy, he has always been more of an inside child, not liking sports too much, and likes playing with his DS or on the Wii, or watch TV.

I do limit these things usually, try to monitor it a bit. But anyways, this son is overweight, it is slightly now still, but he is. A few months ago, we found out he had been sneeking food out of our cupboards, or if I had stuff in my bedroom, which of course I shouldn't have and I won't be doing anymore. So we punished him and told him not to do it, etc.

Anyways, found last night he had been sneeking food again, so asked him why and he couldn't tell me. The kids get snacks, so it can't be that he is hungry. I can't completely ban candy/crisps out the house, but how can I stop him? I feel I am the guilty one, because I and my husband get things in the house.

I am thinking I should make him a private account here, just so I can fill it in and see what he eats through the day. Anyone think that that is a good idea?

And if anyone has some advice, that would be great.

You're not a bad mother. Take him to the dr and get him checked out, and when you can afford it, get him an Xbox with the kinect. Even if it isn't " exercise" the kinect games require the player to be the controller so it'll definitely help him get his activity in. It's not a good idea to put him on a diet, since he is still growing.

bradphil87

Ask his siblings to include him in their activities. That can be fun. Me and my brothers were always throwing around the football or playing basketball or something...we still do it at family get togethers too! Me an my oldest brother lost a pretty intense basketball game to my other brother and nephew this past weekend! And it's fun. Maybe if you asked the others to include him he will really get into it.

aniwani

MOM,
I hear ya ! I know this is a tricky one! Be patient with your son. It sounds like he is in a phase and needs diplomatic parenting to guide him in the right direction!

Please don't scold your kid for eating, I understand your mission but this can send a very confusing message to your child about what their relationship with food should be. Instead work on modeling good behaviors, and teach your kids all of them so no one is singled out about healthy habits. This means putting in the work! Sit down with everyone at least once a week plan a menu, go to the store show them the veggies teach them how to pick the fresh ones and what to look for. Go home and cook TOGETHER !!! You can do this one on one but bringing your son into the kitchen and practicing good habits with them will excited kids and empower them to find new healthy recipes. It's also a fantastic way to spend a little quality time with your kids and get them excited about finding healthy recipes they like.

Next have an open conversation about what full feels like and about how he is feeling when he gets up at night. He may be having some anxiety or something is going on at school you don't know about ... Ask and be patient

I would also suggest finding him a physical activity he loves... Think non traditional ... Soccer and football are not the cure all to everything if he is more introverted an individual sport might be more appropriate.

Good LUCK!!!

cramernh

I can't completely ban candy/crisps out the house, but how can I stop him? I feel I am the guilty one, because I and my husband get things in the house.

I am thinking I should make him a private account here, just so I can fill it in and see what he eats through the day. Anyone think that that is a good idea?

And if anyone has some advice, that would be great.

First of all - its against MFP's community guidelines to set up an account for children. MFP is NOT set up for children... If you have concerns for your child, you should be discussing this with a Pediatrician who may also consider a referral to a Pediatric Registered Dietician.

Secondly - ohhhh yes you can ban all junk food from the house if necessary - at least to get the kids on a routine/rhythm...... You are the adult, you are the parent..... they are not in charge...

alumpoflard

You are a great mum because you care enough to sort this out while he is young :-) wii fit is a great idea, we love the plus games in our house. Sugar free jelly is a great snack for a sweet tooth, or maybe you could make your own ice lollys?
Good luck!

vickycox123

Its great that you are aware that this issue needs addressing, and your concern shows your a fab mum. there are so many things to consider, without the focus having to be on locking up cupboards;
1. he is a growing boy - maybe he is going through a growth spurt and be genuinely hungry. you talk about him 'stealing' the food - do you have a rule about him not taking food when he wants it? are you providing enough food to sustain him through the day? also, have you noticed if he eats breakfast? im a teacher and a huge majority of my big boys come to school without breakfast and then eat rubbish because they are then starving during the day. i also know of a huge number of boys who dont eat lunch at school cos 'its not cool' - check when/what he is eating.
2. don't compare him to his siblings - i am the middle sister - i am 5ft6 and battled with weight all my life, my sisters are both over 6ft and gorgeous size 10s(uk). comparison will just make the matter worst. you're trying to fight genetics.
3. have you thought about WHY he is eating? mental health is so important. if we are not mentally strong, we can not possibly fight the food demons. is he happy? are you sure he isnt being bullied at school? after all, i'd say for a huge majority of us on this site, whilst genetics play a huge part, there is often something behind our eating. and it inevitably leads to low self esteem. do you spend enough quality time listening to your son? and remember that with boys we have to listen carefully for the full meaning!! is he choosing to spend his time with a computer and tv, rather than his mates, for a reason?
4. i think you need to consider the messages that you and your husband give out about food - think about the things you say and do around eating. are you demonstrating a negative relationship with food that he has observed all his life? what eating behaviours have you taught him? you need to be modelling good healthy eating patterns too.
Hope these ideas help. Like a few other posts have said, dealing with weight issues is such a fragile area. i think you need to be really careful about making a huge issue of it. i would put the information out there, but it has to be his choice to deal with this. Good luck

aniwani

This is totally dead on... don't make him a profile hes a kid he does not need to feel that he has done something wrong by eating...Micro managing him will only cause big problem just keep it simple ... open dialogue, modeling good habits, educating about good habits... if there is still a problem and talking hasn't addressed it then maybe a meeting with a doc is ok, but start with the simple stuff first!

Its great that you are aware that this issue needs addressing, and your concern shows your a fab mum. there are so many things to consider, without the focus having to be on locking up cupboards;
1. he is a growing boy - maybe he is going through a growth spurt and be genuinely hungry. you talk about him 'stealing' the food - do you have a rule about him not taking food when he wants it? are you providing enough food to sustain him through the day? also, have you noticed if he eats breakfast? im a teacher and a huge majority of my big boys come to school without breakfast and then eat rubbish because they are then starving during the day. i also know of a huge number of boys who dont eat lunch at school cos 'its not cool' - check when/what he is eating.
2. don't compare him to his siblings - i am the middle sister - i am 5ft6 and battled with weight all my life, my sisters are both over 6ft and gorgeous size 10s(uk). comparison will just make the matter worst. you're trying to fight genetics.
3. have you thought about WHY he is eating? mental health is so important. if we are not mentally strong, we can not possibly fight the food demons. is he happy? are you sure he isnt being bullied at school? after all, i'd say for a huge majority of us on this site, whilst genetics play a huge part, there is often something behind our eating. and it inevitably leads to low self esteem. do you spend enough quality time listening to your son? and remember that with boys we have to listen carefully for the full meaning!! is he choosing to spend his time with a computer and tv, rather than his mates, for a reason?
4. i think you need to consider the messages that you and your husband give out about food - think about the things you say and do around eating. are you demonstrating a negative relationship with food that he has observed all his life? what eating behaviours have you taught him? you need to be modelling good healthy eating patterns too.
Hope these ideas help. Like a few other posts have said, dealing with weight issues is such a fragile area. i think you need to be really careful about making a huge issue of it. i would put the information out there, but it has to be his choice to deal with this. Good luck

poledancing_ninja

I used to do this as a child.

Please don't take him to a doctor, my mum did so and I spent two years on a child's weight loss research program that made me feel like I had an illness and enforced my low self esteem.

He's probably doing it because he can get away with it - I used to take food from the cupboards not because I was hungry but because I could, I was bored and it was there.

Stop having it in the house and promote some healthy family activity like bike riding or a family football game

LesliePierceRN

My son has high cholesterol, he inherited his dad's bum liver.. anyway.. It's not being a bad mom to watch your child's health and try to do something to correct it. I don't limit what my son eats at meals, at 13, he's growing and needs the extra calories, but there are quality calories. I make his food, I know what's in it, and I very seldom allow him treats, chips, etc. He is not allowed to drink soda or sugary drinks of any kind. He only drinks water (which he is fine with) and milk. I set an example for him, he sees me with small portions, our plates are always loaded with vegetables and lean meats. He sees me going to the gym several times a week, and since the only real good treatment for high cholesterol is exercise, I make him run 2-3 miles 3-4 times a week, usually before school. I started him on C25K in January, and he obediently completed it last month (he didn't like it, but I don't care, he's not 18, I"m responsible for him, and he doesn't get a vote. This isn't a democracy.) He runs beautifully, he's a natural at it, and I think it's helped his mood and temperament at school (he's autistic too). We are running his first 5K together tomorrow morning, and I look forward to seeing him cross that line, I know he'll appreciate running much more once he 'wins' something. I tell him that he runs for his health, it's good for him, and I"m interested to see his bloodwork next fall when he sees his doctor to see if his cholesterol is better. He is genuinely interested in his health.. when he sees a food he might want, he'll come and ask me if it's healthy before he asks me if he can have some. If I left him to his own devices, he'd stay in front of an iPod, Nintendo or DVD player all day long. I limit this to about an hour a day. I wish I'd had parents that encouraged good eating and exercise when I was young. I'm glad I can do this for him while he's young and still thinks mom knows best.

SgtLRob87

agreed

SgtLRob87

I used to do this as a child.

Please don't take him to a doctor, my mum did so and I spent two years on a child's weight loss research program that made me feel like I had an illness and enforced my low self esteem.

He's probably doing it because he can get away with it - I used to take food from the cupboards not because I was hungry but because I could, I was bored and it was there.

Stop having it in the house and promote some healthy family activity like bike riding or a family football game

XstitchCarina

First of all, thanks to everyone again. I really appreciate it. I am going to ponder on some of the things I am reading and see what is best. But let me respond to the questions ask here:

Its great that you are aware that this issue needs addressing, and your concern shows your a fab mum. there are so many things to consider, without the focus having to be on locking up cupboards;
1. he is a growing boy - maybe he is going through a growth spurt and be genuinely hungry. you talk about him 'stealing' the food - do you have a rule about him not taking food when he wants it? are you providing enough food to sustain him through the day? also, have you noticed if he eats breakfast? im a teacher and a huge majority of my big boys come to school without breakfast and then eat rubbish because they are then starving during the day. i also know of a huge number of boys who dont eat lunch at school cos 'its not cool' - check when/what he is eating.
2. don't compare him to his siblings - i am the middle sister - i am 5ft6 and battled with weight all my life, my sisters are both over 6ft and gorgeous size 10s(uk). comparison will just make the matter worst. you're trying to fight genetics.
3. have you thought about WHY he is eating? mental health is so important. if we are not mentally strong, we can not possibly fight the food demons. is he happy? are you sure he isnt being bullied at school? after all, i'd say for a huge majority of us on this site, whilst genetics play a huge part, there is often something behind our eating. and it inevitably leads to low self esteem. do you spend enough quality time listening to your son? and remember that with boys we have to listen carefully for the full meaning!! is he choosing to spend his time with a computer and tv, rather than his mates, for a reason?
4. i think you need to consider the messages that you and your husband give out about food - think about the things you say and do around eating. are you demonstrating a negative relationship with food that he has observed all his life? what eating behaviours have you taught him? you need to be modelling good healthy eating patterns too.
Hope these ideas help. Like a few other posts have said, dealing with weight issues is such a fragile area. i think you need to be really careful about making a huge issue of it. i would put the information out there, but it has to be his choice to deal with this. Good luck

1. Yes, he is a growing boy, but both my husband and I aren't tall and he has my husband build and of course both our tendencies to be overweight. And yes he does know he isn't just supposed to get snacks, except for fruits. When he goes to school he gets to slices of bread to school and has 2 slices in the morning for breakfast, so yes he does eat breakfast. I know for sure he does, because i am there. We cycle to school every day, so he gets some moving there too. for a snack in the morning he always has a piece of fruit, this can be an apple, banana, or grapes, or mandarines.

2. You are absolutely right, I wouldn't compare him. Well in my head of course I do at times, but never to him or his siblings, that wouldn't be right.

3. He does have friends and goes out to play, but once he is going to the ones in our neighbourhood, I don't always know if he is inside then, or outside.

I had a private message from someone and I gave a bit more of an explantion about him to her, so I will copy that bit here too:

My daughter was bullied at one of her schools, not beat up badly or something like that, but words, attitude. It was bad enough, since we changed school for it. So i took her out of that school, but also had to take the boys out of that school. And from the start I felt it would be the hardest for my middle son, Joshua. He was 8 then. So I took him seperate and explained it. He cried and found it hard. He settled in though. At some point I did find out other kids found him a bit weird at times. He is 11 and doesn't always act like an 11 year old. He is more playful and loving, loves his cuddles. Sometimes he really annoys his sister, by making weird sounds, just squealing or something. Maybe he is emotionally just a little behind, I don't know. It isn't bothersome to me really, he just does this occasionally. Usually I just tell his sister to stop telling him to stop it. Let me handle it. I know he doesn't behave like that at school, I asked him. What kids find strange, is that he likes Mickey Mouse, and that stuff. He loves to play his DS and can talk forever to you about a certain DS Game, especially Mario. So I tell him, not to do that all the time. But besides that he just has to stay who he is, but just watch it a little. Anyways, he was being called names, lazy, Joshua Bacteria, etc. So he told me about this and I asked him who did that and what happened. And he said that the teacher got the director of the school into it and she had a talk in the class. And she is keeping an eye on it. And of course I am too, I ask him at times how school went. They had break this week, so will see how it goes after that.

4. You are right, not sure what kind of message he is getting from my husband in that sense, because he is out most of the day working. He definitely is getting wrong messages from me, since I am overweight. Which I have tried to work on before, which he knows about. And now I am working at it again. He knows I go to the gym again and the days that I don't, that I do Wii fit plus or some other thing for the Wii. So I am letting him do that from today on as well. So I hope from now on, I hope gets the message. I know he used to drink loads of milk a day, called him the milkmonster. He doesn't do that as much now, but he was drinking juice a lot, not liters or anything, but I told him today, that he doesn't always have to drink juice or milk (not sure how much milk a day is healthy). But that he can also drink water, so I hope he will continue to do that. I will surely keep an eye on it.

Thanks again so much. I am so happy that I have a place to ask about this now. It helps. I am not decided on contacted a dietician yet, but if I am going to email about me, I might just ask her a few questions about him, without him being there.

Sorry that it became such a long post. Going to bed now.

mygrl4meee

I have some of the same issues with my 12 year old son who is on the autism spectrum. He is always hungry but as far as I know he doesn't sneak food but he does pile up on large amounts of food when we are not around to watch him. He tells us about the food so I don't think he comphrends it when we talk about healthy eating. My son isn't into sports either but did like some of the fitness classes the Y is/was offering. I said it like that because the classes haven't been reliable with the instructors showing up.my son was taught how to use the cardio and strenth training machines but jumps around quite a bit. It's not the ideal situation but it at least gets him moving. I did take my son to the doc and tests were ran and there isn't a known cause for his wanting food all the times. Good luck.

delikium

i dont know how old your son is
but im from a generation who didn't had a choice.... if my parents decided i was going to tennis lessons...i would go

now times have changed... but you could give your son a choice between some sport...as long as he chooses 1.
because i think that if you focus too much on food, it can become frustrating and it can backlash.

delikium

if he likes to eat in secret (i know how good that feels) do it with him, but healthily
like call him when he does not expect and share a nice ripe mango with him.
or make fruit salad....share that excitement with him and at the same time educate him. show that healthy is nice too.
(he will grow out of that james bond phase)

and dont buy sweets at all for at home, only as a reward like after sports (tennis or whatever), on the way home you can buy something small (in moderation)

Marigenous

What sort of sports have you tried him in and do you know what he doesn't like?
Personally, I was a really clumsy and sensitive kid, so I hated group sports since the other kids would get mad at me for missing goals. As an adult however, I've found that I do enjoy individual exercise.
Maybe you could start having family walks after dinner. There are also other active non-group sports that boys that age tend to like. For instance, you could encourage him to take up skateboarding/ mountain biking, sign him up for swimming lessons, get him involved in hip hop dance classes, etc. If you or your husband have a gym membership, you might also be interested in seeing if he'd like to tag along. You'd have to watch that he doesn't hurt himself, but teenage boys tend to like things like lifting weights.
He might also just be going through a growth phase. As a kid, I tended to really plump up before a major growth spurt.
Hope I helped

Celeigh12

I started sneaking food about 7. It was the start of my being an emotional eater. I don't know what the answer is to break him of the habit, but maybe focusing on his emotional needs would be a good place to start. Make sure he feels heard, understood and valued. Get him to talk about what he's feeling rather than getting that emotional need met through food. Help him understand that while food is important and enjoyable, it's not for soothing hurt, it's not a friend, it's not a reward, it's not love, it's not comfort, it's not the answer to boredom. Then find something active that he likes to do. Something that is his, or his and yours or his and your husband's, but something different than what his siblings are into so he won't be compared to them. That can be problematic if he tires more quickly or isn't as skilled or as fast. Good luck!

aniwani

As for the milk thing... as much as he wants in OK... calcium only supports bones significantly until 19 or 20 years old... getting in as much as possible is always good ! Have him drink water ... he might be drinking juice that is not 100% or even if it is that's a treat or a once a day thing not the primary source of hydration. He may be buying crap food at school as well... have you asked him about that?

leslisa

I would take him to a psych doc. My daughter had hording issues and it had to do with her time before me, My oldest ran away from home at 9, not to escape his dad and I, but to escape the wacko teacher who had called him a lier for producing an amazing science project (he's got a genius IQ). While I'm not saying this is your son's case, I am saying that if he has some fear you don't know about (death, abandonment, and bullying come to mind), a professional should have a much easier time figuring it out.