My body ideal is different than yours
Replies
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wonderful post and observation! I have always been afraid to post things because of this exact reason. I did post progress pictures and I got upset that I had only a handful off comments, then I took comfort in that people practiced 'if you don't have anything nice to say...don't say anything at all."0
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I created a group specifically for women who are large framed. Those who do not feel comfortable closing themselves in a guideline that is aimed at the "average" person. I am 5'5.5" and most guidelines would have me weighing around 145 max. My personal goal is 175. That is what I weighed when I got married 8 years ago. I was a size 10. I have no desire to look like a walking skeleton and there are more women like me that I realized. I am up to 50, not all of whom are active on our group, but who all know they have a safe, non judgemental place to go and talk about their goals, challenges, successes and even failures.
I have gotten a lot of crap in the forums for my ideas on things and creating this group was a way to be able to share my thoughts without cruelty.
Not to sound like a smart *kitten*, but saying that 5'5" women who weigh 145 are like "a walking skeleton" is a bit judgmental, don't you think? I appreciate your personal goal, but sometimes we don't think about the way that we say things for "ourselves" really reflects how we think about others.0 -
Unfortunately if you put yourself out there you'll run into people who either, a. have no tact/filter or b. are just complete tools. I will say though that although these folks generally get the most attention (for being inflammatory) they are generally few and far between .. in my experience. There are far more here that help and support than those mentioned above.
Just ignore them and they tend to go away.
unfortunately, sometimes we don't put ourselves out there and it still happens.... we're all still human, regardless of how we behave and its still hurtful.
If you are coming to a public website and posting for help with whatever your needs may be you are putting yourself out there. I am by no means condoning the behavior I'm simply stating that you open yourself up for it because there are jerks here as there are in real life.
well, I wasn't on this weekend and didn't post a question asking for help or post my picture, but somehow I still got attacked.0 -
Thanks for this. I am always a bit baffled by how bossy and crabby people can be here--the main reason why I keep my "friend" list to only people I know in real life (with the exception of 2 non-sucky people). I'm in charge of my body and my wt loss, and I don't need the input of strangers picking apart what I'm doing that doesn't fit their "ideal". I"m here for the food and wt tracking, to encourage my friends/family that are here, and to seek some inspiration when I"m feeling stuck.
Thanks again for the post! Some people are dbags.
I haven't had an issue with the people on my FL. For the most part, we entertain and support each other and only offer criticism when asked for it. Where I've seen what the OP is talking about is in general on the boards and not from people on my FL.0 -
I created a group specifically for women who are large framed. Those who do not feel comfortable closing themselves in a guideline that is aimed at the "average" person. I am 5'5.5" and most guidelines would have me weighing around 145 max. My personal goal is 175. That is what I weighed when I got married 8 years ago. I was a size 10. I have no desire to look like a walking skeleton and there are more women like me that I realized. I am up to 50, not all of whom are active on our group, but who all know they have a safe, non judgemental place to go and talk about their goals, challenges, successes and even failures.
I have gotten a lot of crap in the forums for my ideas on things and creating this group was a way to be able to share my thoughts without cruelty.
the reason may have been because you stated you didn't want to look like a walking skeleton.... I would take offense to that statement. I am 5'5" and am currently 130 looking to get back down to 115, 120. I don't knock others for their decision in sizes, though.0 -
I created a group specifically for women who are large framed. Those who do not feel comfortable closing themselves in a guideline that is aimed at the "average" person. I am 5'5.5" and most guidelines would have me weighing around 145 max. My personal goal is 175. That is what I weighed when I got married 8 years ago. I was a size 10. I have no desire to look like a walking skeleton and there are more women like me that I realized. I am up to 50, not all of whom are active on our group, but who all know they have a safe, non judgemental place to go and talk about their goals, challenges, successes and even failures.
I have gotten a lot of crap in the forums for my ideas on things and creating this group was a way to be able to share my thoughts without cruelty.
Not to sound like a smart *kitten*, but saying that 5'5" women who weigh 145 are like "a walking skeleton" is a bit judgmental, don't you think? I appreciate your personal goal, but sometimes we don't think about the way that we say things for "ourselves" really reflects how we think about others.
I don't think that's what she meant. She was saying because of her large frame, 145 ON HER would look skeletal. Someone with a smaller frame wouldn't.0 -
I created a group specifically for women who are large framed. Those who do not feel comfortable closing themselves in a guideline that is aimed at the "average" person. I am 5'5.5" and most guidelines would have me weighing around 145 max. My personal goal is 175. That is what I weighed when I got married 8 years ago. I was a size 10. I have no desire to look like a walking skeleton and there are more women like me that I realized. I am up to 50, not all of whom are active on our group, but who all know they have a safe, non judgemental place to go and talk about their goals, challenges, successes and even failures.
I have gotten a lot of crap in the forums for my ideas on things and creating this group was a way to be able to share my thoughts without cruelty.
Not to sound like a smart *kitten*, but saying that 5'5" women who weigh 145 are like "a walking skeleton" is a bit judgmental, don't you think? I appreciate your personal goal, but sometimes we don't think about the way that we say things for "ourselves" really reflects how we think about others.
I don't think that's what she meant. She was saying because of her large frame, 145 ON HER would look skeletal. Someone with a smaller frame wouldn't.
Exactly what she was saying!
I've been told by medical staff before now 'oh you don't look that heavy, but i guess you have a large frame so you'll never be skinny' which is so true! theres a girl I work with whos a natural size 6, with tiny wrists. my massive 7.5 inch bony wrist will never be that!0 -
Thanks for this. I am always a bit baffled by how bossy and crabby people can be here--the main reason why I keep my "friend" list to only people I know in real life (with the exception of 2 non-sucky people). I'm in charge of my body and my wt loss, and I don't need the input of strangers picking apart what I'm doing that doesn't fit their "ideal". I"m here for the food and wt tracking, to encourage my friends/family that are here, and to seek some inspiration when I"m feeling stuck.
Thanks again for the post! Some people are dbags.
I haven't had an issue with the people on my FL. For the most part, we entertain and support each other and only offer criticism when asked for it. Where I've seen what the OP is talking about is in general on the boards and not from people on my FL.
Exactly. If I felt personally attacked by a mfp I'd simply delete them from my list. I've never felt that mfp's have been anything but supportive. This is on the boards, where there is more perceived autonomy and less accountability.0 -
I created a group specifically for women who are large framed. Those who do not feel comfortable closing themselves in a guideline that is aimed at the "average" person. I am 5'5.5" and most guidelines would have me weighing around 145 max. My personal goal is 175. That is what I weighed when I got married 8 years ago. I was a size 10. I have no desire to look like a walking skeleton and there are more women like me that I realized. I am up to 50, not all of whom are active on our group, but who all know they have a safe, non judgemental place to go and talk about their goals, challenges, successes and even failures.
I have gotten a lot of crap in the forums for my ideas on things and creating this group was a way to be able to share my thoughts without cruelty.
Not to sound like a smart *kitten*, but saying that 5'5" women who weigh 145 are like "a walking skeleton" is a bit judgmental, don't you think? I appreciate your personal goal, but sometimes we don't think about the way that we say things for "ourselves" really reflects how we think about others.
I don't think that's what she meant. She was saying because of her large frame, 145 ON HER would look skeletal. Someone with a smaller frame wouldn't.
Exactly what she was saying!
I've been told by medical staff before now 'oh you don't look that heavy, but i guess you have a large frame so you'll never be skinny' which is so true! theres a girl I work with whos a natural size 6, with tiny wrists. my massive 7.5 inch bony wrist will never be that!
Exactly, I know a lot of 5'5" women who look great at 140. I, on the other hand would not. The last time I was that small was freshman year, before I got boobs and hips.0 -
What's worse is that there's some people that won't even attempt to offer positive advice. They just post mean things strictly to cause problems. Not just towards specific people, but also directed at everyone in a thread if they don't like the topic. Whatever happened to "if you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything"?0
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Unfortunately if you put yourself out there you'll run into people who either, a. have no tact/filter or b. are just complete tools. I will say though that although these folks generally get the most attention (for being inflammatory) they are generally few and far between .. in my experience. There are far more here that help and support than those mentioned above.
Just ignore them and they tend to go away.
unfortunately, sometimes we don't put ourselves out there and it still happens.... we're all still human, regardless of how we behave and its still hurtful.
If you are coming to a public website and posting for help with whatever your needs may be you are putting yourself out there. I am by no means condoning the behavior I'm simply stating that you open yourself up for it because there are jerks here as there are in real life.
well, I wasn't on this weekend and didn't post a question asking for help or post my picture, but somehow I still got attacked.
I'm sorry about your personal experience but I was speaking generally. Most of the times people get attacked or get opinions that are less than helpful or are flat out mean are when they are posting threads like: Hey, I've lost XX pounds <pics> or I've been eating XXX calories and I'm not losing, help! ... these seem to be the most common. This is not license for people to be hurtful or rude but it will happen. Report those that do and hope that the mods/admins can filter those people out as much as possible.0 -
Thanks for this. I am always a bit baffled by how bossy and crabby people can be here--the main reason why I keep my "friend" list to only people I know in real life (with the exception of 2 non-sucky people). I'm in charge of my body and my wt loss, and I don't need the input of strangers picking apart what I'm doing that doesn't fit their "ideal". I"m here for the food and wt tracking, to encourage my friends/family that are here, and to seek some inspiration when I"m feeling stuck.
Thanks again for the post! Some people are dbags.
I haven't had an issue with the people on my FL. For the most part, we entertain and support each other and only offer criticism when asked for it. Where I've seen what the OP is talking about is in general on the boards and not from people on my FL.
Exactly. If I felt personally attacked by a mfp I'd simply delete them from my list. I've never felt that mfp's have been anything but supportive. This is on the boards, where there is more perceived autonomy and less accountability.
I think I have some of the very bestest MFP friends ever!
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I created a group specifically for women who are large framed. Those who do not feel comfortable closing themselves in a guideline that is aimed at the "average" person. I am 5'5.5" and most guidelines would have me weighing around 145 max. My personal goal is 175. That is what I weighed when I got married 8 years ago. I was a size 10. I have no desire to look like a walking skeleton and there are more women like me that I realized. I am up to 50, not all of whom are active on our group, but who all know they have a safe, non judgemental place to go and talk about their goals, challenges, successes and even failures.
I have gotten a lot of crap in the forums for my ideas on things and creating this group was a way to be able to share my thoughts without cruelty.
the reason may have been because you stated you didn't want to look like a walking skeleton.... I would take offense to that statement. I am 5'5" and am currently 130 looking to get back down to 115, 120. I don't knock others for their decision in sizes, though.
Didn't say SOMEONE ELSE would look like a skeleton. Said ME ME ME, large boned, wide shouldered, broad hipped, thick legged, ME would look like a skeleton. Not you, not my former bff from high school who is the same height and in high school always weighed about pounds less than me but we could wear each others jeans.0 -
Thanks for this. I am always a bit baffled by how bossy and crabby people can be here--the main reason why I keep my "friend" list to only people I know in real life (with the exception of 2 non-sucky people). I'm in charge of my body and my wt loss, and I don't need the input of strangers picking apart what I'm doing that doesn't fit their "ideal". I"m here for the food and wt tracking, to encourage my friends/family that are here, and to seek some inspiration when I"m feeling stuck.
Thanks again for the post! Some people are dbags.
I haven't had an issue with the people on my FL. For the most part, we entertain and support each other and only offer criticism when asked for it. Where I've seen what the OP is talking about is in general on the boards and not from people on my FL.
Exactly. If I felt personally attacked by a mfp I'd simply delete them from my list. I've never felt that mfp's have been anything but supportive. This is on the boards, where there is more perceived autonomy and less accountability.
Yep, that's what I meant too--I'm not friends with any crabby people. I meant the crabby bossy stuff I see on the boards--people who always have the right answer and know better than everyone else (in their minds).
Sorry, haven't had much coffee, wasn't too clear.0 -
I created a group specifically for women who are large framed. Those who do not feel comfortable closing themselves in a guideline that is aimed at the "average" person. I am 5'5.5" and most guidelines would have me weighing around 145 max. My personal goal is 175. That is what I weighed when I got married 8 years ago. I was a size 10. I have no desire to look like a walking skeleton and there are more women like me that I realized. I am up to 50, not all of whom are active on our group, but who all know they have a safe, non judgemental place to go and talk about their goals, challenges, successes and even failures.
I have gotten a lot of crap in the forums for my ideas on things and creating this group was a way to be able to share my thoughts without cruelty.
Not to sound like a smart *kitten*, but saying that 5'5" women who weigh 145 are like "a walking skeleton" is a bit judgmental, don't you think? I appreciate your personal goal, but sometimes we don't think about the way that we say things for "ourselves" really reflects how we think about others.
I don't think that's what she meant. She was saying because of her large frame, 145 ON HER would look skeletal. Someone with a smaller frame wouldn't.
Exactly what she was saying!
I've been told by medical staff before now 'oh you don't look that heavy, but i guess you have a large frame so you'll never be skinny' which is so true! theres a girl I work with whos a natural size 6, with tiny wrists. my massive 7.5 inch bony wrist will never be that!
My point was that sometimes when talking about ourselves, we don't hear how we could be offensive to others. I don't offend easily, so as someone who's 5' 5.5" with a 7" wrist, I will just keep losing until I feel as happy with my body as I am with the person inside of it.0 -
I created a group specifically for women who are large framed. Those who do not feel comfortable closing themselves in a guideline that is aimed at the "average" person. I am 5'5.5" and most guidelines would have me weighing around 145 max. My personal goal is 175. That is what I weighed when I got married 8 years ago. I was a size 10. I have no desire to look like a walking skeleton and there are more women like me that I realized. I am up to 50, not all of whom are active on our group, but who all know they have a safe, non judgemental place to go and talk about their goals, challenges, successes and even failures.
I have gotten a lot of crap in the forums for my ideas on things and creating this group was a way to be able to share my thoughts without cruelty.
Not to sound like a smart *kitten*, but saying that 5'5" women who weigh 145 are like "a walking skeleton" is a bit judgmental, don't you think? I appreciate your personal goal, but sometimes we don't think about the way that we say things for "ourselves" really reflects how we think about others.
It is about body composition here - some women at 5'5'' weighing 145 do look skeletal and others could be overweight still. She didn't call anyone else skeletal - she said if she lost to that point she would be skeletal. I am in the same position as here - my lean body mass at 5'4'' is 145 pounds. I can't get down to the BMI 'ideal' without harming my body. I have tried. I was asked if I was critically ill.0 -
I created a group specifically for women who are large framed. Those who do not feel comfortable closing themselves in a guideline that is aimed at the "average" person. I am 5'5.5" and most guidelines would have me weighing around 145 max. My personal goal is 175. That is what I weighed when I got married 8 years ago. I was a size 10. I have no desire to look like a walking skeleton and there are more women like me that I realized. I am up to 50, not all of whom are active on our group, but who all know they have a safe, non judgemental place to go and talk about their goals, challenges, successes and even failures.
I have gotten a lot of crap in the forums for my ideas on things and creating this group was a way to be able to share my thoughts without cruelty.
the reason may have been because you stated you didn't want to look like a walking skeleton.... I would take offense to that statement. I am 5'5" and am currently 130 looking to get back down to 115, 120. I don't knock others for their decision in sizes, though.
Didn't say SOMEONE ELSE would look like a skeleton. Said ME ME ME, large boned, wide shouldered, broad hipped, thick legged, ME would look like a skeleton. Not you, not my former bff from high school who is the same height and in high school always weighed about pounds less than me but we could wear each others jeans.
Damn, that's tough as a teen isn't it? I wore the same exact clothing sizes as my friends (or smaller) and ALWAYS weighed 10 to 15 pounds more. I ended up with the worst ED's and body image.0 -
I think I'm really lucky - I've been on here for a while and I've NEVER seen that behaviour.
To all of you who post the nice things I regularly see - "Well done! Keep up the good work! Love your recipes!" - thanks for making this a positive space. And of course... keep up that good work
I'm new but I was surprised at the post by the OP...I've seen nothing (so far) but positive and encouraging comments...0 -
I created a group specifically for women who are large framed. Those who do not feel comfortable closing themselves in a guideline that is aimed at the "average" person. I am 5'5.5" and most guidelines would have me weighing around 145 max. My personal goal is 175. That is what I weighed when I got married 8 years ago. I was a size 10. I have no desire to look like a walking skeleton and there are more women like me that I realized. I am up to 50, not all of whom are active on our group, but who all know they have a safe, non judgemental place to go and talk about their goals, challenges, successes and even failures.
I have gotten a lot of crap in the forums for my ideas on things and creating this group was a way to be able to share my thoughts without cruelty.
Not to sound like a smart *kitten*, but saying that 5'5" women who weigh 145 are like "a walking skeleton" is a bit judgmental, don't you think? I appreciate your personal goal, but sometimes we don't think about the way that we say things for "ourselves" really reflects how we think about others.
I don't think that's what she meant. She was saying because of her large frame, 145 ON HER would look skeletal. Someone with a smaller frame wouldn't.
Exactly what she was saying!
I've been told by medical staff before now 'oh you don't look that heavy, but i guess you have a large frame so you'll never be skinny' which is so true! theres a girl I work with whos a natural size 6, with tiny wrists. my massive 7.5 inch bony wrist will never be that!
My point was that sometimes when talking about ourselves, we don't hear how we could be offensive to others. I don't offend easily, so as someone who's 5' 5.5" with a 7" wrist, I will just keep losing until I feel as happy with my body as I am with the person inside of it.
And we circle back to my point about people taking it personally when another person says something about HERSELF. It's not about you.0 -
I completely agree with this. I have not seen any of the negative comments (mostly because I rarely look at these posts at all), but I'm appalled that people do that. The whole point of this is to find support from others who are trying to achieve the same goals. I would never post something negative about a person's appearance on here. I just can't imagine what makes people tick sometimes, but I suspsect it has a lot to do with that whole "make myself feel better by tearing someone else down" philosophy. Too bad they never figure out that does NOT work!0
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But...but....what if she's muscular?! Surely she must be crucified for such a thing!
Oh no no...its those of us in size 1 that must be crucified!:laugh:0 -
wonderful post and observation! I have always been afraid to post things because of this exact reason. I did post progress pictures and I got upset that I had only a handful off comments, then I took comfort in that people practiced 'if you don't have anything nice to say...don't say anything at all."
I wouldn't quite go that far, lol. You'll find that some success threads just get more "play" than others. I stopped posting mine on the boards because no one was watching anyway, I realized that i was primarily posting them for myself anyway because I wasn't in it to get other people to float my boat. So, I started blogging about it, that way it was easier to find them when I needed encouragement . . . there's no better driver to continue to do better than to see how far we've come.0 -
But...but....what if she's muscular?! Surely she must be crucified for such a thing!
Oh no no...its those of us in size 1 that must be crucified!:laugh:
lol, us in the size 1 (or 2 in my case) with muscles - we're definitely fried0 -
But...but....what if she's muscular?! Surely she must be crucified for such a thing!
Oh no no...its those of us in size 1 that must be crucified!:laugh:
lol, us in the size 1 (or 2 in my case) with muscles - we're definitely fried
Well, that's because you are only that size in order to rub it in the faces of those who aren't and you clearly are judging the rest of us just because you are that size.
Or something like that.0 -
Cheers to you, very well said and I completely agree!!!! :drinker:0
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But...but....what if she's muscular?! Surely she must be crucified for such a thing!
Oh no no...its those of us in size 1 that must be crucified!:laugh:
lol, us in the size 1 (or 2 in my case) with muscles - we're definitely fried
Well, that's because you are only that size in order to rub it in the faces of those who aren't and you clearly are judging the rest of us just because you are that size.
Or something like that.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
But...but....what if she's muscular?! Surely she must be crucified for such a thing!
Oh no no...its those of us in size 1 that must be crucified!:laugh:
lol, us in the size 1 (or 2 in my case) with muscles - we're definitely fried
Well, that's because you are only that size in order to rub it in the faces of those who aren't and you clearly are judging the rest of us just because you are that size.
Or something like that.
I don't think you can mention your size, at any size, without being criti-sized.0 -
Body image is such a personal thing for all of us, that when it comes to scenario where it's such a large and diverse group of individuals there are bound to be issues that arise. Most of us on here have stories of feeling horrible about ourselves, even mocked and emotionally beaten down because of weight problems and lack of confidence, when we see others who may be doing something different and it may be more successful then what we're currently doing some may feel the knee-jerk reaction to 'protect' themselves by picking apart what threatens them. By turning the perceived threat against itself we make ourselves feel superior and protected.
It's easier for us to say someone is wrong, then it is for us to say someone is different. If they're different that means we consider the possibility that ourselves are 'wrong' and when it's involving something so personally as body image and self-worth we feel an intense need to protect what we feel is the right answer. Mocking others and picking them apart in such a tender and personal way is serving only to temporarily boost the ego's of the attackers so they can be reaffirmed by themselves that they're the right one and everything they do is right.
We project ourselves onto other people, because it's easier to judge and pick others apart then it is to do so to ourselves.
It isn't so much an issue of others not understanding that each person is different, that none of us have to be the same. It's an issue of insecurities, often very deep seeded and painful, that manifest in the only way the mind can allow. If we make someone beneath us, then we believe that we are 'better'.
I can't find the article anymore, but just the other day I was reading one where it was discussing how society views fat women VS skinny women in stereotypes. Both women had equally negative responses to their bodies;
The fatter woman was deemed to be lazy, dumb, unmotivated, and more 'giving'.
The thinner woman was called a *****, vain, a slut, and considered to be 'mean'.
It doesn't matter what size we are, how skinny or fit or fat we are. It is human nature to want to be the best, and to do so we must make everyone else lesser. The most important thing every woman can do for herself is to know that she is beautiful. Today. Just as she is. That her life should revolve around her own opinions of herself, and what makes her happiest. Not to please the faceless masses that will never be worth the air they breathe. Each one of us is strong, is beautiful, and is worth far more then we are often given credit for.0 -
Word. Very well said 0
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But...but....what if she's muscular?! Surely she must be crucified for such a thing!
Other way around. If she's NOT muscular, she's clearly skinny fat, and according to 90% of the people here, that's "gross."
Thats also annoying
and why i won't be posting any progress pictures ever. i have the anti MFP ideal body :laugh:0
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