calling all NSV buddies :-)

dr_tina

I have been doing some serious soul searching recently regarding the impact of society and parental influences on my body perception and self-esteem. About a month ago my fathe came to visit from across the country for a weekend visit. Was stoked that I had lost over 20 lbs and was working out hard for over an hour 5-6 days a week. I told him that I had been swimming laps 2-3 times a week for an hour as part of my exercise. All he says is "so then why aren't you skinny if your swimming that much?". Then he says (laughing) "oh yeah, I went to all your swim meets when you were younger and you weren't that fast". I said "dad, I have lost over 20 pounds, I am in great shape and I am only a couple pounds away from the normal range". He says "yeah, but swimming is a serious workout, so you should be skinny by now". At the time I did not respond any further, but as the weeks have gone by since his visit this has stuck in my mind, and I am remembering the flood of messages I recieved as a child related to this standard. Not only from him, but society in general.

I want a support system that does not focus on the number on the scale or the size of my clothes. I was initially pissed off when I thought about his statements. I realized that this kind of crap caused a lot of depression in the past, but now it is not going to do that anymore. I am not going to take those messages in as the teenage girl who scrambled to meet other's warped view of so called beauty. I am not going to get angry like I did in my 20's, because it will end up hurting me more than anyone else when it really comes down to it. There needs to be a new approach, and that is deflecting those kinds of statements, recognizing that people don't even know how much damage thier are doing to others with these messages, and vowing to be proud of myself! I wish I could say I won't need validation from others, but that is just not the case, we all do. But I am going to seek out people who validate me for me!

I need more focus on NSV's and how I FEEL. Recognizing as time goes on that this is not a body over body fat or losing weight. This is battle against my own psychological warped self-image that had me thinking I was FAT when I was a size 6 and weighed only 125 lbs in my early 30's. If you need this outlook too, friend me :-)